I'm a bit of a jerk...

[ThatOneDude]

I'm a really shy, really socially awkward person, but that's not what I need help with right now. I have another problem that takes priority. I can't really make friends, but I have a tendency to get really mad and say things I don't really mean to people when I get frustrated and I can't really let things lie. I really want to make friends, but these are things that are jeopardizing the few relationships I do have. If anyone could give me some advise of possibly tell me where I could get help dealing with this I'd really appreciate it. Thanks.

 

[evanescencefan91]

*hugs that one dude*

I don't think you're a jerk

what kinds of things make you angry?

hmmm, I'm not really good with advice I've always been a really passive person,

I guess try to breathe if something makes you angry, maybe just leave before things get out of hand,
just say I need to use the restroom or get some water, to calm down and get away from what is making you angry,

give yourself some time to calm down just don't think about it
after you've calmed down maybe just say hey I didn't really care for what you did or said,please don't do it again

I hope that helps somewhat

 

[ThatOneDude]

I bet you'd think I was a jerk if you knew me XD. I don't really have time to think. I just kinda blow up without any thought to what I'm saying. Of course, that's a really crappy excuse which is why I need to stop. And I have a tendency to "beat dead horses"...

 

[Bluey]

What really makes me mad and turns me into a jerk is when ppl keep me waiting.
And some ppl in the world are just hard work.
I guss I don't have much time for ppl that seem to make it there mission in life to wind me up.
Everyone can be a jerk mate.
What I do is if I know am going to be somewhere where there is going to be ppl there that wind me up I try and get into a mind set that's logical.
So I go there saying to myself "I well not bight cos its not really important to make a point for the sake of it"
Of course sometimes in the heat of the moment you just think "fresia it there getting it" You just gotta laugh it of if you say thing you don't mean.
Maybe say hay I still think your a twat but I did go a bit far with it. Then at lest you come across as your making an effort even if you was a jerk.
Takes a big man to admit he's faults. If you know about yourself being a jerk then you at lest can do something about it.
Most jerk-offs in the world don't even think they are a jerk.
I don't know you but your not to much of a jerk if you are trying to do something about how you are.

 

[ThatOneDude]

What really makes me mad and turns me into a jerk is when ppl keep me waiting.
And some ppl in the world are just hard work.
I guss I don't have much time for ppl that seem to make it there mission in life to wind me up.
Everyone can be a jerk mate.
What I do is if I know am going to be somewhere where there is going to be ppl there that wind me up I try and get into a mind set that's logical.
So I go there saying to myself "I well not bight cos its not really important to make a point for the sake of it"
Of course sometimes in the heat of the moment you just think "fresia it there getting it" You just gotta laugh it of if you say thing you don't mean.
Maybe say hay I still think your a twat but I did go a bit far with it. Then at lest you come across as your making an effort even if you was a jerk.
Takes a big man to admit he's faults. If you know about yourself being a jerk then you at lest can do something about it.
Most jerk-offs in the world don't even think they are a jerk.
I don't know you but your not to much of a jerk if you are trying to do something about how you are.

Thanks, but just wanting to change isn't enough at this point. I need to change myself. I just don't know what to do. I've tried to do it myself but I always end up doing the same thing and I might lose a really good friend because of my stupidity.

 

[Haz]

Well, the first step is to acknowledge it at least. If you can critically analyse your behavior into things you do and don't like about yourself, you can initiate a change. Just take the time to think it through and put it into action.

There is nothing worse than a complete ******* of a person who is self-righteous with "love me for who I am" messages, don't ever be like that, please.

 

[Badjedidude]

Thanks, but just wanting to change isn't enough at this point. I need to change myself. I just don't know what to do. I've tried to do it myself but I always end up doing the same thing and I might lose a really good friend because of my stupidity.

Alright... here's a bit of advice that you might think is strange.

Find and make a friend that's a bigger ******* than you are, or a friend that can take your honeysuckle and dish it right back. Someone with an attitude who won't play games. A straight-shooter who tells it like it is.

By surrounding yourself with someone like that, you'll be given a glimpse at your OWN behavior, and you'll also be around someone that forces YOU to moderate HIS behavior, thereby helping you to learn to control your own.

*shrug*

Give it a try.

 

[Bluey]

ha, I like that.
That is a very interesting approach to this.
It would give him the opportunity to see what he looks like when he's being a jerk.
If it looks to ugly then that might be just the motivation he needs to stop.

Now all you have to do ThatOneDude is think of the biggest jerk you know and go make friends with him.
Also if you manage to stay friends with someone like that then that in its self would not only tech you how to cope with hard to be around ppl better but also prove you could be friends with anyone if you put your mind to it.

Also if you do take Badjedidude advice and manage to put he's plan into action please do come back and let us know how that went. It would be interesting to hear about I think

 

[Mr. Sir]

BE a jerk, who puts yourself first. Don't let anyone boss you around.

But ACT nice to your fellow people, help them get things they want, be seen as a cordial fellow.

 

[Tex Is Lost]

BE a jerk, who puts yourself first. Don't let anyone boss you around.

But ACT nice to your fellow people, help them get things they want, be seen as a cordial fellow.

Yup. That's what the world needs. Another fake, self serving *******.

Dude. Treat the people around you the way you want to be treated. Be BETTER than those who treat you badly.

 

[The_Iblis_Trigger]

Be BETTER than those who treat you badly.

That very much often leads to one getting walked over like a doormat.

 

[Tex Is Lost]

Be BETTER than those who treat you badly.

That very much often leads to one getting walked over like a doormat.

I disagree.
What leads to being walked over like a doormat is lying down and accepting abusive treatment. No one deserves to be abused. And why would you want to be around someone who treats you badly.
That's not what I'm talking about.

Are all our actions to be taken based only on what we GET from it? Is our sole motivation to come from what we can TAKE? Isn't our unhappiness based out of others treating us in that manner?

I am not going to take the "look out for number one attitude". I'm going to keep being respectful of others and treat them the way I want to be treated. If those to whom I offer this reject it, then i'll be on my way. But my honor and my sense of self worth will be intact.

(disclaimer...) I'm typing this out on a BlackBerry, so half my brain was concentrating on typing with one finger, very slowly, while the other half was trying to be coherent in presenting my thoughts. And I just woke up. Sorry if there's any confusion.

 

[ThatOneDude]

Be BETTER than those who treat you badly.

That very much often leads to one getting walked over like a doormat.

I disagree.
What leads to being walked over like a doormat is lying down and accepting abusive treatment. No one deserves to be abused. And why would you want to be around someone who treats you badly.
That's not what I'm talking about.

Are all our actions to be taken based only on what we GET from it? Is our sole motivation to come from what we can TAKE? Isn't our unhappiness based out of others treating us in that manner?

I am not going to take the "look out for number one attitude". I'm going to keep being respectful of others and treat them the way I want to be treated. If those to whom I offer this reject it, then i'll be on my way. But my honor and my sense of self worth will be intact.

(disclaimer...) I'm typing this out on a BlackBerry, so half my brain was concentrating on typing with one finger, very slowly, while the other half was trying to be coherent in presenting my thoughts. And I just woke up. Sorry if there's any confusion.

I like your approach better. You don't have to act like an ass to be respected. It seems there are a lot of people who feel they need to make excuses for why it's ok to act like pricks.

 

[The_Iblis_Trigger]

Be BETTER than those who treat you badly.

That very much often leads to one getting walked over like a doormat.

I disagree.
What leads to being walked over like a doormat is lying down and accepting abusive treatment. No one deserves to be abused. And why would you want to be around someone who treats you badly.
That's not what I'm talking about.

Are all our actions to be taken based only on what we GET from it? Is our sole motivation to come from what we can TAKE? Isn't our unhappiness based out of others treating us in that manner?

I am not going to take the "look out for number one attitude". I'm going to keep being respectful of others and treat them the way I want to be treated. If those to whom I offer this reject it, then i'll be on my way. But my honor and my sense of self worth will be intact.

(disclaimer...) I'm typing this out on a BlackBerry, so half my brain was concentrating on typing with one finger, very slowly, while the other half was trying to be coherent in presenting my thoughts. And I just woke up. Sorry if there's any confusion.

I like your approach better. You don't have to act like an ass to be respected. It seems there are a lot of people who feel they need to make excuses for why it's ok to act like pricks.

I am IN NO WAY saying that it is okay to act like a jerk, but I will protect my loving, kind, and honourable (at heart) personality BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY. I know I do not come across as loving and kind and compassionate, but I promise that I am. I agree with you 1,000,000,000+%.

 

[Tex Is Lost]

I am IN NO WAY saying that it is okay to act like a jerk, but I will protect my loving, kind, and honourable (at heart) personality BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY. I know I do not come across as loving and kind and compassionate, but I promise that I am. I agree with you 1,000,000,000+%.

Sorry if I came across indicating that you were a jerk, not my intention at all.

 

[NOAH_FX]

OP: Just wondering, how old are you? I remember when i was younger i was more like that, very volatile, i'd go off for no reason.. But as i got older 18-19 it happend alot less, now i can control my anger instead of allowing it to control me.

 

[ThatOneDude]

OP: Just wondering, how old are you? I remember when i was younger i was more like that, very volatile, i'd go off for no reason.. But as i got older 18-19 it happend alot less, now i can control my anger instead of allowing it to control me.

I'm turning 19 in January.

 

[Tramp]

BE a jerk, who puts yourself first. Don't let anyone boss you around.

But ACT nice to your fellow people, help them get things they want, be seen as a cordial fellow.

Treat the people around you the way you want to be treated. Be BETTER than those who treat you badly.

Right. And then be alone all your life because no woman wants to be with you.

 

[Badjedidude]

Right. And then be alone all your life because no woman wants to be with you.

Wanna explain that to us?

Is it just a bitter rant or is there some evidence or explanation behind it?