I think I'm broken.. in a twisted way.

[Destructotron]

Basically it's another one of those typical unrequited love situations. Well, since I'm only 19 I suppose using the term ''love'' is a bit ridiculous, so I guess infatuation is a more accurate description of what I felt for that one girl.

You all know what I'm talking about- being heavily attracted to a girl, constantly thinking about her, wanting to be with her etc etc etc. I went through that phase, took me a while to swallow the fact that I didn't get her but hell, I got over it. It actually terrified me how easy it was. This whole experience has permanently cheapened the whole concept of love, a relationship and just the overall idea of being together with someone.

There is another girl in my class who is attracted to me. Before I knew about it, I treated her like any other girl but once I learned of it, I just started ignoring her. Only now did I realize that I was taking out my suppressed negative feelings about my own rejection on her. I took it out on her by making her feel the same way I felt, when I was in that situation. And ****, was it satisfying.

I got immense pleasure from rejecting her. She's a really nice girl - friendly and funny, but I just don't find her that attractive. On a hotness scale 1/10, she'd be a 6. As such, she became a platform from which I could absorb mental satisfaction.

She has now since stopped talking to me. Though we get along, she no longer seeks my attention or sends looks my way or even invites me to parties. And I feel great about it. I feel like I accomplished a goal I set for myself... and that sounds very sick and twisted when I actually think about it.

I didn't used to be this way, only after the realization that the object of my affection doesn't feel the same for me, did I become like this.

So, is this just another phase I'm going through, or should I check in a cell at the local asylum?

 

[alonewanderer]

No, you're fine, I've done the same things for revenge over getting hurt.

Here's the interesting part, that "6" after feeling the bitter sting of rejection and boiling resentment towards your actions might build herself up in a few years to be a 9-9.5. Ah life is bittersweet, you may or may not end up alone around that time and you'll reflect on your first rejection victim, and wonder, "what....if."

Oh and the original object of your infatuation might feel the same sting in the future, be unable to cope and sink into a cheesecake binge filled depression. Subsequently gaining weight and losing all confidence...."what if" is a powerful thought indeed.

Of course you only need to worry about yourself, you're not twisted or sick, I do the same things daily because I have no choice. Smoking takes off 10 years of your life, drinking takes 30, get your heart broken and you die daily. It's just a defense against pain, feeling bitter and angry is always better in my opinion than heart break.

 

[I'm Fine]

It's another phase. When hurt it's common to want to lash out and make others feel the pain that you are experiencing and there can be a certain dark satisfaction that comes with that. Once you realise that's what you're doing, it's easier to stop it - assuming you want to, of course. THAT is where you choose what kind of person you are/going to be.

I hope you choose well. Good luck.

 

[SophiaGrace]

An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind...

 

[Intranetusa]

No, you're fine, I've done the same things for revenge over getting hurt.

Just because you've done it too doesn't mean it's fine.

To the OP:
No, you're not fine...and it is not justifiable.

I'm not going to sugar coat this, but you're exhibiting narcissism or even temporary anti-social (not unsocial) traits. It would be slightly more understandable if you were to do this to the person who hurt you, but to do the same to a person who is unrelated to the situation in order to feel good is NOT ok. Deriving pleasure from hurting others to make them feel as miserable as you do is NOT acceptable.

If this is just another phase, then be sure you end this phase quickly.

You need to manage your anger in a more productive manner. Also, you might want to look at yourself and question whether you can handle relationships in a mature manner. The fact that you dealt with your own rejection by getting pleasure through hurting others shows you have some way to go before you are capable of maintaining a mature and stable girlfriend/boyfriend relationship.

 

[alonewanderer]

You know I was a lot more optimistic with the first 40 partners, time goes on and things turned slightly jaded for me. If by pleasure OP meant satisfaction in feeling justified then I understand, he'll feel worse later but both parties will learn to be more cautious and be experienced in the subject of mutual attraction.

If I don't think they're perfect for me then why should I humor them with a half-assed attempt at feigning infatuation. If they want to get "sprung" on me because I would technically be their rebound it's their fault if they get hurt. I take the time to carefully explain exactly why they shouldn't have "feelings" or miss me after just a few days. I even go further in depth and explain what and how oxytocin and pheromones work in chemical attraction. Even explaining anything they thought about me was just lingering emotions from a previous long, drawn out and ill-fated relationship.

If I didn't care about hurting them then I would draw things out purposely instead of telling them to take it slow and to think carefully, that I'm not what they want.

So excuse me if I blow off some girl who doesn't know a thing about love and I reminded them of someone else. Definitely not what I'm seeking in a partner.


Of course if op gets sick satisfaction out of this he may be exhibiting increasing sociopathic misogynistic tendencies. Your lucky numbers are 12-24-31-54-09 BONUS number 39

 

[Poueff]

You aren't broken. Being in the receiving end of that process hurts,but to be honest,it doesn't matter (I've been through both situations),since you feel like even though the other girl doesn't want you,you have one who does,and you can treat her the way you want to,she'll still be into you.

Not sick,just the primal sense of wanting reckognition. We are what others made us to be. (Literally,99% of our essence comes not from our DNA and all,but from the way we're raised and the experiences we had).

 

[paulo]

if we are what others made us to be how do you think this poor girl is gonne end up.
its not that hard to tell someone the truth whitout being mean.

no mather how shitty ive been treated i still have a choise in how i want to treat others.

but at least you know what you did and obviously dont feel to happy about it.
think about what your doing to someone before you treat em like that.
wouldnt you have felt a lot better if the first girl just told you what was going on ?

treating people like honeysuckle is easy, but no one likes an ass.
its gonne be a lot harder making friends if you treat people like that.
think a little harder about what you did to her and you might not feel so great about it anymore, i hope anyway.

ooh and... girls talk
you prob just blew your chances with any of her girlfriends.

 

[Destructotron]

I'm just gave her the cold shoulder, but is it really such a sin that I took enjoyment from the process?

Another one of my problems is that I have become extremely arrogant. I just can't help to think that I deserve better than some commoner girl. I'm sorry, I know this sounds incredibly off but I just can't help myself.

Sure, I could give this other girl a chance, but why? I'm not attracted to her in any way and her company just bores me. Though I rarely spoke to the girl I actually liked, at least I had an attraction towards her and as such, I was willing to put more effort into getting to know her.

Also, I guess I'm very shallow because looks matter a lot to me. Lets face it, the only reason I was interested in her was because she is hot. If there's no sexual attraction then I simply can't see any reason for any sane person to get into a relationship with someone.. unless of course they seek a purely platonical relationship, but you get the point.

 

[SophiaGrace]

It is bad that you took enjoyment from the process, there's a word for this; Schadenfreude, but I like to call it, Sadism.

"commoner girl" are you a prince?

Okay, well, you could've been nicer in how you rejected her if you simply aren't interested.

 

[paulo]

i totally get it, you were hurt.
the way you dealt with it i have a problem with.
i do understand it but i hope you can find a different way to deal with it.

you were hurting someone else maybe even a lot more than you think just to make yourself feel better.
that cant be right.

for the shallow and arrogant part, if it works for you go for it.
id just keep it to myself though
but we all want the hottest sweetest most awesome girl there is.
if you deserve it or not i dono, but if you take it to far you might end up one verry lonely dude.

being with someone you dont wanne be with is pointless indeed.
giving someone a chance might surprise you though.

just stuff you need to figuere out along the way.
but intensionally hurting someone is never ok.
so stop it

being a little nicer to people isnt that hard.

 

[alonewanderer]

Eh, we really don't even know if the girl was hurt actually, what if it's just in the op's head? It's not like he led her on, set up dates that he never showed up to, showed up without money or teased her with name calling.

Hell, some shy people do the same thing out of fear.

Besides, op hasn't really spoken up again for a few days :/

 

[Lonesome Crow]

I guess it's normal. I had crushes on girls at an eariler age in grade school or middle school...but nothing materialize cuz i never spoke to them, I just had stronge feelings for them. when other girls had crushes on me..but i didnt know.

I mean how in the fresia can u hurt someone if you dont even know them or have relationships with them?

Your just internalizing all this honeysuckle in your head. Your thoughts drives your emotions...but in actual reality nothing happened.
You dont even know either one of the chicks.

I mean since you didnt get response from the chick that you like, youre moving on in your own ways....well the chick that had a crush on you didnt get reponse from you, so she moved on.

well...i'm number #1 in my woman's life and she's #1 in my life.
She aint setlling for less just to be with me and i aint setlling just to be with her...fresia that honeysuckle.
My woman is the bomb. Shes the best of the best. I have the best, i dont need the rest...

 

[Destructotron]

Eh, we really don't even know if the girl was hurt actually, what if it's just in the op's head? It's not like he led her on, set up dates that he never showed up to, showed up without money or teased her with name calling.

Hell, some shy people do the same thing out of fear.

Besides, op hasn't really spoken up again for a few days :/

Please, I am not completely heartless. I just don't give girls I don't find attractive any hints or the like. Them being disappointed, sad or whatever is unavoidable. I simply enjoy the feelings they exhibit during that stage, I derive certain satisfaction from it. The moment they see that I'll never return their feelings and move on - after that moment has passed, I feel like I accomplished something. I can't explain it really.

I understand my standards might be a bit too high and that could mean that I'll spend a lonely life until I lower my expectations a bit, but I have to say that... I suppose I don't really care. Relationships seem so.. I don't know, temporary to me. I feel nothing apart from a feint attraction towards my crush now. If I could get over someone who I craved for years so permanently, then forgetting some random girl nr. 32153 would be a cinch.

A couple of my classmates suggested I give the other girl a chance and when I turned them down of the offer, they said I was too shallow and I should grow up... which is true to some extent, but it bothers me because they could have been more discrete with their words.

Personally I think everyone is shallow. Whether they admit it or not, a sexual relationship cannot exist without sexual attraction and anyone who says that only personality matters, well.. that person in my eyes is a blatant liar.

 

[alonewanderer]

I simply enjoy the feelings they exhibit during that stage, I derive certain satisfaction from it. The moment they see that I'll never return their feelings and move on - after that moment has passed, I feel like I accomplished something. I can't explain it really.

See that's the worrisome part, maybe if you said " the sense of relief I feel after they leave me alone feels good" or something in that sense. Hey it's okay to be a sadist though, I enjoy BDSM so I can't really say anything ....mmhhh whips n chains. If they like pain and humilation I will deliver it, just a sexual lifestyle choice of mine.

Maybe you might be into the alternative lifestyle too, who knows.

 

[paulo]

yeh that part worried me a bit to.
when you get to the tortuering small animals and stuff you need to start worrying. (im hoping you take this as a joke )
the not completely hartless part made it a little better though

nothing wrong with BDSM just make shure the other person is into it aswell.
using poor innocent unsuspecting girls that have a crush on you for that might not turn out so well

 

[LucieMay]

A lot of blokes I've experienced in the past would've flirted with her for attention, slept with her THEN ignored her. So no while you're not a saint, you're not a bad person.

In the long run you probably did her a favour. When you're infatuated with someone, you can take any attention as a sign the object of your affections is into you. If you'd been nice to her, you probably would have prolonged her infatuation. Even giving someone a nice blow off can make it harder for them to get over you. It's pretty easy to get over someone when they ignore you because you see that they're not a fantastic person.

I wish the object of my affections would just ignore me. It isn't a crush, we've been involved on and off for the past two years but despite him not loving me and me being desperately in love with him, it's always me who is telling him to leave me alone and him refusing to do so. Go ******* figure.