I think now's a good time to start again..

[Autumntranspire]

I mean that in a few different ways.. Honestly I stopped getting on because of..and I hate to admit this, anti-depressants. Wtf. Obvious enough I've stopped taking them..

How can I feel like myself.. Without feeling some sort feeling.. Especially cursed depression. [fresia] The people who once made me feel whole, make me feel like nothing. I don't have anyone, or anything at this point. I can barely concentrate long enough to write a paragraph without first emotionally breaking down. Pushed my friend(s) out of my life.. Not that I even care.. Who wants a friend who shits on you 24/7 in their life anyway. Not me.. But I never thought that would be the hardest part.. It's not so much I want this specific person's companionship.. I don't want his.. I just want a real friend.. Or at least somebody I can say sticks by my side. It is.. impossible.
I've considered..I care too much, I'm over-sensitive.. It's...normal to me.
To me..Every person should feel this strongly, and passionately about these things. But then I have somebody tell me everything is my fault for them treating me like honeysuckle, and the reason I pushed them out of my life is because they refuse to take the blame for their own doing. They can't see the monster they really are.. and I fear.. this is the way it is. And I will always be forced to be alone.
This is how it feels to not believe.

 

[Badjedidude]

*HUGS*

Welcome back to the site. I hope you find what you need here.

You sound like a very caring, interesting person. I hope to run into you around the site!

 

[ssbanks2000]

Holy honeysuckle! Someone that understands.

If there is no one else in the world/universe that understands what you are talking about and has a clue as to how you feel it is I.

It's rough and it hurts like hell to bear yourself to your "friends" and family only to have them spit on the passion and feelings that you have towards them. To constantly open yourself to ridicule and insult and abuse in hopes of finding...something real. If someone isn't stepping on you then they step right over you as they fail to notice your very existence.

I understand.

You work up the courage to tell someone special... "THE" someone special, how you feel towards them and they either laugh in your face, spit in your face (via words or actions), or worse... they act as though they care too only to use you up like a tube of toothpaste- squeezing you and wringing you out until they have taken all that they could get from you.

When your 'friends" are your "friends" as long as it's convenient for them and as long as they are benefiting.

Oh, and just because you can identify, feel, and express your emotions a little clearer than most, you're being over-sensitive or too emotional. Sure, I suppose you could be cold, prideful, and too dense to observe and deal with your emotions as most others are, but then you wouldn't be yourself then would you.


--Didn't mean to go on like that. Sorry. Just wanted to say "welcome back" and "I think I understand".

Yeah, I understand.

 

[Autumntranspire]

Thank you. Reading that.. I know you do, lol. So it's alright.
Aslo, I appreciate you expressing yourself like that.. It really is painful when somebody treats you like that.
And thank you badjedidude. Haha I love your name.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

I downloaded your art work. I think it's awesume.

I totally understand you.

I stopped blaming myself for loving and caring for poeple.

yeah pople used to tell me it was my fualt and that I putted myself in the possition to get hurt.
Well...they're fucken retarded.

I didn't get up everyday wanting my life to be destroyed and go through a living hell.
It wasn't my fualt she relasped into her drugs addictions, gambling addictions and other addictions.

 

[Steel]

Welcome back.

 

[Autumntranspire]

Thanks Steel.:}

Haha, it's not mine. I just like what it represented it. Being too attached.
It's so frustrating when somebody doesn't understand why you don't want anything to do with them.. So they have nothing to do besides blame you for something they've been doing on their own.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

hahaha...it's all good i still like it.

Screw guilt...
They understand more than you think..
It's all part of the manipulations and blaming shifting.
You don't have to suffer the consequence of their chioces and actions anymore.
They can sit in thier own bullshit and clean up thier own fucken mess.

 

[Autumntranspire]

That's what I said. I'm done being in that position.

 

[EveWasFramed]

Welcome back, Autumn.

How's your mom?

 

[Autumntranspire]

Thanks Eve. :}
Hahaha, she's good! I told her I'm back on ALL and now she's thinking about coming back.