I'm lost

[SMOF]

So I don't even know how I came to post up on here but I might as well.

As of lately, I have become overwhelmed with life and the responsibilities and expectations that comes with being a man.

I never did well in high school. I was diagnosed with ADD at a young age and me nor my family ever wanted to accept that there was something wrong with me.


It has finally hit me that I have learned nothing about the real world. I feel like I have brain damage or something. If I have the motivation, I can do anything I want but I always lose whatever I have learned.

I work full time as a cook and I feel like its going no where. I have lost all my friends because I always find a way to forget everything that we discussed.

I'm not a bad looking person by any means. I'm musically inclined and I know I have talents but I always feel so insignificant because of my lack of sustained knowledge. People always say I'm the crazy one or that I have the personality of an 8 year old.

I honestly don't even know were to go from here. I haven't been outside of my house in 3 months besides going to work. The girl that I was seeing keeps trying to talk to me but I forgot everything that we talked about. It drives me crazy that we had so much in common but that I screwed it all up because of my memory problems.

Anyways I don't know what else to say. I'm just jotting down excuses and bullshit because that's all I have anymore. I don't want to fail my family or myself anymore, but its just gotten to a point to were I can't even organize my life anymore.

 

[nelloy]

Hi SMOF,

Life can be a very overwhelming at times, more so for some of us than others it seems. Sounds like you're having a pretty honeysuckle time of it at the moment.

Have you always had trouble remembering things? Sounds like something you might want to have a talk to a doctor about? Depression can affect concentration and memory, or maybe if you have always had a tendency to be easily distracted that would affect your memory?

Alot of people feel alone in the world and that too is a part of depression. I dont really have any helpful advice for you but know that you are not alone in feeling down in the dumps alone. If you want to talk feel free to PM me.

Nelloy

 

[SMOF]

I have been to the doctor many times. I have been hospitalized for panic attacks and at the moment I am seeing a psychiatrist. Its a one day at a time kinda thing I guess. She diagnosed me as clinically depressed but I have always felt like this. Never been able to socialize vary well. Never been happy. Always faking my responses. Always mimicking other peoples expressions and body movements. Always leeching interest and topics off of other people because I didn't have the emotional response or personal enrichment to make my own. All through school I hid it from my mom because I didn't want to shame her anymore than I did. I feel like I've never found myself. My father was a psychopath and I feel like the gene pool found its way to me and trust me, I do NOT want to be like him but you can't help genetics. Listen I know what I'm saying is stereotypical and bitchy but this is the first time I have ever spilled my guts out. Its just bottled up inside and at this present moment I have to let it out and make an attempt to better myself. I just don't know were to take the first step from here. I am 20 going on 21 and I know that I am FAR from alone but it sure does feel like it.

 

[nelloy]

I have been to the doctor many times. I have been hospitalized for panic attacks and at the moment I am seeing a psychiatrist. Its a one day at a time kinda thing I guess. She diagnosed me as clinically depressed but I have always felt like this. Never been able to socialize vary well. Never been happy. Always faking my responses. Always mimicking other peoples expressions and body movements. Always leeching interest and topics off of other people because I didn't have the emotional response or personal enrichment to make my own. All through school I hid it from my mom because I didn't want to shame her anymore than I did. I feel like I've never found myself. My father was a psychopath and I feel like the gene pool found its way to me and trust me, I do NOT want to be like him but you can't help genetics. Listen I know what I'm saying is stereotypical and bitchy but this is the first time I have ever spilled my guts out. Its just bottled up inside and at this present moment I have to let it out and make an attempt to better myself. I just don't know were to take the first step from here. I am 20 going on 21 and I know that I am FAR from alone but it sure does feel like it.

Please dont lump yourself into being like your father just because of genetics. Its proven that the early years of a persons life determines their personality forever. Perhaps whatever things u were subjected to as a child have made you the way are and not genetics? I would choose to believe that because believing there is no hope because its in your genes is not ok. Yes, life may be difficult but there is always hope and you have to hold onto. Sometimes we have to hit rock bottom before we can get back up. maybe this is it for you?

Either way, its good that you can let it out, as i said, feel free to PM me, im a good listener and have seen and experienced alot. As a kid, i cared for my mentally ill mum and i still now care for my sister who is recovering from a near fatal overdose/attempted suicide. You have found someone who understands, i may not be able to help but i can listen.

Nelloy

---

I tried replying to your PM, you have private messaging disabled, can you change that?

 

[ladyforsaken]

Hey SMOF *hugs*

Things can get very overwhelming when you tend to bottle things up. I can't exactly say what's the first step there is to move forward, but I guess it can start by releasing all that you've bottled up so far. It helps to remove the weight upon your heart or shoulders and that makes it easier to begin in walking ahead towards healing, a better life or any sort of improvement.

I don't know but I think as long as one holds any negative feeling or idea about their life or their past, that will always keep them back or make them have a hard time even trying to get better.

There is no hard and fast rule to improve your memory or improve your life but don't overwhelm yourself, just take it one step at a time.

For someone of your age, to be a cook - I admire you. You should share some tips with me!

Anyhow, there are a lot of very nice and friendly people on this forum, I can vouch for that. Take your time though, there are also threads that you may find helpful or comforting to read so have a look around and just release. I think now's the time to just .. let it go. Your memory issues may even be corrected once you calm down and be more at peace.

If it helps you, post your thoughts or feelings on the forum - or like what nelloy has suggested, PMing is good too if you think you can relate and connect with someone, just do it. It'll help. Of course, with that said, I welcome you to the forum.

 

[Retrospective81]

So I don't even know how I came to post up on here but I might as well.

As of lately, I have become overwhelmed with life and the responsibilities and expectations that comes with being a man.

I never did well in high school. I was diagnosed with ADD at a young age and me nor my family ever wanted to accept that there was something wrong with me.


It has finally hit me that I have learned nothing about the real world. I feel like I have brain damage or something. If I have the motivation, I can do anything I want but I always lose whatever I have learned.

I work full time as a cook and I feel like its going no where. I have lost all my friends because I always find a way to forget everything that we discussed.

I'm not a bad looking person by any means. I'm musically inclined and I know I have talents but I always feel so insignificant because of my lack of sustained knowledge. People always say I'm the crazy one or that I have the personality of an 8 year old.

I honestly don't even know were to go from here. I haven't been outside of my house in 3 months besides going to work. The girl that I was seeing keeps trying to talk to me but I forgot everything that we talked about. It drives me crazy that we had so much in common but that I screwed it all up because of my memory problems.

Anyways I don't know what else to say. I'm just jotting down excuses and bullshit because that's all I have anymore. I don't want to fail my family or myself anymore, but its just gotten to a point to were I can't even organize my life anymore.

I know EXACTLY how you feel. I feel I cant organise my life anymore and it just seems to be getting harder day by day. 6 years ago, I was happy. had friends, a buzzin social life and was described as 'people's person. Lately, I just feel like I've been flushed down the drain. unable to relate ago anyone and opening up, fearing that all Ill do is be judged.

So yes, feeling very 'lost' too.

 

[unverified]

Sorry to hear things are not going good.
Look at the positve stuff, you got looks and a girl friend
who cares.
Plus you can hold a job that's very good as well.
As others have posted don't overwhelm yourself, try to take
things a day at a time and work on your problems.
I wish you well and remember to give the good aspects in your life
some equal time.
You have a lot of good things to work with.
Have Faith.

 

[nelloy]

SMOF, Enable your PM so i can message you

 

[Spiderpope]

Anyways I don't know what else to say. I'm just jotting down excuses and bullshit because that's all I have anymore. I don't want to fail my family or myself anymore, but its just gotten to a point to were I can't even organize my life anymore.

RIght let's put a stop to that right there. You have failed no-one.

Let me repeat that.

YOU HAVE FAILED NO-ONE.

Not yourself, not your family, no one at all.

You are unfortunate enough to suffer from a medical condition. You did not ask for it, you did not want it, you did nothing to cause it. Would you say someone suffering from a brain tumor had failed their family? Would you say a blind person has failed themselves?

It applies exactly the same way to yourself. You've been dealt a crappy hand, but you have to realize it is not your fault in any way shape or form. Until you stop blaming yourself for your condition, you're not going to be able to deal with it.

Believe me i understand exactly what it feels like. I've suffered from severe, bi-polar depression my entire life. I grew up feeling like a complete freak, a useless insane waste of space. It was only when i reached my mid twenties that i was able to get past that and realize that blaming myself for a medical condition was ridiculous.

If you need to vent and talk with someone who's gone through similar feelings my PM is always available.

 

[SophiaGrace]

Have you ever tried keeping notes of what you talk about with your girlfriend? You should try it.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

I hope you're still here. I remember you posted a suicidal thing recently, hope you're okay.

As far as ADD goes, I have it, too. It means nothing, except you have to work a bit harder to get things done. It isn't a measure of your intelligence at all. And high school grades mean nothing...it's never too late to start over.

I know this might sound silly, but do you have a smartphone or a way to record yourself? Record the conversation, and play it back afterwards. Forget how you sound, try to concentrate on what she says. It might help.

 

[SophiaGrace]

I hope you're still here. I remember you posted a suicidal thing recently, hope you're okay.

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