XspydurX
Well-known member
I am on my way to college, on the path to starting my graphic design/ writing/ photography career. I am putting forth my best effort to make sure that one day my children (if I am even lucky enough to ever have any) have better than everything I've ever had. I am making sure, right now, that my future is secure, comfortable and stable. I am only young and I know that I am not mature enough to leave the nest just yet. I know the fruit is there, waiting for me to taste it...but I also know that it is not yet ripe enough for me to savor and completely enjoy it.
His path is not even entirely clear to me, but I can make a few predictions from certain little details. His police record is not clean (I never had a problem with that before, I used to like bad guys...but I am older, and a little smarter now...I don't think I can much agree with my younger self), neither is the blood coursing through his once beautiful veins (he dabbles in some drugs...he says he isn't addicted, can stop anytime he wants...if thats true then Lucifer is my biological father and my name isn't Racquelle, it's Molly...), and I don't know much about his education since he doesn't tell me...(but he always asks how I am doing).
I know it probably sounds like I am bitching and complaining. I am not. I just don't want to be with him. I want something better for my future...
I am not a little girl anymore, and I am no longer the type to fall for just good looks alone (which is pretty much what got me in this mess in the first place). I've changed drastically in the months since dating him (snd i mean maturing BIG time, in a lot of different ways) and I don't know how it will affect him if he knew how I truly felt.
He wants too much from me. He wants actual marriage. Actual children. A life together. I don't mean to sound rude or anything, but I want my children to have a better father, and I can't say he will make the cut.
I sound like a *****, I know, but I am only here with the best in mind for my future...
I don't know how to cut him loose...
Please help?
His path is not even entirely clear to me, but I can make a few predictions from certain little details. His police record is not clean (I never had a problem with that before, I used to like bad guys...but I am older, and a little smarter now...I don't think I can much agree with my younger self), neither is the blood coursing through his once beautiful veins (he dabbles in some drugs...he says he isn't addicted, can stop anytime he wants...if thats true then Lucifer is my biological father and my name isn't Racquelle, it's Molly...), and I don't know much about his education since he doesn't tell me...(but he always asks how I am doing).
I know it probably sounds like I am bitching and complaining. I am not. I just don't want to be with him. I want something better for my future...
I am not a little girl anymore, and I am no longer the type to fall for just good looks alone (which is pretty much what got me in this mess in the first place). I've changed drastically in the months since dating him (snd i mean maturing BIG time, in a lot of different ways) and I don't know how it will affect him if he knew how I truly felt.
He wants too much from me. He wants actual marriage. Actual children. A life together. I don't mean to sound rude or anything, but I want my children to have a better father, and I can't say he will make the cut.
I sound like a *****, I know, but I am only here with the best in mind for my future...
I don't know how to cut him loose...
Please help?