Carcass Raid
Well-known member
I really don't. Somewhere along the line I never figured how to contribute to anything or anyone. I've pushed people so far out of my life that I have no one either. My friends are non-existant for the most part. They're in college doing their own thing. I should be there too but I got married and nourished a relationship that didn't last. I have no chance of going now because I'm poor for the most part and I also don't have a vehicle of my own or even a profession that I like.
My girlfriend informed me yesterday that I couldn't stay with them (once again) because things in their family have come up and generated lots of drama so what that means for me is I MIGHT have a relationship in three years with someone that I won't even get to meet for that long and I'll also be homeless/living somewhere I hate very soon. You see, my folks want to sell the house since they're divorcing too. I'm too poor to afford my own place with my weak paycheck so I have to crash here.
I wake up in the morning and see my four little walls and wish I was asleep again. I'm getting by everyday now on a few beers. When I wake up from my drunken mess everything's the same. It's not so much that I mind being such a loser. Well I do but I could put it past me if I even had one person in my life that was with me in some way. I feel completely isolated. I walk by strangers (if i even have a reason to be out) as I look through them or at the ground and wonder if we could be friends. I'll never ask though.
Multiple times lately I've considered drinking myself away but death scares me. And I want to believe in something real with someone so hard that I'm forcing myself to face another day at this point. I feel like I can't do anything about it. I don't have any direction in my life. I wake up and go to my job not because I want the money but because I have nothing else to do. It's a sad existance. I live my life one lump in my throat to the next.
Part of me wishes someone would just come along and set me free. Some beautiful angel with a gun or something. I honestly don't think I belong anywhere anymore with anyone. Sorry about the gigantic post. I wanted to get this out somehow because I couldn't keep clawing at my mind any further. I'm off to get more alcohol.
My girlfriend informed me yesterday that I couldn't stay with them (once again) because things in their family have come up and generated lots of drama so what that means for me is I MIGHT have a relationship in three years with someone that I won't even get to meet for that long and I'll also be homeless/living somewhere I hate very soon. You see, my folks want to sell the house since they're divorcing too. I'm too poor to afford my own place with my weak paycheck so I have to crash here.
I wake up in the morning and see my four little walls and wish I was asleep again. I'm getting by everyday now on a few beers. When I wake up from my drunken mess everything's the same. It's not so much that I mind being such a loser. Well I do but I could put it past me if I even had one person in my life that was with me in some way. I feel completely isolated. I walk by strangers (if i even have a reason to be out) as I look through them or at the ground and wonder if we could be friends. I'll never ask though.
Multiple times lately I've considered drinking myself away but death scares me. And I want to believe in something real with someone so hard that I'm forcing myself to face another day at this point. I feel like I can't do anything about it. I don't have any direction in my life. I wake up and go to my job not because I want the money but because I have nothing else to do. It's a sad existance. I live my life one lump in my throat to the next.
Part of me wishes someone would just come along and set me free. Some beautiful angel with a gun or something. I honestly don't think I belong anywhere anymore with anyone. Sorry about the gigantic post. I wanted to get this out somehow because I couldn't keep clawing at my mind any further. I'm off to get more alcohol.