I Miss My Cancer Stick

[bodeilla]

I wish you the best of luck perfanoff. Quitting is a *****.

 

[perfanoff]

Thanks but I don't need it. I'm too far down the road now to give up.

 

[perfanoff]

Yeah, day 3 is pretty **** terrible. Having my leg going up and down of anxiety already. Said some wrong stuff and was basically a ****** to a few people. Spending time at work counting time (it seems like today is forever long and an hour and a half is forever more). As expected, the girl I like didn't catch me fall or give me support on the way. So I'm spending the time alone, banging my head in the matrix, with a code that won't compile. I wrote her a tirade of being disappointed of her friendship on the chat which then I promptly deleted. It's me that's foolish for having any hopes/expectations of some people. People are fickle, but at least in money you can trust.. there's always hookers and shrinks to make you feel better, when I do have that money to afford em. Or I can hang out with guy friends until then but it's not the same.

Yeah, definitely a shitty day. But I'll be damned if I light up a cigarette today.

 

[perfanoff]

So I've officially hijacked this thread.
Day 3 is done. It was pretty intense. Now I plan to combat sin with sin. I bought some gin and I am planning to sip a couple of shots through the evening to numb my mind a bit.

So yeah, things are definitely looking up.

 

[perfanoff]

Day 4 is over, it was much easier than the peak at day 3. From now on it's probably the "long run" - I need to be careful of a position of weakness e.g. parties and bars, hanging out with smokers, sudden impulses while my guard's down, etc. I guess there's not much point going day for day now,the focus has now shifted to staying quit.