I used to love to think...

[Callie]

But over the last year, all I've thought about has been why I'm not good enough, why no one wants to be around me, what I did wrong, and if I'll ever be accepted for who I am and stop pretending to be who everyone else wants me to be.
Since I joined a few days ago, I can honestly say I've been afraid to post. I've read a lot on here, but I couldn't bring myself to post. Don't ask me why, I'm usually very open online.
I spent yesterday alone. My kids were with their dad and I was okayish yesterday, but today I'm a mess. I want to be with them. I want my family back. I want to be loved and I want friends. I live within 15 miles of where I grew up. I know everyone around me, yet I don't have any friends.
A few things I didn't post in my first post are that my husband is an alcoholic. I can't say the 10 years I have been married to him have been easy, but I don't think I can love anyone more than I love him...besides my kids of course. I don't want anyone else. To deal with his drinking, I became a shell of a person. I was here, but only in the physical sense. Basically, I was living in a fantasy world, because I didn't want to face reality. I pushed him away and it took 6 years for him to leave me, but he did and I hate myself for what I did, for what I lost. Another thing I didn't mention is that 2 weeks (or so they both claim, I have my doubts) after he left me, he started dating a friend of his. He moved in with her 2 months after he left. He's still with her and I'm alone. All I do anymore is cry and I hate crying.
When I look at myself, I don't see anything special. I don't think I'm ugly, but I don't think I'm pretty/gorgeous/sexy either...You guys can't say anything about how I look because you don't know (maybe I'll post my pic soon), but everyone I know tells me I'm pretty/gorgeous/sexy. I don't believe it.

Okay, this is now officially a novel, so I'm done. lol

Thanks for listening/reading. Hell, even if you didn't read it, I'm grateful this place is here so I can post it.

 

[Sean]

Hmm, well if you ask me . . . I think it's better that you're not with your ex husband anymore.
Having a partner who is an alcoholic, I'd imagine, is very tough.
If he was ever violent . . it makes the situation even worse.

And . . after 2 months after leaving you . . he starts dating another woman?!
Maybe there was stuff going on while you two were married, not sure.

Anyways, he doesn't sound like that great a guy.

You, on the other hand, sound very nice, and I'm sure if people say you are pretty . . . then they're telling the truth .
Post a picture, and I (not sure about other people), will be brutally honest.

 

[phaseout2004]

lady...please be reasonable.
Give yourself permission to feel the way you do. Their emotions...they have to go somewhere. EVEN the subsequent ones. "I'm crying (sadness), this is so pathetic (shame)"...let one lead the other and just meet yourself at the other end.
Take into consideration EVERYTHING. Your friends could be right...YOU COULD believe you are gorgeous as they claim you are, but also you might feel shame for being so vain, so you refuse to believe.

I'm sorry for everything that's happening to you. I truly am. I love you and i'm sorry.