misunderstood112
Member
- Joined
- May 13, 2010
- Messages
- 5
- Reaction score
- 0
So yeah, I just turned 20 on may 8th, and sadly, ive never had a girlfriend. I don't want a pity party or anything, I just want people to hear me. Because no one else does.
When your alone, and all you want to do is be found, it really messes with your mind.. I mean.. I understand why I would want a girlfriend, I want someone that doesnt have to love me (IE family) to fall in love with me, that would be an accomplishment to me. And when I look at my life so far everything, or most of everything i've done is me trying to get a girlfriend. I mean i'm not entirely blaming this on the fact.. but I was kicked out of the military, why? Looking for a girlfriend.. I decided to go to raves, and take drugs because i thought maybe id find someone there. My best friend met the love of his life at one.. But not me, and yeah I got caught, so they kicked me out.
I literally have tried it all, and I get close.. but thats it. Usually from sites like myspace and myyearbook, because I am to much of a coward to ask a girl in person.. from fear of rejection. When I take a girl out, afterwards i feel like she never wants to see me again, and usually I never do. So it makes me feel like a freak. I dont know whats wrong with me honestly. I've never been called Ugly, but i've never really been called good looking either..
I'm not a virgin, but the experience I had really sucked and i still consider myself one. I hear all the time "Stop trying and they will come to you" well its hard not to try when its all you think about and its all you want is a relationship.. I cant even go out anymore.. because when I see guys with girls they probrably dont deserve, it makes me feel sick inside.. like why cant that be me?
I honestly fear that its gettin to late.. I mean, who wants to date the guy whose never been in a relationship? They will think there is something wrong with you.. and its scaring me to death. I really don't want this.. and I didnt choose this. I wont kill myself because im to afraid, but i really dont want to go on sitting idly by watching everyone else be happy..
Who else feels like this? Share with me so we can discuss this bullshit together, because its killing me inside, and I need help now.
When your alone, and all you want to do is be found, it really messes with your mind.. I mean.. I understand why I would want a girlfriend, I want someone that doesnt have to love me (IE family) to fall in love with me, that would be an accomplishment to me. And when I look at my life so far everything, or most of everything i've done is me trying to get a girlfriend. I mean i'm not entirely blaming this on the fact.. but I was kicked out of the military, why? Looking for a girlfriend.. I decided to go to raves, and take drugs because i thought maybe id find someone there. My best friend met the love of his life at one.. But not me, and yeah I got caught, so they kicked me out.
I literally have tried it all, and I get close.. but thats it. Usually from sites like myspace and myyearbook, because I am to much of a coward to ask a girl in person.. from fear of rejection. When I take a girl out, afterwards i feel like she never wants to see me again, and usually I never do. So it makes me feel like a freak. I dont know whats wrong with me honestly. I've never been called Ugly, but i've never really been called good looking either..
I'm not a virgin, but the experience I had really sucked and i still consider myself one. I hear all the time "Stop trying and they will come to you" well its hard not to try when its all you think about and its all you want is a relationship.. I cant even go out anymore.. because when I see guys with girls they probrably dont deserve, it makes me feel sick inside.. like why cant that be me?
I honestly fear that its gettin to late.. I mean, who wants to date the guy whose never been in a relationship? They will think there is something wrong with you.. and its scaring me to death. I really don't want this.. and I didnt choose this. I wont kill myself because im to afraid, but i really dont want to go on sitting idly by watching everyone else be happy..
Who else feels like this? Share with me so we can discuss this bullshit together, because its killing me inside, and I need help now.