I need some help with my personality.

[Mr. Sir]

OK. So at the moment, I am putting on this kind of personality where I try so hard not to offend anybody. I never never never act cocky. But I dont think I appear very confident either. I'm also kind of negative. Nobody wants to date or hang out with a negative person.

But here's what happens if I act confident. I do have my manly stuff; I lift weights, I take martial arts, I'm a Guardian Angel, and I have a dangerous assembly job, I could act confident, but I am afraid of people calling me out and saying "Shut up, you loser, you have nothing to be confident about." It alls go back to me living in my head and knowing my insecurities that other people don't know. Like the biggest problem I have is I CANT IMAGINE A GIRL FINDING ME ATTRACTIVE.

So here's the deal. I looked up why girls love bad boys. It's because of their confidence and them doing and saying what they feel like and not caring what anyone thinks. Now, if I was to do that, I've been told I'm weird (for not caring what people think), rude, disrepectful (i.e. creepy), if I'm animated and confident I'm called intense (i.e. creepy), and also people say honeysuckle like "you're gonna get your ass kicked in the real world for saying what you feel like", which is them calling me a weakling.

If anyone gets the gist of what I'm saying, could I have some constructive feedback, thanks.

 

[SophiaGrace]

Ok. I am going to be honest. But this honesty I am going to write is only to help you to better get along with people, thus, hoopefully finding a nice girl someday.

Here I go, Xsocrates, sometimes you come off as rude and disrespectful. No, I do NOT mean creepy. But sometimes you tend to disregard others feelings in posts and that's not a good character trait. Try being more mindful of how others feel. *end brutal honesty*

Besides, there is this old saying in AA that goes like this "fake it til you make it." Go ahead, i encourage you to FAKE confidence. Eventually, perhaps you somehow will BE confident. Dont worry about people calling you out for it, theyre jerks. COntinue with the confidence-faking. It cant hurt anyone. In fact, confidence can only help you

Take a look at this thread: http://www.alonelylife.com/showthread.php?tid=7552

Oh and best of luck in the GA! Theyre a swell bunch.

 

[Mr. Sir]

Ok. I am going to be honest. But this honesty I am going to write is only to help you to better get along with people, thus, hoopefully finding a nice girl someday.

Here I go, Xsocrates, sometimes you come off as rude and disrespectful. No, I do NOT mean creepy. But sometimes you tend to disregard others feelings in posts and that's not a good character trait. Try being more mindful of how others feel. *end brutal honesty*

Besides, there is this old saying in AA that goes like this "fake it til you make it." Go ahead, i encourage you to FAKE confidence. Eventually, perhaps you somehow will BE confident. Dont worry about people calling you out for it, theyre jerks. COntinue with the confidence-faking. It cant hurt anyone. In fact, confidence can only help you

Take a look at this thread: http://www.alonelylife.com/showthread.php?tid=7552

Oh and best of luck in the GA! Theyre a swell bunch.

I know I'm rude and disrespectful, but I only developed that way because everyone was so rude to me in the past. Also the media tells us that women love rude ********.

That's the only reason. See, I am just so confused. So many mixed signals.

 

[Steel]

Don't believe everything you read.

 

[Mr. Sir]

Don't believe everything you read.

I dont just read it, I see it.

 

[nerdygirl]

... Sure. You can get somebody who LIKES rude ********, if that's the sort of girl you really want. But then you cannot complain if she's a little screwed up emotionally... because a mentally healthy girl won't like that.

So you have to make a choice- do you want the sort of girl who ultimately wants the jerk, or do you want the girl who kicks jerks to the curb?

 

[Mr. Sir]

... Sure. You can get somebody who LIKES rude ********, if that's the sort of girl you really want. But then you cannot complain if she's a little screwed up emotionally... because a mentally healthy girl won't like that.

So you have to make a choice- do you want the sort of girl who ultimately wants the jerk, or do you want the girl who kicks jerks to the curb?

Ya know, that's an interesting point you bring up. That's kind of skewed thinking that alot of men who have trouble with the ladies have. Most girls, I think, dig a guy who has confidence, is athletic, and has a sense of fun, and is funny. But I dunno, I've seen some pretty dickish guys get girls.

I lack confidence because of negative experiences with my parents and peers. I talked to a friend and laid out my insecurities, and I guess I have to find ways to get rid of those insecurities.

Sometimes I think I'm a little bumbling too, sometimes I think I'm getting weird looks from people but that could all be in my head.

 

[Brian]

Well, first off, I think I know exactly what websites you found that talked about why girls love bad boys, and you need to remember one thing at ALL TIMES when reading that stuff: They are trying to sell you an e-book to get your money.

It's true that most girls like confidence, but those e-books (and the infinitely expanding 'systems' they come with, which have a continual cost) stick you with the idea that you need the material within to learn this magical secret, or girls will never like you. They're good salesmen, really.

Anyway.

The problem sounds like you might be falling in to the line of Political Correctness (or as I prefer to call it, the Pit of Despair and Undeath), for fear of offending people. I used to do the same thing. I'm no lady's man, and I still suck at getting dates, but I learned a few years back that that gets you nowhere and makes you a doormat, and nobody really likes a doormat.

Say what you think. Don't go out of your way to offend people or start fights or anything like that, but if you disagree with something, say so and say why. Nobody is going to 'kick your ass' for that; and if they try, well, fight 'em back.

What you'll come to find, as I have, is that after you adopt this mannerism for a while, a lot of people will actually just nod and agree with you if you say it with confidence. Not cocky know-it-all confidence, like a 20-year-old with 100 years of experience, but like someone who knows what they're talking about.

At the same time, though, you need to be honest about things you're unsure of or don't know about, or when you have doubts. In this way people respect you because you're honest, not because you're cocky. And because you're honest, you can be more at ease and more upfront, and more comfortable with yourself.

This I think is where a good fella can be attractive to women. Honesty and real confidence in himself, yet he's not a total worthless scrote like the ******** they find in bars who might be entertaining and ride a motorcycle but will ultimately go nowhere in life.

I am still exploring the last paragraph of this theory.

 

[Steel]

Don't believe everything you read.

I dont just read it, I see it.

Lol, then check your senses. Seriously. There is no magic formulae, no matter what some people would like you to believe

 

[coricopat]

Ok, here's something from a gal's point of view.

The bad boy thing is a myth. I don't like them, and neither do any of my female friends. No well adjusted woman does. In fact, I'd say most women don't really give a crap about 'manliness' or heck, even confidence. Guys are much more concerned about that stuff than women are.

Bad boys generally attract two type of women: total doormats who desperately need someone to take care of them, and women who use guys for social status. Unless those are the kind of women you want, you probably don't need to be using those guys as examples for how to get women.

So I'd quit worrying about the whole confidence thing and try looking at other parts of your personality. You mentioned being negative, and you might be on to something there. Negative people are very energy draining. I also noticed you used the word creepy. That caught my eye since the single guys I know/knew who constantly complained about not being able to find a girlfriend were a bit on the creepy side. Course I'm just fishing since I don't know a thing about you.

 

[Brian]

O I also noticed you used the word creepy. That caught my eye since the single guys I know/knew who constantly complained about not being able to find a girlfriend were a bit on the creepy side.

What sorts of things make a guy 'creepy'? How can you come across as not creepy?

This is relevant to my interests.

 

[insanepotato]

Talking to yourself.
Laughing to yourself.
Making gestures to yourself.
Making in jokes with people who don't get the humor value.
GLARING, STARING >_>
Being social, eg. sit quietly in a group.
Bad BO
Not dressing like everyone else.
Non-conformity, without acting like your top sh**

basically anything that makes you unique. I've see it happen to friends of mine. People don't like the unconventional. it's saddens me so deeply.

someone please tell me i'm wrong.

 

[Mr. Sir]

Ok, here's something from a gal's point of view.

The bad boy thing is a myth. I don't like them, and neither do any of my female friends. No well adjusted woman does. In fact, I'd say most women don't really give a crap about 'manliness' or heck, even confidence. Guys are much more concerned about that stuff than women are.

Bad boys generally attract two type of women: total doormats who desperately need someone to take care of them, and women who use guys for social status. Unless those are the kind of women you want, you probably don't need to be using those guys as examples for how to get women.

So I'd quit worrying about the whole confidence thing and try looking at other parts of your personality. You mentioned being negative, and you might be on to something there. Negative people are very energy draining. I also noticed you used the word creepy. That caught my eye since the single guys I know/knew who constantly complained about not being able to find a girlfriend were a bit on the creepy side. Course I'm just fishing since I don't know a thing about you.

I've been accused of being creepy in the past, but now I'm really polite and also have an athletic build and dont dress weird and I'm okay looking, so I think I have a slight Forrest Gump aire to me, but that's it. Some girl who studies psycology called me out on it.

The creepy thing frustrates me because if girls like tough, intimidating guys, how am I "scary" if they consider me a "pussy" as well? Frustrating as hell.

The problem is that most people are rude as hell today.

 

[SophiaGrace]

O I also noticed you used the word creepy. That caught my eye since the single guys I know/knew who constantly complained about not being able to find a girlfriend were a bit on the creepy side.

What sorts of things make a guy 'creepy'? How can you come across as not creepy?

This is relevant to my interests.

When I use the word creepy it means i'm saying that I sense a threat from the guy but I cant put it into words.

Like there's something "off" something "wrong" like he has hidden intentions that I just cant put my finger on.

This one guy at my other college was called Creepy Paul and what he'd do is stand really really close to you. He always made me feel like he was going to jump my bones in the middle of the College library with everyone around. He'd also talk about how he liked to do things at college his parents would not approve of O__o.

It took me a while to understand why I felt uneasy around him. So thus, i called him creepy until I realized WHY i felt uneasy around him.

Its when a girl/guy unconciously picks up something from another person that is threatening and it causes uneasiness/fear in that person. It could be their body language or something they had said that had really meant something else. It could be a lot of things...

However, if someone were to call you a creep it'd probably just mean you were an *******. creepy is different than creep.

 

[Mr. Sir]

O I also noticed you used the word creepy. That caught my eye since the single guys I know/knew who constantly complained about not being able to find a girlfriend were a bit on the creepy side.

What sorts of things make a guy 'creepy'? How can you come across as not creepy?

This is relevant to my interests.

When I use the word creepy it means i'm saying that I sense a threat from the guy but I cant put it into words.

Like there's something "off" something "wrong" like he has hidden intentions that I just cant put my finger on.

This one guy at my other college was called Creepy Paul and what he'd do is stand really really close to you. He always made me feel like he was going to jump my bones in the middle of the College library with everyone around. He'd also talk about how he liked to do things at college his parents would not approve of O__o.

It took me a while to understand why I felt uneasy around him. So thus, i called him creepy until I realized WHY i felt uneasy around him.

Its when a girl/guy unconciously picks up something from another person that is threatening and it causes uneasiness/fear in that person. It could be their body language or something they had said that had really meant something else. It could be a lot of things...

However, if someone were to call you a creep it'd probably just mean you were an *******. creepy is different than creep.

Well please help me then.

 

[coricopat]

When I use the word creepy it means i'm saying that I sense a threat from the guy but I cant put it into words.

Like there's something "off" something "wrong" like he has hidden intentions that I just cant put my finger on.

SophiaGrace nailed it on the head there. Creepy is threatening, but in a very ambiguous way.

Thinking back to college, creepy guys were the ones who talked about how much they respected women but I still felt like an object in their presence. A sexual object in some cases, in others like I was generic girlfriend material. I never felt like they were seeing me as a person, all they were seeing was GIRL. That can be creepy.

@insanepotato - what you're describing is more weird or odd than creepy (except for the GLARING, STARING bit--that's creepy)

 

[Mr. Sir]

When I use the word creepy it means i'm saying that I sense a threat from the guy but I cant put it into words.

Like there's something "off" something "wrong" like he has hidden intentions that I just cant put my finger on.

SophiaGrace nailed it on the head there. Creepy is threatening, but in a very ambiguous way.

Thinking back to college, creepy guys were the ones who talked about how much they respected women but I still felt like an object in their presence. A sexual object in some cases, in others like I was generic girlfriend material. I never felt like they were seeing me as a person, all they were seeing was GIRL. That can be creepy.

@insanepotato - what you're describing is more weird or odd than creepy (except for the GLARING, STARING bit--that's creepy)

Well I'm seeing you as a person, then aren't you going to friendzone me?

 

[SophiaGrace]

A Non-person example:

I mean if you think about it....a torture chamber in a castle dungeon could be creepy. I mean ok, lets say you went on a tour and you went into the part of the castle that held this torture chamber. All the instruments could be gone, but just knowing it was a torture chamber could send chills up your spine. There's no threat to you, you are in the year 2009. But there's something unsettling about being in that room where people suffered.

Again, no direct threat, but you feel threatened.

It's kind of like a guy saying " i used to be this awful person... " or "i did that in my past but not now baby"

My creepy-meter just went haywire thank you

 

[coricopat]

I wouldn't friend zone you for that. But then again I abhor flirting. It's a game I can't play. I suck at it, and I tend to get irritated with guys that rely too heavily on that. I recently turned down a second date with a guy b/c he all he does is he talk about how beautiful I am. (Maybe I'm not the best person to ask for dating tips)

Also, there's a big difference between recognizing that I'm female and not seeing anything beyond the fact that I'm a girl. Does that make sense?

 

[cheaptrickfan]

I recently turned down a second date with a guy b/c he all he does is he talk about how beautiful I am.

I've done that. I see it as insincere, self-serving flattery. You can't trust a man (or a woman) who does that, IMO because it seems to me that he's just about plugging the slot machine with coins to get a prize.