It has been FOREVER since I've last posted, or been on this site. I wonder if anyone here remembers me? Hahaha.
A lot has changed. I believe the last time I posted, I was having troubles with my last boyfriend. My EX boyfriend. We broke up about two years ago. We remained "friends", but this October I had to cut ties completely due to the fact we weren't fully letting go and he was under the impression we'd get back together. I've been seeing other people since March 2014. I didn't want to get back together with him since nothing ever changed no matter what we did. He got upset so we both mutually agreed to go our separate ways completely.
I must say; it was one if the best decisions I've made and I don't feel anything for him now, although I do wish him the best.
Getting back into the dating scene is definitely a weird experience. I hadn't been on a "date" for literally 7 years... Back when I was still a teen. Things are so much different now. I did the silly thing of joining a dating site, hoping it would make it a bit easier to meet new people and find someone whose looking for the same thing I was.
I'm a hopeless romantic at heart, when I think what I want in a relationship, it's gotta be with someone who is willing to commit and try their darnedest to make things work. Working as a team and making compromises and helping each other grow and learn. That's what life is all about too, right? And when I'm with someone, it's because I genuinely want to make it work with them so we can have some kind of a future together.
Anyway, trying to find someone via a dating website is risky business. I've probably met close to 12 different people off this website over the past 10 months. Most have been terrible. Not used to being single, I had a few flings, a couple one nighters and quite a few terrible dates that went no where. I can honestly say I've only met one person off this dating website who actually seemed genuine about his intentions.
He was the first guy I met, actually. And although I've tried dating many other guys, I couldn't seem to shake him. We met all of three times, and I've been racking my brain all this time thinking about him....
See, the reason why I'm on this website to begin with is because I have severe social anxiety, depression, POSSIBLE BPD. Picture this: a socially awkward, new to the dating scene girl with barely any social skills and a brain full of self doubt and insecurity meeting practical strangers off the internet. Something horrible is bound to happen. I freeze up, mumble, say stupid things, can't answer questions without an "I don't know" being in the answer somewhere... It's terrible. I've made a complete fool of myself countless times in front of so many poor, unfortunate males.
So, this guy... This GUY... Was the first guy I met. We talked via phone and texting for a few days before we met. He was incredibly friendly, kind, genuine.. A good heart. Attractive, hardworking. I didn't want to let him down when he asked me out on our "date" which was just dinner and a movie at his place. Since he had been so nice and seemed like a genuine, honest individual... I didn't want to miss out on the possibility of actually meeting someone amazing on the first go. I jumped on it. Hoping any un-calm nerves I had would die down after meeting him in person and relaxing while watching a movie. I was wrong. Oh, so wrong. I was nervous as hell. Feeling like I had no clue what I was getting myself into and fighting back panic attacks, I barely spoke and made a complete ass of myself when answering his questions. He was still very nice about everything and when he walked me to the bus stop he gave me a big hug and told me to text him later. I did the next day and he didn't seem like he wanted to talk to me much after that... A few days past and I figured I'd try to just forget about it all. I was going out to celebrate my friends birthday at the bar, thinking it would take my mind off the fact I made a huge ass of myself on my first date with a really potential guy, but I couldn't. After getting out of the bar, I decided to try calling him and he answered. I was elated... He seemed like he was happy I called and I kind of... Invited myself over to his place, but he seemed excited to see me again. We watched a couple movies, cuddled, kissed and fooled around a little bit. I didn't want to "go all the way" with him because I didn't want it to turn into a fling. I really liked his personally and the way he held me, kissed my forehead and ran his fingers through my hair made me feel so good about him and myself, for once. I spent the night there and woke up before he did... Just basking in the thought of how happy I was to meet someone so nice who didn't pressure me into anything and seemed happy just to have someone to sleep beside and hold. I dozed off again and we woke up to his alarm. He had to go to work so we left and he walked me again to the bus stop and we parted ways. I told him before that I'd be gone awhile because I was going out of town for a few weeks on vacation. I was hoping for the possibility of seeming him once more but didn't get the chance. Apparently he didn't receive any of my texts because his phone was acting weird. I figured he was being honest about this and I'd try to contact him when I got back...
It took awhile to get ahold of him after I got back.. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't constantly calling or texting him. Just here and there, trying to see if his phone was working. I didn't want to assume that he just said it wasn't working so I'd leave him alone.. I figured he was being honest. And I didn't want to come off as desperate or annoying. The thing that kept me coming back or, kept me interested was, although he was hard to get ahold of, when I did get ahold of him... He was always friendly, nice and talkative. He didn't give any impression of dread or like he didn't want to talk to me. That's why I kept trying. We saw each other again in the summer and once again, fooled around, touched each other, made out.. It was nice. Hahaha! Then again he was hard to get ahold of. He left me a voicemail saying he dropped his phone in the toilet, so he couldn't answer because it was all messed up. Guy seemed to have a lot of problems with his phone, hey? I talked to him in July the last time... He was working out of town and would be gone for two months... I don't really remember trying to talk to him too much after that. I sent him a couple texts in September and he didn't reply. I figured, how long could it take for someone to get a working phone? And maybe he was just trying to avoid me with hopes I'd give up.... So I did after that. I still thought about him.... I wondered how he was and how things were going for him.. Wishing I could muster up the courage to try calling one more time or something. Now that the holidays came and went, I thought a lot of him during that time...
My friend actually saw him a couple days after Christmas, waiting for the train. She knew what he looks like and what he wears to work so it was undoubtedly him. I figured that was a sign I should try calling him... Or something. I didn't, of course... But I was going to.. Tonight... That is, until I got a text from my friend, saying he saw him again...but he was with a girl. She wasn't 100% it was him! but judging from the location where she saw him, it's safe to say it was.
Shitty... honeysuckle. So, here I am all bummed out... Just felt the urge to share my silly story with whoever wants to read it. And if you did, thank you... I don't know what to expect as far as replies to this. I guess I just wanted to vent a bit. It's a lonely night out here for me. Moral of the story is: don't let fear hold you back from telling someone you have feelings for them. No matter how silly it feels or if you're worried about saying the wrong thing... Just do it. Life's too short to waste on worrying about what to say or how to act. Just follow your heart. If you like someone, let them know.. Before it's too late. At the very least, you'll know whether or not they feel the same way, and you can move on from there... Or you can spend your life wondering about the "what ifs". I know I will.....
A lot has changed. I believe the last time I posted, I was having troubles with my last boyfriend. My EX boyfriend. We broke up about two years ago. We remained "friends", but this October I had to cut ties completely due to the fact we weren't fully letting go and he was under the impression we'd get back together. I've been seeing other people since March 2014. I didn't want to get back together with him since nothing ever changed no matter what we did. He got upset so we both mutually agreed to go our separate ways completely.
I must say; it was one if the best decisions I've made and I don't feel anything for him now, although I do wish him the best. Getting back into the dating scene is definitely a weird experience. I hadn't been on a "date" for literally 7 years... Back when I was still a teen. Things are so much different now. I did the silly thing of joining a dating site, hoping it would make it a bit easier to meet new people and find someone whose looking for the same thing I was.
I'm a hopeless romantic at heart, when I think what I want in a relationship, it's gotta be with someone who is willing to commit and try their darnedest to make things work. Working as a team and making compromises and helping each other grow and learn. That's what life is all about too, right? And when I'm with someone, it's because I genuinely want to make it work with them so we can have some kind of a future together.
Anyway, trying to find someone via a dating website is risky business. I've probably met close to 12 different people off this website over the past 10 months. Most have been terrible. Not used to being single, I had a few flings, a couple one nighters and quite a few terrible dates that went no where. I can honestly say I've only met one person off this dating website who actually seemed genuine about his intentions.
He was the first guy I met, actually. And although I've tried dating many other guys, I couldn't seem to shake him. We met all of three times, and I've been racking my brain all this time thinking about him....
See, the reason why I'm on this website to begin with is because I have severe social anxiety, depression, POSSIBLE BPD. Picture this: a socially awkward, new to the dating scene girl with barely any social skills and a brain full of self doubt and insecurity meeting practical strangers off the internet. Something horrible is bound to happen. I freeze up, mumble, say stupid things, can't answer questions without an "I don't know" being in the answer somewhere... It's terrible. I've made a complete fool of myself countless times in front of so many poor, unfortunate males.
So, this guy... This GUY... Was the first guy I met. We talked via phone and texting for a few days before we met. He was incredibly friendly, kind, genuine.. A good heart. Attractive, hardworking. I didn't want to let him down when he asked me out on our "date" which was just dinner and a movie at his place. Since he had been so nice and seemed like a genuine, honest individual... I didn't want to miss out on the possibility of actually meeting someone amazing on the first go. I jumped on it. Hoping any un-calm nerves I had would die down after meeting him in person and relaxing while watching a movie. I was wrong. Oh, so wrong. I was nervous as hell. Feeling like I had no clue what I was getting myself into and fighting back panic attacks, I barely spoke and made a complete ass of myself when answering his questions. He was still very nice about everything and when he walked me to the bus stop he gave me a big hug and told me to text him later. I did the next day and he didn't seem like he wanted to talk to me much after that... A few days past and I figured I'd try to just forget about it all. I was going out to celebrate my friends birthday at the bar, thinking it would take my mind off the fact I made a huge ass of myself on my first date with a really potential guy, but I couldn't. After getting out of the bar, I decided to try calling him and he answered. I was elated... He seemed like he was happy I called and I kind of... Invited myself over to his place, but he seemed excited to see me again. We watched a couple movies, cuddled, kissed and fooled around a little bit. I didn't want to "go all the way" with him because I didn't want it to turn into a fling. I really liked his personally and the way he held me, kissed my forehead and ran his fingers through my hair made me feel so good about him and myself, for once. I spent the night there and woke up before he did... Just basking in the thought of how happy I was to meet someone so nice who didn't pressure me into anything and seemed happy just to have someone to sleep beside and hold. I dozed off again and we woke up to his alarm. He had to go to work so we left and he walked me again to the bus stop and we parted ways. I told him before that I'd be gone awhile because I was going out of town for a few weeks on vacation. I was hoping for the possibility of seeming him once more but didn't get the chance. Apparently he didn't receive any of my texts because his phone was acting weird. I figured he was being honest about this and I'd try to contact him when I got back...
It took awhile to get ahold of him after I got back.. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't constantly calling or texting him. Just here and there, trying to see if his phone was working. I didn't want to assume that he just said it wasn't working so I'd leave him alone.. I figured he was being honest. And I didn't want to come off as desperate or annoying. The thing that kept me coming back or, kept me interested was, although he was hard to get ahold of, when I did get ahold of him... He was always friendly, nice and talkative. He didn't give any impression of dread or like he didn't want to talk to me. That's why I kept trying. We saw each other again in the summer and once again, fooled around, touched each other, made out.. It was nice. Hahaha! Then again he was hard to get ahold of. He left me a voicemail saying he dropped his phone in the toilet, so he couldn't answer because it was all messed up. Guy seemed to have a lot of problems with his phone, hey? I talked to him in July the last time... He was working out of town and would be gone for two months... I don't really remember trying to talk to him too much after that. I sent him a couple texts in September and he didn't reply. I figured, how long could it take for someone to get a working phone? And maybe he was just trying to avoid me with hopes I'd give up.... So I did after that. I still thought about him.... I wondered how he was and how things were going for him.. Wishing I could muster up the courage to try calling one more time or something. Now that the holidays came and went, I thought a lot of him during that time...
My friend actually saw him a couple days after Christmas, waiting for the train. She knew what he looks like and what he wears to work so it was undoubtedly him. I figured that was a sign I should try calling him... Or something. I didn't, of course... But I was going to.. Tonight... That is, until I got a text from my friend, saying he saw him again...but he was with a girl. She wasn't 100% it was him! but judging from the location where she saw him, it's safe to say it was.
Shitty... honeysuckle. So, here I am all bummed out... Just felt the urge to share my silly story with whoever wants to read it. And if you did, thank you... I don't know what to expect as far as replies to this. I guess I just wanted to vent a bit. It's a lonely night out here for me. Moral of the story is: don't let fear hold you back from telling someone you have feelings for them. No matter how silly it feels or if you're worried about saying the wrong thing... Just do it. Life's too short to waste on worrying about what to say or how to act. Just follow your heart. If you like someone, let them know.. Before it's too late. At the very least, you'll know whether or not they feel the same way, and you can move on from there... Or you can spend your life wondering about the "what ifs". I know I will.....
