I keep wondering..

[ExtensivexLDL]

...if maybe it'd be better if I tried my best to not care anymore and resign myself to the aspect that I'll be single my entire life.
You already know my story- the 19-year old, former socially-awkward high school loser who up to the present day has never asked anyone out on a date, BEEN on a date, kissed a girl, been in a relationship and is obviously a virgin. What's been happening recently is that my mind has come under an enormous spell iof thoughts concerning my complete inexperience with the oppoisite sex. Practically all my entire waking moments involve thinking about the fact that I have even yet to ask anyone out or be on a single **** date- it feels overwhelming and incredibly depressing. I've subsequently been feeling extremely negative about the aspect of relationships and life in general. It seems unfair that countless people my age have already been in a fair share of relationships while I have yet to initiate a single ONE. And I know what you're gonna say- get on with life, join clubs, talk to lots of people, etc. but honestly how likely is it that I'm just gonna meet that one girl someday who I'll manage to have an in-depth conversation with and then manage to ask her out at the end? Not that likely, and I'm not trying to sound like I'm really down of myself and not really sure of my abilities. I can keep thinking stuff like "Oh yeah, I'll join a club next semester. Maybe I'll meet a girl there." Bullshit. It just never happens. Even rare is meeting someone in your lecture class. Everyone is just there for the work and has no time for an in-depth "get-to-know-you" kind of thing. You don't even know if the person you're talking to has a boyfriend or not. Stuff like that.
Well how about meeting a girl through your friends? Right. Well not if your friends SUCK and have been the only single group of people you hung out with for all these years. A friendship circle in which no one new ever comes along. People who barely really go out and never go to cool places like clubs and bars. People who aren't that fun to hang around PERIOD and are only interested in Magic Cards basically. No chance. I guess you could suggest that I try getting together another group of friends- from scratch basically. Well that will take AGES and may not work out altogether. Perhaps I'll be in a better position to do that if I ever manage to move downtown- but I must get to that point first. That means finishing all my course credits for the year (and finishing well so as to not get put on academic probation which threatens me), finding a place to live which isn't far away from campus, getting a job near there (probably prior to this point) and then finally convincing my parents to pay for this.
Well how do I know that I'll manage to get good on all my courses if I can't stop thinking about and reanalyzing my relationship inexperience problems? How can I manage to contain and keep in check my depression in regards to this? How can I avoid becoming really bitter about everything and everyone during this time?

See what I really want to do is travel back in time 5 years ago and beat my stupid past self to A BLOODY PULP for being such a stupid, unsocial loser and for placing me in the situation that I've been in for ages and still to this day...

 

[LonelyDragon]

Something you said triggered an observation in my tired brain.

You don't even know if the person you're talking to has a boyfriend or not.

One thing I've noticed about myself anyway. On the rare occasions I've been able to ask someone out, if they tell me that they are seeing someone then it doesn't hit me as the hard rejection that hurts so bad. It's not really a direct response to you or how they feel or perceive you.

It's sure a lot better than the snide laughter and insulting comments I usually got.

 

[Porman]

...if maybe it'd be better if I tried my best to not care anymore and resign myself to the aspect that I'll be single my entire life.

Then I hope you enjoy being lonely, as you would be choosing to be.

Practically all my entire waking moments involve thinking about the fact that I have even yet to ask anyone out or be on a single **** date-

Then change that, ask someone out. the physical act of asking someone out is very easy, your just choosing not too.

Think of it this way, You have never been rejected before in your entire life. Find someone you like, put your charm on, and ask them out! its simple!!

My problem is finding a girl worth asking out, thats the hard part.

 

[SilentThinker]

I would recommend changing to a group of friends you enjoyed with.

When there are things that are not going well,the choice is to move on to another group of friend.Though it may sounds like being unloyal,but it would be better for you than to continue sulking in the group.(I am not saying you are sulking.)

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Don't panic.
I was sexaully fustrated at 19 too. The only thing on my mind
were women and how to get into them
It didn't matter wheather I was single or married.
Luckie me..my ex-wf was a nympho. Even so, she couldn't keep up with me.. I thought about her 24/7 and couldn't do my work
or study correct half of the time.
Most male sexual drive peek in thier early to mid 20's.

Don't sweat it dude...you have the rest of your life to figure it
out. I couldn't think straight even if I tried @19.

All girls are worth asking out, when you're 19...lol

Why not just take an inventory of your life and forgive your-
self for your mistakes. With the knowelge, freedom and a little
bit more maturely..you can make those changes now.
Get rid of your internal conflict..mental and emotional baggages.
Start being more possitive towards yourself. Be your own personal
coach or cheerleading team. errr...self motivation.lol

As you get older...you pretty much have to become
your own parent. Pretend like you are your own parent.
Would you want your parent to beat up on you or a parent
that encourage you and love you inspite of everything ?
(unconditional love)

I can write it in a different way...let your higher self guide you.

All of the women I've had long relationship with asked me out.
I was a happy go lucky person with a chip on my shoulder.
I guess you can call it confident. I'm not a major hunk..but
I attracted women into my life...mostly crazy ones....lmao
But oh will, it was fun while it lasted.

it helps...to be a musician, play lead guitar and play in a rock band too though.
will..i did say i had a chip on my shoulder didn't I.
However I understood about descipline and practice even at that young of an age.
I just didn't wake up oneday and knew how to play the guitar. I practiced a lot.
Here's the secret dude...learn how to play the bass guitar...bass guitar players are in high demand.
it's easier to play the bass guitar...lol This way you'll get to be in a band easy
Why..of course, there's plenty women in this world that loves musician...probably the bad boy image
but if you're capible of playing and writing beautiful music...she knows there's a softer side of you.

When i get on the stage and play..it's when I'm most happy, being myself, doing what i love doing.
It's that vibe that i gave out that attracted girls to me...not so much the type of music I play.
I play heavy metal. Iron madian , Mettalica and stuff like that...lmao.

what you do love to do ?

What I'm saying is practice being possitve and loving yourself....there's no magic trick to it.

 

[ExtensivexLDL]

Something you said triggered an observation in my tired brain.

You don't even know if the person you're talking to has a boyfriend or not.

One thing I've noticed about myself anyway. On the rare occasions I've been able to ask someone out, if they tell me that they are seeing someone then it doesn't hit me as the hard rejection that hurts so bad. It's not really a direct response to you or how they feel or perceive you.

It's sure a lot better than the snide laughter and insulting comments I usually got.

Yeah, good point. I hope I never have to go through that and I'm sorry you had to.

...if maybe it'd be better if I tried my best to not care anymore and resign myself to the aspect that I'll be single my entire life.

Then I hope you enjoy being lonely, as you would be choosing to be.

Hmm. Well for someone on the "A Lonely Life" Forum, you're a little critical.

Then again...

Practically all my entire waking moments involve thinking about the fact that I have even yet to ask anyone out or be on a single **** date-

Then change that, ask someone out. the physical act of asking someone out is very easy, your just choosing not too.

Totally agree. The act of speaking is pretty easy- one's facial muscles and vocal cords don't usually get tired immediately in the instance of saying a sentence or two.

Think of it this way, You have never been rejected before in your entire life. Find someone you like, put your charm on, and ask them out! its simple!!

My problem is finding a girl worth asking out, thats the hard part.

My problem is that I barely ever come in contact with new girls and that seems slightly more substantial.

I would recommend changing to a group of friends you enjoyed with.

When there are things that are not going well,the choice is to move on to another group of friend.Though it may sounds like being unloyal,but it would be better for you than to continue sulking in the group.(I am not saying you are sulking.)

That's really not easy as I barely ever see them and they never invite me out.
As for getting a totally different group of friends from scratch, it would take ages likely as I already said.
All I can do is keep trying though..




Dude. First of all let me just say your posts are awesome as hell- they're both really insightful and sorta mesmerizing in the way they're structured- each point its own separate paragraph: pretty sick lol

Don't panic.
I was sexaully fustrated at 19 too. The only thing on my mind
were women and how to get into them
It didn't matter wheather I was single or married.
Luckie me..my ex-wf was a nympho. Even so, she couldn't keep up with me.. I thought about her 24/7 and couldn't do my work
or study correct half of the time.
Most male sexual drive peek in thier early to mid 20's.

Don't sweat it dude...you have the rest of your life to figure it
out. I couldn't think straight even if I tried @19.

All girls are worth asking out, when you're 19...lol

Why not just take an inventory of your life and forgive your-
self for your mistakes. With the knowelge, freedom and a little
bit more maturely..you can make those changes now.
Get rid of your internal conflict..mental and emotional baggages.
Start being more possitive towards yourself. Be your own personal
coach or cheerleading team. errr...self motivation.lol

Yeah, I've been trying to forgive myself for a while..Just that every time I'm reminded that things are fully ideal yet, I can't help but repeatedly think back to those years and how much I've missed out on.

As you get older...you pretty much have to become
your own parent. Pretend like you are your own parent.
Would you want your parent to beat up on you or a parent
that encourage you and love you inspite of everything ?
(unconditional love)

The former..jk

it helps...to be a musician, play lead guitar and play in a rock band too though.
will..i did say i had a chip on my shoulder didn't I.
However I understood about descipline and practice even at that young of an age.
I just didn't wake up oneday and knew how to play the guitar. I practiced a lot.
Here's the secret dude...learn how to play the bass guitar...bass guitar players are in high demand.
it's easier to play the bass guitar...lol This way you'll get to be in a band easy
Why..of course, there's plenty women in this world that loves musician...probably the bad boy image
but if you're capible of playing and writing beautiful music...she knows there's a softer side of you.

Yeah, but doesn't that make it a little mundane? I mean if like every other guy knows how to play the bass guitar won't that make it lose its supposed attribute for attracting women? Won't they be looking for something more unique?

As for myself, I've techinically been able to play piano for 11 years though I only took lessons for like 5 years before I quit due to school and having little desire to practice at home what's been assigned in class lol. As a result I can only play those certain compositions which
I've learned from class (though I've recently been trying to compose my own stuff) and certainly can't just sit down and play from any sheet of music that may be placed in front of me.

And I'm actually planning to learn guitar as well as drums in the near future but firstly, there's zero chance of me joining any band any time soon even if do pick up either or both instrument(s) since it'll be a long while before I become proficient, and secondly, in a general sense, that obviously can't be my only means of 'trying' to win a girl's heart.

When i get on the stage and play..it's when I'm most happy, being myself, doing what i love doing.
It's that vibe that i gave out that attracted girls to me...not so much the type of music I play.
I play heavy metal. Iron madian , Mettalica and stuff like that...lmao.

what you do love to do ?

What I'm saying is practice being possitve and loving yourself....there's no magic trick to it.

First of all- props to your awesome taste in music

Now as to respond to your actual post, there's really not a single thing of mine which I can identify and say something in the line of "that's my ultimate passion and hobby. I love it. It defines who I am", etc. or whatever. I mean I actually wish I could say I'm well-rounded for instance, though I can't even say that. Pretty much all the hobbies which I took part in at one time or another, I dropped due to school matters (and it didn't really help anyway lol). I also did other stuff (mostly due to influence from my parents) like trying to become a certified lifeguard and taking French classes so I could become as I close to bilingual as possible but I also dropped both (failed too much in the former and was lazy and not fully willing in the latter). Yeah, there's really not much that I do generally and my days pass pretty quickly regardless of that. I'm interested in a lot of things though I don't engage in a lot of hobbies. As a matter of fact, it seems sometimes to me that the very reason as to why I'm unwilling to find that one or a couple of true hobbies to engage in is because I'm just unable to put my relationship inexperience problem behind me (and the semi-frequent depression) and to subsequently stop thinking about and reanalyzing it.

 

[SilentThinker]

That's really not easy as I barely ever see them and they never invite me out.
As for getting a totally different group of friends from scratch, it would take ages likely as I already said.
All I can do is keep trying though..




Dude. First of all let me just say your posts are awesome as hell- they're both really insightful and sorta mesmerizing in the way they're structured- each point its own separate paragraph: pretty sick lol

Thanks for your compliment.

It may take time to adapt to a group and the group's acceptation of you.But it would be a good choice to do so.

How much time you need to adapt is still better than how much time you are going to stay at the same old group sulking.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Excellent...you play the keyboard...I can't play the keyboard.
You have something that not everyone has...
I'll bet you rock on it too. Metal bands today have keyboard
players...Keep reaching out.
If you live near me..I'd jam out with you.

You're doing good..you're staying on course with your education.
Not everyone in this world can do that. You should be proud of
yourself.

Yes, your mind on girls can be a detractions or cuase you to
lose focus...but if you finish your education. You will be doing
so, so much better if you did't have a college education.

I want to go back to school of get my degree. It's so much
harder to return after you stop attending.

Girls will come...just stay positive.

Aint nothing like a woman that'll get me to stop playing my guitar.
I only have two hands. I can only tap one G string at a time

 

[LonelyDragon]

Something you said triggered an observation in my tired brain.

You don't even know if the person you're talking to has a boyfriend or not.

One thing I've noticed about myself anyway. On the rare occasions I've been able to ask someone out, if they tell me that they are seeing someone then it doesn't hit me as the hard rejection that hurts so bad. It's not really a direct response to you or how they feel or perceive you.

It's sure a lot better than the snide laughter and insulting comments I usually got.

Yeah, good point. I hope I never have to go through that and I'm sorry you had to.

Thanks. I'm afraid if I ever found myself "available" again it would be worse now.

Practically all my entire waking moments involve thinking about the fact that I have even yet to ask anyone out or be on a single **** date-

Then change that, ask someone out. the physical act of asking someone out is very easy, your just choosing not too.

Totally agree. The act of speaking is pretty easy- one's facial muscles and vocal cords don't usually get tired immediately in the instance of saying a sentence or two.

No, but working up the nerve to do it can be pretty exhausting.

Think of it this way, You have never been rejected before in your entire life. Find someone you like, put your charm on, and ask them out! its simple!!

My problem is finding a girl worth asking out, thats the hard part.

My problem is that I barely ever come in contact with new girls and that seems slightly more substantial.

Then that is something you can change. Go someplace new. A different club, a new grocery store, the park...

I would recommend changing to a group of friends you enjoyed with.

When there are things that are not going well,the choice is to move on to another group of friend.Though it may sounds like being unloyal,but it would be better for you than to continue sulking in the group.(I am not saying you are sulking.)

That's really not easy as I barely ever see them and they never invite me out.
As for getting a totally different group of friends from scratch, it would take ages likely as I already said.
All I can do is keep trying though..

It sounds to me like that would make it even easier. If you ever see them anyway then what's the big deal if you see them less and meet some new people?

 

[ExtensivexLDL]

That's really not easy as I barely ever see them and they never invite me out.
As for getting a totally different group of friends from scratch, it would take ages likely as I already said.
All I can do is keep trying though..




Dude. First of all let me just say your posts are awesome as hell- they're both really insightful and sorta mesmerizing in the way they're structured- each point its own separate paragraph: pretty sick lol

Thanks for your compliment.

It may take time to adapt to a group and the group's acceptation of you.But it would be a good choice to do so.

How much time you need to adapt is still better than how much time you are going to stay at the same old group sulking.

Yeah. First I have to find that group and since I live rather far away from campus and generally don't spend much time there, I don't think it's realistic to expect another group until I live nearby somewhere and it will take some time and a lot of effort just to get to that point.
And I obviously try not to sulk when I'm with my current group as I understand that they're the only group I have and they're good friends as I said, despite the fact that I don't think they're really right for me.

Finally, I don't mean to steal your thunder but that compliment was directed at Lonesome Crow though I guess you're cool in your own way as well lol

Excellent...you play the keyboard...I can't play the keyboard.
You have something that not everyone has...
I'll bet you rock on it too. Metal bands today have keyboard
players...Keep reaching out.
If you live near me..I'd jam out with you.
You're doing good..you're staying on course with your education.
Not everyone in this world can do that. You should be proud of
yourself.
Yes, your mind on girls can be a detractions or cuase you to
lose focus...but if you finish your education. You will be doing
so, so much better if you did't have a college education.
I want to go back to school of get my degree. It's so much
harder to return after you stop attending.
Girls will come...just stay positive.
Aint nothing like a woman that'll get me to stop playing my guitar.
I only have two hands. I can only tap one G string at a time

Lol, I appreciate all this positivity though I don't think it's completely justified. Firstly, I don't really 'rock', as you said, at keyboard, I'm just not that bad at it lol. That's why I think it's a little purposeless to reach out to any bands that might be looking for a keyboard player- I'm FAR from profficient nor am I really motivated to improve myself as a performer despite my occasional desire to sit down and play. That's a tad depressing, I guess, but such the way things are.
Lol, as for education, I'm barely keeping my head above water and am actually under the threat of academic probation if I don't improve my cummulative average by May. Good luck to that you can say (and of course it's really hard to maintain focus sometimes).
Finally, props to your last comment which made me laugh.

Practically all my entire waking moments involve thinking about the fact that I have even yet to ask anyone out or be on a single **** date-

Then change that, ask someone out. the physical act of asking someone out is very easy, your just choosing not too.

Totally agree. The act of speaking is pretty easy- one's facial muscles and vocal cords don't usually get tired immediately in the instance of saying a sentence or two.

No, but working up the nerve to do it can be pretty exhausting.

Lol, obviously that comment of mine was meant to be sarcastic.

Think of it this way, You have never been rejected before in your entire life. Find someone you like, put your charm on, and ask them out! its simple!!


My problem is finding a girl worth asking out, thats the hard part.

My problem is that I barely ever come in contact with new girls and that seems slightly more substantial.

Then that is something you can change. Go someplace new. A different club, a new grocery store, the park...

Yeah, I've been reading such advice all over the place for ages. I'm not gonna just go outside by myself and start looking for girls to chat up (though maybe i should consider it sometime ionno). When I'm with my friends (and it's not that often), it's always just them and we never encounter new people.
Likewise I'm not part of any club yet but I'm planning to join one next semester on my campus if I can find one I'm interested in and which is congruent to my schedule.
.
.
.
thinks to himself: "Maybe I'll meet and be able to ask out a girl there..Hmm, probably not..

 

[LonelyDragon]

...thinks to himself: "Maybe I'll meet and be able to ask out a girl there..Hmm, probably not..

Now if you can just leave those last two words off of that thought...


Here's a thought. It just depends on your living situation.

Get a cute young dog. (I refrain from suggesting a puppy because of the extra work involved. lol ) Take said dog on walks to the park. You won't have to find the girls. They'll find you.

 

[MiKeY]

DUDE... ask a friend with a child to borrow said child and take him/her to Chuck E Cheese. I bet you'll get a number or two... do you think so, Larry?

 

[LonelyDragon]

There you go!

"Mine? Well no. I'm just watching him for a friend. I love kids."

 

[ExtensivexLDL]

...thinks to himself: "Maybe I'll meet and be able to ask out a girl there..Hmm, probably not..

Now if you can just leave those last two words off of that thought...


Here's a thought. It just depends on your living situation.

Get a cute young dog. (I refrain from suggesting a puppy because of the extra work involved. lol ) Take said dog on walks to the park. You won't have to find the girls. They'll find you.

Not bad. I have a dog actually though I don't walk him really often and when I do, it's just short walks beside my building to let him do his business and then it's back inside. I actually do have a park fairly close to where I live but I'm usually quite busy inside so my it's grandad who takes him for those walks there. On the odd day that I DO take him for those walks, I nontheless NEVER come across girls my age.. But it's a nice idea regardless..

DUDE... ask a friend with a child to borrow said child and take him/her to Chuck E Cheese. I bet you'll get a number or two... do you think so, Larry?

I didn't get ANY of that..

 

[SilentThinker]

One other way is to start a common interest with your current group of friends.

I know that one of my friend loves to play the drum in the arcade and asks people out to go to the arcade with him.

 

[ExtensivexLDL]

One other way is to start a common interest with your current group of friends.

I know that one of my friend loves to play the drum in the arcade and asks people out to go to the arcade with him.

I HAVE common interests with friends. Despite the fact that I don't think we share enough of them, if I didn't have ANY, I wouldn't have been friends with them this whole time.

 

[SilentThinker]

I HAVE common interests with friends. Despite the fact that I don't think we share enough of them, if I didn't have ANY, I wouldn't have been friends with them this whole time.

Start a common interest does not mean you do not have any common interest with friends.

It means that making a NEW one.

 

[blue_azure]

Well, a relationship is not the main thing in life. I too am 19, never had a bf before and I cannot help but think having a bf will ease this loneliness in me.
But hey, I try not to dwell on these thoughts too much. Meeting people who you can click with is never easy. I've been lucky to meet people who I can have fun with.
You are worrying too much about the future. Sure you may have been unsociable in the past but the past is the past. You don't know what the future brings so why worry about it? I say come what may.

 

[ExtensivexLDL]

I HAVE common interests with friends. Despite the fact that I don't think we share enough of them, if I didn't have ANY, I wouldn't have been friends with them this whole time.

Start a common interest does not mean you do not have any common interest with friends.

It means that making a NEW one.

Haha, yeah. Good luck.

Well, a relationship is not the main thing in life. I too am 19, never had a bf before and I cannot help but think having a bf will ease this loneliness in me.
But hey, I try not to dwell on these thoughts too much. Meeting people who you can click with is never easy. I've been lucky to meet people who I can have fun with.
You are worrying too much about the future. Sure you may have been unsociable in the past but the past is the past. You don't know what the future brings so why worry about it? I say come what may.

Indeed. Allow me to say though that in my opinion never having a significant other doesn't get to girls as much as it does to guys, since for girls, a balance of a social life and time invested in a relationship is what's important and they could busy themselves with a social life for quite a while without worrying so much, while a guy can have an endless amount of friends and still never feel fully whole knowing he's never been in a relationship (This is especially the case if almost every male friend/acquintance he knows HAS been in one. Particularly painful is knowing YOUNGER people who have been in a relationship in such a case).

 

[LonelyDragon]

Well, a relationship is not the main thing in life. I too am 19, never had a bf before and I cannot help but think having a bf will ease this loneliness in me...

Well, yes and no. Having someone that you are that close to is a great thing. But a person needs more than just one special person to revolve their life around. Otherwise what happens if that person isn't there anymore for one reason or another?

Indeed. Allow me to say though that in my opinion never having a significant other doesn't get to girls as much as it does to guys, since for girls, a balance of a social life and time invested in a relationship is what's important and they could busy themselves with a social life for quite a while without worrying so much, while a guy can have an endless amount of friends and still never feel fully whole knowing he's never been in a relationship (This is especially the case if almost every male friend/acquintance he knows HAS been in one. Particularly painful is knowing YOUNGER people who have been in a relationship in such a case).

I think that's a pretty general statement. I'm sure women feel the way you describe guys too in some (many) cases. And I've known plenty of guys who could care less if they have a g/f or not. (Some of them would fall under the category of "player" for example.)