If you can´t get love, would you rely on sex?

[ardour]

No. Never ever.

I have already given up on love. Hence I know now that I will never have love in my lifetime and I am prepared for to live that way as well.

I do get attracted and I do experience but it is of different kind, for me it is "Aesthetic attraction". This attraction is purely of aesthetic type and nothing more than that. That's the only attraction I experience.

As far as sex is concerned, I am not asexual but then I don't believe in sex and also I have absolutely no(zero) desire for something like sex and I don't want that ever in my life.

...

I can understand that, honestly even I also have a desire, a small desire perhaps, to feel touched ,loved by someone. Of course I will feel great if I know that someone can also love me, a person like me but then I know it will never happen and I am equally capable of living without love in my life. It's fine if I never get it.

You mean to say something is better than nothing right?

That's a good thing but that doesn't work that way for me, in this case as I told you I have already given up love and I don't believe in sex and I don't want it because I am not like that, not that kind of person, I have my own high standards and I live by it.

"Don't believe in sex" refers to the casual, 'recreational', outside of monogamous relationship kind, right?

There might be a ESL communication problem here. Considering all sex immoral is rather extreme and means opposing reproduction.

 

[TheSkaFish]

So then what are you physical attracted to if its that extraordinary that only 3 girls ever met your standard?

I for myself can confirm, that a personality can change the way I´m attracted to him. Both ways. But you´re building your own walls when you compare every girl to your 3 perfect girls before you even talk to them. You can have your standards, thats no problem. But you have to be prepared to be alone for longer if they are that high and if you´re not allowing to get to know someone better who´s probably not perfect. And not to forget: You get born with a certain face/ certain body. It´s nothing that we can influence that.

I'm physically attracted to someone who is beautiful in the regular sense of the term, but without falling into the usual types people fall into. They don't have the same looks themselves. I've noticed whenever I'm out that lots of people look more or less alike. They don't really stand out from the crowd. I'm looking for someone pretty who doesn't look like anyone else.

 

[lonelydoc]

I would gladly take sex without love, but not if a woman says it outright. That's a bit skanky.

 

[Sci-Fi]

I would gladly take sex without love, but not if a woman says it outright. That's a bit skanky.

I wouldn't call it being skanky that's a bit harsh, but to be fair since that is the way you are putting it, any guy who does the same thing should be considered just as skanky.

 

[Cavey]

I don't want sex without love. I've experienced it with love and without just wouldn't be the same - plus I'm one of those people that has absolutely no ability to separate my emotions, so I'm going to end up getting seriously hurt.

 

[Cucuboth]

I admit, that I used to think that sex would (and should) only happen with someone you love. But over time, and experience, I have learnt that I was probably waiting for something that wasn't going to happen. So now, I don't think that I would necessarily need love to have sex with someone, but, I still want some kind of caring and affection. And above that, I want to know what, whomever I did it with, that she wanted to do it with me ... that it is something that she wanted to share with me.

That's why I won't go out and just 'buy it', even though I've always been told that that is the only way I will ever find someone to have sex with me. OK, I confess that I have tried to do that. I've been in to brothels. But it all felt so fake, so unemotional ... they didn't care if I used my real name (even prefered that I didn't), that it felt like they didn't care at all, really. I didn't go in to a room with any of the women there, I left before that because I knew that it just wasn't what I really wanted.

Some people seem to think that because I didn't go through with it, because I won't go and 'pay for it', then it must not be very important to me. Well, quite the opposite. In fact, going and trying to make it something unemotional, just highlighted to me that it was important to me to have SOME emotion, even if it isn't love. Like I said at the start, I just want some care to be there, to know that someone wants to share this experience with me, rather than just doing it because I'm paying them to (sorry if that sounds crude).

But people are different. Some can remove emotion when they want or need to. And others find it quite important. Waiting, trying to find a woman who at least cares, probably does make it more difficult on myself, but, I would rather know that I did wait for someone to care enough, than to know for the rest of my life that I simply bought one of the most important emotional events of my life ....

 

[ardour]

That's why I won't go out and just 'buy it', even though I've always been told that that is the only way I will ever find someone to have sex with me. OK, I confess that I have tried to do that. I've been in to brothels. But it all felt so fake, so unemotional ... they didn't care if I used my real name (even prefered that I didn't), that it felt like they didn't care at all, really. I didn't go in to a room with any of the women there, I left before that because I knew that it just wasn't what I really wanted.

Some people seem to think that because I didn't go through with it, because I won't go and 'pay for it', then it must not be very important to me. Well, quite the opposite. In fact, going and trying to make it something unemotional, just highlighted to me that it was important to me to have SOME emotion, even if it isn't love. Like I said at the start, I just want some care to be there, to know that someone wants to share this experience with me, rather than just doing it because I'm paying them to (sorry if that sounds crude).

Don't let anyone tell you to "go buy it". There'd be nothing worse for a first sexual experience than having an unwilling partner who's only interest is getting paid (and who finds the whole ordeal repulsive.) Most of us couldn't stand the idea of being a 'John', just another miserable experience in someone else's miserable life.

 

[sk66rc]

I don't see a problem with 2 consenting adults having fun...

 

[VanillaCreme]

I'm physically attracted to someone who is beautiful in the regular sense of the term, but without falling into the usual types people fall into. They don't have the same looks themselves. I've noticed whenever I'm out that lots of people look more or less alike. They don't really stand out from the crowd. I'm looking for someone pretty who doesn't look like anyone else.

Sounds like you want an alien.

 

[johnny196775]

I think it is completely up to you to decide if you are going to be okay or not about it.

and good luck.

 

[TheSkaFish]

I'm physically attracted to someone who is beautiful in the regular sense of the term, but without falling into the usual types people fall into. They don't have the same looks themselves. I've noticed whenever I'm out that lots of people look more or less alike. They don't really stand out from the crowd. I'm looking for someone pretty who doesn't look like anyone else.

Sounds like you want an alien.

It's hard to explain who they are. It bothers me that I can't describe them very well, because one of the things I want to do with my life is create a good story and it makes me feel like a bad writer that I can't express exactly what these girls are like that makes them special to me. All I can really think to do is to show someone a picture of them and some of the things that they say, but I don't think they'd want me doing that. They're all physically attractive in the conventional sense but at the same time in their own unique twist on it, versus being in a type like gym girls or club girls or bar-scene bleached blondes or post-college professionals. They're into science and philosophy and creative pursuits, all kinds of music and movies, have pets, very literate, adventurous, and like everything from going out to shows to stories for kids. They're all confident in their abilities, optimistic, encouraging of others, and sweet. They tend to come up with non-standard thoughts and conversations. They're looking for real experiences, not happy hour. They have all kinds of interests so they don't fall very neatly into types, unlike most people who stick mostly to two or three interests.

 

[Ymir]

I'm physically attracted to someone who is beautiful in the regular sense of the term, but without falling into the usual types people fall into. They don't have the same looks themselves. I've noticed whenever I'm out that lots of people look more or less alike. They don't really stand out from the crowd. I'm looking for someone pretty who doesn't look like anyone else.

Sounds like you want an alien.

It's hard to explain who they are. It bothers me that I can't describe them very well, because one of the things I want to do with my life is create a good story and it makes me feel like a bad writer that I can't express exactly what these girls are like that makes them special to me. All I can really think to do is to show someone a picture of them and some of the things that they say, but I don't think they'd want me doing that. They're all physically attractive in their own way, versus being in a type like gym girls or club girls or bar-scene bleached blondes or post-college professionals. They're into science and philosophy and creative pursuits, all kinds of music and movies, have pets, very literate, adventurous, and like everything from going out to shows to stories for kids. They're all confident in their abilities, optimistic, encouraging of others, and sweet. They tend to come up with non-standard thoughts and conversations. They're looking for real experiences, not happy hour. They have all kinds of interests so they don't fall very neatly into types, unlike most people who stick mostly to two or three interests.

I bid you good luck hahahahaha

asking for the impossible

 

[TheSkaFish]

asking for the impossible

It's not impossible because I've met the impossible.

 

[Ymir]

asking for the impossible

It's not impossible because I've met the impossible.

Perhaps you didn't know them too well.

 

[TheSkaFish]

asking for the impossible

It's not impossible because I've met the impossible.

Perhaps you didn't know them too well.

I knew them for a year at least. I think I got to know them pretty well, certainly enough to know they aren't like most girls.

 

[Ymir]

I'm actually going to make a thread for this because this was something that has been bothering me for a little while. It's not a like a sly dig at you or anything, just a rant based on my own experiences and I don't want to hijack the thread haha.

 

[TheSkaFish]

I'm actually going to make a thread for this because this was something that has been bothering me for a little while. It's not a like a sly dig at you or anything, just a rant based on my own experiences and I don't want to hijack the thread haha.

You have my permission to make a thread about it if you want. I didn't ask for it to be closed last time, either. You said you weren't trying to offend me then, so no offense was taken. It's all good. I don't want to hijack this thread either, I feel I've been kind of rude about that already.

 

[Lonesome2]

I draw the line of having an affair with someone involved in a relationship or married. I would not rely on love for that reason. Otherwise, I'M SAYING YES. Friends with benefits (sex) would work for me for now.

 

[ABrokenMan]

Me too.

Hoping for love, working at it, all the while failing, is so exhausting and leaves me feeling lonely.

 

[SeaBee]

My ex offered me friendship with benefit but I have to say it kind of bothers me a little and I have difficulty to imagine how it would be like. I wander if it's even emotionally healthy.
we separated but we still feel there is some love left but no more Trust as far as I am concerned. Now I do feel alone and have little friend so it is tempting. For now I just told her I wasn't ready for it.

Anyone experience something similar with your ex?