Ignored

[IsaaKC]

Am I being paranoid or is this really happening?
I can't help but feel that sometimes my friends ignore me.
I feel like I can really only depend on my best friend to see me through things, and I love him for that. I wouldn't call him my best friend if he wasn't someone I could depend on.

but I try to form friendships with other people because I'm human, a creature that is social by nature.

When it comes to other people, I feel like I'm ignored by them. I have two friends, I used to write on their facebook walls and text. They would get back to me but after a while, they just leave me hanging.
I've hung out with them on separate occasions. And they weren't some strangers I met online, one was an old co-worker, the other someone I met a debate competition.
I hear nothing from them for a while until they decide to talk to me again, talk for a litte and then ignore me again.
I would say I still call these two people friends, but I don't try to reach out to them any more, I only talk to them if they talk to me first.

Recently, I met someone in my biology class last semester, and I thought I found a good friend. Winter Break came around, we would hang out, talk on the phone, text, the works. I thought I found someone else I could depend on. For the past week and a half, she's been pretty bad about getting back to me.

Due to what I've experienced before, I felt that it was happening again. So a couple of days ago, when I saw her, I asked her if I was annoying her, maybe if I was texting her too much or something.
She told me it wasn't annoying, just that sometimes she forgets, and that she doesn't really like texting all that much. She isn't trying to ignore me.
I want to believe her, I sincerely do, but this kind of thing wasn't happening over the break. Like for example, last week she told me about a club in school that she joined.
I asked what do they do in that club and she told me and asked if I could show up to the next meeting the following day. I asked her what time it was at and where it was and she never got back to me.
She texted me the next day apologizing for not checking her phone until 19 hours later, 3 hours after the meeting ended, and said she hates her phone.
2 days before that she asked about attending a politics club meeting and told her I couldn't attend it. She asked me if I could come next week and told me some of the topics and I asked her a question and she never got back to me.

Like I said, I want to believe maybe she forgot, but when she asks me a question, I'm assuming she expects a response. And to go that long without checking her phone seems illogical to me.

I know the 1st 2 have blatantly ignored me and it hurts.
I don't know if she is.
If I see her again I want to ask her again and maybe explain that other people have ignored me and ask if she was being honest about not checking her phone, but I don't know if I should.
I don't blame her if anything I blame myself, because it's me they are ignoring. I want to know, if there is something I can change for the better, I can know what it is or if it really is nothing.

 

[Sci-Fi]

Okay, stop. Put down your phone and walk away from it.

You're feelings are justified but it sounds like you are over complicating it. As someone who hates texting let me assure you that she could be telling the truth. There are many times I don't respond to a text for quite some time because I just don't think about it. I'm surprised for a girl that she hates texting, lol. I'm being stereotypical here I'm sure there are lots of girls who hate texting.

Don't keep asking her, you might just scare her off. I had a friend who would text me A LOT and it did get quite annoying, especially when she starts texting me why I haven't answered her text yet. Sometimes I was preoccupied, like cleaning my apartment, cooking my supper, taking a crap, I live alone no one does those things for me. Sometimes she'd even call to find out why I haven't texted her back yet. DON'T BE THAT PERSON!

Your feelings of being ignored are your feelings, she might not see it that way. Please don't take this the wrong way I'm not trying to be mean but maybe you feel like you get ignored because you just might bug a person more than they want to be bugged. Some people just don't like having to respond back right away and then have to get another text complaining they haven't or questioned why. Maybe they are having a bad day so they don't want to talk/text/etc. It is so annoying when people do that, and human nature is for us to just put down the phone and walk away for awhile. It's also human nature to tell someone that they aren't annoying them when they might be just to spare someones feelings. Not saying this is you, just being honest with you.

It is frustrating when you text someone and they don't respond when you want, but just remember you don't know what they are doing on the other end, it could be anything. They might not even realize they have a text until they check their phone, then it could be late and they figure they will just see you the next day and talk to you. So many different variables. Don't live through your phone.

We need to go back to simpler times before everyone had cell phones and text messaging became the new way to communicate. You had to wait until you could call the person or saw them again to talk to them.

If you want to change for the better try working on these feelings of being ignored you have. Like I said, you have no idea what that person is doing, they are probably not ignoring you, they're just busy. Next time you think someone is ignoring you try to convince yourself that they are busy, and wait until you have a chance to talk to them in person, let it go.

 

[brickinthewall]

I can pretty much understand where you're coming as I myself often find myself in situations such as this. As the poster above me said ( sorry I am new here and don't know people yet) your feelings are justified but don't overreact!

I know it's hard for you to do this but I think the best thing for you to do at the moment is to lay off the texting for a while and let things cool down ( yes as hard as it may seem ) for a couple of days.

Try to put your phone aside because there is no conversation like face to face conversation. From what I understand you guys go to the same school , ask her if you could walk her home when you finish classes and if that isn't possible for you just call her in a few days and ask her if she wants to go for a walk and just hang out a bit. I'm sure she has something going on that makes her act distant so try finding out what that is and maybe help her if you can just don't act desperate because that will eventually drive her away.

Hope I didn't say anything out of place and please please lay off the phone!Best of luck to you.

 

[Mary Mary]

I can pretty much understand where you're coming as I myself often find myself in situations such as this. As the poster above me said ( sorry I am new here and don't know people yet) your feelings are justified but don't overreact!

I know it's hard for you to do this but I think the best thing for you to do at the moment is to lay off the texting for a while and let things cool down ( yes as hard as it may seem ) for a couple of days.

Try to put your phone aside because there is no conversation like face to face conversation. From what I understand you guys go to the same school , ask her if you could walk her home when you finish classes and if that isn't possible for you just call her in a few days and ask her if she wants to go for a walk and just hang out a bit. I'm sure she has something going on that makes her act distant so try finding out what that is and maybe help her if you can just don't act desperate because that will eventually drive her away.

Hope I didn't say anything out of place and please please lay off the phone!Best of luck to you.

Your feelings are not justified. I'm not saying that to be unkind, but that's what's causing you two so much angst. No one owes it to you to talk to you.

If people don't communicate with me as much as I like, I find others who will. I don't cut myself off from the original person, but I know they won't meet whatever socialization needs I have, and I know I need to look elsewhere. I don't get angry because that first person doesn't owe me a thing.

 

[brickinthewall]

While I understand what you are trying to say and to a certain level I do agree with you , nobody owes you anything. It's hard to tell when someone is ignoring you just because they have something on their mind or because they had enough of you (if only more people were straight forward...) so what I'm trying to say is that he should find out first before making any decisions to cut himself off in any way from that person.

I guess I should have been more clear in my first post but sorry english isn't my native language so I might mess up from time to time.

 

[Nina]

I have to say I am another person who HATES to text. I care for the folks on the other end of those messages but I am a complete technological yutz... and nearly everything I do on my phone takes blood, sweat and tears for me to produce...

Life does, get so crazy sometimes that you just can't respond quickly to folks and it has nothing to do with not caring or ignoring anyone. It's just that life happens and our focus gets pulled in other directions. Be patient with your buddy....she might have a problem claiming her attention, or another friend with an issue she is helping with...

 

[Mary Mary]

While I understand what you are trying to say and to a certain level I do agree with you , nobody owes you anything. It's hard to tell when someone is ignoring you just because they have something on their mind or because they had enough of you (if only more people were straight forward...) so what I'm trying to say is that he should find out first before making any decisions to cut himself off in any way from that person.

I guess I should have been more clear in my first post but sorry english isn't my native language so I might mess up from time to time.

I understand. Actually, you write English very well. That's why I took it so literally.

However, why cut yourself off from that person? If I send a message to someone and they don't respond, I might send one more (many times I don't even do about that); and if I still don't hear from them, I don't try anymore. If they do contact me later, great. If they don't, they don't. I spend no time thinking about it, and I don't ask them about it.

 

[brickinthewall]

I think this differs from person to person. For people like me,and the original poster I think, that don't have too many people in our lives it can be pretty devastating to have someone get fed up with us because to put it simply , we don't have anyone else to turn to. I for one have only one true friend in my life and I can't imagine what I would do if this person would simply get "fed up" with me.

I hope I'm getting through with what I'm trying to say.

 

[Mary Mary]

I think this differs from person to person. For people like me,and the original poster I think, that don't have too many people in our lives it can be pretty devastating to have someone get fed up with us because to put it simply , we don't have anyone else to turn to. I for one have only one true friend in my life and I can't imagine what I would do if this person would simply get "fed up" with me.

I hope I'm getting through with what I'm trying to say.

I think you are. I think it's unfair to that person and to yourself to put so much on that one person. Learn to expand your social circle even if it takes effort to learn the skills/willingness to do that. Also, to avoid having them get fed up, don't send them anymore correspondence until you hear back from them.

 

[brickinthewall]

Just to clarify , I have been in that stage in my life and have gone past it. If I feel someone doesn't want to talk to me any more I just leave it be and move on (even if there is nobody else to move on to). I've pretty much passed any social disorder in my life and have learned to live with myself as I am even if it is unpleasant at times.

I was just talking on the topic and trying to give advice from personal experience. As I said , the thing that works best for me in these situations is to just let things cool down and let the other person come to you. No point in trying to push things that obviously won't move , that's just making it worse.

 

[Mary Mary]

I agree.

 

[brickinthewall]

I think we are finally getting through to each other hehe.

 

[SullenGirl]

I'm ignored too.