I'm different

[Boss Jr.]

I'm different and I can feel it. I've known it all my life. It's why I can't keep any friends and then I get lonely and start trying too hard.

I think other people know I'm different too. I don't look abnormal in anyway but often times I catch people staring at me. Especially children and animals. Which I don't mind because I love children, I'd love to have kids some day. And I love animals too, they taste great *attempt at a joke*.

But seriously, I wish I could just blend in. Even if I am different I wish people wouldn't notice and let me deal with it privately. In public I deal with it fine, I just look at them and smile. But inside it's a feeling I just can't explain.

It's really confusing. I don't understand what differentiates me from other people. I've been told that I'm "unique" and called other things very similar.... nothing bad though, or at least not to my face.

It's starting to get to me..... quite alot actually..... and I don't know what to do about it .

 

[edgecrusher]

i know what you mean. its a feeling i cant explain either. i feel different and i feel like i dont really fit in with most people. i dont know if others see me that way or not but its definitely how i feel and it becomes more noticeable the older i get.

 

[Badjedidude]

I have a bit of the same feeling, actually. I always catch children and retarded (read: mentally handicapped) people staring at me.

It's kinda creepy.

 

[Boss Jr.]

I know other people see me that way. They've told me..... outright.

To clarify, most people are fairly nice to me, when I am socializing. But I just feel so.... (I hate to use this word but I can't think of a better one) Alien!

I find that I've developed a considerable amount of resentment towards other people, not so much women, mostly other guys and I also found that people on the internet are exempt from that resentment. I don't know why.

I'm competitive though so that might have something to do with it.

I don't know, it must have something to do with the way I carry myself. I must detect something in other people who notice that I'm different and immediately resent them for it.

Or maybe I'm just analysing it too much.

I notice though that it's not as bad when I'm socializing with people who are....... (I don't know how to put this) exeptional..... like their worthy competition. Some of my best friends were the strongest, or the fastest at something or IDK, smarter.

Y'know.... I think finally analysing it like this is really helping.

I find that I don't have alot of respect for someone I can't have a deep conversation with or rather someone who is unable to grasp or comprehend the full gravity of a really deep conversation.

I like to test people with a game my father tought me where I get the to try and take a coin away from me. You have to be quick . I take alot of pride in being able to keep the coin > !

Hmmm.....

Y'know..... despite always being an outcast I was always a fast runner, and was fairly strong.... I remember surprising my class once by Arm-Wrestling one of the other stronger students to a stand-off (it was surprising because I appear to be a tiny bit over weight and I'm kind of short". In a competition once I almost beat the school record for sit-ups, but I was like 5 short. That's close though.

Huh? And I always thought of myself as kind of pathetic :/ .

 

[Just_Some_Dude]

ditto for me too.

i am different. i've never fit in. i can totally relate.

 

[Minus]

I'm different ...

... i feel different...

I have a bit of the same feeling....

ditto for me too.

It seems that the only way i would be different here, is to not be different. Unfortunately this perpetual outsider knows being different all to well.

 

[SophiaGrace]

I'm different ...

... i feel different...

I have a bit of the same feeling....

ditto for me too.

It seems that the only way i would be different here, is to not be different. Unfortunately this perpetual outsider knows being different all to well.

We're all different in our own special way that makes us feel completely alienated from others

 

[Bluey]

It seems that the only way i would be different here, is to not be different. Unfortunately this perpetual outsider knows being different all to well.

ye what he ^^ said ^^

 

[coricopat]

To quote the Fantastic Mr. Fox (Mrs. Fox actually)

"We're different, we all are. Him especially. But there's something kind of fantastic about that, isn't there?"

 

[Boss Jr.]

I've been thinking alot and while I am different I see that it's not really my fault.

I'm not that big and because of that I've gotten to the point where I can't stand to be considered inferior. I get really competitive and strive to be the best at everything I do. Because I'm so motivated I may not always come in first but I prove that my size is not a disadvantage.

When I was in situations where socialising was easier (like in school) I did usually have friends. But as I started noticing how different I am I started distancing myself from anyone who took notice. Now I'm very isolated because of circumstances beyond my control and because of that I started getting depressed. I started to think it was me, but now I'm sure it's just my situation. Unfortunately there's little I can do about that. Though I will try to reach out via the internet and see if I can't find a way to remedy this loneliness.

I've always been a big fan of internal reflection, and meditation (not like you see in the movies), being able to write all of this out in an environment where I wouldn't get judged has given me confidence..... not much, but some, and that's a start. Even the longest journey starts with but a single step, small steps help give us the strength to make the big ones.

I've been able to put things in perspective and now I think I can move forward.

Anyway, thanks for reading . (that's what I like about the internet..... nobody can interrupt you .)

 

[edgecrusher]

To quote the Fantastic Mr. Fox (Mrs. Fox actually)

"We're different, we all are. Him especially. But there's something kind of fantastic about that, isn't there?"

this is an example of why i feel different. i work at a movie store and most people did not like that movie. i liked it. it was different and i liked it because of that i guess.