I think there's something wrong with me

[The Red Queen]

I'm a 21 year old female and I realized the other day that none of the people I ever considered friends cared anywhere near as much as I did about the friendship. I was always the shoulder to cry on when someone broke up with a girlfriend/boyfriend. I was always there to talk when people were having problems with family, other friends, etc. But when I needed that same support there was no one to be found. They'd put in the allotted awwwws, and poor yous, and then they'd be gone and wouldn't answer the phone. I saw people I considered my best friends going over to another of our friend's house when they had a hangnail and comfort them (okay, that's an exaggeration but it was little things like that) and when I had a crushing break up they were always too busy. It feels like no one respects me and only invite me out cause I'm good at entertaining at a party. It seems like no one even cares to get to know me any deeper than the surface or for any other reason then to provide entertainment. Nobody ever seems to want to make the effort to get to know who I am. Everytime I start to open up to someone they somehow betray me or hurt me. It's really affected all my friendships and relationships to date. I get paranoid so easily that people are out to play games with me and lie to me and I end up pushing people away or being completely untrustful of seemingly genuine interest. I know that there's something wrong in my head or something...I'm just wondering if anyone feels the same. I'm so lonely and I just want someone who cares about me really and will talk to me.

Bri

PS
I'm sorry if I sound like a raving lunatic but I don't know what to do anymore...

 

[Sinlaw]

I feel the exact same way, your not alone in this and no nothing is wrong with you.I also think that way, no matter who i met if i ever got close to them in the end i would always be betrayed or be alone.I often thought to die since i didn t think i could handle being alone. I'm always there for them yet never once were they there for me.

Just recently, I had a big fight with my family, i had to talk to someone, i called one of my most "trusted" friend. I explained the situation,her only answer was "want me to leave you alone" i responded by saying no, the next thing i know she s off about how her mother and father are not getting along.

Now i try not getting close to anyone, because i started to accept that anyone i get close will either abandon me or betray me.

Your not alone in feeling this way, and it s totally normal to, after a while you you get tired and just give up.For me, I believe we just haven't been really lucky at meeting "good friends"...

 

[lonelygirl]

Hi Bri,

I can understand how you feel. I've also felt that way before--that many of my so-called friends were just takers, and I was always the one giving. For example, if I didn't keep calling and making dates to see them, they would just throw me by the wayside. I didn't like that too much! It really hurts my self esteem.

I think the trouble is that most people are by nature selfish at least a little, and they find it easier to take, take, take. Perhaps you could help by not giving so much. Give a little, then wait. If you don't get anything back, then consider that a sign. You could try giving once more. If you get little or nothing in return, that person is too selfish and doesn't deserve your friendship.

 

[The Red Queen]

What I think it is is that the people who have betrayed and hurt us and just taken and taken are people that can sense that we are vulnerable and lonely and are willing to give so much and get so little in return for just a little companionship. They're users and manipulators. But how do you guard against it except by pushing people away? I think you may be right though Sinlaw, maybe we just haven't met "good" friends.

 

[Krossknife]

Hey Red Queen,
I agree it is hard to find good friends, in my opinion just as hard to find your one true someone. But I also feel that before u even push people away that you put off a type of aura if u will that all types of people pick up on and if the entertain characteristic is applied as well it can be a lethel combination to ones emotional health. A LOT of friends and people are unknowingly greedy to themselves and in turn need good and sensitive ppl to feed upon even if they do not mean any harm. In a friendship as well as a realtionship there always seems to be so much pressure and unspoken rules and in this generation as opposed to older ones, not as many ppl have that ambition and drive and that sense of respect and true loyalty that can allow themselves to truly commit to another even as a friend. And betrayel as well as marraige seems to not have the importance that it once had
I hope that u can find a great friend who geniunely wants to be there for u.

 

[Guest]

I would buy each of you a few drinks that I cannot afford just for your willing company, too.

 

[alexp]

Yes! there is something wrong with u.
But, Don't everyone?
There are so many Wrongs in this world.
I have many things wrong with me. (read this 1st if u want: http://www.alonelylife.com/showthread.php?tid=772 ).
Your life, my life, wrong stuffs everywhere.

But whats wrong is whats wrong.
Mind that i said you have something wrong "WITH" you.
But It is NOT you who is wrong.

If you keep respecting yourself. you can never be wrong.
I always does, and i'm happy now.
no longer afraid, no longer worried. now read this too!( http://www.alonelylife.com/showthread.php?tid=798 )

 

[The Red Queen]

Thank you all! Everything you've said makes sense. I never thought of it that way before.

And to you alexp, no I don't mind. Maybe I needed that gentle kick in the ass.

 

[lonelygirl]

Well I do agree with the point that EVERYONE has something wrong with them! We're human, frail. We make mistakes.

 

[Guest]

I feel the exact same way, your not alone in this and no nothing is wrong with you.I also think that way, no matter who i met if i ever got close to them in the end i would always be betrayed or be alone.I often thought to die since i didn t think i could handle being alone. I'm always there for them yet never once were they there for me.

Just recently, I had a big fight with my family, i had to talk to someone, i called one of my most "trusted" friend. I explained the situation,her only answer was "want me to leave you alone" i responded by saying no, the next thing i know she s off about how her mother and father are not getting along.

Now i try not getting close to anyone, because i started to accept that anyone i get close will either abandon me or betray me.

Your not alone in feeling this way, and it s totally normal to, after a while you you get tired and just give up.For me, I believe we just haven't been really lucky at meeting "good friends"...

I was just thinking that today, about intentionally staying away from people because it's not worth their inevitable betrayal and neglect. I try to see it from their point of view, after all you can wear people out with problems in your life. And that's what I did. Now all the friends I thought I had last year are gone.

I had a weak moment today and called someone who hasn't called me for seven or eight months. Left a message, and I doubt it will be returned. I ought to make new friends, I want to, I pluck up some courage to do it...but why, when I have something go wrong in my life and I'm desperate, the new friends will make themselves scarce too. Maybe I could keep them in my life if I just kept all my problems to myself.

I have so many wonderful thoughts, interesting ideas I like to ponder, it's tiresome that there's nobody to share them with. But it's when I'm hurting, and there's nobody to share that either, and anyone who ever has shared it has run in the other direction...the world feels cold and hostile, and I'm afraid to let anyone even know I exist.

 

[vivid_details]

You're all right, the key to being respected is to respect yourself. Red Queen, I was in the exact SAME predicament as you before, even now, every once in awhile I fall back into the pattern, but I do what lonelygirl suggested, and the truth of the matter is, most people won't really care but as you keep doing it, and allow no one to take advantage of you, without your realizing it, your self respect grows, and then you start attracting different types of people

 

[vivid_details]

Dear Guest, there's nothing wrong with unloading some emotional burden on other people, everyone does it. But you shouldn't give up on people, I did and had to pay dearly for it. I know it's really hard to find friends who are keepers, but if you feel like the reason you can't find friends is because you speak to much of your problems with them, then maybe you could do that here, and you can concentrate more on just being your problem-free self with others you meet. So you should register, there are some great people in this place who are very understanding

 

[lonelygirl]

Just want to reiterate what I've said in other places...part of building our self-esteem is giving even when we are lonely...is to give back to others. Volunteer at an old folk's home, volunteer at a pet shelter, volunteer to work with children...whatever your interest is! There are so many needy people you can help! And that will help your self-esteem1