is it just me?

[maidendeth]

I apologize in advance if this post sounds like a jumbled mess, I really havent typed out my thoughts in awhile.
Does anyone else get really anxious going to social events? Like local shows or bars? I love to see bands perform, but then I start thinking about how awkward Im going to be because Ill be by myself and not know anyone. I had a "best friend" that I would go to shows with and shes pretty popular but when I would try to make friends with anyone who would come over to talk to her, they would just ignore me or just talk to her. We dont hang out much anymore, she hangs out with this other girl now whos equally popular and wild. Which makes me just feel really boring and lame. It mustve sucked having to hang out with someone who nobody knows and doesnt have all these social connections. I dont know, I might just be over thinking things, but I can't help but to feel like a big ol' ball of suck. lol.

 

[Regumika]

i dont think youre alone... and it is what seems to be as social anxiety.. i have that i think. especially with large groups.

im the one that would stand in a circle and just listen.
im the one that would walk behind a wall of people and just follow along.

and the worst part? when they all turn to you and ask "what do you think?" um.. im not prepared for this...

sure, i want interaction.. but at the same time i dont want -just- interaction, i want connection. so im like.. what do i do.. >_>;

 

[Pike Queen]

I get like that, too. That's why I avoid parties at all costs. Agree with Regumika, I want connection. That it so hard to find nowadays. That's why I've resorted to the internet.

Anyway no, you're not alone. If I'm going to a social event, I feel like I want to vomit beforehand. =S

 

[Seeker]

It's only natural that you would feel awkward in a crowded place, most people do, even if they don't always show or admit it. However, I did see that you like metal, and being a metal head myself, I have observed that in metal concerts many people go by themselves, and it's actually difficult to feel embarrassed from being there, because the focus is on the bands playing, not people. So you can go to concerts alone, enjoy it by yourself and who knows, you may meet new people there, metal heads are usually open-minded and open to conversations.

Plus, breaking off with your attention-getting friend leaves you open to take all the attention

 

[maidendeth]

Yes! When I think of going I start to feel sick, as much as I want to go and not miss the band, I cant help it. Thats any social gathering though. And then when I get there I try to just let it go but I feel like people can just tell Im freaking out on the inside. Itll subside with a beer or two, but thats not very healthy now, is it? Ive been in that spot where I get asked my opinion or things I like and all of a sudden its like I dont have thoughts anymore! Who am I?! And then Ill get tongue tied and thats always embarrassing.
Seeker, Ive been to other shows out of town and I have been able to carry a conversation with some people. Maybe because I feel like I'll probably never see these people again so it wouldnt matter? You made me laugh with the attention-getter part
Anyway thanks everyone who replied. Its good to know I'm not the only one that gets those kind of feels. Most of the people I've come across at these functions are so outgoing and Im just watching them all creepy haha.

 

[GrannySmith111]

Definitely not alone on this one.

Sometimes, I feel like I need to learn how to "not give a crap". You know how everything you do wrong, every little thing that people see you do wrong, say wrong, embarrass yourself or whatever I feel like you just need to learn how to not care. Everyone, popular, not popular, even the president makes embarrassing mistakes.

So I think the reason why we may be afraid or feel awkward going to these social events is that we're afraid that we'll "look bad" in front of other people. The first step is to get over being self conscious. Every little mistake you make you gotta get over. Whether or not people talk to you, just get over it. Don't keep thinking about it and just get out there and try.

 

[maidendeth]

Youre definitely right. Ill usually have that thought before I leave, like who cares just do it! then when i get there it starts again haha. you know, ive been told i have a stinkface. lol like i look mad all the time. and i really dont mean to be! sometimes im just thinking really hard lol. ill try to relax my face next time im out

 

[Peaches]

ive been told i have a stinkface.

is that like the bitchy resting face?

 

[Sci-Fi]

Yep all the time. Been anxious and feeling ill every morning when I go to "work" as my time winds down to an end. Been going through a really messed up situation and kind of stuck in a position now that has my stomach doing the twist. And you know what, you are right sometimes it just over thinking things and creating something bigger out of something little

 

[maidendeth]

ive been told i have a stinkface.

is that like the bitchy resting face?

YES. exactly. thats so funny *bitchy resting face*

Sci-fi, I used to work at a mall and i would get that feeling all the time. but as soon as i got there, my money depended on commissions and I swear I created a switch that I could just flip on and come off as the most outgoing person ever. That was a good time in my life. Now I dont work with people so I dont get that kind of interaction as much.

 

[ladyforsaken]

ive been told i have a stinkface.

is that like the bitchy resting face?

Lol..

 

[WallflowerGirl83]

I apologize in advance if this post sounds like a jumbled mess, I really havent typed out my thoughts in awhile.
Does anyone else get really anxious going to social events? Like local shows or bars? I love to see bands perform, but then I start thinking about how awkward Im going to be because Ill be by myself and not know anyone. I had a "best friend" that I would go to shows with and shes pretty popular but when I would try to make friends with anyone who would come over to talk to her, they would just ignore me or just talk to her. We dont hang out much anymore, she hangs out with this other girl now whos equally popular and wild. Which makes me just feel really boring and lame. It mustve sucked having to hang out with someone who nobody knows and doesnt have all these social connections. I dont know, I might just be over thinking things, but I can't help but to feel like a big ol' ball of suck. lol.

Yes extremely. I went to shows a few years ago actually with some of my friends and sometimes it went by okay to be honest. A few occasions I went with someone who I thought was my friend, and they ended up ditching me and went to go talk to someone else. Deep down I was pretty upset about it but I found someone else who was at the same show as me and ended up chatting quite a bit during the show. It made me feel better in the least.

Right now though, I haven't been to a show in so long, cause most of the bands/artists I like don't tour around Florida as much which really sucks! =\

Sorry to hear about your friend. Have you ever tried talking to her about it?

 

[ABrokenMan]

I felt exactly the same way until I was almost 30. I couldn't even bring myself to go to the local market to pick up some bread and milk without feeling anxiety. And I was in a rock & roll band for several years before that, and also a radio DJ. what gives, eh? I had no problem getting in front of people while on stage, or talking on the airwaves...but put me in a situation where I was by myself..I'd get anxious and panic-y.
I really don't know how it ended for me, other than the fact that I came down with an auto immune disease right around that time, something which I deal with on a daily basis. I became relaxed, easy going and laid back almost overnight, whereas before, I was nervous and painfully shy with people.
All I can offer is to try and relax in social situations. It'd be a shame to miss out on something by letting your fear and anxiety interfere with a potential good time.

 

[Parabellum]

Bitchy resting face seems metal as hell lol... my ex wife has a hardcore BRF and I actually digged it. I actually like that in women. Bitter looking women that look rather intimidating. .. sexy!

---

Anyway I know what you mean by social gatherings. It must be anxiety because I have the exact thing. Just tonight I rejected going out to a club solely because of social interactions. I know that I'll just be there all loner while he rest mingle and actually get approached.

 

[maidendeth]

Yes extremely. I went to shows a few years ago actually with some of my friends and sometimes it went by okay to be honest. A few occasions I went with someone who I thought was my friend, and they ended up ditching me and went to go talk to someone else. Deep down I was pretty upset about it but I found someone else who was at the same show as me and ended up chatting quite a bit during the show. It made me feel better in the least.

Right now though, I haven't been to a show in so long, cause most of the bands/artists I like don't tour around Florida as much which really sucks! =\

Sorry to hear about your friend. Have you ever tried talking to her about it?

its been the same for me as well. i actually made a friend through my bf recently thats pretty well known in the scene, and he goes to alot of the shows im at so thats an improvement, and hes been really cool in introducing me to some new people. im thankful for that! i havent tried talking to her about it, i did go out of my way to text her or try to hang out with her, but i feel like its really one-sided now so i just stopped reaching out. oh well, i always thought it would make me sound crazy if i made a big deal about it anyway :3

I felt exactly the same way until I was almost 30. I couldn't even bring myself to go to the local market to pick up some bread and milk without feeling anxiety.

oh jeez i get the same way too. i will put anything off as long as i can until i have someone to go with me. even if it means my fridge will be empty for the next couple of days haha. but i agree, and i try to relax a bit. i think im slowly getting a little bit better at it.

Bitchy resting face seems metal as hell lol... my ex wife has a hardcore BRF and I actually digged it. I actually like that in women. Bitter looking women that look rather intimidating. .. sexy!

---

Anyway I know what you mean by social gatherings. It must be anxiety because I have the exact thing. Just tonight I rejected going out to a club solely because of social interactions. I know that I'll just be there all loner while he rest mingle and actually get approached.

---

haha! well thats cool theres some people that dig, but some of the friends i have been able to make that got past my BRF would say, i thought you didnt like me you always look mad! lol

 

[constant stranger]

I've got the social-event-anxiety too. Something that works for me, to give my motivation a boost, is to ask myself: If I surrender to the discomfort and don't go, will my self annoyance be worse than the original anxiety I'd have felt if I just went through with it?

I can't truthfully say that going to the event has always been the better option. I guess a person learns which are the appropriate events by trial and error.

 

[mari1969]

" I couldn't even bring myself to go to the local market to pick up some bread and milk without feeling anxiety."
At least im not the onlyone

 

[Seeker_2.0]

I don't like mainstream social events anyway, I only go to events that align with my (rare) interests, where only few people go.

Problem solved

 

[Erevetot]

This is an old thread, but wth, I'll post too
I feel the same, I dont like big social events, I prefer a small quiet bar to a huge club.

I enjoy music and attended some concerts, I even performed in some, before I went all social-anxious.
Now, I feel like the OP, and trying to avoid big events etc as much as I can, unless i really cant avoid it,i dont see what i could gain by forcing me to go

 

[jd7]

Hey, it's Christmas, I'll help necropost too. I used to suffer crippling anxiety. For me, the cure was to become an *******. Life kicked me around enough and I remember...I was 23...remember the precise day, time of day, and where I was that morning... I was always a people-pleaser...had a total nervous breakdown...something snapped inside my head. Literally, think I heard it. Sat there a bit...unsure if that was good or bad...thought maybe stroke? LOL

No. What it was the day that my switch was flipped and I became a fully autonomous being. From that day forward, I didn't (still don't) give one single fresia what anyone thinks of me. I can't. I won't. This doesn't mean I don't care for people but I cannot care for their opinions of me. This applies to all but those very closest to me.

The cure for anxiety? Not giving a fresia.