L
Luna
Guest
I feel...almost alien...
An alien in disguise among humans...
Trying to conform, but somehow...
They can sense it.
Somehow, they sense that there is something else about me...
Something strange...something different...
Something wrong.
I can't connect to anyone - I have never been able to.
Why is it that I can't relate?
I just wish I could stop my craving for companionship.
It's this painful...stabbing sensation in my chest and comes in and out like violent tidal waves.
No.
It's not in my mind.
I can feel it...I can feel every bit of the grabbing and twisting within my heart.
I wish I didn't long for the embrace of another...
I wish I didn't crave for conversation and laughter among company...
I wish I didn't want so badly a sense of belonging somewhere...
I suppose I could just hug myself...
Talk to myself and laugh....
I won't look crazy will I?
I hate this feeling...
It's poison to my mind and soul...
A vicious disease spreading throughout my body...
I feel needy...lonely...desperate almost...
Just to hear someone say my name and tell me that everything will be fine...
Just for that hand to reach out to me and let me know I have a friend...
Oh fresia...
I was doing so well for the past month...
I thought that I had overcome this...
Overcome this wanting of people...
Because people are no good...
Their words are cheap and their actions hurtful...
I don't want to hear another person tell me, "Luna...I'm different. You have a friend in me..."
Because at the end of the day...
My heart is lifted, and then smashed into more pieces than what it was before.
Just fresia everyone and everything...
fresia me.
In my day-to-day life; I plaster on my smiles and fake my laughter with those among me...
I walk alone...always alone...
Running errands...
Taking up my interests and hobbies...
Always alone, but I pretend that its better that way...
To show people that I'm independent...that I don't need anyone...
But at the end of the day, I know that no one needs me either...
I feel sad.
I feel really, really sad.
And with my sadness, comes guilt and shame.
Why should I be sad?
I have no reason to be.
My life is far easier and better than most...
I have a family; I have food; I have clothing, shelter and a decent-paying job.
But even so...
That's not enough.
I'm a miserable, ungrateful *****.
I suppose I could tell myself that...
"It's normal" "It happens to everybody" "It'll get better"
But when I look in the mirror...
Sometimes it's not me that I see...
I see an old, crippled, fading spirit just waiting to be put out of its misery...
That was forced into my body because it had nowhere else to go...
Just like how I was forced into this world...
An alien in disguise among humans...
Trying to conform, but somehow...
They can sense it.
Somehow, they sense that there is something else about me...
Something strange...something different...
Something wrong.
I can't connect to anyone - I have never been able to.
Why is it that I can't relate?
I just wish I could stop my craving for companionship.
It's this painful...stabbing sensation in my chest and comes in and out like violent tidal waves.
No.
It's not in my mind.
I can feel it...I can feel every bit of the grabbing and twisting within my heart.
I wish I didn't long for the embrace of another...
I wish I didn't crave for conversation and laughter among company...
I wish I didn't want so badly a sense of belonging somewhere...
I suppose I could just hug myself...
Talk to myself and laugh....
I won't look crazy will I?
I hate this feeling...
It's poison to my mind and soul...
A vicious disease spreading throughout my body...
I feel needy...lonely...desperate almost...
Just to hear someone say my name and tell me that everything will be fine...
Just for that hand to reach out to me and let me know I have a friend...
Oh fresia...
I was doing so well for the past month...
I thought that I had overcome this...
Overcome this wanting of people...
Because people are no good...
Their words are cheap and their actions hurtful...
I don't want to hear another person tell me, "Luna...I'm different. You have a friend in me..."
Because at the end of the day...
My heart is lifted, and then smashed into more pieces than what it was before.
Just fresia everyone and everything...
fresia me.
In my day-to-day life; I plaster on my smiles and fake my laughter with those among me...
I walk alone...always alone...
Running errands...
Taking up my interests and hobbies...
Always alone, but I pretend that its better that way...
To show people that I'm independent...that I don't need anyone...
But at the end of the day, I know that no one needs me either...
I feel sad.
I feel really, really sad.
And with my sadness, comes guilt and shame.
Why should I be sad?
I have no reason to be.
My life is far easier and better than most...
I have a family; I have food; I have clothing, shelter and a decent-paying job.
But even so...
That's not enough.
I'm a miserable, ungrateful *****.
I suppose I could tell myself that...
"It's normal" "It happens to everybody" "It'll get better"
But when I look in the mirror...
Sometimes it's not me that I see...
I see an old, crippled, fading spirit just waiting to be put out of its misery...
That was forced into my body because it had nowhere else to go...
Just like how I was forced into this world...