Guy_In_The_Corner_
Member
Hey everyone. I really needed a place to vent because there's a lot to get out. I'm glad this place exists.
I'm 17, and I have a strong dislike for myself, and I'm lonely because no-one seems to get that I dislike myself, or why. There's lots of reasons really - I'm ugly and selfish, and while I'm intelligent enough, I lack any confidence. The confidence thing affects me a lot, especially when I need to talk to someone I don't know, such as a potential employer, a new person that I like, or even some stranger at a party. As a teenager this plays a lot into my life, and I feel myself growing lonelier day by day.
I've always been an awkward human being, but it's got worse this year as a result of an awful relationship I had with a girl. We treated each other really poorly, and were both very hurt by the end of it, and as a result my dislike for myself has only strengthened. I no longer associate with the girl, but I don't think I'll ever get over how we treated each other. It wasn't physically abusive, more emotionally. She was a beautiful person and I loved her, but she lied to me a lot about her feelings, and because I'm a naturally anxious person I could see right through it. She never admitted anything until the end. I don't think I'm a good person as a result of this relationship, because I pushed it to such an extremity with my anxiety.
Now when I talk to people I feel guilty and I don't feel as though I deserve their friendship, and I spend more time thinking about talking to people than actually talking to them. I've tried talking to new girls to rekindle feelings of affection for someone, but I usually give up because I no longer care enough about my social life to put in any effort, or rather my anxiety means it's too hard to make conversation with someone. Or maybe I'm just worried that I'd behave the same way as I did in my last relationship. I'm worried about what affect this will have for me in the future, as I lack the confidence to form new friendships or get a job, or do anything for that matter because it just stresses me out too much.
I guess I put this in the loneliness thread because I do feel really lonely. I feel like I'll never be good enough for anyone, or that I'll ever be able to keep up the pretense that I'm confident long enough for someone I feel affectionate for to feel the same way towards me.
I'd appreciate any advice any of you could provide. I realise that my issues are small compared to a lot of other people on this forum, but I'd still really appreciate it.
I'm 17, and I have a strong dislike for myself, and I'm lonely because no-one seems to get that I dislike myself, or why. There's lots of reasons really - I'm ugly and selfish, and while I'm intelligent enough, I lack any confidence. The confidence thing affects me a lot, especially when I need to talk to someone I don't know, such as a potential employer, a new person that I like, or even some stranger at a party. As a teenager this plays a lot into my life, and I feel myself growing lonelier day by day.
I've always been an awkward human being, but it's got worse this year as a result of an awful relationship I had with a girl. We treated each other really poorly, and were both very hurt by the end of it, and as a result my dislike for myself has only strengthened. I no longer associate with the girl, but I don't think I'll ever get over how we treated each other. It wasn't physically abusive, more emotionally. She was a beautiful person and I loved her, but she lied to me a lot about her feelings, and because I'm a naturally anxious person I could see right through it. She never admitted anything until the end. I don't think I'm a good person as a result of this relationship, because I pushed it to such an extremity with my anxiety.
Now when I talk to people I feel guilty and I don't feel as though I deserve their friendship, and I spend more time thinking about talking to people than actually talking to them. I've tried talking to new girls to rekindle feelings of affection for someone, but I usually give up because I no longer care enough about my social life to put in any effort, or rather my anxiety means it's too hard to make conversation with someone. Or maybe I'm just worried that I'd behave the same way as I did in my last relationship. I'm worried about what affect this will have for me in the future, as I lack the confidence to form new friendships or get a job, or do anything for that matter because it just stresses me out too much.
I guess I put this in the loneliness thread because I do feel really lonely. I feel like I'll never be good enough for anyone, or that I'll ever be able to keep up the pretense that I'm confident long enough for someone I feel affectionate for to feel the same way towards me.
I'd appreciate any advice any of you could provide. I realise that my issues are small compared to a lot of other people on this forum, but I'd still really appreciate it.