I Wandered Lonely as a Cloud

[LonelySkye]

Hi everyone,

I'm a 38, single female. I too found this forum a little while ago and have just realised that I'm registered. So woohoo.. ect ..

I like being alone, I actually prefer it to being with a whole group of people or even one or two other people I'm not in a relationship with.
That said, I do wonder if I am profoundly defective being alone so much.

I have no friends in the town I have lived in for over 6 years, I don't talk to my house mates (long story) and my parents who are in Sydney are the only people I really like. Although I start to need to leave their house if I stay with them for more than 2 days.

I guess I'm more of a misanthrope. I see people in the street and I instantly think badly of them. I think I hate humanity and am actively trying to watch 'restore your faith in humanity' videos on youtube so get some kind of perspective.

My life IS a lonely life though, but it's also self imposed exile.

I like it when plans (seldom made) are cancelled, I don't like large gatherings of people and now that I haven't drunk for 4 years, I find socialising pretty superfluous in that the conversations are always about what one does and how much one has achieved, never about the state of my head or why I constantly think I'm about to die.
But anyway, I'm glad this forum exists, so Hi, I hope to post more.

 

[Wayfarer]

Welcome to the forum Hope to see more of your posts too

 

[constant stranger]

Hello LonelySkye. That second to last sentence is quite an attention grabber: "....I constantly think I'm about to die."

I hope you do post more and I'm glad you're here.

 

[LonelySkye]

Hello LonelySkye. That second to last sentence is quite an attention grabber: "....I constantly think I'm about to die."

I hope you do post more and I'm glad you're here.

Thank you. yes, yes, I do quite frequently feel as if I am about to die or that I will die at some stage, as we all will. But I get very conscious of this.. Yknow how we forget about our death? Then at 4am or whatever we suddenly know... that it's all going to end some day. Well that's me at 9am, 11am, and 4pm... then of course the obligatory 4am too.

This is what spending so much time alone does, it makes me hyper conscious... and I wonder if this is such a good thing, or should it just be filled with people, places and things.
I'd rather the fear of my mortality than noise and cacophony, so this is how I know I'm a loner 100%

 

[constant stranger]

Hello LonelySkye. That second to last sentence is quite an attention grabber: "....I constantly think I'm about to die."

I hope you do post more and I'm glad you're here.

Thank you. yes, yes, I do quite frequently feel as if I am about to die or that I will die at some stage, as we all will. But I get very conscious of this.. Yknow how we forget about our death? Then at 4am or whatever we suddenly know... that it's all going to end some day. Well that's me at 9am, 11am, and 4pm... then of course the obligatory 4am too.

This is what spending so much time alone does, it makes me hyper conscious... and I wonder if this is such a good thing, or should it just be filled with people, places and things.
I'd rather the fear of my mortality than noise and cacophony, so this is how I know I'm a loner 100%

You're 38 and I'm 62 so I'm closer to checking out than you and the only realistic way I can cope with mortality is live some kind of meaningful life with the time I've got left. 25 years more, with a bit of luck, that's what I'm planning for.

OK, look, I want to be listening to what you're saying....the 'filled with places and things' and the 'noise and cacophony' statements....does that describe your experience of living in association with people? And you'd rather have the fear of your mortality, eh?

Suppose you knew absolutely that you only had an hour or so left in this world, what would you be thinking? Glad it's finally over with? Or wishing you had some more time and a few more chances to get this being alive thing done right?

Because it's only a matter of how much time we've got left before it's game over, move on to whatever comes next, if anything....'cos we had our chance in this world.

I

 

[Lacrecia]

That floats on high o'er vales and hills.....

Welcome

 

[lonewulf]

Hello LonelySkye, I think about dying all the time also, because both of my parents are deceased. I'm forced to come to grips with my own mortality and its always on my mind now.

 

[LonelySkye]

Hello LonelySkye, I think about dying all the time also, because both of my parents are deceased. I'm forced to come to grips with my own mortality and its always on my mind now.

Yknow we should all have a kind of cam party... Would anyone be up for that?

It's Christmas day here in Australia and I've chosen to spend it alone.. My parents are way down south.. I've spoken to them today but I don't think i'd want to be there with my sister.

 

[mintymint]

Hello LonelySkye, I think about dying all the time also, because both of my parents are deceased. I'm forced to come to grips with my own mortality and its always on my mind now.

Yknow we should all have a kind of cam party... Would anyone be up for that?

It's Christmas day here in Australia and I've chosen to spend it alone.. My parents are way down south.. I've spoken to them today but I don't think i'd want to be there with my sister.

http://www.alonelylife.com/showthread.php?tid=35727

 

[red guy]

Hi there LonelySkye!!!
You said you wonder if you are defective 'cause of not feeling like dealing with people. Have you ever got an IQ test? Higher intellectual people are easily discouraged by having to deal with ... well the masses.
Please don't take it the wrong way (you or others reading this). There are people that are way to aware of themselves and the rest running on robot mode.

---

@LonelySkye yeah that sounds like a good idea. Cam time?

 

[ladyforsaken]

Hey LonelySkye, welcome to the forum.