D
Despair
Guest
I really do... There's no use being in denial about it anymore... Every single time I find a way to fresia up and destroy everything that is good in my life... I alienate my friends, get ripped off all the time... I bought home the flue to my cancer ridden grandmother and alchoholic father... I did nothing while he shot himself and nothing when my grandmother, who had very little cancer at the time, suddenly took a turn for the worse in the hospital likely due some malpractice, but we didn't think to question it...
When my 13 year old dog got sick, I didn't even bother going to the vet... He died on columbus day while I watched Donnie Darko for the first time... I teased my first dog and loved him off and on... I couldn't get a grip on my own duality, I was only like six then...
The first woman I loved, a childhood friend, I never called or knew her number yet somehow expected everything to work out... The second I spent a year persuing, but wasn't emotional yet, moved to a new school and never saw her again... I took for granted what knowing those kids meant and cried the first day I went to the new school... The third woman I loved was in the new school, and I never even told her how I felt... The fourth woman lived in a group home, and they changed her to one in another town when I foolishly kept talking to her about not trying crack and didn't realize I had followed her into a classroom... Yeah she broke it off after that...
Then I met the fifth woman... She was perfect for me and we had a wonderful and long time together, I had finally found that special someone, but I let her slip away, cause all we did was have fun, now she won't make a life together with me... If only we had found jobs and made that life it would be different now...I loved her so deeply and am so in shock I will never be able to open my heart again... It rained more then its ever rained in like 10 years starting the first night she left and continued through the next 2 months when she realized was no longer desperate and decided I meant nothing to her... Yeah, the skies themselves wept for us...
My stomach hurts all the time... always has...I have the worst IBS ever... I mooch off my grandfather for 28 years, can't figure out what to do with my rotten life... I have plenty of projects and books I want to write, but I never get around to them... I have no discipline and have ultimately forsaken everything in my life... I tried learning some jobs I thought I would like and would up in serious accidents or knew at some point it wasn't for me... And I hate schedules of any kind...
I have a blind spot a mile wide that has led to great embarassments... My life is so deeply full of fail, that I made a list of 100 ways in which I fail... Now there is no fun left in my otherwise self gratifying, generally fun loving lifestyle of apathy and laziness...
No one would weep if I killed myself... Everyone would be better off... But I still don't have the guts to do it, and I won't do it until after I finish my many projects... Now I just want to work on them, so I can prove once and for all my life is a complete and total failure and finally check the fresia out of this miserable god-awful existence... It's probably what I deserve...
When my 13 year old dog got sick, I didn't even bother going to the vet... He died on columbus day while I watched Donnie Darko for the first time... I teased my first dog and loved him off and on... I couldn't get a grip on my own duality, I was only like six then...
The first woman I loved, a childhood friend, I never called or knew her number yet somehow expected everything to work out... The second I spent a year persuing, but wasn't emotional yet, moved to a new school and never saw her again... I took for granted what knowing those kids meant and cried the first day I went to the new school... The third woman I loved was in the new school, and I never even told her how I felt... The fourth woman lived in a group home, and they changed her to one in another town when I foolishly kept talking to her about not trying crack and didn't realize I had followed her into a classroom... Yeah she broke it off after that...
Then I met the fifth woman... She was perfect for me and we had a wonderful and long time together, I had finally found that special someone, but I let her slip away, cause all we did was have fun, now she won't make a life together with me... If only we had found jobs and made that life it would be different now...I loved her so deeply and am so in shock I will never be able to open my heart again... It rained more then its ever rained in like 10 years starting the first night she left and continued through the next 2 months when she realized was no longer desperate and decided I meant nothing to her... Yeah, the skies themselves wept for us...
My stomach hurts all the time... always has...I have the worst IBS ever... I mooch off my grandfather for 28 years, can't figure out what to do with my rotten life... I have plenty of projects and books I want to write, but I never get around to them... I have no discipline and have ultimately forsaken everything in my life... I tried learning some jobs I thought I would like and would up in serious accidents or knew at some point it wasn't for me... And I hate schedules of any kind...
I have a blind spot a mile wide that has led to great embarassments... My life is so deeply full of fail, that I made a list of 100 ways in which I fail... Now there is no fun left in my otherwise self gratifying, generally fun loving lifestyle of apathy and laziness...
No one would weep if I killed myself... Everyone would be better off... But I still don't have the guts to do it, and I won't do it until after I finish my many projects... Now I just want to work on them, so I can prove once and for all my life is a complete and total failure and finally check the fresia out of this miserable god-awful existence... It's probably what I deserve...