Is It really true..?

[ExtensivexLDL]

Yeah. Some people say that for every single person out there, there is that one other person just waiting to be found by the former, making the former's life 'whole'- a.ka. "The Destined One"- the husband or wife to be. My thought in regards to this, perhaps since I myself have never been on a date, let alone in a relationship, is that it's nothing but a 'well-to-do-hogwash' kind of advice offered by those who have been more successful in this department to those who are wandering if they will ever form any sort of meaningful contact with the opposite sex in this lifetime (like I myself always do), giving them erroneous hope that they can just carry on with their lives as they always have and that one destined person will just drop in, from nowhere seemingly. This of course doesn't make any sense to me and it always leaves me wondering as to what I should do differently in the future so I can finally meet someone who isn't just a short-term crush, but from whom I can draw out some sort of relationship.

-My whole life, in fact, has basically been nothing more but crushes which never went anywhere. As time would pass, I'd stop liking the person, find someone else and start thinking about them, and the cycle would repeat eventually. My longest and most recent crush, which went on for almost a whole year, was on a girl who basically every guy wanted. She had a whole legion of guy friends and would be jumping from one relationship to another. After hanging out one on one with her, I got the impression, which later proved false, that she was into me- even though she was attached to someone already at the time. Well one day, since I had her number and me being pretty lonely back then, I decided to give her a call- maybe to ask her out for coffee or something. Well I called her and she didn't answer so over the next days, I made two more calls, leaving a voice mail on the last one. Of course she never called me back and when I finally saw her again, as it happened during a gathering with my friends at one of my friend's literary workshop downtown, she seemed really shocked to see me, perhaps seeing as I came at the very last minute but also because of the more obvious reason, and got that apprehensive look on her face which I no doubt understood what it meant..

Anyway, I'm not too sure where I was going with that..
Any comments and/or stories like such?

 

[evanescencefan91]

ouch i'm sorry about the bad luck extensive. I don't really know. I've never really been one that has that overwhelming drive to date and find someone to spend the rest of their lives with, maybe this is just the media portral of it. But it seems that relationhips, just F* up life more. A temporary happyness followed utter tragidy. No one stays in love forever. I'd rather just go on with the rest of my life. You know keep it simple. I always wondered about the whole there's someone for everyone thing. I mean there are 6 billion people in the world and in our life we'll probably only meet a thousand of them. Those odds are pretty slim

 

[Lonesome Crow]

It's wierd, I can't answer that for anyone.
I do understand or relate to what you're saying, but I'm only speaking for myself.
The feeling of being in love intoxicate the heck out of me.

In some strange way, I'm sort of trying to replace my first love.
When i was going out with my ex-wf it was like those fantacies, fairly tales or destiny.
I really belive she was the love of my life and it would last forever. That's why I married her.
I took my vows seriously and I didn't feel I needed to search anymore..She was the perfect woman for me.
Will after we got married and when the honey moon was over...everything changed.
I couldn't be a husband she wanted me to be....I thought she would just love me as I am.
She had her perception or idea of what a perfect marriage should be...and we both didn't fit that role.
I thought we were just michael and michelle. Even our names were like we're were destined to be together
or we were soul partners or twin flames and all that good stuff.lol
The divorce really devestated me...I had a hard time letting go of that woman and my idea of what a perfect woman
should be. I didn't think anyone else could replace her. i didn't want anyone else.

There where plenty of beuartiful women that came acorss my path that was interested in me but
I didn't care or notice them. Subsequently my next partner...resymbol my ex-wf. She looks almost
just like my ex-wf. She also has simular traits..but was so many ways different then my ex-wf.
I even went as far as buying clothe so she can dress up like my ex-wf. It drove her freaken insane
becuase she couldn't fit into my idea of what a perfect woman is.....she left me after 5 years.
In so many ways she was alot nicer than my ex-wf...maybe in my sick thinking i didn't think I deserved
to be loved like that. i should have seen that signs or what she was saying to me before she left me.
She freaken cut off her long blonde hair and dyed it bruenett a couple of weeks before she left me.

Well...my next GF pretty much resymbol my ex-wf , an extreemly intoxicating relationship.
I experince so much romance with her. It's also one of the reason I have a hard time letting go of her.
At the sametime I'll write in my journal about my ex-wf...after all these years.
All of these women asked me out...so i don't know if i set wheels in motions.
I'm trying to get better at it or trying to learn from my mistakes. All women are not the same.
They all are beautiful in their own ways.

Maybe I'm just doing the samething, but in a longer cycle...i dunno.

maybe I'll asked a bruenett out the next time for a change.
But honesty....I have a radar out for certain type of women.

 

[ExtensivexLDL]

ouch i'm sorry about the bad luck extensive. I don't really know. I've never really been one that has that overwhelming drive to date and find someone to spend the rest of their lives with, maybe this is just the media portral of it. But it seems that relationhips, just F* up life more. A temporary happyness followed utter tragidy. No one stays in love forever. I'd rather just go on with the rest of my life. You know keep it simple. I always wondered about the whole there's someone for everyone thing. I mean there are 6 billion people in the world and in our life we'll probably only meet a thousand of them. Those odds are pretty slim

Yeah, I know what you're saying..I just wish I could really grasp what you're saying via experiencing it firsthand Hopefully something will happen soon as my circumstance is becoming old news..

There where plenty of beuartiful women that came acorss my path that was interested in me but
I didn't care or notice them. Subsequently my next partner...resymbol my ex-wf. She looks almost
just like my ex-wf. She also has simular traits..but was so many ways different then my ex-wf.
I even went as far as buying clothe so she can dress up like my ex-wf. It drove her freaken insane
becuase she couldn't fit into my idea of what a perfect woman is.....she left me after 5 years.
In so many ways she was alot nicer than my ex-wf...maybe in my sick thinking i didn't think I deserved
to be loved like that. i should have seen that signs or what she was saying to me before she left me.
She freaken cut off her long blonde hair and dyed it bruenett a couple of weeks before she left me.

Well...my next GF pretty much resymbol my ex-wf , an extreemly intoxicating relationship.
I experince so much romance with her. It's also one of the reason I have a hard time letting go of her.
At the sametime I'll write in my journal about my ex-wf...after all these years.
All of these women asked me out...so i don't know if i set wheels in motions.
I'm trying to get better at it or trying to learn from my mistakes. All women are not the same.
They all are beautiful in their own ways.

Maybe I'm just doing the samething, but in a longer cycle...i dunno.

maybe I'll asked a bruenett out the next time for a change.
But honesty....I have a radar out for certain type of women.

All the stuff you write is really interesting..For myself, only the aspect of actually meeting a girl and successfully asking her out would be a major victory. Everything else would be easier to follow from there..

 

[Lonesome Crow]

what I'm saying is....I belive in a special someone.
I'm hoping all the pass mistakes I've made had help me to be able
to be with that special someone. All the qualities i want from
a special person...those are the same qualities I must have
within myself. I hope that makes sense.

I know i can't wait for that special someone to fall out of the sky.
However I'm working on myself. I'm not jumping from relationship
to relationship. It's weird being single again. I don't even know
if I'm ready to date yet...but it feels like I'm about at that piont.
It's weird...usually I'm happy being single with all the pros of being
single. Then out of the blues she'll come into my life...i can't explain it.
I sort of feel like I'm a little teenage kid again having all
these thoughts and feelings...it's cool though, I'm having fun
with it..I've experince these variouse stages of being single.

It's sort of like chasing after a butterfly...if you chase a butterfly,
it'll fly away. But if you sit still without fears and just being happy,
the butterfly will actaully purtch itself on your hand.
I actaully had a wild bird did that to me....it was weird.
There's certain events in my life that has no logic to it.

If a girl gives me hints...I hope i can recognize it today.
The most she can do is say "NO"
I have nothing to lose and everything to gain.
Even if she did say no...it would still be a positive for me.
At least I will face my fears of rejections and took the actions
to ask her out inspite of my feelings of fears (Courage).

 

[eviloreo]

I made a reply some time ago about a topic simular to yours, when it comes to the "destined one." Except my concept is that everyone has a little "bag" of people, if you have that person in your bag, and they have you in their's, there is a possibility of you two getting together.

Some of us have larger bags with more people, some of us have less (well most in these forums : /). Some of us have the occasional same sex person in our bag even if we're not gay, some of us have people in our bag but we were not born in the right time, depends on who and when you meet certain people in life.

That girl was in your bag, but you were not in her's i guess

 

[samba101]

good way of putting it eviloreo.

 

[frey12]

Statistically you are bound to have someone who matches your personality, and are physically attracted to. Now are they anywhere near you in the world doubt it. I have come to the conclusion theirs no way to survive in this world if you do not lie to yourself constantly. If you see the truth you end up miserable and alone, hell if you don't see the truth you can still end up miserable and alone. Do I believe in soul mates no, do I think it holds some truth yes. Do I think i will even run across that person hell no, because for one you either have to speed through people like they are fast food in which case you could miss them, because they didn't say the right thing once or you were busy doing something with someone else. Or they could miss you. Or they could get unlucky and get pregnant or get someone else pregnant and be stuck with them. The list goes on and on and on.

 

[ExtensivexLDL]

I know i can't wait for that special someone to fall out of the sky.
However I'm working on myself. I'm not jumping from relationship
to relationship. It's weird being single again. I don't even know
if I'm ready to date yet...but it feels like I'm about at that piont.
It's weird...usually I'm happy being single with all the pros of being
single. Then out of the blues she'll come into my life...i can't explain it.
I sort of feel like I'm a little teenage kid again having all
these thoughts and feelings...it's cool though, I'm having fun
with it..I've experince these variouse stages of being single.


It's sort of like chasing after a butterfly...if you chase a butterfly,
it'll fly away. But if you sit still without fears and just being happy,
the butterfly will actaully purtch itself on your hand.
I actaully had a wild bird did that to me....it was weird.
There's certain events in my life that has no logic to it.

If a girl gives me hints...I hope i can recognize it today.
The most she can do is say "NO"
I have nothing to lose and everything to gain.
Even if she did say no...it would still be a positive for me.
At least I will face my fears of rejections and took the actions
to ask her out inspite of my feelings of fears (Courage).

That's well put. I guess all i've been doing in my life is chasing butterflies- if even that. With one of my early crushes for instance, (which was during my loser years in high school), I'd said to myself that by 'that and that' date, I'd ask them out. Of course that date came and went, and I didn't even try to make conversation with that person, let alone ask them out: I was just too shy, socially awkward and inept. Then when she passed (as in I stopped liking her), I found someone else and started concentrating my energies on her, without realizing that it was a little unrealistic of me to except much more than a satisfactory, albeit awkward friendship. Now I just want to find someone to date. I don't care that much about a full-fledged realtionship (well I do, but first things come first). Of course, I know the best place to meet girls is at my campus, though I hate wondering it alone. I guess the best target locations are classes and clubs.

I made a reply some time ago about a topic simular to yours, when it comes to the "destined one." Except my concept is that everyone has a little "bag" of people, if you have that person in your bag, and they have you in their's, there is a possibility of you two getting together.

Some of us have larger bags with more people, some of us have less (well most in these forums : /). Some of us have the occasional same sex person in our bag even if we're not gay, some of us have people in our bag but we were not born in the right time, depends on who and when you meet certain people in life.

That girl was in your bag, but you were not in her's i guess

That's a cool analogy.. It makes sense too. Sometimes I get the feeling that I get placed into the "friend-zone bag" (if I can call that) really quickly by girls. I'm not that bad of a looking guy, so either there's something I do that's unattractive, or I miss out on opportunities or circumstances interfere.. or all of the above..

 

[ExtensivexLDL]

Statistically you are bound to have someone who matches your personality, and are physically attracted to. Now are they anywhere near you in the world doubt it. I have come to the conclusion theirs no way to survive in this world if you do not lie to yourself constantly. If you see the truth you end up miserable and alone, hell if you don't see the truth you can still end up miserable and alone. Do I believe in soul mates no, do I think it holds some truth yes. Do I think i will even run across that person hell no, because for one you either have to speed through people like they are fast food in which case you could miss them, because they didn't say the right thing once or you were busy doing something with someone else. Or they could miss you. Or they could get unlucky and get pregnant or get someone else pregnant and be stuck with them. The list goes on and on and on.

That's.. a little weird-sounding but I get some of your points.. Of course there's no such thing as soulmates but there are people out there who are compatible with you- it may just take time to meet that one person and at the end of a conversation, manage to ask them out. I don't agree, however, that you must lie to yourself constantly to survive in this world- sooner or later it will catch up to you and you'll be unable to shield yourself from the overwhelming and probably, painful, truth. That being said, being truthful to yourself does not mean always saying to yourself that you'll always be alone with no friends, significant other, etc..I think being truthfull means acknowledging the aspect that for any single thing that you want to get out of life, you're going to have to work hard and earnestly for..Of course, there'll be times when you'll feel like giving up and perhaps, in the worst case, feel like life isn't worth living (god forbid), but all that this is, is just obstacles in your way which you're going to have to transverse to get to your goal(s). Specifically, it just takes that one other peson to make you happy..That one other person with who you could share practically anything with..It will just take time, patience, dedication and tolerance for setbacks and failures..And I don't really understand how 'pregnant' comment really pertains to what the discussion is about.. Maybe you could clarify..

 

[frey12]

Was just an example of something that could get in the way in life. An easy example. However one person doesn't just magically fix everything and make you happy. They would merely be another factor in making you happy. However like you said theirs obstacles I felt that pregnancy is a great obstacle. It forces attachment, through the child and you cant just ditch someone as easily if they have a kid. Even if they aren't right for you. People have children all the time with people who aren't right for them. And people stay with those people who aren't right for them.

As for the life isn't worth living comment I have long thought that and probably will continue to think that. But death isn't worth rushing because it is inevitable.

 

[Papabear]

If you don't make a conscious effort to get into relationships then they will rarely happen. The only people that really don't need to make the effort are the people that don't have relationship problems anyways.

No, I don't believe there is "one true person" fate type stuff out there. I certainly do believe there are people out there that you will be ridiculously compatible with though, and I do believe it is very very rare.

 

[ExtensivexLDL]

Was just an example of something that could get in the way in life. An easy example. However one person doesn't just magically fix everything and make you happy. They would merely be another factor in making you happy. However like you said theirs obstacles I felt that pregnancy is a great obstacle. It forces attachment, through the child and you cant just ditch someone as easily if they have a kid. Even if they aren't right for you. People have children all the time with people who aren't right for them. And people stay with those people who aren't right for them.

As for the life isn't worth living comment I have long thought that and probably will continue to think that. But death isn't worth rushing because it is inevitable.

Of course. One person never makes everything instantly happy, but if you've never been in a relationship, it's a big boost when you finally are in one, regardless of whether it lasts. And yeah, pregnancy can be a factor in this case, like you said, so it's important not to rush things in a relationship.

If you don't make a conscious effort to get into relationships then they will rarely happen. The only people that really don't need to make the effort are the people that don't have relationship problems anyways.

No, I don't believe there is "one true person" fate type stuff out there. I certainly do believe there are people out there that you will be ridiculously compatible with though, and I do believe it is very very rare.

That makes sense of course. In terms of there being people that don't have any relationship problems, however, I don't think that's completely true. Sure, those who are in relationships usually don't have to think about about being in another one, but there're always things that could be improved even in the best relationships.

 

[VanillaCreme]

I believe in having that "special someone" just for you. That everyone has a soul mate. Whether it's a relationship, or just a really close friendship. When I was in high school, I really, really liked this guy, so I asked him out, but he told me no, that he just wanted to keep it a friendship. I guess I wasn't "in his bag" as eviloreo put it. I suppose it depends where your heart is really. Some people pop up in your life, and you never expect it. And that person will give you more in life than anyone else.

 

[ExtensivexLDL]

I believe in having that "special someone" just for you. That everyone has a soul mate. Whether it's a relationship, or just a really close friendship. When I was in high school, I really, really liked this guy, so I asked him out, but he told me no, that he just wanted to keep it a friendship. I guess I wasn't "in his bag" as eviloreo put it. I suppose it depends where your heart is really. Some people pop up in your life, and you never expect it. And that person will give you more in life than anyone else.

Well put. I'm not sure I completely agree though. Sure, it's nice to think that there's someone out there 'just for you' just waiting to pop into your life, but it's all relative and speculative. Sure you might meet someone you're incredibly compatible with, get into a relationship, even marry them, but that doesn't mean that you couldn't have met someone else instead who's even compatible then the person you're with now (would they also be your soulmate?).. Same thing in regards to friendship..

 

[SilentThinker]

I do meet of people who have the same interest and near same personality whose relationships broke off.

I think even married people do met these problems too.

 

[Chris 2]

My bag is empty currently. Time to snatch those babes and put it into my bag:club:

 

[ExtensivexLDL]

My bag is empty currently. Time to snatch those babes and put it into my bag:club:

Good luck with that

 

[Unacceptance]

My bag is empty currently. Time to snatch those babes and put it into my bag:club:

Oh no, kidnapping women by shoving them into canvas sacks is MY shtick.