I wish i wasnt like this

[whispers]

Most of the time i am normal, i'd say more than average, since i can connect with people in a special way. people who know me say i am an extraordinary person, that i have a fascinating life and that i am beautiful inside and out.
If it is so then why do i want to cry right now , aside from financial problems, my life is great. but i have this wave of sadness and depair that comes over me every once in awhile. I have negative thoughs, all of a sudden i dont beleive in my relationship anymore, maybe he will hurt me like all the others. These episodes scare me, they are times when i would do things that can realy damage my life. I am not thinking of suicide this time...but i just want to give up, let everything crumble, everything i have worked so hard to achieve means nothing to me today. I want to sceam and then hide for a while, but i cant, i have children, work. Guess ill try and sleep it off for now, but i have been fighting this since yesterday. just needed to vent, cant do it with my friends and family anymore, it scares them.

 

[In a lonely place]

Firstly, I want to give you a hug Whispers, because you obviously need one.
I don't really know you, but I'd say you need to believe in yourself and your life and if you can't do that then you need to change it.
Maybe that's simplistic and yes it is; but your negative thoughts are coming from somewhere, probably your subconscious, so maybe you know something is wrong somewhere.
I wish you well.

 

[whispers]

thank you for the hug, i realy needed one ! Ya i've been thinking, and the financial situation is affecting me more than i want to admit. You are right, i've got to change that. Its just when i have stress i cant function, i sleep (escape). Got to do something to get myself out of this. Thanks

 

[MadMonkè]

Sleep is better than self torture.

and eventually, we will have to face it. I know how u feel. I have several failed attempts at running different types of businesses. - what my friend calls, hairbrain schemes. I am faced with some tough situations now.
I dont know how to approach it. I know I need to do it now tho.

I have given up on my own ability to solve the problem. I told my situation to the only trustworthy friend I have left.
I knew him for 23 years. I just told him at the beginning of this year...
I'm far from being free... but now I dont have to worry about what to do next.... I just have to face my fear and just do it....

My progress is slow. but so is the plan....

You cannot contribute value to others'
until you can contribute value to yourself.
- my best friend.

 

[whispers]

Sleep is better than self torture.

and eventually, we will have to face it. I know how u feel. I have several failed attempts at running different types of businesses. - what my friend calls, hairbrain schemes. I am faced with some tough situations now.
I dont know how to approach it. I know I need to do it now tho.

I have given up on my own ability to solve the problem. I told my situation to the only trustworthy friend I have left.
I knew him for 23 years. I just told him at the beginning of this year...
I'm far from being free... but now I dont have to worry about what to do next.... I just have to face my fear and just do it....

My progress is slow. but so is the plan....

You cannot contribute value to others'
until you can contribute value to yourself.
- my best friend.

Ya, ive been trying to see what the real problem is, and came to the realisation yesterday. ( when i got two phone calls about payements i cant make)
I am very proud of my business, i love doing what i do... i don't want to admit to anyone that its not going to work out, all the time and money i put into it... it just breaks my heart and my pride. Like you...i have solutions but they will take time, and they want their money yesterday... not next year.
So you are right, i have to face it, swallow my pride and ask for temporary help....ouch.
Thank you, and good luck

 

[In a lonely place]

Sending Hugs to two brave souls.

 

[whispers]

Sending Hugs to two brave souls.

Receiving a hug from a great person :rolleyes2: thank you, i need it, especialy that the only people who know about this are here... no one in my life has a clue this is going on...
i was going to ask my dad for help, but i just remembered that i had asked for help 2 years ago when i left my ex, needed a few hundred dollard to pay my rent, and he refused...
then i wonder why im so scared to ask for help, my family cant even do it. god i dont know where to turn to...ill make an appointment at the bank this week for a consolidation... hope they accept, again that will take a few weeks...

 

[MadMonkè]

Money and love dont mix...
I've been spoiled by my mom with love. but we never really had money. so i could never ask her for any.

That was the motivation behind all my risky ventures. But I've been too careless.
I totally know what you mean about your pride..
I had so much confidence in my plan... so much of my identity invested, that when I realized it wouldnt work... I lost myself.

The journey to finding myself again is going to be rough... but tbh... my life had been pretty easy so far...
its just the fear of hard times that makes progress so hard. I know I can physically manage it.

After talking to your bank... find out more about your options. online or through friends...
it will give you support and confidence to tackle what you are about to face... dont be scared.

ps. I realize I'm somewhat directing this comment to myself... but I hope you hear me also.

 

[whispers]

Money and love dont mix...
I've been spoiled by my mom with love. but we never really had money. so i could never ask her for any.

That was the motivation behind all my risky ventures. But I've been too careless.
I totally know what you mean about your pride..
I had so much confidence in my plan... so much of my identity invested, that when I realized it wouldnt work... I lost myself.

The journey to finding myself again is going to be rough... but tbh... my life had been pretty easy so far...
its just the fear of hard times that makes progress so hard. I know I can physically manage it.

After talking to your bank... find out more about your options. online or through friends...
it will give you support and confidence to tackle what you are about to face... dont be scared.

ps. I realize I'm somewhat directing this comment to myself... but I hope you hear me also.

Ya seems like we are in the same boat... we'll be ok. I figure at least i didnt fall into the social mechanism of ''living for work''
I've always wanted to make a living out of what i love. Just need a little more structure lol
I understand the love and money relationship, my mom loves me and would sell her house to save my but, but she has no money and i would never ask. Dad has money, but has never realy bothered to show me he loved me, exept in public. When he sees that people appreciate me, he,s all proud to say i'm his daughter. When people sort of question my lifestyle , hes the first to side with them. Anyway, it hurt like hell, to be sitting at his table, crying, asking for a little help, and beeing told ''i wish i could help, i'm worried about you, but right now i need my money to renovate the kitchen'' (two years later its still not done )
well the past is behind me, gotta concentrate on what i can do now.
Thanks

 

[Harkat]

I dont know you but

*HUGS*

All the best! <3

 

[whispers]

I dont know you but

*HUGS*

All the best! <3

Thank you Harkat, i appreciate it :rolleyes2:

 

[Ak5]

Np Whispers, we're here to listen to you and help.

First of all, you can't give up! And you're not the only one who is being affected by the financial problems, there are millions more like you.

It must feel pretty bad to have your own father be like that to you; yet here you are! You're strong and you can still keep going.

I wish you the best of luck and as always, we're always willing to hear you out.

 

[branhow]

Hi Whispers,

I'm new to the forums and I came across your post. I realize that you posted this a little while back, but I just wanted to cheer you on! Even though I do not know you very well, I am sure your friends are right about you! If your friends think your extraordinary and that you connect brilliantly with others, then that in itself is very encouraging! I know you mentioned you did not want to talk with them about how you currently feel, but I just want to encourage you to find one friend that you can trust to discuss this with. Someone who will not judge you, but sympathize and help you through this time. I am sure I can speak for everyone that has commented on this post and say that we are all definitely here for you! So you can still definitely talk with us.

Whispers, I will definitely be praying for you tonight before I head off to sleep.

 

[Pezza]

You're strong Whispers. Stronger than you think. I'm confident You'll get through these tough times.

@branhow: That's a very nice first post

 

[whispers]

Thank you everyone, i will make it, i guess i just needed to see the bottom before reacting lol, today i told my mom and sister. They cant help much but the little they can do is helping. I also mentionned to one of my clients that business was slow and it was a bit scary...got 2 referals from her today !! I got out all of my old paperwork from when i was setting up the business, wow there were ideas in there that i never even got to do, maybe now is the time to boost it up !!! Well see, i,m working on it this week.
Thanks for your support, your confidance in me is helping more than you can imagine.

 

[sunshinemisa]

Sorry if this is a little late but I am sending you a hug. Be proud that you took the chance and risk to do something that you love. I wish that I could be as fearless as you. The only chance I took was taking culinary management (cooking school) a long time ago when everyone told me that it was a waste of time. It (cooking/baking) is still a passion, just phyically right now, not possible.

In regards to the financial matters, if you are talking to the bank or consolidating then you are on the right path. Making a decision (especially hard ones) once done, will hopefully open up new opportunities for you.

Wishing you the best of luck, I hope that everything works out for you!

 

[Ak5]

Go go go whispers!

 

[HC22]

Keep holding on, and it will get better !
it seems like you are already doing better, which is fantastic, it's great that you asked for help to your reltives I think it was a great choice.

Iwish you good luck !

 

[whispers]

Thank you again for the support, it is hard to work so hard on a goal and be affraid it wont work out. This week has been a good one...not financialy.. i wish. But i decided to take the spare time and do something good with it. I have 2 people signed up for an upcoming workshop, things will be just fine. I was able to make it this far, even though people told me to stick with my day job, and do this as a hobbie. I reached for my dream, i wont let it go... i cant, its my path, and if i change my path, i will get lost.

 

[HC22]

This is the right attitude !

If you keep being positive it will only keep getting better ! I wish I had your strenght.