I was used as a tool.

[Rainbows]

Ok, I correct myself, but you have to admit that saving someone $1500 is useful as handing it. Not to mention that he probably saved her life (and her boyfriend's life). I still think OP was used, doesn't mean the girl is bad; some people are just like that.

"If you save someone's life and they happen to have a crush on you, you really should go on a date with them" ???????????????????????????????????????????

or

"Oh if you're in a possible dangerous situation and you have a boyfriend, but the only person that is around has a crush on you, you can't possibly ask for help"

????

Why? Wae? Doushite? Warum?

 

[Thatonemikeguy]

So I had a chance to talk with her today in the break room, she was wondering where I had been the last few days, I lied, said another department needed some help. She thanked me again for the work on the car, said the brakes work great.

After a bit more small talk I finally said that she never told me she had a boyfriend, she just sorta said, "oh...", followed by an awkward silence for a few moments, I asked a few follow on questions, they've been going out for almost 6 months, he lives with her at her moms place, goes to school part time for political science and plays guitar, and that's apparently it. I wasn't accusing or anything other than friendly like we normally are, but she seemed embarrassed when I brought him up.

After lunch we didn't see each other till we were walking to our cars, she ran to catch up, said thanks again for the car and complained how hot it still was at 5 in the morning. When I split to go to my car she says, "sorry about the boyfriend thing, but I like you.", as she walks away. I wanted to say something but I couldn't think of anything, so I didn't. I am now entirely confused. I'd rather be defusing a bomb, atleast those make sense. Anyways it's time for a drink to slow my brain down, and some sleep.

---

And to a lot of the responses, I'll admit I'm not a saint, I did kind of expect her to go on a date with me, but I wouldn't of proposed her going to dinner if I didn't think she would of said yes under any normal instance.
Looking back I really should of handled it differently. I'm a fairly shy guy, and I'm not the best socially especially with the ladies, so all this a learning experience regardless of how this turns out.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Ok, I correct myself, but you have to admit that saving someone $1500 is useful as handing it. Not to mention that he probably saved her life (and her boyfriend's life). I still think OP was used, doesn't mean the girl is bad; some people are just like that.

He could have easily charged her for labor. He decided not to. I've paid friends for things (video card), but it was only because I thought it was fair enough. My friend never even brought up money or payment for it. Never. When he could have easily said an amount.

---

Mikeguy, dude, you never know what could ever happen. They haven't been going out for long, and even if they had been, things happen. I apologize if my posts ever seem harsh, but my entire point was never expect from anyone. Unless it is a contractual agreement, verbal agreement, written contract, whatever, never assume that someone will return you the favor. Because when you start expecting it, and you don't get it, that's when you're let down. When you're not expecting and offered a return favor, it's a pleasant surprise.

 

[kamya]

When I split to go to my car she says, "sorry about the boyfriend thing, but I like you.", as she walks away.

Stay the fresia away from that honeysuckle. Straight out of "Things Manipulative Women Say".

 

[TheRealCallie]

When I split to go to my car she says, "sorry about the boyfriend thing, but I like you.", as she walks away.

Stay the fresia away from that honeysuckle.

And how the fresia do you know she didn't mean like him AS A FRIEND? Or maybe there's problems with the boyfriend....or any number of other scenarios. You don't ******* know, stop jumping to conclusions....

 

[VanillaCreme]

When I split to go to my car she says, "sorry about the boyfriend thing, but I like you.", as she walks away.

Stay the fresia away from that honeysuckle. Straight out of "Things Manipulative Women Say".

From your posts in this, Kamya, you seem to go with the thought that this girl isn't a good party to be around. But why? I admit, that's an odd thing to say to someone as you walk away, but that doesn't mean she's horrible.

 

[kamya]

Because she doesn't seem to actually care about this guy.

From her apology and the conversation that they just had we can see now that she obviously DID know what she was doing. We don't really have to even speculate that part anymore.

And the last thing she said is a classic thing someone would say to keep someone else on the hook. If you aren't a guy maybe you haven't had to deal with this kind of thing. Or maybe you have I dunno. But it happens all the time. She will use his feelings to her advantage again if she ever needs to.

Whether shes a horrible person or not I don't know. She is definitely manipulative. Not my thing at all so if it were me I'd stay away. Unless you enjoy dealing with this stuff in your life.

And how the fresia do you know she didn't mean like him AS A FRIEND?

That wouldn't be the proper way to communicate that. It's open ended. She could mean anything by that. She's apologizing for a misunderstanding by introducing another chance for more misunderstanding. You'd think she would be more careful. Whether she's good or bad she obviously is honeysuckle at communication. One of the things that I hate the most in other people.

 

[VanillaCreme]

We don't know her. So we really can't say for sure whether or not she cares. Perhaps she was apologizing because she saw he was a bit upset over it.

 

[HoodedMonk]

Yeah I don't know what to think of this girl now. :l Just reading that account was a mindfuck for me in trying to figure out her perspective or what she wanted.

My powers of empathy don't go that far.

:l

 

[TheRealCallie]

Oh yeah because NO ONE here has a problem communicating things? Come the fresia on, that's not even a sensible argument to make when that could be said for half the things the OP (or **** near anyone else on this forum and in real life) has said...

 

[Triple Bogey]

Why didn't she mentioned her boyfriend before he fixed her car ?
That's what I want to know. And also why bring him along ?
He fixed her car, she thanks him by taking him out for dinner. It should have been just the two of them. She should have just mentioned her boyfriend so he wouldn't get the idea it was anything romantic.

Why would she mention him? Unless he had something to do with it, there's probably no need to mention him. Not everyone with a partner involves them in everything they do.

And it was a thank you dinner. They each probably could have brought who they wanted. She decided to bring her boyfriend, which is completely acceptable. He decided not to bring anyone, which is also fine. I have to agree with the notion of he could have asked instead of just assuming.

It's not acceptable at all. She shouldn't have brought her boyfriend with them. It was between her and him. She must be as thick as pig honeysuckle if she didn't think bringing her bloke along would spoil it for the other guy. She was in the wrong ! End of story !

 

[SofiasMami]

So I had a chance to talk with her today in the break room, she was wondering where I had been the last few days, I lied, said another department needed some help. She thanked me again for the work on the car, said the brakes work great.

After a bit more small talk I finally said that she never told me she had a boyfriend, she just sorta said, "oh...", followed by an awkward silence for a few moments, I asked a few follow on questions, they've been going out for almost 6 months, he lives with her at her moms place, goes to school part time for political science and plays guitar, and that's apparently it. I wasn't accusing or anything other than friendly like we normally are, but she seemed embarrassed when I brought him up.

After lunch we didn't see each other till we were walking to our cars, she ran to catch up, said thanks again for the car and complained how hot it still was at 5 in the morning. When I split to go to my car she says, "sorry about the boyfriend thing, but I like you.", as she walks away. I wanted to say something but I couldn't think of anything, so I didn't. I am now entirely confused. I'd rather be defusing a bomb, atleast those make sense. Anyways it's time for a drink to slow my brain down, and some sleep.

---

And to a lot of the responses, I'll admit I'm not a saint, I did kind of expect her to go on a date with me, but I wouldn't of proposed her going to dinner if I didn't think she would of said yes under any normal instance.
Looking back I really should of handled it differently. I'm a fairly shy guy, and I'm not the best socially especially with the ladies, so all this a learning experience regardless of how this turns out.

---

An interesting update. Kudos to you for helping the young lady in the first place and I'm sorry it didn't work out the way you had hoped. From what you've told us, I think you've handled the whole situation well.

-Teresa

 

[Triple Bogey]

So I had a chance to talk with her today in the break room, she was wondering where I had been the last few days, I lied, said another department needed some help. She thanked me again for the work on the car, said the brakes work great.

After a bit more small talk I finally said that she never told me she had a boyfriend, she just sorta said, "oh...", followed by an awkward silence for a few moments, I asked a few follow on questions, they've been going out for almost 6 months, he lives with her at her moms place, goes to school part time for political science and plays guitar, and that's apparently it. I wasn't accusing or anything other than friendly like we normally are, but she seemed embarrassed when I brought him up.

After lunch we didn't see each other till we were walking to our cars, she ran to catch up, said thanks again for the car and complained how hot it still was at 5 in the morning. When I split to go to my car she says, "sorry about the boyfriend thing, but I like you.", as she walks away. I wanted to say something but I couldn't think of anything, so I didn't. I am now entirely confused. I'd rather be defusing a bomb, atleast those make sense. Anyways it's time for a drink to slow my brain down, and some sleep.

---

And to a lot of the responses, I'll admit I'm not a saint, I did kind of expect her to go on a date with me, but I wouldn't of proposed her going to dinner if I didn't think she would of said yes under any normal instance.
Looking back I really should of handled it differently. I'm a fairly shy guy, and I'm not the best socially especially with the ladies, so all this a learning experience regardless of how this turns out.

---

An interesting update. Kudos to you for helping the young lady in the first place and I'm sorry it didn't work out the way you had hoped. From what you've told us, I think you've handled the whole situation well.

-Teresa

---

At least the woman has apologized. She admitted she made an error of judgement. The OP should try to remain friends with her if he wants, no need for any fall outs or bad blood. These things happen.

---

Oh yeah because NO ONE here has a problem communicating things? Come the fresia on, that's not even a sensible argument to make when that could be said for half the things the OP (or **** near anyone else on this forum and in real life) has said...

The woman admitted her mistake about not telling the guy about her boyfriend. She said 'sorry' - So it looks like you have been wrong this time. Your opinions in this thread were wrong. Hard Luck, not everybody can be right about everything.

And maybe you should try not swearing in every post your write.

 

[Sci-Fi]

Knock it off!

Either be civil towards each other or just don't post.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Hate to break it to you, TB, but the issue of an apology doesn't always mean that one feels they were wrong. Sometimes it's just because there was a misunderstanding and the other person was confused or hurt.....
Doesn't mean my opinions were wrong.

Oh and fresia.

 

[HoodedMonk]

Oh and fresia.

You need to post in your swearing thread.

 

[VanillaCreme]

It's not acceptable at all. She shouldn't have brought her boyfriend with them. It was between her and him. She must be as thick as pig honeysuckle if she didn't think bringing her bloke along would spoil it for the other guy. She was in the wrong ! End of story !

She wasn't wrong. It could have been just a friendly meal out, which anyone could have joined.

Oh, and watch your swearing. Wouldn't want to cuss up a storm, would ya? Sure you wouldn't.

 

[Xpendable]

"If you save someone's life and they happen to have a crush on you, you really should go on a date with them" ???????????????????????????????????????????

They wouldn't ask you to the date if you mentioned the boyfriend before.

or

"Oh if you're in a possible dangerous situation and you have a boyfriend, but the only person that is around has a crush on you, you can't possibly ask for help"???

Yes you can, but you mention the boyfriend before. Especially if in both options you KNOW he has a crush on you.

Nice Red Herring, btw.

---

He could have easily charged her for labor.

After she cried?

I've paid friends for things (video card), but it was only because I thought it was fair enough. My friend never even brought up money or payment for it. Never. When he could have easily said an amount.

Does your friend has a crush on you?

 

[ABrokenMan]

Just logged back on here after a much needed break. I do hope everyone is faring well, or as best as they can manage.

I have been in the same situation as the OP, and the "used or not used" argument seems valid from both points of view.
I've learned to be nice without any pretense of expectation toward receiving anything but gratitude. Of course, I'm not one to keep performing favors to someone who keeps requesting them, ad nauseum. That is truly what being used means.

Now that we know the follow-up story, if I were the OP, I would have answered "I like you, too" in reply to the girl. That is, if he does like her after the dinner event. Perhaps she is uncertain of a future with her BF, and, well...you never know - doing something nice for someone one day can potentially turn into a warm friendship or even a romantic one. My life experience has taught me to be selfless and expect nothing. you do get burned, as I have, (badly) but this recent development in my life perhaps can illustrate why I continue to "take the high road":

I've met someone, she is so full of happiness and selfless nature, like myself, a willingness to let things flow as they may. I have to admit, her positive nature is something I really needed. I did a few favors for her, took her out to a festival a few weeks ago and she was so grateful. Of course, I'd love to explore a deeper relationship with her, but that won't likely transpire. Still, it was so nice just to share someone's company (of the opposite sex) after a long long time of being alone without any pretenses or hang-ups.

 

[VanillaCreme]

He could have easily charged her for labor.

After she cried?

Cried for what? I think you have some seriously misconstrued concepts. Why would anyone cry after being told labor charge. Either you don't know how it works or you've never been charged, but labor costs are quite common.

I've paid friends for things (video card), but it was only because I thought it was fair enough. My friend never even brought up money or payment for it. Never. When he could have easily said an amount.

Does your friend has a crush on you?

No. He's not the only friend to do that. And we don't charge anyone for anything in our crew either. We've sent things and never asked for money, and we've received things without being asked for payment.