I think I'm transgender...

[vixie]

My heart is pounding so hard even just writing this. Really scared, but I'll try...

I've struggled with gender dysphoria for as long as I can remember. Biologically, I am male... but that never felt right to me.

Up until recently I tried to ignore the issue or explain it away... "I just don't fit into gender roles" and that sort of thing.. always too scared to consider any of this seriously, because doing so prompts me to do something about it, and doing something about it opens me up to ridicule and losing what few friends I have..

But the fact of the matter is that not addressing it won't make it go away and I'm not happy how I am. So I'm starting to work on that..

But I'm terrified about what this will mean for my loneliness. My boyfriend, being the wonderful person he is, is VERY accepting and supportive about it. But I fear that I won't ever find another like him if things in general don't work out between us. And I'm afraid of being even worse off far as making friends in general go.. being seen as a 'freak'..

I'm pretty much 100% expecting what few people in my life I have as acquaintances will disappear if they learn what I'm going through. Not sure how I'm going to cope with this huge extra hurdle..

 

[Tealeaf]

Just saying it to yourself is a big step. Really.

I won't lie and say there isn't resentment towards people of different walks of life in the world... but there are also many large and active LGBT communities with many friends, family members, and acquaintences who still care for them. What you're going through is something that many have gone through and come out the other side of intact, no matter how difficult it is to begin and to resolve.

I would also recommend you to LGBT-oriented forums, such as Empty Closets. This is less to "send you away" from A Lonely Life, and more to send you to a larger crowd of people who've grappled with identity, who've lost people, who've found people, and who can give you first-hand experiences and practical advice on dealing with any repercussions of coming out or any other changes you may want to make to your life. I think we maybe have one transgender member active here... and that's only if I remember correctly.

 

[Tiina63]

As tealeaf has said, saying it to yourself is a big step and telling us on here is another huge step. Empty Closets would definitely be a useful site as well. I have been there myself a couple of years ago and found it a really good site.
It's great that your boyfriend is being supportive-maybe he could go with you to local LGBT events when you feel ready for this. It would be easier than going alone at first.
Even if some people in your life do reject you hopefully they will be replaced by people who will support and accept you, both new online friends and new people in everyday life.

 

[VanillaCreme]

And I'm afraid of being even worse off far as making friends in general go.. being seen as a 'freak'..

I'm pretty much 100% expecting what few people in my life I have as acquaintances will disappear if they learn what I'm going through. Not sure how I'm going to cope with this huge extra hurdle..

You're not a freak because you feel the way you do. Believe me, there are crazier things in this world. Everyone has the right to be comfortable in their own skin, and that includes you. Don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise. You have that right to be comfortable. If you come across people who don't support you, it's because they're uncomfortable with the idea and process. But that's not your problem. It's theirs. There's plenty of people who would support you, so concentrate on that support.

 

[vixie]

Thank you all so much for the kindness and support, and pointing me to that forum.. Since I posted this thread, I've gradually been feeling less scared and more content in my situation. Of course it will be sad and sting for any acquaintances I have now to become sour to me, but surely their presence in my life is not important if it hinders my overall happiness.

 

[Tealeaf]

Thank you all so much for the kindness and support, and pointing me to that forum.. Since I posted this thread, I've gradually been feeling less scared and more content in my situation. Of course it will be sad and sting for any acquaintances I have now to become sour to me, but surely their presence in my life is not important if it hinders my overall happiness.

That tends to happen when you go through big changes. For everyone. I'm glad you're feeling better.

 

[ladyforsaken]

I'm sorry I don't have anything better to say than the others who have posted before in this thread. But I just wanted to say that I read your post and I hope that you'll be able to find the peace in your life that you need. I also hope that more and more people will be more accepting of others who come from different walks of life in any way whatsoever. I will continue to root for you on the sidelines. Good luck, fox.

 

[Nicolelt]

You are so strong fox! Unfortunately, people suck, and not everyone can be tolerate. You have a tough road, but people here will support you. And I hope your boyfriend helps you through it, it's nice to have him being supportive.

 

[vixie]

i can't survive this.. i can't survive any of it. i'll be miserable continuing living as i do now, but i don't have the strength to change it. my boyfriend accepts me for being trans, but he can't deal with me for other reasons. i'm nothing but a bundle of issues that brings everyone around me misery, and this will add to that. i can't do this to people any more.

 

[Despicable Me]

i can't survive this.. i can't survive any of it. i'll be miserable continuing living as i do now, but i don't have the strength to change it. my boyfriend accepts me for being trans, but he can't deal with me for other reasons. i'm nothing but a bundle of issues that brings everyone around me misery, and this will add to that. i can't do this to people any more.

It's alright, just relax and calm down. It'll be okay.
Try to explain what is going on.

What is it exactly you're wanting and needing to do to 'change it'? Do you mean surgery?
What problems are you having with your boyfriend? Previously you made it sound like he was very accepting and supportive.
Why is it you think you're bringing everyone around you misery? Who is it you think you're making miserable?

I don't see you bringing misery to anyone here. There are many people here being very supportive. So just give us more details so we can help.

 

[Danielle]

Fox,
You are so strong and so brave. (HUGS) Take some time to relax and not get too worked up about what you feel others might think. In the end, They don't matter if they can't accept you for you.

I know your BF, and I know he will understand, and support you 100%. Lean on that, know that is there for you...and of course you have US! We are your friends, and support system!

Also, talk to yur therapist about it. It will feel so good to get out in the open to a professional that can point you in the right direction for support groups and people that are and have been in your shoes.

You are awesome Fox, know that you are appreciated and thought of in the most positive of ways!

 

[Jafo]

I think since this whole Bruce Jenner thing got out transgenderism is the new fad.

 

[benj]

Hey if you have the op I'll be friends with you just to try and jump yr bones post op, most trans women are hot

My heart is pounding so hard even just writing this. Really scared, but I'll try...

I've struggled with gender dysphoria for as long as I can remember. Biologically, I am male... but that never felt right to me.

Up until recently I tried to ignore the issue or explain it away... "I just don't fit into gender roles" and that sort of thing.. always too scared to consider any of this seriously, because doing so prompts me to do something about it, and doing something about it opens me up to ridicule and losing what few friends I have..

But the fact of the matter is that not addressing it won't make it go away and I'm not happy how I am. So I'm starting to work on that..

But I'm terrified about what this will mean for my loneliness. My boyfriend, being the wonderful person he is, is VERY accepting and supportive about it. But I fear that I won't ever find another like him if things in general don't work out between us. And I'm afraid of being even worse off far as making friends in general go.. being seen as a 'freak'..

I'm pretty much 100% expecting what few people in my life I have as acquaintances will disappear if they learn what I'm going through. Not sure how I'm going to cope with this huge extra hurdle..

 

[TheWalkingDead]

I just read this thread and noticed Fox hasn't posted back for several days, I hope all is well.

I'll post this video anyway, it shows that with a fresia you attitude and community trans people can be strong, and really they are just normal people with some different differences, I'd love to have any one of these as a friend they all seem pretty cool It's light hearted but with a serious message - some people are trans, get over it! Hope this is of interest for anyone interested in such issues and I hope Fox is OK

[video=youtube]

 

[Locke]

I think since this whole Bruce Jenner thing got out transgenderism is the new fad.

I don't know who Bruce Jenner is (I don't keep up with celebrity news), but I hope you're not implying that what Fox is going through is a fad. =/ The term transgender has been around for nearly 40 years (if I remember right), and people who "feel" transgender have been around a lot longer than that. I doubt Fox came here to be told that what he's going through isn't real because some random celebrity is in the news.

I wish I had something to say to make you feel better Fox. I agree with what VaniilaCreme said: You have every right to feel comfortable in your own skin. You won't always feel safe or even happy, because many people won't understand. Some people will understand what you're going through though, and will show support. I hope you find those people, and I hope you're well.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Bruce Jenner was an athlete back in the day. Perhaps he's a celebrity now, considering who his kids are. But decades ago, he was setting records.

 

[Locke]

^ Oh, cool. I'm not much of a sports fan either, lol. Had it been Mark Hamill or one of the guys who played a Hobbit, I might've known. =P

 

[vixie]

The name Bruce Jenner sounds vaguely familiar but I couldn't have told you who they are or what they do or that I knew anything about their gender identity, and to be honest I find it upsetting for someone to assume that I'm just following a fad on something that I've struggled so much with for so long....

Anyway, thank you very much everyone for the support, I really appreciate it a lot. I'm sorry for the meltdown that came out a bit in this thread.. it's happening a lot to me lately related to medication adjustments for mental health and life stress in general.. honestly I didn't post since then because I was too embarrassed

 

[DesertWolf]

I think since this whole Bruce Jenner thing got out transgenderism is the new fad.

Before writing something as presumptious as that, something that invalidates a core part of someone's identity, could you please take a little bit of time to do some basic research?

Statements like that may seem innocuous to you but it can push some really vulnerable people over the edge - People who are already facing enough bigotry and discrimination every day.

You might as well say that being cis and straight is a fad since most celebrities seem to be "into it".

Maybe what you're actually observing is more people getting the courage these days to open up about how they feel, and so to you it appears to be a new "fad". The same accusation has been commonly made against other members of the LGBT community.

 

[vixie]

Before writing something as presumptious as that, something that invalidates a core part of someone's identity, could you please take a little bit of time to do some basic research?

Statements like that may seem innocuous to you but it can push some really vulnerable people over the edge - People who are already facing enough bigotry and discrimination every day.

You might as well say that being cis and straight is a fad since most celebrities seem to be "into it".

Maybe what you're actually observing is more people getting the courage these days to open up about how they feel, and so to you it appears to be a new "fad". The same accusation has been commonly made against other members of the LGBT community.

Thank you, sweet wolfus ❤ Beautifully put
I couldn't have said it better myself as to why those kinds of statements can truly be harmful to people in the situation that I am