I wish i would die

[onedayatatime1969]

I understand how people who want to die feel. I have no one i can really talk to on a regular basis. I am a 40 year old who is divorced and never had kids. I am broke and am in college. My parents don't like me because they think i am bad to them. There is so much bad blood between us because of the mental and physical abuse as well as the neglect.I have lost the will anymore to try with them. I am not sure why i am on earth. My teeth are rotting out and i drive an old beat up car. I am not young anymore and people don't seem to want to be my friend outside of class or the gym. I stay alive thinking i should but i feel that the suffering and the lonliness i have endured for about 9 years now since my divorce should have been gone by now. No matter what i do nothing gets better. I had a pain in my chest one early morning that was severe and woke me out of a deep sleep. I hoped and still do that it is something that will kill me. I would appreciate it if God would either let me know he is there and wants me here on earth or would bring me home so i would stop suffering. At this point i feel i have learned all i can learn from this situation.

 

[Badjedidude]

Welcome to the site, oneday. *hug* Feel free to contact any of us here to talk about things if you want to, ok?

I hope you have a good day.

 

[Eyelyisa]

Please don't die! If you want someone to talk to... I really think yu don't have it that bad and am pretty sure I can help you thru this. Do you have msn?

 

[coricopat]

I'm sorry you're having such a rough time. I've felt that pain, where you feel like God should either step in and help out or put you out of your misery. It's a sucky place to be.

 

[onedayatatime1969]

Welcome to the site, oneday. *hug* Feel free to contact any of us here to talk about things if you want to, ok?

I hope you have a good day.

Thank you guys

 

[Phaedron]

I will also offer my friendship, and my insights.

I believe life is a journey in which we are to learn and experience many things. Of course we have to take the bad along with the good, but life is an adventure.

If an approach isn't working, then maybe it's time to change your approach. Maybe you do need to die in a sense, I have died twice, on amental, emotional, and spiritual level, and was completely reborn into a new mentality. If you feel you need to die, then I urge you to expand your awareness, and become a new person, rather then pull the trigger and kill off the body.

Have you ever thought about the big questions in life? My life changed when I finally understood that God loves each and every person, and that it is unacceptable for even one of them to be forever lost. Thus it made sense that multiple lifetimes (reincarnation) and Karma were the perfect means for justice and for each soul to grow and ascend. What you do returns to you three fold.

Does your life feel like a run of bad luck? Maybe it's because of something you did in a past life. Or maybe there are lessons you need to learn in this life. I'll tell you this though, do not kill yourself. It will accomplish nothing. You can't run away from your problems. If you fail to learn from your situation then you will be doomed to be reborn into it over and over again.

I have actually studied reincarnation quite a bit, and every single time I come across people who kill themselves, I find that past regression reveals they keep being reborn into the same situation until they find a way to deal with it without killing themselves. I'm not trying to push any beliefs on you here, I just find that the probability of being reborn into the same situation over and over again merits mentioning these things as a potentially powerful deterrent to suicide.

Life is an infinite adventure in which we are constantly learning and growing, however only the right mentality is capable of being happy with life eternal.

You are definitely ready for there to be new dimensions to your life. They don't have to be spiritual, but I strongly feel you are in need of something new. I don't know what to tell you about your current circumstances, however if you express yourself in detail you will definitely find good people who will try their best to help you here.

 

[onedayatatime1969]

Thanks for your words. Reincarnation is something i have been open to for some time. I don't think any of us know what happens when we leave our body. The only thing that makes sense to me is that we are here to learn. I agree with you on that. Because i have no idea what God is doing with my life i feel abandoned. I have waited years for change and tried to do everything in my power to figure this out. I figure if God wanted me dead he would take me home. He has me here in this life still and he has been nowhere to be found. Meanwhile total jerks get "blessings" all the time. I wonder where God is when children are starving to death and people are being tortured. I know there is another side after we pass. I am beginning to think of God as a CEO of a big business who has so much to do he doesn't have time to do what he needs to do. Also, whoever works for him picks who they want to help regardless of who should get help. God is really pissing me off. He let's people suffer and i don't deserve this crap. I know many people have it worse. But God's promises have proven false in my life. I think that God just doesn't care as much as we are lead to believe. I feel like we are all an experiment.

I will also offer my friendship, and my insights.

I believe life is a journey in which we are to learn and experience many things. Of course we have to take the bad along with the good, but life is an adventure.

If an approach isn't working, then maybe it's time to change your approach. Maybe you do need to die in a sense, I have died twice, on amental, emotional, and spiritual level, and was completely reborn into a new mentality. If you feel you need to die, then I urge you to expand your awareness, and become a new person, rather then pull the trigger and kill off the body.

Have you ever thought about the big questions in life? My life changed when I finally understood that God loves each and every person, and that it is unacceptable for even one of them to be forever lost. Thus it made sense that multiple lifetimes (reincarnation) and Karma were the perfect means for justice and for each soul to grow and ascend. What you do returns to you three fold.

Does your life feel like a run of bad luck? Maybe it's because of something you did in a past life. Or maybe there are lessons you need to learn in this life. I'll tell you this though, do not kill yourself. It will accomplish nothing. You can't run away from your problems. If you fail to learn from your situation then you will be doomed to be reborn into it over and over again.

I have actually studied reincarnation quite a bit, and every single time I come across people who kill themselves, I find that past regression reveals they keep being reborn into the same situation until they find a way to deal with it without killing themselves. I'm not trying to push any beliefs on you here, I just find that the probability of being reborn into the same situation over and over again merits mentioning these things as a potentially powerful deterrent to suicide.

Life is an infinite adventure in which we are constantly learning and growing, however only the right mentality is capable of being happy with life eternal.

You are definitely ready for there to be new dimensions to your life. They don't have to be spiritual, but I strongly feel you are in need of something new. I don't know what to tell you about your current circumstances, however if you express yourself in detail you will definitely find good people who will try their best to help you here.

 

[Phaedron]

I hear ya... For 10+ years of my life I have felt that way...

I was born and raised Christian and had a lot of traditional views of God, and most of my family died when I was 16. I spent my years drifting and wondering what was my purpose, and where the hell was God when I needed him...

I guess all that ended in bitterness in a way... It's quite ironic. As a general rule I have given up on that idea of God, I don't ask anything of him anymore. This is the world of man, as such I don't expect any miracles. It's as thought there is a non-interference policy concerning our world. It's a messed up world where the evil triumph and the righteous fall, I agree with you on that.

If you think about it, no matter how you explain anything, you can never completely share the truth of your life. A "movie" of your life would go a long way, there even that would not convey to another person the true extent of it. So you are ultimately alone. We are all ultimately alone, I call it the lonely truth...

We are born alone and we die alone. If we transcend attachments, then we can transcend suffering...

If God is being an ass, then I say abandon him... it doing so, you might just find him...

 

[onedayatatime1969]

Can you explain more of what you mean when you say in abandoning God you just might find him?

I hear ya... For 10+ years of my life I have felt that way...

I was born and raised Christian and had a lot of traditional views of God, and most of my family died when I was 16. I spent my years drifting and wondering what was my purpose, and where the hell was God when I needed him...

I guess all that ended in bitterness in a way... It's quite ironic. As a general rule I have given up on that idea of God, I don't ask anything of him anymore. This is the world of man, as such I don't expect any miracles. It's as thought there is a non-interference policy concerning our world. It's a messed up world where the evil triumph and the righteous fall, I agree with you on that.

If you think about it, no matter how you explain anything, you can never completely share the truth of your life. A "movie" of your life would go a long way, there even that would not convey to another person the true extent of it. So you are ultimately alone. We are all ultimately alone, I call it the lonely truth...

We are born alone and we die alone. If we transcend attachments, then we can transcend suffering...

If God is being an ass, then I say abandon him... it doing so, you might just find him...

 

[Only Illusion]

I understand how people who want to die feel. I have no one i can really talk to on a regular basis. I am a 40 year old who is divorced and never had kids.

Congrats on the divorce man. Mine was one of the best things that ever happened to me. Oh and kids are a pain in the ass anyway. Plus there are like 7 billion people on this planet now...we don't need any more. Get a pet instead. I recommend a dog. They're better than kids in so many ways.

I am broke and am in college.

Luckily Ramen Noodles an cheap beer are enough to sustain life. So what are you studying in college? What do you want to be when you grow up?

My parents don't like me because they think i am bad to them. There is so much bad blood between us because of the mental and physical abuse as well as the neglect.I have lost the will anymore to try with them.

I'm sure your parents still love you bro. Just stop mentally and physically assaulting them and keep trying. They'll come around eventually.

I am not sure why i am on earth. My teeth are rotting out and i drive an old beat up car.

Where do you live? I've heard that rotten teeth are hip in places like the U.K.. And does you car have a bad-ass stereo in it at least? I'm a firm believer in $500 cars with $2000 sound systems. The only way to roll.

I am not young anymore and people don't seem to want to be my friend outside of class or the gym. I stay alive thinking i should but i feel that the suffering and the lonliness i have endured for about 9 years now since my divorce should have been gone by now. No matter what i do nothing gets better. I had a pain in my chest one early morning that was severe and woke me out of a deep sleep. I hoped and still do that it is something that will kill me. I would appreciate it if God would either let me know he is there and wants me here on earth or would bring me home so i would stop suffering. At this point i feel i have learned all i can learn from this situation.

Apparently if you're still here then He still wants you here. Don't crawl into a corner and twitch uncontrollably until you die just yet.

 

[onedayatatime1969]

For those of you that think they are being helpful thank you. For all the others why waste your time with nonsense?

I understand how people who want to die feel. I have no one i can really talk to on a regular basis. I am a 40 year old who is divorced and never had kids.

Congrats on the divorce man. Mine was one of the best things that ever happened to me. Oh and kids are a pain in the ass anyway. Plus there are like 7 billion people on this planet now...we don't need any more. Get a pet instead. I recommend a dog. They're better than kids in so many ways.

I am broke and am in college.

Luckily Ramen Noodles an cheap beer are enough to sustain life. So what are you studying in college? What do you want to be when you grow up?

My parents don't like me because they think i am bad to them. There is so much bad blood between us because of the mental and physical abuse as well as the neglect.I have lost the will anymore to try with them.

I'm sure your parents still love you bro. Just stop mentally and physically assaulting them and keep trying. They'll come around eventually.

I am not sure why i am on earth. My teeth are rotting out and i drive an old beat up car.

Where do you live? I've heard that rotten teeth are hip in places like the U.K.. And does you car have a bad-ass stereo in it at least? I'm a firm believer in $500 cars with $2000 sound systems. The only way to roll.

I am not young anymore and people don't seem to want to be my friend outside of class or the gym. I stay alive thinking i should but i feel that the suffering and the lonliness i have endured for about 9 years now since my divorce should have been gone by now. No matter what i do nothing gets better. I had a pain in my chest one early morning that was severe and woke me out of a deep sleep. I hoped and still do that it is something that will kill me. I would appreciate it if God would either let me know he is there and wants me here on earth or would bring me home so i would stop suffering. At this point i feel i have learned all i can learn from this situation.

Apparently if you're still here then He still wants you here. Don't crawl into a corner and twitch uncontrollably until you die just yet.

 

[Only Illusion]

For those of you that think they are being helpful thank you. For all the others why waste your time with nonsense

What do you want to hear man? You looking for answers? You're probably not going to get them here...we're all still looking for our own. You want someone to pat you on the head and tell you everything is going to be ok? That seems to, more or less, be the prevalent response in this forum and to each there own but that solves nothing so fresia that.

Sorry for making light of your situation. I laugh at myself and make fun of my situations all the time. It's better than wallowing in your own personal pile of honeysuckle when there isn't a whole lot you can do about it in the moment.

Ok here you go...here's my advice for what it's worth. Apparently what you've done up until this point in your life hasn't worked for you so try something else...and if that doesn't work then try something else...and if that doesn't work then try something else...ad infintum until you get it right. If you're looking for a magic pill that's going to fix everything...good luck...you're probably not going to find it.

Here's a couple books you can read if you're so inclined....

"Man's Search For Meaning" by Viktor E. Frankl...You think your life is messed? Read about what this dude went through and how he chose to cope with it. This is one guy that didn't feel sorry for himself even though he experienced and survived some of the most disgusting things a human can be subjected to.

And on the lighter side (and one of my personal favorites)..."Shut Up, Stop Whining, and Get a Life" by Larry Winget. The title says it all and this guy is dead on and hilarious. *CAUTION* Do not read if your need is to be coddled.

Probably not exactly what you were looking for, but....better?

Oh and sorry for using words such as "man" and "bro"...I could have swore your profile said you were male. I must have got it mixed up with someone else's

 

[CyNiCalLiBrAn]

I understand how people who want to die feel. I have no one i can really talk to on a regular basis. I am a 40 year old who is divorced and never had kids. I am broke and am in college. My parents don't like me because they think i am bad to them. There is so much bad blood between us because of the mental and physical abuse as well as the neglect.I have lost the will anymore to try with them. I am not sure why i am on earth. My teeth are rotting out and i drive an old beat up car. I am not young anymore and people don't seem to want to be my friend outside of class or the gym. I stay alive thinking i should but i feel that the suffering and the lonliness i have endured for about 9 years now since my divorce should have been gone by now. No matter what i do nothing gets better. I had a pain in my chest one early morning that was severe and woke me out of a deep sleep. I hoped and still do that it is something that will kill me. I would appreciate it if God would either let me know he is there and wants me here on earth or would bring me home so i would stop suffering. At this point i feel i have learned all i can learn from this situation.

I thought the same exact thing about 20 minutes ago in the shower contemplating suicide.. I thought if there's a God out there listening please kill me. I even prayed hoping it would happen so many times I can't even remember anymore. Im in a similar situation unemployed now with no car, no friends, no money, no girl, and no respect from anyone in my family. I guess all I can really say is I hope things get better for the both of us..

 

[marfles7]

You talk about a divorce and not having kids. I've also longed to have a child one day, but really i don't know if that would help in how i feel sometimes. We don't know for sure what's there for us to be happy. Do you have any hobbies? This is so trivial but is there a club you can join, like a book club or anything like that? That way you could meet more people or try new things. I don't wanna sound like Dear Abby (a local column here) or anything like that, i'm not an expert, but there's gotta be something you enjoy doing besides gym and classes. I don't think it matters what car you drive. I wouldn't to me at all. I know it's really hard to make friends in college especially when we're already older. I didn't make friends in college at all and i was young back then. I've made one friend in graduate school and we're still close friends. It doesn't usually happen so i understand you there. I'm really sorry you feel this way, but please don't give up. I've never contemplated that cause i've always wondered what's next for me. Because as long as we're here, it's for a reason, and there's gotta be something out there.

 

[onedayatatime1969]

I do too CyniCalLibran. I hope things get better for you too. Atleast we have not given up and died.

I understand how people who want to die feel. I have no one i can really talk to on a regular basis. I am a 40 year old who is divorced and never had kids. I am broke and am in college. My parents don't like me because they think i am bad to them. There is so much bad blood between us because of the mental and physical abuse as well as the neglect.I have lost the will anymore to try with them. I am not sure why i am on earth. My teeth are rotting out and i drive an old beat up car. I am not young anymore and people don't seem to want to be my friend outside of class or the gym. I stay alive thinking i should but i feel that the suffering and the lonliness i have endured for about 9 years now since my divorce should have been gone by now. No matter what i do nothing gets better. I had a pain in my chest one early morning that was severe and woke me out of a deep sleep. I hoped and still do that it is something that will kill me. I would appreciate it if God would either let me know he is there and wants me here on earth or would bring me home so i would stop suffering. At this point i feel i have learned all i can learn from this situation.

I thought the same exact thing about 20 minutes ago in the shower contemplating suicide.. I thought if there's a God out there listening please kill me. I even prayed hoping it would happen so many times I can't even remember anymore. Im in a similar situation unemployed now with no car, no friends, no money, no girl, and no respect from anyone in my family. I guess all I can really say is I hope things get better for the both of us..

---

Thanks Marfles, thank you for the encouraging words.

You talk about a divorce and not having kids. I've also longed to have a child one day, but really i don't know if that would help in how i feel sometimes. We don't know for sure what's there for us to be happy. Do you have any hobbies? This is so trivial but is there a club you can join, like a book club or anything like that? That way you could meet more people or try new things. I don't wanna sound like Dear Abby (a local column here) or anything like that, i'm not an expert, but there's gotta be something you enjoy doing besides gym and classes. I don't think it matters what car you drive. I wouldn't to me at all. I know it's really hard to make friends in college especially when we're already older. I didn't make friends in college at all and i was young back then. I've made one friend in graduate school and we're still close friends. It doesn't usually happen so i understand you there. I'm really sorry you feel this way, but please don't give up. I've never contemplated that cause i've always wondered what's next for me. Because as long as we're here, it's for a reason, and there's gotta be something out there.