I'm a Wind Up Doll

[sylvestris lybica]

I don't have any interest in being alive today or tomorrow or the next day or the next year.

Every time I try to think of my next "career" step I hit a brick wall. Getting a job these days that's even related to my degree involves prior experience...networking...not my strong points.

I am trying to keep up with exercising and eating right, but I've lost no weight and I'm feeling no less depressed. What is my motivation for doing these things?

I have given up completely on finding friends and pursuing romantic relationships.

I no longer find joy in the solitary hobbies I was once heavily involved in.

But I am still going. I still get up on time to go to work, I still work out, I still eat the right things, I still pass my classes (for the most part). It can be done. But for what? What's life if all you do is coast through it? How long can you go on just doing what you're "supposed" to do before you snap? Does everyone secretly feel the way I do? Do they only claim to be happy to soothe their egos?

I am not in a state of horrible sadness and I acknowledge that my life is not bad. But at the same time, I feel like life is not worth the effort. And I project this onto everyone. I feel like everyone should want to die, even though the evidence says people are self preserving. I do not see a great amount of value in simply existing, and I don't know how to do more than simply exist. Maybe I don't have the skill set to do that...people used to say I was so smart, but now that I'm faced with the real world I realize I'm so far behind.

 

[SophiaGrace]

existential crisis. Here we ******* are.

I hate these things. Sad thing is, once you stop thinking and wondering what the point of life is, living life gets easier somehow...

 

[paulo]

existential crisis. Here we ******* are.

I hate these things. Sad thing is, once you stop thinking and wondering what the point of life is, living life gets easier somehow...

dont do that, thats so sad.
the whole point is to wonder and think about everything.
if you stop doing that youre just riding it out, stuck in doing what youre "supposed" to do, waiting to die.

trying to keep up with others doing what they do cause thats what your supposed to do is not gonne work if what they have isnt what you want.
its not a race anyway.
finding the things that make your life worth living, thats the point of living i guess.
but the things you have to do to stay alive can really get in the way, making you feel like youre stuck.
im not sure what to do about that though.

 

[Harkat]

I don't have any interest in being alive today or tomorrow or the next day or the next year.

Every time I try to think of my next "career" step I hit a brick wall. Getting a job these days that's even related to my degree involves prior experience...networking...not my strong points.

I am trying to keep up with exercising and eating right, but I've lost no weight and I'm feeling no less depressed. What is my motivation for doing these things?

I have given up completely on finding friends and pursuing romantic relationships.

I no longer find joy in the solitary hobbies I was once heavily involved in.

But I am still going. I still get up on time to go to work, I still work out, I still eat the right things, I still pass my classes (for the most part). It can be done. But for what? What's life if all you do is coast through it? How long can you go on just doing what you're "supposed" to do before you snap? Does everyone secretly feel the way I do? Do they only claim to be happy to soothe their egos?

I am not in a state of horrible sadness and I acknowledge that my life is not bad. But at the same time, I feel like life is not worth the effort. And I project this onto everyone. I feel like everyone should want to die, even though the evidence says people are self preserving. I do not see a great amount of value in simply existing, and I don't know how to do more than simply exist. Maybe I don't have the skill set to do that...people used to say I was so smart, but now that I'm faced with the real world I realize I'm so far behind.

Perhaps, sylvestris lybica, you could search for the truth ....
http://bernie.cncfamily.com/k_intro.htm

Perhaps wake up ...
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/George_Gurdjieff

Perhaps experience what happens next ...
Perhaps one should love everyone for no reason other than they are ...
Perhaps become a god and walk among mortals ...
Perhaps laugh at the pointlessness of it all, be amused by the reflection of water ...
Perhaps be empty now, full tomorrow ...

see the world a million different ways

I'm not saying that this is the correct or best way to go about life.
If there is anything I do know, is that I have no idea ... I don't know. I don't know the truth or the answers but I am looking.
As for dying. I am waiting, anticipating and planning. When I die, I shall be content, happy and at peace. This life is just a preamble to death and dying so why not be prepared for it?

All the best in your existence ^^

 

[DeadSun]

I know exactly what you mean,i feel the same way.Can't think of anything comforting to say or anything but you're not the only one who feels this way.

 

[Lonely in BC]

existential crisis. Here we ******* are.

I hate these things. Sad thing is, once you stop thinking and wondering what the point of life is, living life gets easier somehow...

dont do that, thats so sad.
the whole point is to wonder and think about everything.
if you stop doing that youre just riding it out, stuck in doing what youre "supposed" to do, waiting to die.

trying to keep up with others doing what they do cause thats what your supposed to do is not gonne work if what they have isnt what you want.
its not a race anyway.
finding the things that make your life worth living, thats the point of living i guess.
but the things you have to do to stay alive can really get in the way, making you feel like youre stuck.
im not sure what to do about that though.

Dam Paulo, that's some profound stuff you came up with,

You're right, a sense of wonderment is what makes the world so interesting- I've become kind of jaded in many ways and kind of forgot about some of its mystery.

The last couple of years have seen me caught up in the race trying to make ends meet. I've been working my ass off just to keep my head above the water and lost track of what I wanted- and, I guess, what I had. I'm pretty dam sure some of the things that have suddenly clicked into place the last couple of days are going to get me "unstuck".

Wow- I honestly think I had an epiphany today!

 

[AFrozenSoul]

I am the same way. I just mindlessly move through life. No more aware that I am alive. I got trapped in a shitty job and now lack the experience to move up. Seriously, I have 5 years experience and no one wants to hire this developer. I workout to keep from being fat. However, it is only keeping me alive. I have no reason to do it.

You are better than me. I am just waiting for my kitty to die then I will follow her. I am a blight on humanity. I won't ever have a mate or friends because people can see how worthless I am right from the get go. Any female who would look at me. Only sees me as a free meal or a rebound or just better than nothing. You know because they cannot afford a pet.

 

[Vinan]

Your life is your value and the value you put into it. Your don't have to do anything if you don't want to. Place your life into where you want it to have value. Choose how you want to freely and live by your choice and if its one you love and one you like never again will life seem empty. Instead it will be the same gift that you once before knew and the same wonder that had amazed you.

Your not mindless your not lost and your all the more worth it to help. I think your future is a bright one and an important one for as long as you shall live theirs chance for you to change anothers life even if you don't know you have. While thats there that enough can save a life from the worst misery ever. So most likely most problay you done a great deal a good without even knowing it. Your smile,Your life,Your love eventually these make impacts we had not known. So live again knowing you are indeed full of wonder.

 

[roguewave]

existential crisis. Here we ******* are.

I hate these things. Sad thing is, once you stop thinking and wondering what the point of life is, living life gets easier somehow...

dont do that, thats so sad.
the whole point is to wonder and think about everything.
if you stop doing that youre just riding it out, stuck in doing what youre "supposed" to do, waiting to die.

trying to keep up with others doing what they do cause thats what your supposed to do is not gonne work if what they have isnt what you want.
its not a race anyway.
finding the things that make your life worth living, thats the point of living i guess.
but the things you have to do to stay alive can really get in the way, making you feel like youre stuck.
im not sure what to do about that though.

Once I stopped thinking about the point of life it got a lot better. And strangely, more meaningful. When I accepted that life is a biological phenomenon with no purpose other that to sustain itself, I felt a huge sense of relief.
If you are religious than the purpose of life is to glorify god.
If you are not religious, why do you need a purpose at all?

 

[Harkat]

Once I stopped thinking about the point of life it got a lot better. And strangely, more meaningful. When I accepted that life is a biological phenomenon with no purpose other that to sustain itself, I felt a huge sense of relief.
If you are religious than the purpose of life is to glorify god.
If you are not religious, why do you need a purpose at all?

Likewise. I eventually came to pretty much the same conclusion.

 

[whispers]

Life is not a where you are going... its what you are doing. Sociaty has made it difficult for us to live free lives. We seem stuck in that world of work and fast pace, just because everyone does it. We have been brainwashed into thinking that we are only worth as much as what we have.
When i has my epiphanie ( lonely in BC), i started working on my carreer lol, so now i get paid for what i love to do. After establishing my business, i quit my job, left my boyfriend, and started living... every day i do what i want. My friends say i am lucky to live such an exiting life...well thats because i gave myself permission, got out of what people think is right. Beleive me i had the '' shes going crazy thing from people'' now they admire me lol, cause i had the guts. Actualy i had no choice, either that or die.
So now i am living and not simply existing !

 

[Zetsubou-Sensei]

"Why Bother?"
It's the same question that I always find myself asking myself.
Recently, however, I have found reasons to bother, even though they're pretty minor.
Things like playing a new game I got, or having dinner with my extended family every week, or going to a public speaking club I'm a member of.
I think these small things you can look forward to are really what make a life feel worth living.
So try some new hobbies, find some new music, join a club, go on a holiday, or any number of other things. Explore just some of the vast variety of things the world has to offer.
Just find something new and fun to anticipate with interest ,and you might start to feel a bit better.