Issue with my sex desirability

[fongab91]

I am a male in my 30s, I am beginning to think if my lust for sex is a little bit abnormal. I am thinking of having sex 3-4 times a week, but press it down hard and I have to set a rule of limit to myself once a week at most because I do not want to masturbate too much. Every time when the lust of feeling coming, my head gets hot and my mind is lurking with all the styles, toys and funny ideas how to have sex with a girl and how we reach high together. It annoys me so much and it greatly affect my daily life.

The worst thing comes after I masturbated. The tension is relieved for a while but soon I want to do that over again, my penis is still feeling a bit hurt from the previous action because I always try to do it hard for satisfaction since I only have it once a week, but when the feeling comes my penis would expand again, whether I am still feeling pain or not I just can't control it or stop it. The more I press it the more and more I want it. I need to start thinking something horror or disgusting in order to ease myself down.

I wonder is anyone here has the same issue with me? That kind of abnormal lusting for sex. This kind of sickness is going to kill me one day, even I know my body cannot afford it, if I do not control it and spoil myself for that, I will go as far as several times a day and for several days in a line, until the pain in the penis scare me so much that it might get me unable to have sex again, the fear of feeling ease me down.

I have this issue since my 20s, it just get worse after I reached my 30s. The feeling of wanting sex has over limit what my body can afford to, but it is still coming and coming. Now I am even losing my sleep that almost every night I have to waste some time struggling with my head just to get the penis ease down. There is a time I cool down and I look at the clock and it is 2am in the morning, what a piece of joke I went to sleep at 10 pm something. This is becoming like a routine and I am so tired about it. I do not want my life only full of thinking of sex, that will make me look like a pervert but the fact is I am trying so hard to press it down. I wonder is it something wrong with my body, something nutrition imbalance or what? Or my nerve gone wrong that makes me having that kind of lust for sex so oftenly.

 

[Limlim]

It just means high testosterone usually. You might want to go do a doctor and see what your levels are at to make sure it isn't at an abnormal level. Otherwise I'm pretty high up there on the drive myself, though I'm what you call a functioning addict and am able to take care of things enough at home that I'm usually okay for work the next day. Unless I have to watch power point, in which case my mind wanders and I start thinking about sex.

 

[jzinsky]

3-4 times a week? Some people reckon us men think about sex every seven seconds!

But yeah maybe a doctor is the next step (and I'd ask for a male doctor, not joking)

 

[perfanoff]

Dude it's completely normal.

Having sex 3-4 times a week is the actual average for people in a relationship or marriage.

Come on. People think about sex all the time. What seems to be the problem is you seem to be obsessing against your sexuality? What the heck, man ??? Who told you it's wrong to think about sex?

 

[fongab91]

I don't want to go see a doctor man, that is way too embarassing, I can't live with that. It is definately something wrong with me. I read about an article long ago and it mentioned something that hits my jackpot. A proper man when meet up with a girl, he usually look at her face and talk with her. But when I meet with a girl, my face will get red and my eyes will somehow drag to her breast even worse when she is having slim legs that attracts me a lot. I am unable to communicate with any girls normally like that. All my friends do not seem to have this problem. I have to try to prevent myself from being a pervert every times in front of a girl so I won't scare them away. Just to say it I think my minds are dirty, I always think about sex when I see a good figure woman. Now even when it happens a girl bypass me and look at me, I dare not look back to her not because I dare not look at her but because I do not want to have my dirty thoughts rise up to my minds and act weirdos again.

That's the way it is. I am being attracted to having sex so much. 3-4 times a week is the way I slightly control myself. If not I am more than willing to have it everyday and perhaps several times each. What is a functioning addict anyway?? I enjoy staying inside the bathroom a long time and spend the time playing with my penis, when I look at my penis, I am playing it like I am playing a toy or something, watch it expand, toy with it when it was about to burst, do that again and again just to feel the sensation, the touch of my hands, all that kind of things you know, all that I only can say this out in a forum but not anyone else around me, it is so addictive and hard to forget.

There are guilts when I am trying to find a girl friend. Am I looking only for sex with her? Do I only want sex from her and nothing else? What is sex and what is love, that is so confusing. I have seen a lot of fail marriage around my relatives and my friends. Being a lovely couples before marriage and argue everyday a year after the marriage. Man I do not want a home like that everyday just return home to argue with somebody. I want find a girl friend but I can't communicate with them with all these dirty thoughts in my head, all attracts me is their breasts and their legs. I am not even sure if I am finding a replacement for sex or a life partner.

I want to find a way to help me stop thinking about sex. There must be someone here who experience the same sickness like me and had been successfully overcome them, if so I wish to hear them out. If you know the way please tell me so, it is time to put an end to this weirdo pervert of me inside myself.

 

[quintus]

Sometimes I simply have to agree with Perfanoff. And just take it as a Prostate- training to prevent future problems with that thing.

 

[fongab91]

I don't know man, I have no ideas 3-4 times a week is normal for couples. But come on, there is no one beside me stimulates me? Its about masturbating alone 3-4 times a week. No matter how I see it, it is really weird. How can this be normal? If I have a girl friend I would definitely want more than 3-4 times a week, there will be no doubt about that. But can you really see anyone having sex everyday and live a long life? I probably can't get my dick up anymore when I reach 40 if I spoil it like that.

I do not want to train my "thing" man, I am already having this problem since my 20s, it just get even worse now. I am trying to find some solutions, and I am thinking of exercise lately. I thought, maybe I could spend some energy out by doing some exercise, but it just do not work. Can you believe sometimes I have my penis arise too when I am doing sit up? During the day is a problem but it is still ok, what annoy the most is the time when I wanted to sleep, I do not want to have sex, but the thoughts just come in a tiny bit and it gets hard again, how can I sleep with my penis hard man? It drags me to the midnight sometimes and I am losing my sleep.

Don't hold it? Masturbate too many times wore me out. Hold it? I can't sleep. What should I do? This is just so frustrating and annoying man.

 

[Limlim]

Why is seeing a doctor embarrassing? It's their job to look at this honeysuckle. Hell I wish everyone was too embarrassed to tell me when something breaks at work, then I wouldn't have to do my job either, lol.

 

[Badjedidude]

Dude, I masturbate like 3-4 times a minute.

Don't worry so much about it. It's pretty natural for men to get boners and think about sex quite a bit. Especially since you're in your 30s -- there would be plenty of 30 yr-old women out there willing to take advantage of a hard, eager cock their own age.

But... masturbation? Don't worry about it as a big problem until you start jacking off like... 8 times a day or something. By that point, you'll be a proper sex addict like myself.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

I think everyone who isn't in a sexual relationship (and even those who are) think about sex a lot.

The problem I have with modern porn (and I'll say this clearly) is that everything is ejaculate on the face at the end. It's gotten to the point where I'll start to see ejaculate where there isn't any...and man, when that starts to happen, you start to FEEL like a pervert!

Give the porn a break. Try masturbating without it, or to kinky clothed pictures of women. Pretty soon you'll start to see them as human again.

 

[MellyVinelli]

^This is actually quite huge. Only problem is that I'm currently in one of those relationships where the "real life" lady pretty much shut the door to the fun box thus leading to a great deal of frustration. In fact, just typing this is giving me some lower abdominal pain. If you refrain from constant stimulation through unrealistic portrayals of women, I think that it might help bring things back to earth. Don't quote me quite yet as I'm in the process myself. When I read your OP I thought to myself "interdasting"....

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

I've never been in a relationship, and I am 30, so I am frustrated. It probably came out in my post.

 

[MellyVinelli]

I think the problem is mainly between the ears. For as long as I remember, I've had access to the Internet and have had access to all sorts of pr0nz. Most certainly it started before I had my first girlfriend and I would say it was my first introduction to female anatomy and thus "sex Ed." I had my first relationship at the age of 15 and she wouldn't put out until I pretty much started losing interest in her two years later. And even then, it never came close to what I thought it woud be like with my fantasies and the stuff shown in the videos. I believe that our brains were never designed to be constantly overstimulated and releasing such high levels of dopamine for such extended periods of time. There have been studies showing ears would press a button to stimulate dopamine release rather than eat food and come close to starvation. I've recently frees up a lot of energy and free time to pursue hobbies and social interactions in the real world.

Now my relationship is far from perfect but that is a discussion for a different day. However, I feel that for you, as a single man, if you were to stop pressing the button and go eat real food, aka doing hobbies and socializing , you could solve your single status if that is what you're looking for. You posted here because you feel it is not normal. If there are hobbies you enjoy doing, do them. You may meet people who in turn may link you up with someone you like and it could lead to something more. However, if you are like what I did for a lot of my life, i.e. spend hours in front of the computer getting a "reward" from something that doesn't even really exist, then those are hours wasted and spent on notating yourself better, not getting stronger, and in fact wiring your brain to take short cuts.

I'm paying the consequences today as the habit is tough to kick. I've heard some say quitting smoking pales compared to this. However, I have made positive steps to put the lifestyle behind me and use that energy into personal fitness, cooking healthy meals to lose weight, and strengthen myself spiritually. Just over a week later, I already feel stronger, stand taller, speak more clearly, and wonder, "why didnt I realize this sooner?"

Sorry for the rant, I do feel strongly about this and simply want to help you see that you are not some freak. You are a worthy human being with much to contribute to this world and there is a lucky lady waiting for you to get out there and sweep her off her feet!!

 

[fongab91]

Masturbate 3-4 times in a minute is not likely possible man... I can ejaculate in 30 sec as well as in 30 mins, that depends how fast you do it. If you do it slowly and do not want to ejaculate, you won't be and sometimes it will feel you hold it too long until there is only pain in the penis and you lost the will to ejaculate at all, that's masturbating to the end with no ejaculation, but that is not good to the penis. It takes a long time to recover from the pain, having pain in the penis is never a good thing to be.

I am not a porn addict, I just have a very abnormal high desire for sex. With porn or without porn makes no differences at all, I am not watching porn while I am doing my sit ups and I can end up having a boner between the legs, I am always high and hard to control myself. I did come across with porn before my 20s, maybe 16 or 18. I have stored over hundred of porn clips in my pc. It continue for several years until I lose interest in it. Now I don't even have one clip in the storage at all. Their actions are all alike, some over-acting screaming will instead spoil my mood to masturbate instead of encouraging me. Now I may still look into some porn clips but not the professional taken one, but when the news showing about somebody having sex and been secretly filmed, and they leak that clip on the net, then I will go and download them and have a look. That gives a more realistic feeling, other than that, I rarely search for any porn now.

I like sex a lot, there is no doubt about it, but what I like and what I want is two different thing. I do not want to do them a lot. I feel this is a weakness in me and I do not want to surrender myself up to this nonsense. I want to be a real man. I want to find a cure to cure myself from it. I want to be normal, not a sex addict.

All my friends around me are normal. But why I am not normal, I just do not get it why. They confront with a girl and they can talk normally. But when I confront with a girl my mind always lead me to sex no matter how hard I try to restrict and control my head. A slight lose in control straightly lead me to her breast and her legs. Sometimes it embarrassed me so much that I want to run away immediately when the girl noticed that I am looking at her breast, even I did it so fast with just a glimpse. I can see in her eyes her expression turn to like she is looking at a pervert and it makes me feel so, so bad. Its not that I want to look at her breast at the first time but I just can't help it, my eyes just do it so naturally that I only realize I am now, looking at her breast until I noticed myself doing that. I have to get rid of these thinking in order to get a full control of myself.

The place I am living do not have such thing as girls in their 30s will want to take advantage of a cock. Our cultural are not the same. Either get into a relationship seriously or get married, there is no free sex around here, only proper relationships. Reputation matters more than others, and it is not the cultural how the parents taught their kids to be. This maybe easier to just explained by the word being open-minded or not. I maybe "open minded in term of sex", but not the society I am living in. I date a girl just for sex, that's the same as an intention to cheat her at the beginning because as I said, girls here all thinking of serious relationship when they date with someone.

All the ways I have tried it before of what are suggested here. If I just give it up and masturbate as I like, doing what I like to be, it does ease down a bit and I can have my sleep, but my body cannot catch up with that kind of continuous, non-stop desirability that has almost no end of it. It may feel I just want 3-4 times a week, but when it comes to that I masturbate 3-4 times a week, then I would end up wanting more and more and it becomes everyday a week. That's how the way it has been. No one in this world can have their body to support having sex everyday in their life. No one at all. That's why it has to be stopped, and I think the desirability all comes and start with my mind first, only when I think about sex then I will get a boner. I have to find a way to mess with my mind first, is there anyway I can do it?

 

[MellyVinelli]

Check out yourbrainonporn.com

Under the videos tabs there is a 6 part video that goes into the science and what part of your brain is being affected. Just watching that has given me the motivation to quit. And by quitting I mean no pornography whatsoever. No professional porn videos, no amateur videos, no pictures, no anything that will tempt you, even going through 'top 100 most beautiful' lists etc. I mean cut it all out. Install an internet filter if you have to and wipe that hard drive clean.

Then keep your hands away from your loins.

I don't necessarily think that masturbation in itself is bad. But if you were honest with yourself, do you simply fantasize about your gf or go through the archives that is on your computer or in your head? It's the hard-wired association between masturbation and porn. So as a result I say it needs to go.

I also learned from a SA meeting that their standards for sobriety is absolutely no porn and masturbation. There are women in the group too so it is definitely diverse.

You're not alone or weird. There are so many out there who feel isolated in this issue as well. I've watched stuff since I was 10 and you started in your 20s. It is amazing how quickly it can take hold of you and superstimulate your reward circuitry regardless of when you start.

So how this related back to your interaction with women in real life is a warped sense of what women are to you. You can spend hours watching and thinking about women doing things they don't actually do for most of their day. It becomes an obsession. Once you do see a girl walking around and talk to her, you already have deep in your brain what you want and completely ignore the normal interaction you should be having with her and the fact she isn't what you saved on the hard drive. Porn requires nothing more than unzipping your pants, real life women are nowhere near close to that.

Anyhow. Check out the resources available and you can decide how you want to proceed.

 

[fongab91]

You don't get it man, I have looked into the site, that's for porn addicts, I am not a porn addict, I already quit porn a long time ago. I am not addicted to porn, I am addicted to sex. I do not have problem to get a boner, I am always high that's my problem. Porn is not my problem.

I have been masturbating for like, 10 years now. I know it exactly watching porn while masturbating makes ejaculation really quick. Before I have the satisfaction, I already ejaculated. That is useless man, it will not be enough. I won't stop with just one ejaculation, I will continue it again and again a few more times until I am really wore out. This exhausted my body in a great deal and I can feel it inside me. I feel weak when I am standing up and a sudden cold into the spines sometimes.

Now, I go into the bathroom when I want to masturbate every time. I spend as much time as I wanted there until I get really satisfied and I release it. Only by this way, I will not be needing to have another masturbation for quite a while. It can hold me a bit longer before I want for the next one. That's how I am doing it in my life now. Porn with a fully, naked woman? That is totally not necessary man, just a girl with a good figure and body line is more than enough and she do not even need to be naked.

I know it too man, I know exactly what you are saying. Girls aren't always thinking about sex. They want a real relationship, they want a life partner. But what can I do? This kind of feeling, of wanting sex, just come by itself. I didn't ask for it, it just come. When I confront with them it just happen, all the thoughts coming in. All I can do the rest then is put a lot of effort,a lot a lot of effort of holding my thoughts down. "Don't think", "stop thinking you stupid idiot", "think about other things", "now start to find a topic", "do you want to embarrass yourself again?" "think about all the embarrassment you had before, think about them now". That's all I am telling myself, so I can act normal and talk normal in front of them. I don't have any space left to think about anything else.

Oh man.. this is really crazy man, I know this is just crazy, there must be something wrong, but I do not know what's wrong. This is really exhausting man, all I can do now is jogging, keep running and running until I can't catch up my breath, that is the one way that never fail me so far, only by the time I don't have breath then I won't be thinking at all.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

YourBrainOnPorn.com is a scam site. This has been proven.

I understand what he's saying. He's saying he wants sex, but can't get it because women don't want to be with a guy who wants sex too easily. I have also faced this...and this is going to come out sounding a bit misogynistic, but most women don't desire sex outside of a relationship, but most guys want sex irregardless of a relationship.

I know I'm going to get attacked for that, but...whatever.

There is the random "sex experimentation" that goes on between horny college students, but once you get into your 30's, all women are thinking about is marriage and children and settling down, and if you're not into that, you're screwed (or not.)

 

[MellyVinelli]

Proven is a very strong word. I would like to argue that it isn't proven because there has not been much empirical study to challenge it. Ok. Lets step away from the pr0nz and just focus on sex addiction then. I learned of a guy who doesn't really go for videos or M at all. He is married, but hunts down women, many of whom are married an some to friends of his.

Simply put. Stop masturbating. It will be hard to do when you're home alone of when you're bored. So you will need to transfer the energy and focus onto something else.

I took up a gym membership and cardio and weight train furiously. It actually gives me a lot of power through the workout with my frustration. There are lots of heavenly blessed beauties at the gym but I'm not there to talk to them so I won't get distracted.

Point is, if you view your sex-focused mind as a problem, there is some rewiring that takes a long time to change. For instance, making your eyes focus on her eyes, not her cleavage. I still think whether at porn or compulsive masturbation, or just sizing a girl up for sex is really quite similar a problem. You can't stop the behavior. So "treatment" is still the same.

Just perhaps give it a shot. Stop jerking and do something like running, swimming, gym,
Whatever hobbies and see where it takes you.

I'm not here to force anyone to do what they don't want to do. It's all up to you.

 

[EveWasFramed]

YourBrainOnPorn.com is a scam site. This has been proven.

I understand what he's saying. He's saying he wants sex, but can't get it because women don't want to be with a guy who wants sex too easily. I have also faced this...and this is going to come out sounding a bit misogynistic, but most women don't desire sex outside of a relationship, but most guys want sex irregardless of a relationship.

I know I'm going to get attacked for that, but...whatever.

There is the random "sex experimentation" that goes on between horny college students, but once you get into your 30's, all women are thinking about is marriage and children and settling down, and if you're not into that, you're screwed (or not.)

I'm not certain I agree with that statement. I believe there might be a majority of men out there that would prefer sex inside of a relationship, rather than outside of one. Not sure if you're giving your own gender enough credit here.

 

[MellyVinelli]

YourBrainOnPorn.com is a scam site. This has been proven.

I understand what he's saying. He's saying he wants sex, but can't get it because women don't want to be with a guy who wants sex too easily. I have also faced this...and this is going to come out sounding a bit misogynistic, but most women don't desire sex outside of a relationship, but most guys want sex irregardless of a relationship.

I know I'm going to get attacked for that, but...whatever.

There is the random "sex experimentation" that goes on between horny college students, but once you get into your 30's, all women are thinking about is marriage and children and settling down, and if you're not into that, you're screwed (or not.)

I'm not certain I agree with that statement. I believe there might be a majority of men out there that would prefer sex inside of a relationship, rather than outside of one. Not sure if you're giving your own gender enough credit here.

I second this! I do prefer the secks with girlfriend but as mentioned before, box is closed until marriage and no date set...