I have no idea what happened?

[stratamaster78]

I'm not saying I don't understand your way of thinking about this, because I do.  But, it sounds like you have either jealousy or trust issues....even if those trust issues are justified, it would have never worked anyway, because you can't have a real, lasting relationships without trust.

Wait a second. This is not his fault. And any trust he had for this girl was thrown out the window after what she did. You are right when you said you can't have a lasting relationship without trust. That is what every relationship is built on. But this guy did not tear down the trust between the two of them so that means it is incorrect to say he has trust issues. Maybe now he has, but not before.

I can assure you that part of the fault is his.  100% of the fault is NEVER on just one person.

I'm sorry but (and not to be rude) you are flat wrong in this instance. Nothing about what she did is my fault. I did everything a person can do to show Love and support. I tried to be the best Boyfriend I could be to her. I Loved her unconditionally and was willing to do anything to be there for her in every way and be a team together. Something within her changed that only she knows. I did nothing wrong or out of line to cause her completely unreasonable actions towards me.

 

[BeyondShy]

Omg at what this thread has suddenly, miraculously turned into.

OP: I told you. I told you she is borderline and would make it "your fault". You owe me a beer! MOVE ON, don't feed the monster. She will literally ruin your life if you let her.

**** right. I was waiting for that to happen too.

 

[TheRealCallie]

I'm not saying I don't understand your way of thinking about this, because I do.  But, it sounds like you have either jealousy or trust issues....even if those trust issues are justified, it would have never worked anyway, because you can't have a real, lasting relationships without trust.

Wait a second. This is not his fault. And any trust he had for this girl was thrown out the window after what she did. You are right when you said you can't have a lasting relationship without trust. That is what every relationship is built on. But this guy did not tear down the trust between the two of them so that means it is incorrect to say he has trust issues. Maybe now he has, but not before.

I can assure you that part of the fault is his.  100% of the fault is NEVER on just one person.

I'm sorry but (and not to be rude) you are flat wrong in this instance. Nothing about what she did is my fault. I did everything a person can do to show Love and support. I tried to be the best Boyfriend I could be to her. I Loved her unconditionally and was willing to do anything to be there for her in every way and be a team together. Something within her changed that only she knows. I did nothing wrong or out of line to cause her completely unreasonable actions towards me.

Nothing is ever 100% one sided.  I'm sorry but it's not.  That's true in any situation.  No one is perfect....especially in a relationship.

 

[SofiasMami]

I'm not saying I don't understand your way of thinking about this, because I do.  But, it sounds like you have either jealousy or trust issues....even if those trust issues are justified, it would have never worked anyway, because you can't have a real, lasting relationships without trust.

Wait a second. This is not his fault. And any trust he had for this girl was thrown out the window after what she did. You are right when you said you can't have a lasting relationship without trust. That is what every relationship is built on. But this guy did not tear down the trust between the two of them so that means it is incorrect to say he has trust issues. Maybe now he has, but not before.

I can assure you that part of the fault is his.  100% of the fault is NEVER on just one person.

I'm sorry but (and not to be rude) you are flat wrong in this instance. Nothing about what she did is my fault. I did everything a person can do to show Love and support. I tried to be the best Boyfriend I could be to her. I Loved her unconditionally and was willing to do anything to be there for her in every way and be a team together. Something within her changed that only she knows. I did nothing wrong or out of line to cause her completely unreasonable actions towards me.

Nothing is ever 100% one sided.  I'm sorry but it's not.  That's true in any situation.  No one is perfect....especially in a relationship.

You don't know stratamaster but you're willing to jump in with judgments and hide behind vague generalities. It says more about you than stratamaster.

 

[BeyondShy]

Nothing is ever 100% one sided.  I'm sorry but it's not.  That's true in any situation.  No one is perfect....especially in a relationship.

Who is saying he is perfect? Certainly not him. But he did nothing to cause this woman to act the way she did. It is all on her. All he is guilty of is loving her.

 

[stratamaster78]

I'm not saying I don't understand your way of thinking about this, because I do.  But, it sounds like you have either jealousy or trust issues....even if those trust issues are justified, it would have never worked anyway, because you can't have a real, lasting relationships without trust.

Wait a second. This is not his fault. And any trust he had for this girl was thrown out the window after what she did. You are right when you said you can't have a lasting relationship without trust. That is what every relationship is built on. But this guy did not tear down the trust between the two of them so that means it is incorrect to say he has trust issues. Maybe now he has, but not before.

I can assure you that part of the fault is his.  100% of the fault is NEVER on just one person.

I'm sorry but (and not to be rude) you are flat wrong in this instance. Nothing about what she did is my fault. I did everything a person can do to show Love and support. I tried to be the best Boyfriend I could be to her. I Loved her unconditionally and was willing to do anything to be there for her in every way and be a team together. Something within her changed that only she knows. I did nothing wrong or out of line to cause her completely unreasonable actions towards me.

Nothing is ever 100% one sided.  I'm sorry but it's not.  That's true in any situation.  No one is perfect....especially in a relationship.

I would never try to imply that I'm 'perfect'. I'm human. I have quirks like anyone. But I didn't do anything that would even remotely justify her actions. I'm not 'at fault'. Not even 1%. I reached out to her over and over and over to TRY an talk like adults on the phone to work through any issues. Even any issues she had with me based on my own human flaws.

She wouldn't talk to me. So how am I at fault to any degree? It takes two people willing to try to work though any problems in a healthy way. I can only try so hard.....I can't make her be reasonable or mature and talk. I can only reach out. I tried....I tried HARD....I was meeting her 9/10's of the way to squash any problems. She wouldn't even meet me halfway much less 1/10.

It's starting to feel like you are purposely trolling me and trying to antagonize me.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Wait a second. This is not his fault. And any trust he had for this girl was thrown out the window after what she did. You are right when you said you can't have a lasting relationship without trust. That is what every relationship is built on. But this guy did not tear down the trust between the two of them so that means it is incorrect to say he has trust issues. Maybe now he has, but not before.

I can assure you that part of the fault is his.  100% of the fault is NEVER on just one person.

I'm sorry but (and not to be rude) you are flat wrong in this instance. Nothing about what she did is my fault. I did everything a person can do to show Love and support. I tried to be the best Boyfriend I could be to her. I Loved her unconditionally and was willing to do anything to be there for her in every way and be a team together. Something within her changed that only she knows. I did nothing wrong or out of line to cause her completely unreasonable actions towards me.

Nothing is ever 100% one sided.  I'm sorry but it's not.  That's true in any situation.  No one is perfect....especially in a relationship.

You don't know stratamaster but you're willing to jump in with judgments and hide behind vague generalities. It says more about you than stratamaster.

It's not a judgment, it's a truth.  Nothing is ever entirely the fault of just one person.  Perhaps it's just little things on the one side, but it is NEVER 100% on one person, in any situation. 

And I don't recall saying he was wrong to get rid of her.  In fact, I'm pretty **** sure I said he DOES deserve better.  You probably didn't see that though.  It's okay, I understand.  It's all good.  I forgive you.

 

[SofiasMami]

I can assure you that part of the fault is his.  100% of the fault is NEVER on just one person.

I'm sorry but (and not to be rude) you are flat wrong in this instance. Nothing about what she did is my fault. I did everything a person can do to show Love and support. I tried to be the best Boyfriend I could be to her. I Loved her unconditionally and was willing to do anything to be there for her in every way and be a team together. Something within her changed that only she knows. I did nothing wrong or out of line to cause her completely unreasonable actions towards me.

Nothing is ever 100% one sided.  I'm sorry but it's not.  That's true in any situation.  No one is perfect....especially in a relationship.

You don't know stratamaster but you're willing to jump in with judgments and hide behind vague generalities. It says more about you than stratamaster.

It's not a judgment, it's a truth.  Nothing is ever entirely the fault of just one person.  Perhaps it's just little things on the one side, but it is NEVER 100% on one person, in any situation. 

And I don't recall saying he was wrong to get rid of her.  In fact, I'm pretty **** sure I said he DOES deserve better.  You probably didn't see that though.  It's okay, I understand.  It's all good.  I forgive you.

lol

 

[VanillaCreme]

Don't start in with the bickering. We're only reading one side of the story. One fault or not, to make judgment based on only one side isn't necessarily fair either.

 

[AmytheTemperamental]

Here's what I know based on experience.

It doesn't matter if you are the best, or the worst, if they want to screw you over they need only a tiny excuse to do so.

It's all in your reaction, and they will use that the strengthen their cause.

If you keep searching for crap, you will keep finding crap.

Make peace with yourself and see her for who she is and has been. You were in love with the idea of her being someone better than she is, and that is the devastation she will leave you with.

 

[BeyondShy]

And I don't recall saying he was wrong to get rid of her.  In fact, I'm pretty **** sure I said he DOES deserve better.  You probably didn't see that though.  It's okay, I understand.  It's all good.  I forgive you.

Thank God you forgave her. You have a good heart.

Here's what I know based on experience.

It doesn't matter if you are the best, or the worst, if they want to screw you over they need only a tiny excuse to do so.

It's all in your reaction, and they will use that the strengthen their cause.

If you keep searching for crap, you will keep finding crap.

Make peace with yourself and see her for who she is and has been. You were in love with the idea of her being someone better than she is, and that is the devastation she will leave you with.

That makes a hell of a lot of sense. Really.

I'm really sorry this happened to this guy.

 

[SofiasMami]

Here's what I know based on experience.

It doesn't matter if you are the best, or the worst, if they want to screw you over they need only a tiny excuse to do so.

It's all in your reaction, and they will use that the strengthen their cause.

If you keep searching for crap, you will keep finding crap.

Make peace with yourself and see her for who she is and has been. You were in love with the idea of her being someone better than she is, and that is the devastation she will leave you with.

+1
It'll take some time, but this is good advice.

 

[stratamaster78]

Here's what I know based on experience.

It doesn't matter if you are the best, or the worst, if they want to screw you over they need only a tiny excuse to do so.

It's all in your reaction, and they will use that the strengthen their cause.

If you keep searching for crap, you will keep finding crap.

Make peace with yourself and see her for who she is and has been. You were in love with the idea of her being someone better than she is, and that is the devastation she will leave you with.

Very wise words and also very helpful and constructive in a positive way. Thank you very much Amy. Peace and understanding is what I'm mostly after but if nothing else I will take peace in abundance.

Thank you to everyone who's been showing me kindness and support. I even appreciate the tough love by many.

 

[ardour]

Nevermind

 

[bleed_the_freak]

Who is saying he is perfect?

No one. It's known as a strawman argument. With this technique, the goal is characterize the actual argument in an absurd light (set up the strawman) and then knock it down and claim victory. Offering a strawman argument is one way of interjecting a logical fallacy. The OP never said he was perfect nor did he imply it.

Now, to speak to another claim that's been made: Paraphrase: "Nothing is ever 100% someone's fault. It's always both parties faults to some extent."

Really? Reallllllly??? What about in the case of rape? or child abuse? or spousal neglect? or armed burglary? or kidnapping? or any of the other thousands of ways in which people do other people wrong every day? Both parties alllwaaaaaays share culpability? Oh my.

 

[AmytheTemperamental]

^she said relationships. I'm gonna hand my uterus to one of you yet.

 

[ABrokenMan]

Nothing is ever 100% one sided.  I'm sorry but it's not.  That's true in any situation.  No one is perfect....especially in a relationship.

Who is saying he is perfect? Certainly not him. But he did nothing to cause this woman to act the way she did. It is all on her. All he is guilty of is loving her.

Think of this logically:

She initiated deceit. Upon learning of her first instance, Stratamaster78 could have terminated the relationship right then. However, like most of us, he forgave, relented, of whatever you wish to call it. Under the guise of love.  Love does cloud rationality, folks. This enabled his GF to continue on with the deceit and control.

The Real Callie is correct.  Both partners do have some fault. I, for a long time, refused to believe in that notion in older posts I've made here.  I acted the same way as Stratmaster78.  i could have saved myself a lot of heartache and misery had I just terminated things once I found out what was going on behind my back. So, I'm also guilty and partly to blame for all of the crap that ensued.

That stated, it is very difficult to act in such a black and white manner when we are deeply involved with someone. The fog (fear, obligation and guilt) can be most dense to try and navigate through.

 

[AmytheTemperamental]

Well said, ABrokenMan

 

[stratamaster78]

Quick Update:

My Ex just called my phone about 45 mins ago. I had walked out of the room just minutes before to go brush my teeth and missed hearing my phone ring by 1 minute.

I don't know whether to feel frustrated that I missed that call or glad to have missed the temptation to answer considering I have no idea what her intentions are for the call.

She could be calling to yell at me and curse me or apologize. But she didn't leave a voicemail either so...?

But yeah this is the 1st time she's even attempted to call me 4 1/2 months.

 

[ardour]

Quick Update:

My Ex just called my phone about 45 mins ago. I had walked out of the room just minutes before to go brush my teeth and missed hearing my phone ring by 1 minute.

I don't know whether to feel frustrated that I missed that call or glad to have missed the temptation to answer considering I have no idea what her intentions are for the call.

She could be calling to yell at me and curse me or apologize. But she didn't leave a voicemail either so...?

But yeah this is the 1st time she's even attempted to call me 4 1/2 months.

It would probably have been a long-winded self-justification in the form of an “apology”. The intent, to give herself closure. I wouldn’t answer her calls.