I have no idea what happened?

[BeyondShy]

I don't get is why this good friend didn't warn you about her immediately. He shouldn't have needed to be asked about something like that.

Yeah, that does raise more questions doesn't it?

 

[bleed_the_freak]

I don't get is why this good friend didn't warn you about her immediately. He shouldn't have needed to be asked about something like that.

^ Agreed. 

I think "friend" may be a prolific liar. I can't IMAGINE my friend's "girlfriend" staying at my place and me being all nonchalant and aloof about it. Lol

 

[DarkSelene]

I can't IMAGINE my friend's "girlfriend" staying at my place and me being all nonchalant and aloof about it. Lol

Shady.

 

[NillaWiggs]

I just read this entire thread & now it's time to throw in my worthless two cents. But it really seems like you need to just let it go. Trust me when I say that understand Heartbreak. Nothing good from dwelling on it. She sounds like a train wreck to me. I also know train wrecks, since I seem to form relationships than almost exclusively. 

I've met people that can be pretty well put together in most aspects. But when it comes to relationships outside of family, they just don't know how to go about things. It's usually not their fault. It tends to be caused by a combination of past experiences & poor social skills learned from their family members. 

Again, just my worthless two cents.

 

[stratamaster78]

Yeah.......it's all a HOT MESS now.

Last night out of my two friends that are married together, the wife called me and talked to me for 3 hours. I'll call her 'L.M.' to make the next part less confusing.

She(L.M.) said that my Ex-Gf contacted her through a FB pm saying that the Texas guy 'friend' had told my Ex that I had been "aggressively trying to get him on the phone" (I sent him 3 casual vague messages days apart) and talking to them (L.M. and her husband) about her(Ex).

My Ex then also sent L.M. a follow up LONG message with detailed personal info about me to describe how she was the saint helping me out for over a year and that I DID HER WRONG??? My EX then also asked for L.M.'s phone number to call and talk to make sure I wasn't painting her in a bad light because she wanted to remain friends with them. Again this couple are MY friends. I've known the husband for 8 years and the wife for 5 years.

So yeah anyway L.M. read me the whole message over the phone and was like 'What the heck should I even say to her on the phone? We are your friends 1st not hers?' It turned into a long 3 hour phone conversation like I said earlier where I went into further detail explaining how badly this Ex has done me and how that message was full of half truth/half fiction.

I then apologized to L.M. for her getting put in the middle and that I really didn't know what to tell her to talk about with my Ex if she felt inclined to receive a call. But to not hold her breath worrying about it because I couldn't get my EX to call me in 3 months to fix things.

So anyway it's turned into a HUGE cluster**** Drama now. I'm still not in contact with the Ex and she hasn't tried to message me or call me. But I'm back to distrusting the guy friend in Texas now. He had JUST told me he wouldn't say anything to my Ex yet told her I had been reaching out to him AND that I had talked to my Married couple friends.

So it's a mess now and I have no idea what's going to happen next. No point in me talking to the Texas guy or my Ex because I don't trust either.

 

[Meaw]

I have not read every post, but from what I've seen, my advice would be to try to stay friends with at least the married couple - they seem to want to find more facts and include you. Sorry for the situation. I have no idea about what the girl was thinking, the actions of others are almost always irritatingly clouded to me. I'd say the texas guy and the girl would be good to exclude from your friend circle. The behaviour they have shown is unacceptable, and I sadly have no idea how far their "corruption" of the friends have reached. Better to try to keep in contact with the other friends if you still got them, and show them you aren't the way they might have portrayed you. Best of luck! Also, live for you and not anyone else. ^_^

 

[TheRealCallie]

I've read this entire thread and all I see are speculations, assumptions and people telling you what you want to hear. There is no factual evidence that anything happened. Yeah, sure, it could have and maybe it did, but you have no proof.

What good does it do to jump to conclusions? Does it make you feel better about her ignoring you? Does it make you feel more dominant? A better person? Clearly she wasn't good for you, just stick with the facts and don't make assumptions. You will be the better person in the long run that way.

Just my two cents, of course and I mean no offense.

 

[stratamaster78]

I've read this entire thread and all I see are speculations, assumptions and people telling you what you want to hear.  There is no factual evidence that anything happened.  Yeah, sure, it could have and maybe it did, but you have no proof.  

What good does it do to jump to conclusions?  Does it make you feel better about her ignoring you?  Does it make you feel more dominant?  A better person?  Clearly she wasn't good for you, just stick with the facts and don't make assumptions.  You will be the better person in the long run that way.  

Just my two cents, of course and I mean no offense.

The facts are she pursued me...HARD and very aggressively with tenacity. Made reckless statements/vows with conviction to me about being her twin flame soulmate, future husband, father of her children and that she loved me more than anyone ever. She even randomly said for no reason that if I was ever paralyzed she would take care of me and never leave my side?!

She got my hopes us about moving here and living with me and vowed to visit me again at Christmas and/or New Year's. Then less than a month after visiting me in Sept while my father had to be put in a psych ward for a week over the grief of his wife passing and during my OWN grief over my Mom dying she abandoned me. Tossed me aside like a kid does with a toy they are tired of playing with. Just 180 flipped and froze me out. Gave me excuse after excuse through texts that were contradicted by her activities daily that she shared online. Then she flew to another state and stayed with MY guy friend in Texas which was totally over the line. She refused to talk things out with me like an adult on the phone for 3-4 months and just behaved extremely immature, volatile, emotionally abusive, all around apathetic. She straight ghosted me, strung me along, would NOT break up with even when I asked her to and kept saying she Loved me with words.... but NO actions.Those are ALL FACTS. Not my opinions....those things ALL happened.

Nothing will make me feel 'better' about her ignoring me in such a cold, cruel, and heartless way. I have no desire to feel 'dominant'. I desired to be her equal and for us to show each other mutual respect and share our life experiences and be there for each other as a team. None of this makes me feel like a 'better person' either......but the more information I get I realize that I'm not the worthless piece of human garbage she has treated me like the last few months. I more than tried to me her halfway.....I tried to meet her 9/10's of the way at the end. I know I'm a good person and I do deserve to be treated better. I wouldn't wish what she did to me on anyone.

No offense taken.

 

[TheRealCallie]

No, don't get me wrong, she DID lead you one from what you said. I'm talking strictly about the events since she stayed at your friends house. You DO deserve better, I can't say if you are a good person or not, because I don't know you, but no one deserves to be lied to like that.

But why was her staying with your friend over the line? Wouldn't you prefer to stay with someone you know than with complete strangers? There is no proof or evidence that she tried to have sex with him (unless I missed that part). Yes, he "friendzoned" her, but that really just means he wouldn't give her the chance, not that she had planned to.

 

[stratamaster78]

No, don't get me wrong, she DID lead you one from what you said.  I'm talking strictly about the events since she stayed at your friends house.  You DO deserve better, I can't say if you are a good person or not, because I don't know you, but no one deserves to be lied to like that.  

But why was her staying with your friend over the line?  Wouldn't you prefer to stay with someone you know than with complete strangers?  There is no proof or evidence that she tried to have sex with him (unless I missed that part).  Yes, he "friendzoned" her, but that really just means he wouldn't give her the chance, not that she had planned to.

I didn't want her going to Texas period. But if she was determined to go I'd rather her rent some place to stay or stay with friends she has there that are exclusive to her that I don't even know. It's wrong to shack up with MY friend that is the same sex she is attracted too. That's a line you don't cross without asking if your 'partner' minds or not. She never asked if it bothered me, she just did it, after months of being increasingly flirtatious with him online. Which I find extra strange/ironic/hypocritical considering she FLIPPED out 4 months ago when I only 'friended' one of her girl pals on Facebook.

 

[Meaw]

If I had a partner who asked me if it could stay at someone elses, then I'd (assuming everything was fine between us) le tthat one go, since it had been open about it and would not seem to have anything to hide.

If I had a partner who did something like that without telling and answering arbitrary about it, however, I'd be more distrusting about the situation to say the least.

 

[TheRealCallie]

I didn't want her going to Texas period. But if she was determined to go I'd rather her rent some place to stay or stay with friends she has there that are exclusive to her that I don't even know. It's wrong to shack up with MY friend that is the same sex she is attracted too. That's a line you don't cross without asking if your 'partner' minds or not. She never asked if it bothered me, she just did it, after months of being increasingly flirtatious with him online. Which I find extra strange/ironic/hypocritical considering she FLIPPED out 4 months ago when I only 'friended' one of her girl pals on Facebook.

I'm not saying I don't understand your way of thinking about this, because I do.  But, it sounds like you have either jealousy or trust issues....even if those trust issues are justified, it would have never worked anyway, because you can't have a real, lasting relationships without trust.

 

[ardour]

I didn't want her going to Texas period. But if she was determined to go I'd rather her rent some place to stay or stay with friends she has there that are exclusive to her that I don't even know. It's wrong to shack up with MY friend that is the same sex she is attracted too. That's a line you don't cross without asking if your 'partner' minds or not. She never asked if it bothered me, she just did it, after months of being increasingly flirtatious with him online. Which I find extra strange/ironic/hypocritical considering she FLIPPED out 4 months ago when I only 'friended' one of her girl pals on Facebook.

I'm not saying I don't understand your way of thinking about this, because I do.  But, it sounds like you have either jealousy or trust issues....even if those trust issues are justified, it would have never worked anyway, because you can't have a real, lasting relationships without trust.

You can't be serious. He doesn't have "trust issues" any more than the average person and it's not as though they had been happily married for 10+ years. That's a level of trust that takes years to form, certainly not something that can develop in the space of a few months of mainly online interaction.

I'm starting to think you're a troll.

 

[TheRealCallie]

When you don't even trust your own friend to not have sex with your girlfriend...I"d said that's more than the average person....

 

[BeyondShy]

I'm not saying I don't understand your way of thinking about this, because I do.  But, it sounds like you have either jealousy or trust issues....even if those trust issues are justified, it would have never worked anyway, because you can't have a real, lasting relationships without trust.

Wait a second. This is not his fault. And any trust he had for this girl was thrown out the window after what she did. You are right when you said you can't have a lasting relationship without trust. That is what every relationship is built on. But this guy did not tear down the trust between the two of them so that means it is incorrect to say he has trust issues. Maybe now he has, but not before.

 

[TheRealCallie]

I'm not saying I don't understand your way of thinking about this, because I do.  But, it sounds like you have either jealousy or trust issues....even if those trust issues are justified, it would have never worked anyway, because you can't have a real, lasting relationships without trust.

Wait a second. This is not his fault. And any trust he had for this girl was thrown out the window after what she did. You are right when you said you can't have a lasting relationship without trust. That is what every relationship is built on. But this guy did not tear down the trust between the two of them so that means it is incorrect to say he has trust issues. Maybe now he has, but not before.

I can assure you that part of the fault is his.  100% of the fault is NEVER on just one person.

 

[stratamaster78]

When you don't even trust your own friend to not have sex with your girlfriend...I"d said that's more than the average person....

I was willing to give HIM the benefit of the doubt even AFTER I heard she stayed with him for multiple days. I waited to talk to him on the phone before I totally jumped to conclusions in spite of MANY people saying to me.."Dude....they hooked up...."But his actions were a little suspicious too. I think maybe he's just a pure good hearted naive guy. But they had been very flirtatious online and it increased in the same timing as her being distant towards me.

It's not just a coincidence. This isn't rocket science. I don't have trust issues. SHE broke my trust in HER by lying to me over and over and over and being deceitful. I didn't trust HER to not throw herself at him.....and from what he said.... she was very flirty with him when she got there and he HAD to give her standoffish 'don't cross this line' body language and friendzone her. If so he's a GREAT friend and I'm over 90% sure he's being truthful. But he's also human. He's lonely.....it would not be beyond reason for him to give into her seduction efforts. She's gorgeous and VERY charming.

Based on her actions the last 3-4 months it's well within normal reasoning for me to not trust her anymore. Based on her flirtatious nature with not only him but other people as well and completely icing me out.....yeah....I think that's normal to be a little jealous when she was supposed to be in a SERIOUS relationship with me.

 

[bleed_the_freak]

Omg at what this thread has suddenly, miraculously turned into.

OP: I told you. I told you she is borderline and would make it "your fault". You owe me a beer! MOVE ON, don't feed the monster. She will literally ruin your life if you let her.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Is she recently an ex, or has she been one? If she's been one, I'd move on with my life. There are reasons why things don't work out. If she's been recently made an ex, now you know she seems untrustworthy. You can't change people, and you can't make them decent.

 

[BeyondShy]

I believe you. I am sure you did not have trust issues. Now? Of course. After dealing with someone like that you won't trust for a long time and it is 100% her fault.

Let me ask you this. Did you give her money? You know, just to "get by" on? Did you give her something you'd like back? If the answer is no to both questions then from this point on treat her like you never met her. People who do this to others are trash. I am glad you are away from her.