I am going to type some crap here that I need to get out. If someone reads it, awesome, if not, oh well.
I want to break something. I want to get a hammer... no, better yet, I want to use my HANDS to grab something in the kitchen and just smash it on the counter until it explodes. Then, I want to go outside in the yard, and take a garden tool, and just dig up the ground and stab it repeatedly until the ground is all chopped up and my mother's yard is utterly brutalized.
But I can't. Because my neighbor is a cop, and I'm not *quite* self-destructive enough to do something like that and go to jail or ruin my already phantom-like reputation that I cling to.
I feel frustrated, and sad, and depressed, and lonely, and restless, and pissed off, and angry, all with no real focus. I just want to scream and scream and moan and groan and whine and to kick things!
I just got back from Brazil a month ago. I was married for 2 years, and I got divorced and came back to America. I am living with my parents again, I'm 24, I have no job, no car, and no money in my bank account.
I hate my shitty little small town. I only have two friends here. All the jobs here suck. I don't want to, I CAN'T work at some stupid job making minimum wage with morons all day. I can't take it. I just don't have it in me.
I want to meet someone amazing, someone who can spark life in me. I feel so ******* dead.
I am an atheist. I hate and despise religious people. I hate the dating culture here in America. It is so repressed and antiquated.
I just want to meet a beautiful, intelligent atheist woman, who will see the good things in me and be willing to tolerate my bullshit and flaws.
I'm really struggling here, guys. Even in the past, I had VERY little motivation and ambition that I held on to, and even that is slipping away from me now.
I just want something to live for, something to look forward to. Life is just filled with the same honeysuckle everyday, and people are all the same.
I need a push. Where the fresia is that person?
How are people, who are so intelligent and beautiful, able to get motivated and to do great things? Where do they get that ENERGY from? It is so ******* ALIEN to me! I feel so apathetic all the time!
People like Richard Dawkins. Where do they get that energy and ambition from? All that my convicitons do for me is drag me down.
I think it is this place. This town. It is the butthole of America. The absolute worst. Nothing but religious, nimwitted, ignorant rednecks and scum. SCUM. It is suffocating me and stifling me. I need to escape! I need to get out! I need to reach a eutopia of intellectualism and kind hearts that doesn't ******* exist!
I want to break something. I want to get a hammer... no, better yet, I want to use my HANDS to grab something in the kitchen and just smash it on the counter until it explodes. Then, I want to go outside in the yard, and take a garden tool, and just dig up the ground and stab it repeatedly until the ground is all chopped up and my mother's yard is utterly brutalized.
But I can't. Because my neighbor is a cop, and I'm not *quite* self-destructive enough to do something like that and go to jail or ruin my already phantom-like reputation that I cling to.
I feel frustrated, and sad, and depressed, and lonely, and restless, and pissed off, and angry, all with no real focus. I just want to scream and scream and moan and groan and whine and to kick things!
I just got back from Brazil a month ago. I was married for 2 years, and I got divorced and came back to America. I am living with my parents again, I'm 24, I have no job, no car, and no money in my bank account.
I hate my shitty little small town. I only have two friends here. All the jobs here suck. I don't want to, I CAN'T work at some stupid job making minimum wage with morons all day. I can't take it. I just don't have it in me.
I want to meet someone amazing, someone who can spark life in me. I feel so ******* dead.
I am an atheist. I hate and despise religious people. I hate the dating culture here in America. It is so repressed and antiquated.
I just want to meet a beautiful, intelligent atheist woman, who will see the good things in me and be willing to tolerate my bullshit and flaws.
I'm really struggling here, guys. Even in the past, I had VERY little motivation and ambition that I held on to, and even that is slipping away from me now.
I just want something to live for, something to look forward to. Life is just filled with the same honeysuckle everyday, and people are all the same.
I need a push. Where the fresia is that person?
How are people, who are so intelligent and beautiful, able to get motivated and to do great things? Where do they get that ENERGY from? It is so ******* ALIEN to me! I feel so apathetic all the time!
People like Richard Dawkins. Where do they get that energy and ambition from? All that my convicitons do for me is drag me down.
I think it is this place. This town. It is the butthole of America. The absolute worst. Nothing but religious, nimwitted, ignorant rednecks and scum. SCUM. It is suffocating me and stifling me. I need to escape! I need to get out! I need to reach a eutopia of intellectualism and kind hearts that doesn't ******* exist!