I was used as a tool.

[Thatonemikeguy]

So there's this girl I work with that I have a bit of a crush on, a few weeks ago, I actually worked up my nerve and struck up a conversation with her. She seems really nice, smart too, we talk a bit more everyday, seems like shes flirting with me too, other co workers notice it as well, say we'd be a good match. We even got dinner after work a few times, not really a date, just hungry after work and decided to hang out. I still took it as a good sign.
Well last monday she asked me if I could take a look at her car, her brakes are making grinding noises. I'm always complaining about the jeep I'm rebuilding, and I am pretty handy with a wrench, so sure, I'll take a look no problem. We both have the next day off, I head over to her place with a bunch of tools and take a look.
I can tell before I get the front tires off its bad, 3 of 5 wheel studs break off, rotor is trashed, the brake pads are worn to mostly metal, and the rear drums are basically seized...ok enough car talk, its really bad, an expensive fix and very unsafe to drive, I'm amazed she's still alive. I explain things to her and she starts crying, she doesn't have the money, whats she going to do, going on and on. Well since I like the girl I offer to fix it for the parts cost, if she'll go out to dinner with me, she gets a huge grin on her face, hops up and down, kisses me on the cheek and says "yes". Awesome!
So I spend the next 9 hours rebuilding the entire brake system, front and back on this girls car, running all over town for parts. I even had to hit up a friend to borrow a torch and a hydraulic press to press out a f****d up wheel bearing, it costs her $75 total, saving her well over a $1500.
We go for a test drive and she's happy, the car's happy, I'm happy, it was great. I tell her I want to change and shower before dinner, I'm covered in grease and I reek, I'll be back in 20 mins. She laughs and agrees. I get back and there's another car there, she comes out with some guy, I'm thinking a brother, she mentioned having one,I thought he was 10 though. I ask if shes ready for dinner and she says,"ya, mind if my boyfriend comes too?". Uhhhh.... what?

What follows is one of the more awkward dinners I've ever had in my life, I'm pretty sure I mostly sat there with a dumb look on my face trying to process what happened.

I've been avoiding her all week, and I've been pretty depressed, I could see how she was just being friendly and I was just being helpful, but I still feel used... never once did she mention a boyfriend. I'm an idiot.

 

[Rainbows]

Perhaps she thought you just meant to go have dinner with her. Did you like, specify, "date"?

 

[HoodedMonk]

Look at it this way, you helped someone and that in and of itself is good.

 

[Despicable Me]

That really sucks, but maybe see the bigger picture here.
You did something really nice for someone, and your expectations didn't quite go as planned. So now you have a funny story to tell and you'll be able to look back and laugh, and maybe you'll even tell other people to give them a laugh, too.

Sometimes you just have to stay positive. Stuff like that happens. It's definitely awkward when it does, but the best thing we can do is just move on.

 

[reynard_muldrake]

You've only known each other for a few weeks. There probably wasn't a proper time for your coworker to mention her boyfriend. And really, what you saw as flirting was probably just friendliness from her.

 

[Thatonemikeguy]

Perhaps she thought you just meant to go have dinner with her. Did you like, specify, "date"?

I think it really comes down to that, I thought the way I worded it left little doubt. Even if she had said she had a bf at that point I still would of fixed her car for her, I just kinda got my hopes up. I don't meet many potential dating prospects.

 

[TheRealCallie]

I don't think you were used at all, you likely just read more into the situation than there was. You were friends, you hung out, you did her a favor. You asked her to dinner again, so why would she think it would be any different than any other time?

Next time, make it clear as a bell that you want a date, not just dinner. You did her a very huge favor, she probably wasn't hearing all the intention you may have put in your tone or words.

 

[Triple Bogey]

So there's this girl I work with that I have a bit of a crush on, a few weeks ago, I actually worked up my nerve and struck up a conversation with her. She seems really nice, smart too, we talk a bit more everyday, seems like shes flirting with me too, other co workers notice it as well, say we'd be a good match. We even got dinner after work a few times, not really a date, just hungry after work and decided to hang out. I still took it as a good sign.
Well last monday she asked me if I could take a look at her car, her brakes are making grinding noises. I'm always complaining about the jeep I'm rebuilding, and I am pretty handy with a wrench, so sure, I'll take a look no problem. We both have the next day off, I head over to her place with a bunch of tools and take a look.
I can tell before I get the front tires off its bad, 3 of 5 wheel studs break off, rotor is trashed, the brake pads are worn to mostly metal, and the rear drums are basically seized...ok enough car talk, its really bad, an expensive fix and very unsafe to drive, I'm amazed she's still alive. I explain things to her and she starts crying, she doesn't have the money, whats she going to do, going on and on. Well since I like the girl I offer to fix it for the parts cost, if she'll go out to dinner with me, she gets a huge grin on her face, hops up and down, kisses me on the cheek and says "yes". Awesome!
So I spend the next 9 hours rebuilding the entire brake system, front and back on this girls car, running all over town for parts. I even had to hit up a friend to borrow a torch and a hydraulic press to press out a f****d up wheel bearing, it costs her $75 total, saving her well over a $1500.
We go for a test drive and she's happy, the car's happy, I'm happy, it was great. I tell her I want to change and shower before dinner, I'm covered in grease and I reek, I'll be back in 20 mins. She laughs and agrees. I get back and there's another car there, she comes out with some guy, I'm thinking a brother, she mentioned having one,I thought he was 10 though. I ask if shes ready for dinner and she says,"ya, mind if my boyfriend comes too?". Uhhhh.... what?

What follows is one of the more awkward dinners I've ever had in my life, I'm pretty sure I mostly sat there with a dumb look on my face trying to process what happened.

I've been avoiding her all week, and I've been pretty depressed, I could see how she was just being friendly and I was just being helpful, but I still feel used... never once did she mention a boyfriend. I'm an idiot.

Live and learn, just make sure it doesn't happen again.
Don't ever barter for a dinner / date. Either ask a woman out or don't.

And I think she knew what she was doing. Do people favours but not something that's going to cost you a lot of money. She used you big style. Make sure it doesn't happen again. I would send her a bill for your work as well.

 

[HoodedMonk]

Do people favours but not something that's going to cost you a lot of money.

Uh. I don't think it cost him a lot of money to do it. She covered the material costs. So basically he spent nothing to do it.

Once again you only see the negative in situations involving women. Maybe you could try being positive for once. It might even kill you. Hell, it might even make relations between you and women better.

Hell, you even want to negate the positive he did by billing her and enforcing your own vengeful style that you take towards women in your own life.

Dude. Lighten up.

 

[there is no hope]

Nah, you were straight up used. You shouldn't even beat yourself up too much, except that you shouldn't be giving free labor to people who aren't really close to you. Decent people would understand the concept of a favor and be willing to pay back some day in the future, but in cases like these it's straight one-way exploitation.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Nah, you were straight up used. You shouldn't even beat yourself up too much, except that you shouldn't be giving free labor to people who aren't really close to you. Decent people would understand the concept of a favor and be willing to pay back some day in the future, but in cases like these it's straight one-way exploitation.

How the fresia do you know she won't return the **** favor?? Oh wait, YOU DON'T

 

[kamya]

Nah she knew what was up. I'm calling bullshit on that.

After all the flirting and conversations and hanging out after work she not once mentions that she has a bf? Now suddenly RIGHT AFTER this giant favor is the time to bring it up? Cmon now. Men might be oblivious sometimes but we aren't that stupid. We know when we've been taken advantage of.

Don't feel bad. She withheld information because she knew she could manipulate you for her own benefit. And it worked. Not much you can do about that.

And there's no way all the parts for that fix only cost $75 locally. Just front pads and rotors cost that much. She def didn't pay for the whole costs. I wouldn't hold my breath on her returning the favor either. Did they even cover dinner?

How the fresia do you know she won't return the **** favor?? Oh wait, YOU DON'T Rolleyes

Because people that pull this honeysuckle aren't the kind of people that return favors, or consider other people at all.

She knows what she did. She isn't sorry.

 

[TheRealCallie]

How the fresia do you know she won't return the **** favor?? Oh wait, YOU DON'T Rolleyes

Because people that pull this honeysuckle aren't the kind of people that return favors, or consider other people at all.

She knows what she did. She isn't sorry.

She has nothing to be sorry for, from what I read. OP misread what was happening, most likely. It's unlikely that we have the full story (because we never have the full story), so saying it's entirely her fault and she used him and whatever else was said is wrong, because you don't know what happened. You can't say she used him when you don't know her.

 

[kamya]

It's easy to misread the situation when someone purposefully withholds important information in order to manipulate you. So yeah... he did misread the situation. She does have something to be sorry for. She misrepresented herself so she could benefit.

I dont care what she's thinking or what kind of person she is. If she did what op wrote, then it's obvious what happened.

 

[TheRealCallie]

It's easy to misread the situation when someone purposefully withholds important information in order to manipulate you. So yeah... he did misread the situation. She does have something to be sorry for. She misrepresented herself so she could benefit.

I dont care what she's thinking or what kind of person she is. If she did what op wrote, then it's obvious what happened.

Again, you don't know that she manipulated him. Yes, it's a possibility, but she could have JUST AS EASILY considered him a friend and ONLY a friend...she likely still does. Not saying she has a boyfriend isn't misrepresenting herself. It's not really anyone's business except her own and if she doesn't want to tell people, she doesn't have to. Just because she doesn't say she has a boyfriend doesn't mean she's single.

To the OP, do you still talk to her? Do you still hang out?

 

[LonelySutton]

Nah, you were straight up used. You shouldn't even beat yourself up too much, except that you shouldn't be giving free labor to people who aren't really close to you.

Yes used. Sorry that happened to you. Some people suck. Though I don't like to have guys do stuff for me because I don't want them to feel I am using them, and then sometimes I hear later they feel rejected that I won't let them. So sometimes now I just let a guy do something feeling like I am being kind to let them be macho.

 

[there is no hope]

Well, if she returns the favor some day (with her own labor, or her boyfriend's), I'd be surprised.

Really though, most people aren't getting by unless they have people in their family or social networks that are willing to work on the cheap, even if it isn't in their best interests. I'll do things for free once in a while, but think about the results realistically. Helping the cute girl with her stuff has gained her interest in roughly 0% of observed cases.

 

[Xpendable]

She knew exactly was she was doing.

 

[HoodedMonk]

I'm not saying that she didn't use OP. It seems like she did based on what the OP said, I just want the OP to focus on the fact that he did something nice for someone else, and feel good about that for himself. Turn it into a positive.

You did good, OP. You helped someone, even if the manner she got you to do it was not that honest, you still did good. There's not enough of that in the world. Thank you for your kindness.

 

[Solivagant]

Though I don't like to have guys do stuff for me because I don't want them to feel I am using them, and then sometimes I hear later they feel rejected that I won't let them. So sometimes now I just let a guy do something feeling like I am being kind to let them be macho.

^ Same.