Is it possible to be loved for who you are?

[SophiaGrace]

I have been thinking about this for a while. A few people have pointed out some issues that I have. That I am dependent, and that I am kind of negative.

It's left me wondering if there are people in the world who would love me and like me despite these things. I've never been an emotionally independent sort of person, nor do I feel my depression is something that will change overnight.

Is it unreasonable to want to be loved for who you are instead of trying to change for an ideal that most people seem to want, but that you are unable to attain?

I remember trying to talk to a counselor a while ago about this, trying to tell her that there really wasn't anything else to me other than my depression…she didn't seem to understand. Instead, she seemed to say that it was my fault and that i perservered about it. It really doesn't feel that way to me, because everytime I try to not talk about it or not think about it it feels as if I am pushing something underwater that wishes to come back up. Like, something filled with air that requires a lot of strength to keep pressed under water. It's exhausting and this is what people want me to do.

I just want to be myself. I don't want to make others unhappy, that's not my goal. I don't want to see others unhappy or create unhappiness. That doesn't bring me joy or satisfaction.

I do tend to gravitate towards people who are depressed, but it seems to be a certain type of person. Someone who doesn't make me feel drained, but yet is able to understand where I am coming from, if that makes sense.

As for being dependent, well, perhaps that's another post.

My question is, is it unreasonable of me to want unconditional love? Even if I never get better? Even if it perserveres? I just want to be loved for all of me. Is that wrong?

 

[Cantante]

Yes, but apparently, the person has to be the same as you.

 

[TheRealCallie]

It is entirely possible to be loved for who you are. If people don't love you, as you are, then they don't need to be in your life. People out there will care for you, regardless of what you choose to be, you just have to find them. People are good and bad, if they can't take the bad (or what they deem bad) with the good, then I don't feel they like all of you.
I love people, despite all their faults and assholery and I think people love me, despite being the ***** that I am. lol

 

[user 115627]

I don't think it's wrong at all.

But I'd say it's important that the other person doesn't feel drained by your behavior as well - the same way as you don't want to feel drained by this particular someone. Shouldn't be hell-bent on fixing you either because of a certain inner "savior" complex.

 

[Amthorn]

Romantic love is seldom unconditional. The closest thing to unconditional love for humans is how most parents feel about their children.

 

[kamya]

I can give it out to plenty but I don't think I'll ever get that in return from anyone. It has to be possible though. It's possible for any good person I think. You're good so I think it's possible.

 

[el Jay]

I have the same sorts of feelings. Not quite exactly the same, but I feel like I have no real place in the world, yet other "normal" people do. The scars I have from my past are too great to ever heal, and I still struggle with knowing that I'll carry that darkness with me for the rest of my life.

I'm not sure if I'm emotionally dependent, but I always crave having friends and a lover, even though I have very few friends (especially in real life, and even online ones I drift away from), and terrible luck with women. I think there are people out there who could accept and love you for who and what you are, even with the issues you mention. But it's difficult finding anyone at all (for me, at least), never mind people who could understand and fathom depression and deep-seated scars.

I like that this site provides a way for people with problems in depression and loneliness to find each other and talk about their problems, but for me, it's not that much different from elsewhere on the internet in terms of actually finding people and friends. They're all on the internet, like any other site, and what I really need and want is friends in real life, not (just) online. From your post it sounds like you want the same, and if so, I understand that.

 

[TheRealCallie]

The closest thing to unconditional love for humans is how most parents feel about their children.

I disagree with this. Once I love someone, it's forever, regardless of the circumstances surrounding what's going on. Maybe I'm just an exception to the rule, I don't know.
Don't get me wrong, I'm a mother too, but it's different when it's not your kids

 

[lifestream]

It's not unreasonable to want to be loved for who you are, Sophia.

Having never experienced unconditional love myself, I can't speak as to whether it's probable but I would like to believe it's possible.

 

[Nuzzy Nuz]

Well.. mostly you might find yourself being loved for who you are by someone who knows what it feels to stand in ur shoes.. Overall it is not a wrong thing o not want to be loved by someone for who you are coz i find myself wanting to be loved for who i am.. *hugs Soph*

 

[ladyforsaken]

I think everyone before me above has said all the points I'd like to say. It's not wrong, and you should continue to be yourself. If people are not happy with how you are, that's their problem and you shouldn't have them around you or in your life. Being yourself will attract the right people who will love you for you. So no, it's not wrong, not unreasonable and be true to yourself.

 

[Seeker_2.0]

Don't ever change for no one. You will hate yourself for it. People come and go, our only constant companion is ourself, you should try to please YOU first.

 

[Nicholas]

HA you wish, people will hate each other no matter who you are, its what they want from you that counts.

 

[user 115627]

Ain't that freaking nice of you to say.

 

[TheRealCallie]

HA you wish, people will hate each other no matter who you are, its what they want from you that counts.

You seem rather negative today. What you say isn't true. Personally, I hate no one. That emotion requires too much energy and it's a waste of time. Hate is an overused word that has really lost it's meaning, IMO.

 

[TheSkaFish]

Well, I've only talked to you a few times. But it's been enough for me to gather that you are intelligent, ambitious, artistic, literate, kind, and helpful. So there's six good traits to start

 

[Amthorn]

Think about this, if someone were to rob you, attacked you, hurt someone you care about, would you still love them? There are always conditions.

The closest thing to unconditional love for humans is how most parents feel about their children.

I disagree with this. Once I love someone, it's forever, regardless of the circumstances surrounding what's going on. Maybe I'm just an exception to the rule, I don't know.
Don't get me wrong, I'm a mother too, but it's different when it's not your kids

 

[TheRealCallie]

Think about this, if someone were to rob you, attacked you, hurt someone you care about, would you still love them? There are always conditions.

Yes, I would and I do, because it's happened to me and no, I won't explain. My love IS unconditional.

 

[Danielle]

Yes, you can be loved for exactly who you are. If there are people that don't love/like you for everything that you are, you don't need them in your life.

When I was younger I wanted to be liked by everyone, and would feel sad if I wasn't. Honestly, over the years, I have learned that it is toxic to spend time around people who judge and want you to change. Free yourself from the worry and stress of wondering what you should be, or could be...and revel in who you are. Because YOU.... (and by you, I mean everyone here and you too Soph, ) are great! Since i started doing that, I have so much happier.

 

[ladyforsaken]

Think about this, if someone were to rob you, attacked you, hurt someone you care about, would you still love them? There are always conditions.

Yes, I would and I do, because it's happened to me and no, I won't explain. My love IS unconditional.

I gotta say I'm with Callie on this one. I have been hurt, but I still love them anyway. Love can be unconditional.