Is this a sign that it's over?

[smitty]

I've been dating this girl for a few weeks now and I like her a lot more than the last seven people I've dated. We click and get along really well. I've been excited to see where this will go. But, after the last date she just started completely ignoring me. At first, I wasn't worried at all since she has a really busy school/work schedule (as do I, most of the time) and so I chilled. Now that it has been three days, I'm kind of uneasy.

We sort of made plans for this past Friday, but it was more centered around whether either of us had our schoolwork completely finished. I wasn't perturbed when that didn't happen, so I Facebook messaged her (when I called her, her phone went straight to answering machine, no ringing) to offer up an alternative. She hasn't responded and I've seen her online a bunch of times. I got really paranoid, so I checked her okcupid profile and saw that the last time she was on was the day after our last date (!)

I haven't been flooding her with texts (I've sent her two in the past four days), or phone calls (total of one), so I'm not trying to be clingy at all. She's a really cool chick and we had a nice kiss at the end of our last date (I know this isn't indicative of anything), so I haven't been feeling like she's trying to get rid of me until now. I don't want negative thinking to ruin what could be really great, but I also don't want to be a naive idiot who keeps trying for someone who's already done with me. I'm not going to try to contact her for the rest of the weekend.

Also, I didn't know where to put this in, but on our last date her phone got soaked in water because she spilled a whole bottle of it in her purse. I figured that it was fried and that was the reason for the radio silence. Then, I started drawing conclusions and became the anxiety-ridden mess that is typing this question.

Is she trying to hint that I'm not hot stuff to her anymore?

 

[Lost Drifter]

Stop being crazy and chill out some more.

Give it another week or so, she could just be busy and went on line to vent or chill out, I’d drop the texts and phone calls for a few days and let things settle down.

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

Voted "stop being crazy". If she's kissed you, that's a pretty good sign in my view. If her phone got water on it and she's been busy, it makes sense that she hasn't got back to you.

I'd say wait 1 week, if she still hasn't got back call her up again or something. I know that when I'm busy I often sign into online programs but I don't reply to messages and stuff I might have accumulated.

However, after dating 8 people you are 8 times more experienced than yours truly, so perhaps I should be asking you for advice

 

[kamya]

Give it a few more days. If there is no communication for a few more days then yeah it is a sign. Sucks when they aren't up front about it.

 

[jjam]

You can do as I did. Try to communicate your concerns to her. Pay VERY close attention to what she says and how she says it. For me it was more about listening to her during the conversation than waiting around to see if anything would change as a result of it. I didn't need to wait for changes because her indifference had shone through her words and tone, not to mention an action that followed, which I'll not share here.

You'll know when you're there trying to understand what's going on and she's there saying stuff like "I've been in that position before" or she speaks of "trust issues with men" as if that justifies her misbehavior towards you... Or when you want to know if you've done wrong and how you can correct it, and she says you're fine... or even saying things that really don't fall in line with the POINT of the discussion and not addressing why she's being the way she's being with you... that it's time to walk away.

Don't let her string you along, bro. Analyze the situation and use your mind, not your heart. My heart kept me going at it with this one in particular, even after I'd sensed something was off much sooner in the adventure, because we'd had a positive history that started many years ago. Although I called myself building a serious friendship with her, it felt like I was breaking away from a friendship. I'd never been in a situation like this but I am glad I had the strength to walk away. Don't let anyone mistreat you. Anyone!

 

[gelnn]

Stop being crazy and start playing MW3 or BF3... den if the phone rings after some days, you win!

 

[smitty]

I talked to her out of the blue over Facebook chat the other day. She said she won't be able to see me until after the holiday break, which I can understand as she is visiting folks in Philly. I texted her today, though, to no response. And I had been texting with her (she WAS responding) just the day before. :/

I feel like a creep for sending the texts today to no response.

It's like every other day with this chick. It is kind of driving me crazy. I am trying to chill, but it's hard. I did chill, by the way.

 

[kamya]

Don't get your hopes up on anything ever happening with this girl. Unless she was always this flaky about txts I don't think shes that interested. I could be wrong though.

Its not creepy to send txts, as long as you aren't blowing up their phone. Whenever I'm getting ignored I just send one txt a day max for a couple of days. After that I give up. If they don't reply within a few days after my last txt then I assume it's over.

 

[smitty]

I sent a friendly, funny Thanksgiving text to no avail...

:/

 

[Chasm]

normally i would say its done

but with the possible fried ph?
u just cant know
i would give it the benefit of the doubt in this circumstance
do u have another way of contacting her that isnt ph rel8d?
i would do that if i could

 

[Skorian]

Things only end until they start again.

 

[smitty]

I'm chillin' until next week, I've decided. Going to busy myself and see if she's still up for continuing this strange dating dance we now find ourselves in.

 

[AFrozenSoul]

I would wait for her to contact you. You have done your part to get in touch with her. Time for her to show some enthusiasm. I would say give her another week or two. Then start to see other people casually. After a month I would say it is over. You have the paper trail that shows you tried and she ignored you.

 

[Happy To Be]

I agree with everyone else saying give it a few more days, or a week. You have no idea what's going on in her life. She could be busy with lots of things, trying to replace a phone, money, schoolwork, a job (if she's got one). Regardless. To quick to judge yet. Give it more time and if its still quiet on the home front, ask her directly. Shoot her a message asking why she's been kind of distant, don't beat around the bush otherwise you'll drive yourself crazy wondering why. But first give it a week.

 

[smitty]

We texted back and forth today after I left a voicemail. She said she'd been thinking over the holiday break and that she came to the realization she can't see me right now. She suggested we resume seeing each other next semester (she'll go home for winter break).

I said it's fine, I respect that she has a lot of work for finals, but at the same time WTF?

Next semester? Is this legit?

 

[Skorian]

Only she knows that.

 

[IgnoredOne]

I said it's fine, I respect that she has a lot of work for finals, but at the same time WTF?

Next semester? Is this legit?

Did she say, "I have to study" or "I have to think over it?"

If she has to 'think over it,' then so should you. Go look for someone else and keep your options open. There's at least a 50% chance that she'll decide against you, and there's positively no reason for you to give her all of the decisionmaking power in any potential relationship.

If she has to study, of course, its pretty legit. People do priorize things in life, and some people focus on getting the grade, then going to family, before dating. It depends.

 

[smitty]

It seemed like "I have to study," but there really is no way to know for sure.

 

[zaphodity]

Doesn't sound good man. Lean back and stay away for awhile but keep your options open with other chicks. I dunno about you but when it comes to relationships I get
a pretty strong gut feeling vibe that somethings not right. I generally tend to go with that gut feeling and for the most part its never let me down.

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

I'm also with "stay with options".

Or, more to the point, don't get too set or attached on her right now. Because I know how much that hurts when it doesn't go as you want, and it's not a good place to be!

So I'd just chill out about it and just keep being friendly with a lot of people in general. That way you should have friends and possible romantic interests to fall back on if this girl turns out to be chronically indecisive or whatever.

Good luck!