grundel70
Well-known member
Hey guys! I, like many of you, have battled depression and loneliness for most of my life. I am still bound to have a few fits of sadness and depression from time to time, but for the most part things are looking pretty good for me. I really feel good about who I am, and most importantly, I have hope for tomorrow.
I know that alot of people can relate to some of the things I have said or written about on these boards, and I am sure that some have not. I don't have answers for everyone or everything, but I would like to share some things that I have learned recently that really have helped me feel better about myself. All I want to do is try and help. Maybe something I write will help someone. Maybe it won't. But the least I can do is try.
Well, here it goes.
1. Dress nice. This may sound weird, but I will be damned if it doesn't work. I just got promoted into management at the pharmacy I work at. In my new position I am required to dress 'professional' at work. This is something I really haven't done in a very long time. I put on shirts and ties, nice dress pants, keep myself shaved and groomed, shine my shoes, etc... All of a sudden at work I notice I carry myself a little different. I feel more confident. People who have never spoken to me before now smile and say good morning. So I started dressing like this when I go to the store, the dog park, the movies, etc... I have had on several occaisions people that I don't know stop and say 'wow, you look handsome'. To an old, fat, bald, ugly nerd who has NEVER had any woman at any time in his life tell that to him...it was a real jaw dropper! I still think I am very unnatractive, but it does show that anyone can clean up nice. And once you start to take a bit of pride in how you look, it starts to show on the inside. It didn't happen right away, took about a month or so before folks started saying stuff, but it works!
2. Work out. Again, not to sound preechy, but since I started to go to the gym on a regular basis, I feel so much better about myself. I am still fat and ugly, and probably will always be, but after spending an hour excercising I do feel better. Don't knock it til you try it. Give it a couple weeks and i promise you will feel better!
3. Get a dog or cat. I say a dog or cat as they tend to be more interactive pets that show alot of affection. If you want to know what unconditional love is, come home to a puppy that goes bonkers just at the site of your face. Or get a cat that will always want to cuddle with you when you sit on the couch about to watch TV. I take my dog to the dog park every weekend, and I always get people to talk to me without me initiating it. They always start off talking about my dog, then from there it goes anywhere. Also, if you are a guy, I have met ALOT of nice young ladies taking my dog for a walk! Dogs are excellent chick magnets!
4. Compliment someone. If you want to talk to someone, just say something nice! I know how hard it can be open your mouth and say something to a stranger...but trust me that most of the time when you say something nice to them they will at the least smile, at the most start talking to you. If you are never willing to say something to someone, then you will never overcome loneliness and social isolation. Sometimes you just have to buck up, get brave, open your mouth and then just say 'Hi! I just wanted to say that you look really nice today'.
5. Get a hobby. You don't have to be good at anything, but if you just get up and do something, you will take your mind off of socially and self destructive behaviors and put then into something else. Sitting at home thinking about how miserable you are all the time is something I have done, and is also something that will do little to help you. Try painting. Writing poetry. Playing an instrument. Desgining website. Building models. Bird watching. Anything. TO build off of this, try to get into something that can also be social. If you like to paint, take a painting class. If you play an instrument, then see if there is someone that may want to jam with you. Take lessons or classes in something that you like.
6. Get up early. I know not everyone has a regular schedule. But still, don't try to sleep in til the last minute. Wake up early and get your day started. I find the mornings are the best time to go to the gym or to walk/run, as so few people do it then. And those that are out running or at the gym at that hour aren't there for BS reasons. I have been going to this same gym off and on for over a year. I used to hate going cause all the people there were so phoney, rude, or just shallow. But when I started going in the morning all of a sudden I saw a whole new group...this one guy that I never met before came over and started to encourage me when I was benching. Another guy came over after I did a good, hard set of lat pulls and said 'man, you had an awesome set there...I saw how hard you were pushing yourself'. Again, maybe its just me, but the people I interact with in the early morning are just...different...and in a good way.
7. Be selfless. This, more than anything else, has turned my life around. Give without ever expecting anything in return. Don't loan anyone any money, just give them money if they need it. Buy someone lunch for the hell of it. Give someone a ride, even if its out of your way. Buy a gift for someone for no reason at all. the world is a weird place. It is full of hatred and contempt. It doesn't know how to deal with love, generoisty, and kindess when it is given so freely. You do these things, and it will catch up with you. There is nothing more rewarding to see someone smile when they come back to their desk after I just bought them their favorite slurpee as a surprise.
I don't have all of the answers. I read so many posts here and see so much of myself in them. I can still feel the bitter sting of loneliness, of rejection, and self hate. They never go away. But when I started to do the things I wrote here my life just started to change for the better. I felt so much better about myself, and find myself always looking foward to the next day, and not backward wishing I had done something different.
A friend of mine once told me that if you fill your heart with love, then there won't be any room for anything else.
I find that to be true.
I hope that something I say does make sense to someone, and even helps them. I would like to open this thread up to others that may offer their own brand of constructiveness. We all came to this board for a reason. We all have shared this thing called loneliness. So now the question is...do we choose to wallow in its bitter stench? Or do we want to try and do soemthing about it? What else can we do to help each other? What are some things that you have tried that have worked? Or alternatively what traps should we avoid falling into?
Thank you for allowing this old man to ramble on for so long. I love you guys
I know that alot of people can relate to some of the things I have said or written about on these boards, and I am sure that some have not. I don't have answers for everyone or everything, but I would like to share some things that I have learned recently that really have helped me feel better about myself. All I want to do is try and help. Maybe something I write will help someone. Maybe it won't. But the least I can do is try.
Well, here it goes.
1. Dress nice. This may sound weird, but I will be damned if it doesn't work. I just got promoted into management at the pharmacy I work at. In my new position I am required to dress 'professional' at work. This is something I really haven't done in a very long time. I put on shirts and ties, nice dress pants, keep myself shaved and groomed, shine my shoes, etc... All of a sudden at work I notice I carry myself a little different. I feel more confident. People who have never spoken to me before now smile and say good morning. So I started dressing like this when I go to the store, the dog park, the movies, etc... I have had on several occaisions people that I don't know stop and say 'wow, you look handsome'. To an old, fat, bald, ugly nerd who has NEVER had any woman at any time in his life tell that to him...it was a real jaw dropper! I still think I am very unnatractive, but it does show that anyone can clean up nice. And once you start to take a bit of pride in how you look, it starts to show on the inside. It didn't happen right away, took about a month or so before folks started saying stuff, but it works!
2. Work out. Again, not to sound preechy, but since I started to go to the gym on a regular basis, I feel so much better about myself. I am still fat and ugly, and probably will always be, but after spending an hour excercising I do feel better. Don't knock it til you try it. Give it a couple weeks and i promise you will feel better!
3. Get a dog or cat. I say a dog or cat as they tend to be more interactive pets that show alot of affection. If you want to know what unconditional love is, come home to a puppy that goes bonkers just at the site of your face. Or get a cat that will always want to cuddle with you when you sit on the couch about to watch TV. I take my dog to the dog park every weekend, and I always get people to talk to me without me initiating it. They always start off talking about my dog, then from there it goes anywhere. Also, if you are a guy, I have met ALOT of nice young ladies taking my dog for a walk! Dogs are excellent chick magnets!
4. Compliment someone. If you want to talk to someone, just say something nice! I know how hard it can be open your mouth and say something to a stranger...but trust me that most of the time when you say something nice to them they will at the least smile, at the most start talking to you. If you are never willing to say something to someone, then you will never overcome loneliness and social isolation. Sometimes you just have to buck up, get brave, open your mouth and then just say 'Hi! I just wanted to say that you look really nice today'.
5. Get a hobby. You don't have to be good at anything, but if you just get up and do something, you will take your mind off of socially and self destructive behaviors and put then into something else. Sitting at home thinking about how miserable you are all the time is something I have done, and is also something that will do little to help you. Try painting. Writing poetry. Playing an instrument. Desgining website. Building models. Bird watching. Anything. TO build off of this, try to get into something that can also be social. If you like to paint, take a painting class. If you play an instrument, then see if there is someone that may want to jam with you. Take lessons or classes in something that you like.
6. Get up early. I know not everyone has a regular schedule. But still, don't try to sleep in til the last minute. Wake up early and get your day started. I find the mornings are the best time to go to the gym or to walk/run, as so few people do it then. And those that are out running or at the gym at that hour aren't there for BS reasons. I have been going to this same gym off and on for over a year. I used to hate going cause all the people there were so phoney, rude, or just shallow. But when I started going in the morning all of a sudden I saw a whole new group...this one guy that I never met before came over and started to encourage me when I was benching. Another guy came over after I did a good, hard set of lat pulls and said 'man, you had an awesome set there...I saw how hard you were pushing yourself'. Again, maybe its just me, but the people I interact with in the early morning are just...different...and in a good way.
7. Be selfless. This, more than anything else, has turned my life around. Give without ever expecting anything in return. Don't loan anyone any money, just give them money if they need it. Buy someone lunch for the hell of it. Give someone a ride, even if its out of your way. Buy a gift for someone for no reason at all. the world is a weird place. It is full of hatred and contempt. It doesn't know how to deal with love, generoisty, and kindess when it is given so freely. You do these things, and it will catch up with you. There is nothing more rewarding to see someone smile when they come back to their desk after I just bought them their favorite slurpee as a surprise.
I don't have all of the answers. I read so many posts here and see so much of myself in them. I can still feel the bitter sting of loneliness, of rejection, and self hate. They never go away. But when I started to do the things I wrote here my life just started to change for the better. I felt so much better about myself, and find myself always looking foward to the next day, and not backward wishing I had done something different.
A friend of mine once told me that if you fill your heart with love, then there won't be any room for anything else.
I find that to be true.
I hope that something I say does make sense to someone, and even helps them. I would like to open this thread up to others that may offer their own brand of constructiveness. We all came to this board for a reason. We all have shared this thing called loneliness. So now the question is...do we choose to wallow in its bitter stench? Or do we want to try and do soemthing about it? What else can we do to help each other? What are some things that you have tried that have worked? Or alternatively what traps should we avoid falling into?
Thank you for allowing this old man to ramble on for so long. I love you guys
