Inaction: The Silent Killer Of Your Hopes And Dreams

[jeffcallahan]

I'd like to talk to you about something important: the brutal cost of inaction when it comes to improving yourself and living a life that you're proud of. You know you SHOULD improve yourself, but don't because the path less traveled seems much more "risky". Well, I have news for you:

"Safe is risky..."

The above quote by Seth Godin is a fantastic guiding light for action in your life. I have this quote on the inside cover of my notebook that is always on my person. It's a mantra, a ******* way of life.

Why?

Because safety = inaction.

Let's dive into that equation in a second, but first: here's what you're going to learn in this post...

1. The psychological reason why we don't take action when it comes to improving ourselves.
2. The implications and repercussions NOT taking action can have on the rest of our lives.
3. The action to start taking today to live a better tomorrow.
Why We Crave Safety (and Inaction)

When you woke up 9,000 years ago on the prehistorical savannah, what was the NUMBER ONE thing on your mind?

Survival.

Don't get eaten.

What was that noise behind that bush?

Have to get home to the tribe before dark.

Must survive.

"If we define risk as the likelihood of an irreversible negative outcome, inaction is the greatest risk of all." -Tim Ferriss

This survival mindset served us well for millennia, we're all here aren't we?

Humans have developed something called the Negativity bias, which is the psychological phenomenon by which humans pay more attention to and give more weight to negative rather than positive experiences or other kinds of information.

Neuropsychologist Ph.D. Rick Hanson sums the negativity bias up perfectly:

"To keep our ancestors alive, Mother Nature evolved a brain that routinely tricked them into making three mistakes: overestimating threats, underestimating opportunities, and underestimating resources (for dealing with threats and fulfilling opportunities). This is a great way to pass on gene copies, but a lousy way to promote quality of life."
What Happens When We Don't Take Action:
Taking action to improve yourself is the MOST important thing that you can ever do.

Think about this: We take YEARS of schooling to learn all sorts of things, we learn to tie our shoes, walk, talk, drive.

How often do we spend time becoming better socially, romantically, physically, and mentally?

Almost never. Why in the fresia would we leave those parts of our lives up to chance?!

It's harsh, but how we came out of the box isn't good enough. We must improve. We learn most skills in a deliberate way. Why not learn skills like how to have a fantastic date every time, how stop negative self talk, or how to dress and carry yourself so that you can convey to others that you're deserving of their respect?

If you keep putting this off, the worst case scenario is that you wake up in ten years and you're still no closer to obtaining what you want in life because you decided to not take action, or you're just waiting and will "try" to "figure it out" on your own. The truth is: this worst case scenario is LIKELY.

Put simply: If you wait to improve yourself another day, week, month, year, or decade, you're doing yourself a major disservice. When you keep doing what you've always done, you're going to get what you've always gotten.

I'm going to challenge you to stop putting off some of the most important growing you'll ever do as a person.

Thoughts?

What are you putting off out of fear or frustration because you don't have a certain skill*? (*yet.)

Feel free to take action and click on my signature, I'd like to know what specific challenge you have around dating/shyness/loneliness.

All the best, -Jeff

 

[Cavey]

I couldn't agree more. Inaction can destroy everything you might have had.

I was the kind of person that put everything off and hid behind anything he could: drink, drugs, food, gaming, basically anything. I'd always have an excuse for why doing nothing was the right thing to do. I never wanted to take a risk. I was happier with the illusion of safety that inaction provided. Better the devil you know and all that.

I watched as opportunity after opportunity passed me by and I kept thinking everything was OK. Well, everything wasn't OK. I watched as my life essentially disappeared without me doing much of anything.

I suddenly realised that I am rapidly approaching middle-age and I have no job, no career, no money, my health is failing and I'm going through a divorce. I'm attempting to rectify things now, but it's a **** sight harder than it would have been had I not just sat and hid from everything for so long.

 

[defenestrate]

Thanks for posting a great thread.

 

[blackdot]

I have found that Action results in the same thing as Inaction. It's just that Action leads to more depression and torture than Inaction.

 

[defenestrate]

I'm terribly sorry to hear your in this position blackdot. I used to isolate myself because action meant failure, and depression. For myself, it was just as Jeff said, I wanted the safety of inaction. Sometimes action can become something simple as finding support with others. Sometimes choosing to speak about things help. Please hang in there, I know depression isn't fun.

 

[perfanoff]

If you go for the big things all the time, you'll have passed up just enjoying your current life.
A balance must be reached.

 

[Dissident]

Just because something can hypothetically be done doesn't mean attempting to do it is worth the risk. If you give me good statistical odds that something I do will work out in my favor and I still don't do it, then this line of thinking has some merit. There is a difference between bravery and stupidity.

 

[Gutted]

It's all risky really. The situation really dictates weather or not to take the risk. Do I need to risk being run over to get to the shop? Or can I wait 5 minutes, when there is no traffic? Should I ask her to marry me? Or should I give it another few months? Inactivity in some cases can easily be a big downfall. But with little things, there's nothing to regret really, is there?

 

[Dissident]

Yes but the whole idea with taking risks is what we define as worthwhile probabilities. Some of us have a lower requirement than others, but they tend to maintain such a low requirement because they have better luck.

 

[jeffcallahan]

It's all risky really. The situation really dictates weather or not to take the risk. Do I need to risk being run over to get to the shop? Or can I wait 5 minutes, when there is no traffic? Should I ask her to marry me? Or should I give it another few months? Inactivity in some cases can easily be a big downfall. But with little things, there's nothing to regret really, is there?

Gutted,

I agree, in many ways it IS all risk.

The quote I have on the wallpaper on my phone:

"Do something today that your future self will thank you for."

What we call our "life" is really a collection of all of our good and bad habits.

Someone who eats poorly as a habit may be obese, or suffer from other health problems.

Some who never bothers to talk to new people as a habit may feel isolated, and alone.

Our habits define us, for better or worse...and sometimes it all about how well we handle the little things, because those little things will become habits that will impact the big things.

 

[ardour]

so your'e assuming that lonely *must* mean inadequate somehow.

We do not need to 'earn' friendships, particular when any old loser can be popular just by having the right looks. That just feeds into the inferiority complex lonely people already have.

 

[defenestrate]

The ability to grow and learn is a strength. Being isolated or lonely isn't an inadequacy; it's a terrible predicament with the opportunity for improvement. There is scientific precedence that most emotional and behavioral reactions are learned. If our behaviors do lead to loneliness, we can unlearn our unwanted reactions and to learn a new way of reacting. Rather than desperately searching within ourselves for a way to earn friendships, we address our thoughts which cause our feelings in the attempt of building a more fulfilling life.

 

[jeffcallahan]

The ability to grow and learn is a strength. Being isolated or lonely isn't an inadequacy; it's a terrible predicament with the opportunity for improvement. There is scientific precedence that most emotional and behavioral reactions are learned. If our behaviors do lead to loneliness, we can unlearn our unwanted reactions and to learn a new way of reacting. Rather than desperately searching within ourselves for a way to earn friendships, we address our thoughts which cause our feelings in the attempt of building a more fulfilling life.

Defenestrate, I agree. We may not have much or any control over events might happen in our lives, but we can control our reactions to those events.

In many ways those reactions are what helps us build that more fulfilling life.

Love this discussion.

 

[Sarah_Lbnz]

Inaction? What about Kashi go Lean (or should I say, "Kashi go Fart")? You can hold it in, hold it in, but just when you think you're safe, it slides out, silent and deadly. Clears a space immediately, and there you are, alone again with just your rancid self.

 

[el Jay]

I have found that Action results in the same thing as Inaction. It's just that Action leads to more depression and torture than Inaction.

Sounds a lot like me. With a lot of things in my life (including asking women out), it's to the point where the anxiety I feel over the potential rejection, humiliation, and/or various (very) illogical consequences I constantly fear is much greater than the regret I feel if I decide not to ask someone out.

So to me, inaction ends up being the preferable choice, because I can deal with the "regret" of not giving it a try (and I've dealt with such regret so much that I don't even really feel it anymore), while if I chose action, asked someone out, and got rejected, it'd be another massive blow to my confidence and just send me spiraling further into depression.

Well, maybe that last part is exaggerating a bit, but the underlying point is that to me, the regret and stagnation of inaction is almost always preferable to the mental consequences of failed action.

 

[ardour]

Sounds a lot like me. With a lot of things in my life (including asking women out), it's to the point where the anxiety I feel over the potential rejection, humiliation, and/or various (very) illogical consequences I constantly fear is much greater than the regret I feel if I decide not to ask someone out.

So to me, inaction ends up being the preferable choice, because I can deal with the "regret" of not giving it a try (and I've dealt with such regret so much that I don't even really feel it anymore), while if I chose action, asked someone out, and got rejected, it'd be another massive blow to my confidence and just send me spiraling further into depression.

Well, maybe that last part is exaggerating a bit, but the underlying point is that to me, the regret and stagnation of inaction is almost always preferable to the mental consequences of failed action.

But there’s a nobility in having given things your best shot and failed, as opposed to being idle with regrets. It depends on previous experiences I guess. What goes along with rejection can be far worse.

I haven’t been that offended or depressed when women made it clear they weren’t interested. I completely understand, I’m not attractive. Actually I appreciate the honesty. But if that message is delivered with disdain or they avoid you completely from thereon, then it's soul destroying.

 

[EveWasFramed]

But there’s a nobility in having given things your best shot and failed, as opposed to being idle with regrets. It depends on previous experiences I guess. What goes along with rejection can be far worse.

I’m haven’t been that offended or depressed when women made it clear they weren’t interested. I completely understand, I’m not attractive. Actually I appreciate the honesty. But if that message is delivered with disdain or they avoid you completely from thereon, then it's soul destroying.

Great post.

 

[el Jay]

Sounds a lot like me. With a lot of things in my life (including asking women out), it's to the point where the anxiety I feel over the potential rejection, humiliation, and/or various (very) illogical consequences I constantly fear is much greater than the regret I feel if I decide not to ask someone out.

So to me, inaction ends up being the preferable choice, because I can deal with the "regret" of not giving it a try (and I've dealt with such regret so much that I don't even really feel it anymore), while if I chose action, asked someone out, and got rejected, it'd be another massive blow to my confidence and just send me spiraling further into depression.

Well, maybe that last part is exaggerating a bit, but the underlying point is that to me, the regret and stagnation of inaction is almost always preferable to the mental consequences of failed action.

But there’s a nobility in having given things your best shot and failed, as opposed to being idle with regrets. It depends on previous experiences I guess. What goes along with rejection can be far worse.

I’m haven’t been that offended or depressed when women made it clear they weren’t interested. I completely understand, I’m not attractive. Actually I appreciate the honesty. But if that message is delivered with disdain or they avoid you completely from thereon, then it's soul destroying.

I don't really care about "nobility" or concepts like that. They're cold comfort next to realities. A lot of things, from career prospects, projects intended to further the career prospects, and even a 3+ year relationship failed in the past several years for me, despite my investing immense amounts of my own time and energy into making them succeed. And when it was all said and done, I was no richer or even really wiser (unless you count being more bitter and defeated as "wiser") for it all. Just wasted time, wasted energy, and the regrets of even having tried. If I had just given up from the start, I'd never have entertained the delusions of "success" and "happiness" that led to these failures being so crippling.

 

[jeffcallahan]

El Jay,

Everything is a choice. You can choose how you want to view your past experiences in your life.

Nothing in life has power over you unless you allow it.

Our sense of regret can dominate our thoughts and cripple us towards taking actions that would create a better tomorrow for us.

I've had clients who have lived and breathed in the past, paralyzed by regret and fear of failure/success, and they learned that the only way past that is to take (small) actions in the moment to improve themselves for the future.

Think of that positive feedback loop that was mentioned earlier in this thread.

Example: Go to the gym>look better>feel better>go to the gym

I guarantee that the system you have in place right now is ensuring the results you're currently getting.

Ask yourself: How could I set up a system that would make me a more fulfilled person?

There is no such thing as failure, only learning lessons.

 

[Felix]

I agree inaction can be bad, but excesive action (while socially much more accepted - and even encouraged today) can be just as harmful.