I have no purpose in life

[Carcass Raid]

I really don't. Somewhere along the line I never figured how to contribute to anything or anyone. I've pushed people so far out of my life that I have no one either. My friends are non-existant for the most part. They're in college doing their own thing. I should be there too but I got married and nourished a relationship that didn't last. I have no chance of going now because I'm poor for the most part and I also don't have a vehicle of my own or even a profession that I like.

My girlfriend informed me yesterday that I couldn't stay with them (once again) because things in their family have come up and generated lots of drama so what that means for me is I MIGHT have a relationship in three years with someone that I won't even get to meet for that long and I'll also be homeless/living somewhere I hate very soon. You see, my folks want to sell the house since they're divorcing too. I'm too poor to afford my own place with my weak paycheck so I have to crash here.

I wake up in the morning and see my four little walls and wish I was asleep again. I'm getting by everyday now on a few beers. When I wake up from my drunken mess everything's the same. It's not so much that I mind being such a loser. Well I do but I could put it past me if I even had one person in my life that was with me in some way. I feel completely isolated. I walk by strangers (if i even have a reason to be out) as I look through them or at the ground and wonder if we could be friends. I'll never ask though.

Multiple times lately I've considered drinking myself away but death scares me. And I want to believe in something real with someone so hard that I'm forcing myself to face another day at this point. I feel like I can't do anything about it. I don't have any direction in my life. I wake up and go to my job not because I want the money but because I have nothing else to do. It's a sad existance. I live my life one lump in my throat to the next.

Part of me wishes someone would just come along and set me free. Some beautiful angel with a gun or something. I honestly don't think I belong anywhere anymore with anyone. Sorry about the gigantic post. I wanted to get this out somehow because I couldn't keep clawing at my mind any further. I'm off to get more alcohol.

 

[Rammy]

I'm sorry you are in a bad place but drinking and waiting for someone to come and change your life, either by killing you or supporting you on your way to a better life, is going to do nothing but depress you further as nothing will change. If you truly want a better life and to meet someone you have to pull yourself out of this hole, a hard thing I know and something many fail to do. Alcohol is a waste of money if you are depressed, it only makes things worse. I know you don't care for money right now but it's NEVER a bad thing to have some. You may have made a few wrong choices and perhaps been a victim of others but you seem quite young (since you said your friends were at college) and time is one of the things many people in your position don't have. Force yourself to do something else with your spare time, exercise might help. I know it sounds corny but trying to have a positive outlook or at least project a positve appearance can do wonders. You need to become proud of who you are and things you've done so try and do something you think worthwhile. Sorry for the long post, I'm not trying to insult or belittle you, I've felt much the same way and spent years wasting time waiting for something to change. One day I started trying to make things change 3 years later things are falling into place. It's tough getting there but it can be done. Remember you can always vent on here and I'm sure plenty of people will make friends with you. Hang in there, you may be lonely but you're not alone

 

[Carcass Raid]

I don't even know where to start though :/ Nothing interests me. Nothing. That's why I never have anything in common with anyone I meet. I'm already going out for late night jogs to clear my head but they never make me feel any different. I see my house and I feel, "well, back to my little cell." I eh...just don't even know where to start.

 

[SophiaGrace]

Have you looked on craigslist to see if there are people looking for room mates in your area?

Have you discussed your concerns with your parents?

 

[drifter]

If you truly want a better life and to meet someone you have to pull yourself out of this hole, a hard thing I know and something many fail to do.

Yep. Many failed.. and are no longer here. I know because it happend to a very special friend of mine, my father. You gotta somehow find the strenght inside of you, and crawl your way back in-to the light!

You gotta be the hero of your own story, that can rescue himself and doesnt need to be saved. I know it's hard you don't need to tell me. But, hard is always better than impossible. Hang in there.

hugz.

 

[Rammy]

Do you like any music or films, how about sport or computer games? Does nature interst you or perhaps art? Did you have hobbies as a kid? What about helping people, I've found lending a hand to people less fortunate is incredibly rewarding. I'd gladly give some examples but not in this particular post. I'm just curious about you as a person, I know how pointless and trivial everything can seem, nothing seems interesting at times like these, but there must be things you like or used to like. I'm surprised by how much stuff I actually blocked out that I kind of knew I liked all along. I also used to go for midnight runs, at first to take me away from my house and pass a little time till I was tired enough to sleep. I started to enjoy them tho, it's more peaceful at night and after a while I realised how fit I was getting, that was something I was proud of, I actually forgot about that til your post, I don't have much time for such things anymore and I kind of miss them. Got to try and make some time for 1 I guess oops sorry went off on a tangent there. I really need to remember to use paragraphs too, when I post this much anyway.

 

[Frodo Baggins]

I think you need a quest. I think that has the ability to bring like-minded individuals together. I think it would be awesome. Find a group of different cultured people and a goal that is important to you all and follow it with vigour and your excitement will grow.

The companions in Lord of the rings all embarked on a quest to save Middle Earth from the Forces from Mordor and it was a hard battle and they faced much but all came out stronger and better. Except for a few that died in battles and so on like Boromir.

You don't need war for excitement though it can be more personalised. Maybe even a quest for one. Sorry not sure.

 

[Piippupappa]

I really don't. Somewhere along the line I never figured how to contribute to anything or anyone. I've pushed people so far out of my life that I have no one either. My friends are non-existant for the most part. They're in college doing their own thing. I should be there too but I got married and nourished a relationship that didn't last. I have no chance of going now because I'm poor for the most part and I also don't have a vehicle of my own or even a profession that I like.

My girlfriend informed me yesterday that I couldn't stay with them (once again) because things in their family have come up and generated lots of drama so what that means for me is I MIGHT have a relationship in three years with someone that I won't even get to meet for that long and I'll also be homeless/living somewhere I hate very soon. You see, my folks want to sell the house since they're divorcing too. I'm too poor to afford my own place with my weak paycheck so I have to crash here.

I wake up in the morning and see my four little walls and wish I was asleep again. I'm getting by everyday now on a few beers. When I wake up from my drunken mess everything's the same. It's not so much that I mind being such a loser. Well I do but I could put it past me if I even had one person in my life that was with me in some way. I feel completely isolated. I walk by strangers (if i even have a reason to be out) as I look through them or at the ground and wonder if we could be friends. I'll never ask though.

Multiple times lately I've considered drinking myself away but death scares me. And I want to believe in something real with someone so hard that I'm forcing myself to face another day at this point. I feel like I can't do anything about it. I don't have any direction in my life. I wake up and go to my job not because I want the money but because I have nothing else to do. It's a sad existance. I live my life one lump in my throat to the next.

Part of me wishes someone would just come along and set me free. Some beautiful angel with a gun or something. I honestly don't think I belong anywhere anymore with anyone. Sorry about the gigantic post. I wanted to get this out somehow because I couldn't keep clawing at my mind any further. I'm off to get more alcohol.

Hei, let me tell U something, have U ever been reading fine text`s ?Try to do something for it, try to find a good book..

---

I really don't. Somewhere along the line I never figured how to contribute to anything or anyone. I've pushed people so far out of my life that I have no one either. My friends are non-existant for the most part. They're in college doing their own thing. I should be there too but I got married and nourished a relationship that didn't last. I have no chance of going now because I'm poor for the most part and I also don't have a vehicle of my own or even a profession that I like.

My girlfriend informed me yesterday that I couldn't stay with them (once again) because things in their family have come up and generated lots of drama so what that means for me is I MIGHT have a relationship in three years with someone that I won't even get to meet for that long and I'll also be homeless/living somewhere I hate very soon. You see, my folks want to sell the house since they're divorcing too. I'm too poor to afford my own place with my weak paycheck so I have to crash here.

I wake up in the morning and see my four little walls and wish I was asleep again. I'm getting by everyday now on a few beers. When I wake up from my drunken mess everything's the same. It's not so much that I mind being such a loser. Well I do but I could put it past me if I even had one person in my life that was with me in some way. I feel completely isolated. I walk by strangers (if i even have a reason to be out) as I look through them or at the ground and wonder if we could be friends. I'll never ask though.

Multiple times lately I've considered drinking myself away but death scares me. And I want to believe in something real with someone so hard that I'm forcing myself to face another day at this point. I feel like I can't do anything about it. I don't have any direction in my life. I wake up and go to my job not because I want the money but because I have nothing else to do. It's a sad existance. I live my life one lump in my throat to the next.

Part of me wishes someone would just come along and set me free. Some beautiful angel with a gun or something. I honestly don't think I belong anywhere anymore with anyone. Sorry about the gigantic post. I wanted to get this out somehow because I couldn't keep clawing at my mind any further. I'm off to get more alcohol.

Hei, let me tell U something, have U ever been reading fine text`s ?Try to do something for it, try to find a good book..

 

[Carcass Raid]

-Sophia: No I haven't. I live in a technologically ignorant town and very few people have heard of craigslist down here. Most listings are for towns pretty far away. I haven't told my folks yet either because my plans (as far as me moving) seem to change very quickly. I'm only hoping they change again before it's too late...June 6th.

-Drifter: I'm very sorry to hear. At this point I have no will and so I wait for someone else to find me. A miracle even. I debunk myself when I try something, IF I try something.

-Rammy: Yeah I like stuff like that. Never really had any hobbies as a kid. My mom kept me isolated, indoors most of my life because she was afraid I'd get influenced badly. In a way I guess it worked because now I have a very weak personality with terrible conversational skills. I use the computer to pass the time mostly. When I'm done with that I'll put on some music and get drunk.

-Frodo: I dunno if you were kidding or not but I think that actually might work <.< No idea how I'd find anyone or anything like that but yeah...

-Piippupappa: I have no idea what you're talking about. Books don't hold my attention either. I can't find anything that interests me.

 

[Frodo Baggins]

No questing brings team work and purpose and a sense of connectiveness.
Tell me how you go and what you do . I am excited for you.....

 

[SophiaGrace]

Ok then look in the local newspaper in the classified section

 

[mikkiatalonelylife]

Just some suggestions - nothing more.

You say you run at night - have you gotten yourself outside during the day time? It could give you more things to look at than the four walls. I think the visual complexity of the natural world can calm our minds down a little.

Lists always help me too, when I am feeling lost. You say you aren't interested in anything, but if you sat and brainstormed with a pen and paper, you could potentially come up with a number of ideas that you don't have at the top of your brain. Then you can look over your list and identify the ones that currently light a fire in you.

Best of luck to you... I've been there and it hurts so bad when you are there, but we always seem to be able to get through it. Just remember that this too will pass.