I really don't think I am self - centered. I spend my days helping others, and my evenings doing for my family, my needs usually come last. But now I wonder what I can do differently in the future besides not write stupid emails.
Background:
I had a friend whom I met at work when I was contracting for a local company, about ten years ago. She was laid off, and I moved on to other things, but we always kept in touch. She now lives out of state and we have been phone friends for about six years.
I hadn't heard from her in a while. I called and kept getting voice mail. I left a couple messages - calls not returned.
Then one time she answered her cell phone, but she was quite short and said she couldn't talk because she was driving (why did you answer??) and to send me an email. So I did, and she was very short and unfriendly in her response. This isn't like her, but she is under some stress right now, I know. She's been unemployed and cannot find work.
But I used bad judgement and wrote her back and said:
"Did you get a bug up yer butt or what? You have been quite unfriendly lately. What's going on?"
This is the reply I got:
"I saw your last message and actually deleted it. I thought it was an example of rude and selfish behavior. Then I realized that perhaps you didn't see yourself and were ignorant of how you have treated me.
Depending on how you see my situation, I may or may not have a lot going on now. However, I am emotionally overwhelmed. I have found you very insensitive during this whole process. At first, I did not want to believe it and excused it and you. I told myself that you were perhaps tired of hearing sad stories. So I tried to engage in conversation of what was important or what was going on with you. These conversations went no where.
It has been months or years now and I no longer care what your problem is.. I just realize we are not on the same page. You seem to have no space for a friendship with me. It is okay to say we have nothing in common anymore. But it is not okay to write someone who is having an obviously hard time a note saying what is your problem."
************************************************
Well, truth be told, we never really had much in common except we worked at the same place. I thought that was a given. I am much older, married, kids, etc. and she has never been married, no kids, lives with her parents. I didn't think that having common interests was why we were friends to begin with. So, OK, she wants to end the friendship. I hurt her feelings. All I did after that was to simply apologize. One sentence. That's it.The end. I lost a friend.
You would think that I must have been a selfish, self - centered person who didn't care, but I was ALWAYS there for her. I was a shoulder, a confidant, I listened to her and supported her in whatever she did. I was a GOOD girlfriend - as good as a phone friend could be.
So why am I feeling like I did something TERRIBLY wrong? One badly worded email and that's it? Years of friendship that I thought we had, we never really had?? UGH.
I know no one can answer these questions. I just needed to vent.
Background:
I had a friend whom I met at work when I was contracting for a local company, about ten years ago. She was laid off, and I moved on to other things, but we always kept in touch. She now lives out of state and we have been phone friends for about six years.
I hadn't heard from her in a while. I called and kept getting voice mail. I left a couple messages - calls not returned.
Then one time she answered her cell phone, but she was quite short and said she couldn't talk because she was driving (why did you answer??) and to send me an email. So I did, and she was very short and unfriendly in her response. This isn't like her, but she is under some stress right now, I know. She's been unemployed and cannot find work.
But I used bad judgement and wrote her back and said:
"Did you get a bug up yer butt or what? You have been quite unfriendly lately. What's going on?"
This is the reply I got:
"I saw your last message and actually deleted it. I thought it was an example of rude and selfish behavior. Then I realized that perhaps you didn't see yourself and were ignorant of how you have treated me.
Depending on how you see my situation, I may or may not have a lot going on now. However, I am emotionally overwhelmed. I have found you very insensitive during this whole process. At first, I did not want to believe it and excused it and you. I told myself that you were perhaps tired of hearing sad stories. So I tried to engage in conversation of what was important or what was going on with you. These conversations went no where.
It has been months or years now and I no longer care what your problem is.. I just realize we are not on the same page. You seem to have no space for a friendship with me. It is okay to say we have nothing in common anymore. But it is not okay to write someone who is having an obviously hard time a note saying what is your problem."
************************************************
Well, truth be told, we never really had much in common except we worked at the same place. I thought that was a given. I am much older, married, kids, etc. and she has never been married, no kids, lives with her parents. I didn't think that having common interests was why we were friends to begin with. So, OK, she wants to end the friendship. I hurt her feelings. All I did after that was to simply apologize. One sentence. That's it.The end. I lost a friend.
You would think that I must have been a selfish, self - centered person who didn't care, but I was ALWAYS there for her. I was a shoulder, a confidant, I listened to her and supported her in whatever she did. I was a GOOD girlfriend - as good as a phone friend could be.
So why am I feeling like I did something TERRIBLY wrong? One badly worded email and that's it? Years of friendship that I thought we had, we never really had?? UGH.
I know no one can answer these questions. I just needed to vent.
That always helps.
