Isolation comes too easy

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Murakami_1

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It's so easy to get stuck in a cycle. To make all the wrong decisions. I know some on this forum have made the active decision to keep away from others, and I wonder about it sometimes.
I try to make an effort but it's hard and I always have periods of just locking myself in. At this point I'm just wondering that maybe I'm not made for long lasting relationships. Or more likely, just dont want to put the effort in.
 
At this point I'm just wondering that maybe I'm not made for long lasting relationships. Or more likely, just dont want to put the effort in.
I've kind of always known that about myself.
I forget at times.
Or get depressed about it.
Or complain and vent.
And sometimes get jealous of guys with beautiful girlfriends they can take to dinner or go on vacations with.

But yeah, I think I was simply meant to be alone. Most "guys like me" are married. To average looking women. And have spoiled kids that they dote over. I can't picture myself living that way.
 
@BDLonely @Unsigned
Would you say you are/ ever can be fulfilled?
I have my ups and downs.
But "fulfilled"? No I don't think so.
My life consists of:
1. Work - to get money
2. Seeing escorts - where I spend my disposable income
3. Exercise - to get occasional faux compliments from the escorts
4. Drinking - to forget how unfulfilling my life is (I am trying to cut down on the booze)

I suppose the best can hope for at this point in my life (late 50s) is to meet a sweet, pretty, appreciative girl in her 20s who needs a Sugar Daddy, but doesn't expect me to solve all her problems. Easier said than done. I am happiest when I am outside walking. I can walk for hours on end. But not when I have a hangover...
 
yeah walking clears your head nicely.
Btw @Unsigned why do you specifically aim for a 20y old?
I suppose can be a few reasons.
- That's just to what I am attracted
- Perhaps because I didn't have a GF in HS or college (or ever really) and I want what I didn't get to have when I was young
- Been seeing escorts for almost 38 years, and I guess I have conditioned myself to only be physical with a certain type (young, petite & pretty)

And maybe also, subconsciously, it's my way of remaining alone. Trying to be with a girl that is unattainable.
 
I’m a big walker too. First thing in the morning before sunrise every other day. It is healthy for you mentally and physically.
Yes it is,I go for a walk everyday,as soon as I wake up in the morning,and it really just makes you feel good about yourself,living in Florida,you have to get out there before it gets too hot.
 
I have lived alone for most my life now, I didn't mind it for years, in fact I enjoyed being alone, but I as get older I'm 56, it seems I want to talk to people now, where before I avoided people, not sure why now all of the sudden I want to talk to people, I find myself calling people wanting to talk where I before I wouldn't pick up the phone because I didn't want to be bothered.
I believe it is because I know i'm now in the twilight of my life, and being alone doesn't have the appeal to me it once did, but I already burned too many bridges it seems which I regret.
If your young and still have family stay close to them, make time for friends no matter what, loneliness can be a hard as the years go by.
 
I have lived alone for most my life now, I didn't mind it for years, in fact I enjoyed being alone, but I as get older I'm 56, it seems I want to talk to people now, where before I avoided people, not sure why now all of the sudden I want to talk to people, I find myself calling people wanting to talk where I before I wouldn't pick up the phone because I didn't want to be bothered.
I believe it is because I know i'm now in the twilight of my life, and being alone doesn't have the appeal to me it once did, but I already burned too many bridges it seems which I regret.
If your young and still have family stay close to them, make time for friends no matter what, loneliness can be a hard as the years go by.
Your advice is well taken,

I hope at least a few of those smouldering bridges are still more walkable than you expect and some of the people you are calling surprise you in a good way. But, whatever comes, I wish you luck.
 
It's so easy to get stuck in a cycle. To make all the wrong decisions. I know some on this forum have made the active decision to keep away from others, and I wonder about it sometimes.
I try to make an effort but it's hard and I always have periods of just locking myself in. At this point I'm just wondering that maybe I'm not made for long lasting relationships. Or more likely, just dont want to put the effort in.
same here, I find it extremely hard to understand people. Also friendships and relationships in general and how they should work. I thought coming out of my shell and showing an interest in others was enough but it clearly isn't. Some people have that charisma or just a likeable personality that I feel that I don't have.

Until today I feel as if I cannot connect with anyone. I don't expect instant connection or anything like that, all this takes time to build. Just how do you even start to make friends when you're invisible you know? How to even build a connection when the other person isn't interested in doing so?

So I feel that I don't have a choice except to be okay with being alone. Being depressed doesn't help either since I just isolate myself.

Edit: sorry this got a bit long, I just got a little upset thinking about this situation.
 
same here, I find it extremely hard to understand people. Also friendships and relationships in general and how they should work. I thought coming out of my shell and showing an interest in others was enough but it clearly isn't. Some people have that charisma or just a likeable personality that I feel that I don't have.

Until today I feel as if I cannot connect with anyone. I don't expect instant connection or anything like that, all this takes time to build. Just how do you even start to make friends when you're invisible you know? How to even build a connection when the other person isn't interested in doing so?

So I feel that I don't have a choice except to be okay with being alone. Being depressed doesn't help either since I just isolate myself.

Edit: sorry this got a bit long, I just got a little upset thinking about this situation.
It’s only human to be upset with that situation. It hurts. How could it not?

Coming out of your shell and taking an interest in people will always be a prerequisite part of it. Nothing happens without that. Don’t feel bad for having done that. It’s a big step you should value in yourself for being able to do, some people can’t do it at all. It’s something you will need and I’m sure it wasn’t easy to do.

The other important part of it tho, is the hard reality that most people won’t be interested in building a connection. This is true for everyone, from the most popular to the least. Most interactions just don’t really end with any real connection. While it’s undoubtedly easier for some, it’s never some large fraction. Most interactions are shallow, bonds tepid, or superficial, the real true connections are always the very rare commodity nestled in between amongst all that.

So I think the only thing I can tell you is, it hurts much less when throwing the dart expecting to miss the mark, rather than to succeed. Because that will be the actual reality most of the time. It’s the desire itself behind the most pain. But there really is no shortcut, have to keep throwing that dart to hit anything, or to learn new things in the process.
 

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