I'm going insane.. Please, help me! ;((

[marigold]

I think I'm going insane! I don't know how to explain it! I wasn't like this before! I mean.. Now I'm so touchy and quarrelsome, much more than what's considered normal! I realise that and still can't control it! When someone said something that's just little different from my opinion I feel offended and start an argument! The worst part is that the one who's a victim of my behaviour is my boyfriend and I'm afraid it wouldn't be far in time when he gets tired of my bullshits and break up with me! The thought itself that he consider me crazy (I think so) and he's not so keen of me as, let's say, in the beginning of our relationship, drives me crazy! I feel humiliated because of my own personality! I think all that's because all my life I've been so underestimated and I didn't gain good treatment from the others and now I'm angry and revengful, partly unconsciously, partly consciously, and I wanna pay all them back because I was so terribly unhappy and depressed and I still am! ****.. I was such a good person!.. Wanna kill myself!! ;(

 

[EveWasFramed]

I recall a few of your previous posts, from a while back and wondered what seemed to set you off, seemingly for no reason. At least explains some things and sheds a little light on the matter.
Do you think it's really your personality, or have you considered it may be coming from the depression? Do you have anxiety by chance? I do know that anxiety can cause people to behave differently than what would be normal for them. Perhaps you should look into that. I know that it sucks to feel as though you have no control at all over who you are and what you say.

I wish you much luck.

 

[marigold]

I recall a few of your previous posts, from a while back and wondered what seemed to set you off, seemingly for no reason. At least explains some things and sheds a little light on the matter.
Do you think it's really your personality, or have you considered it may be coming from the depression? Do you have anxiety by chance? I do know that anxiety can cause people to behave differently than what would be normal for them. Perhaps you should look into that. I know that it sucks to feel as though you have no control at all over who you are and what you say.

I wish you much luck.

First fo all, thanks for the answer! Well, the matter is that I'm not such a bad person in general and maybe it's all about depresson really.. That **** state of mind that destroys people's life! My anxiety is really appearing by chance and I would never know when it will attack my mind! As I said before, I was a good, loving person, I treated people good, I love animals and I don't wanna hurt anyone! But in moments like those I described it seems that I'm temporarily irresponsible! Lots of paranoic thoughts are coming through my mind and I accuse people of thinks that maybe they never done or say but even now I can't be sure of that! This neurosis is ruining my life!! ;((

 

[PurpleHippo]

you say you used to be a good person, that person is still there you just need to locate that person, just try to take a deep breathe and relax when you are starting to feel like that i know that is generic advice but it can really help

 

[IgnoredOne]

Make a brief spot check of your health, as physical and mental health are related:

1) Are you getting enough sleep?

2) Is your sleep schedule regular(sleeping in the dark, awake in the light)?

3) Are you on any medication or other psychoactive substances?

4) Do you consume any food or drinks that may have psychological effects, including alcohol and caffiene?

5) Have you noticed any other side effects, such as physical indicators as heatbeat, muscle pains, or sweating? These may be indicators of a hormonal issue.

 

[grainofrice24]

Looking back in hindsight and seeing that your instincts are dead wrong sucks. Knowing you're saying/doing the wrong thing is one thing, changing what you do/say is much harder.

You used to be a good person?! Nobody USED TO BE a good person. Either you are, or you are on the inside but you're not on the outside...which is the same as being a bad person. CHANGE!! Being overly confrontational is not an attack, it's a defense. You said you were underestimated...people wont underestimate you unless you give them a reason to.

Also, your bf not being as keen on you as at the beginning of a relationship?! Welcome to earth...that's how relationships are done on this planet. Wanting revenge will get you nothing. If you love your bf...just LOVE your boyfriend...the best way you know how...he'll love you back for it. If you have insecurities...work on them. A lot of times the solution is simpler than you think (and what others say) it is...but usually harder.

 

[HannahJocelyn]

I think I'm going insane! I don't know how to explain it! I wasn't like this before! I mean.. Now I'm so touchy and quarrelsome, much more than what's considered normal! I realise that and still can't control it! When someone said something that's just little different from my opinion I feel offended and start an argument! The worst part is that the one who's a victim of my behaviour is my boyfriend and I'm afraid it wouldn't be far in time when he gets tired of my bullshits and break up with me! The thought itself that he consider me crazy (I think so) and he's not so keen of me as, let's say, in the beginning of our relationship, drives me crazy! I feel humiliated because of my own personality! I think all that's because all my life I've been so underestimated and I didn't gain good treatment from the others and now I'm angry and revengful, partly unconsciously, partly consciously, and I wanna pay all them back because I was so terribly unhappy and depressed and I still am! ****.. I was such a good person!.. Wanna kill myself!! ;(

I HAVE THE SAME PROBLEM!! Except my only friend is my ex-bf (we broke up over a year ago...strictly friendship!) and i argue with him every single day about the most nitpicky things! He always says that i need help when we're arguing and sometimes he just gives me the ultimatum of him going home or i get over whatever little thing i'm mad about. I notice with other people i do the same thing, just not to the same extent b/c i'm not friends with them or as close with them, so it'd be a little extreme to get too upset. I used to have the rep of being "nice to everyone" and people always said "i've never seen you get mad at anyone". It hurts me that i can't go back to that. I try everyday, but something always sets me off or i'm just irritated without a known reason. I also feel like it's partly un/conscious. I have had a history of depression, which i know is linked to it, but how is it THIS bad?? I'm right there with ya...

 

[marigold]

Hey Hannah! Can't believe someone understands me.. So many thanks for that answer! Yeah.. the matter is that one is not guilty of their history/presence of depression.. Still I can't find the answer of being just a happy person!

About the previous post.. Thanks! But I'i afraid things don't work for me that way.. Welcome to the Earth?!! What the hell does that mean?! So it's normal my boyfriend stop love me as he did just six months after the beginning?!! This is how relationships are in that planet?!! I don't accept that.. So maybe that's the reason I'm looking for a relationship from another planet.. Would be much more happier..

 

[StoneDeadAlready]

Hey Hannah! Can't believe someone understands me.. So many thanks for that answer! Yeah.. the matter is that one is not guilty of their history/presence of depression.. Still I can't find the answer of being just a happy person!

I'm not trying to be mean or unfair here,but if you really want to change and you don't want to keep being so "touchy and quarrelsome" then i think you need to take complete responsibility for your own actions,meaning anything you do or say.i know feeling crazy or depressed makes a lot of things harder,but you can't use it as an excuse for whatever you may say or do.

and if you are taking out your aggression on your boyfriend a lot lately then you can't really blame him for seeming "not so keen of you".but if you do really love him then just try to be nicer,at least to him,and let him know you love him and tell him about insecurities and doubts you have about your relationship rather than let them eat away at you.

"But in moments like those I described it seems that I'm temporarily irresponsible!"that's the kind of thing that just lets things get worse,as i said,you have to take responsibility for everything you do,so if you really want to change or revert back to being a nice person,then taking responsibility is key.

also just try to relax,or as the governator would say "Chill out"
edit:because the face didn't work.

 

[KatyAD]

I think I'm going insane! I don't know how to explain it! I wasn't like this before! I mean.. Now I'm so touchy and quarrelsome, much more than what's considered normal! I realise that and still can't control it! When someone said something that's just little different from my opinion I feel offended and start an argument! The worst part is that the one who's a victim of my behaviour is my boyfriend and I'm afraid it wouldn't be far in time when he gets tired of my bullshits and break up with me! The thought itself that he consider me crazy (I think so) and he's not so keen of me as, let's say, in the beginning of our relationship, drives me crazy! I feel humiliated because of my own personality! I think all that's because all my life I've been so underestimated and I didn't gain good treatment from the others and now I'm angry and revengful, partly unconsciously, partly consciously, and I wanna pay all them back because I was so terribly unhappy and depressed and I still am! ****.. I was such a good person!.. Wanna kill myself!! ;(

Say this prayer...and give everything to God. Trust me...the word of God says...cast all your cares on Him (Jesus) for he cares for you. He can help you with anything. Just lean on him and trust on him and have faith one him. Learn to wait on him...and give him praise. Oh and be quick to say I'm sorry and quick to forigive others because if you dont he can't help you. Pick up a bible and pray. It will cange your life...here's the prayer. You've probably eccepted Jesus...he knows you, and he's waiting for your to call on him. Just be opend to him and tell him everything. There isnt anything he can't handle.

"Heavenly Father, have mercy on me, a sinner. I believe in you and that your word is true. I believe that Jesus Christ is the Son of the living God and that he died on the cross so that I may now have forgiveness for my sins and eternal life. I know that without you in my heart my life is meaningless.
I believe in my heart that you, Lord God, raised Him from the dead. Please Jesus forgive me, for every sin I have ever committed or done in my heart, please Lord Jesus forgive me and come into my heart as my personal Lord and Savior today. I need you to be my Father and my friend.

I give you my life and ask you to take full control from this moment on; I pray this in the name of Jesus Christ."

Amen.



God Bless
-Katy