It seems everyone has someone right now

[troubled]

Sorry to be moaning again. The woman I used to be close to has someone, my friend who has never had a gf in his life has a girl coming round this weekend, and another guy i email has a gf. I'm not too downcast about it but it makes me feel more alone.

I'm seeing a girl soon (never met before), but i'm actually not *that* excited, I don't know. I guess we're not meeting initially on romantic terms, wheras all these people are on romantic terms.

I sometimes wonder why and how I have made myself this way.

 

[Badjedidude]

"You're putting pussy on a pedestal." (10 points if you can name the movie this quote is from)

Why does the first meeting with this girl have to be in a romantic context? Do you not think that romance can (and probably should properly) grow out of friendship? Just be happy that you're getting a chance to meet a girl, no matter what situation it's in. I'd say you should build a friendship with the girl first...that gives you both time to find out if you actually like each other romantically.

Here's a hint when looking for a girl:

Don't look for a woman that YOU like. Look for a woman that likes YOU.

It's a radical idea, I know...but if you find a girl that is interested in you, then you can take the time to be friends and find out if you can like her in return or not. Like I said above, it sounds like you're building this entirely unrealistic image of a perfect romance with a woman in your mind...and then you're upset when it doesn't come true.

Don't be so focused on romance and love, man. Those things are perfectly fine as a long-term, eventual goal...but when that's your beginning criteria/interest in a woman, then you're doomed to fail from the start.

----Steve

 

[mr p]

Same here, though I've got at least one friend that's not involved in a romantic way with someone. I'm really gonna break down if he gets into a real relationship, haha, I've never really been emotionally close to anyone properly.
I've got nerdy friends that have at least had two meaningful relationships by now :/
Funny coincidence though, I might also meet a girl soon, but I'm not really that excited either. It's like I've become numb from all the first dates I've previously had that didn't result in anything. Or that I'm not really interested in her.
Maybe we don't meet a lot of women?

Edit: Steve, THANKS! I really needed to hear that; I've had the mindset that the first meet-up has to be perfect, that I have to make the correct moves and honeysuckle. It's too much and removes the fun. It also makes you do stuff because you're supposed to, not because you feel like it. Maybe it's the same for the OP?
And that's why dating sites suck. You meet a person once, and you have to make a helluva impression. I feel that they expect love at first sight.

 

[R.E.D.]

Haha, it the very first thing i saw when entering the loneliness thread because i've often asked myself the same thing :|
I guess what Steve said is so very true, but in the end this annoying feeling of being the only one not in a relationship or other things like that comes back even though you try to convince yourself otherwise... :S
I guess i have the same problem in not being interested or not being exited to meet someone, but i feel like i'm the only weird one being alone and every thing... well that just an impression of course
But it's true that you don't have to be interested in someone the first time you see them, i mean love grows little by little and you have to work your way through it ^^.

 

[Sway]

"You're putting pussy on a pedestal." (10 points if you can name the movie this quote is from)

40 Year Old Virgin =P

 

[Badjedidude]

YAYYY!!! lol 10 points for Sway!

----Steve

 

[Timeless]

Oooh yea its from that movie, i was like it sounds so familiar.

But yea i agree with everyone above. Sometimes, the relationship just develops into that romantic one. At least there won't be too much pressure in meeting that person. If you find similar interest and start to like her then cool you found what you were looking for if not then oh well, it wasn't in those romantic terms right? But you can still be friends without any pressure and maybe it'll turn into something.

 

[Remedy]

Same here, though I've got at least one friend that's not involved in a romantic way with someone. I'm really gonna break down if he gets into a real relationship, haha, I've never really been emotionally close to anyone properly.
I've got nerdy friends that have at least had two meaningful relationships by now :/
Funny coincidence though, I might also meet a girl soon, but I'm not really that excited either. It's like I've become numb from all the first dates I've previously had that didn't result in anything. Or that I'm not really interested in her.
Maybe we don't meet a lot of women?

Why take the time to point out that you have nerdy friends that have girlfriends? You shouldn't dwell on such things because it will only make you feel worse. Besides if they have girlfriends it must be because of maybe the fact that those girls really indeed, like them. Jealousy never does any good for how one perceives themselves. I know your friends would not like you thinking "wow, how do they have girlfriends?"Jealousy can consume your mind and it will not help anything.

I apologise if you weren't putting your friends down but just by seeing the word "nerdy" next to it I couldn't help but to think you were thinking that way. If you allow jealousy to take over your mind how will you end up thinking of yourself. You might end up feeling like crap because you will keep comparing yourself to others. Just remember you're in your own shoes and only you can do something about it so you shouldn't dwell on such things.

_____________________________________________________________


I completely agree with what everyone else is saying because you should not think of a girl coming into your life as a romantic interest at first I would think. You should think of them as just a friend so you are not so nervous at first. Like I've read many times before I guess you should just think of them as another person you are getting to know with no intention of being involved romantically.

I agree with everyone else to let the friendship grow and see where it goes from there. If nothing becomes of it, just move on to the next chance you get to meet another girl. Remember that there are millions upon millions of women out there to meet and that one failed chance does not mean the end of the world. Try and stay positive when you are out with her because you don't want to give off some negative vibe to push her away.

Please do this for yourself though because remember there are people out there like me who have not had such a chance to be with a girl even just as a friend. You have the chance to make something of it even if it is just a friendship but that is better than nothing right? I'm just saying, take the opportunity to try your hardest because you are at least one step ahead of other people right? Don't compare yourself to others like I said above also since it causes nothing but pain. You are you and nobody else so maybe other people didn't have the same obstacles to overcome that you might have created yourself or others created for you.

P.S. I know I'm inexperienced as well but I'm just trying to use common sense to help and what I think which I hope sounds ok. O and I'm not trying to look like a hypocrite because I've been being much more positive lately. So I'm just posting this to try and help others think differently as I'm trying to.

 

[oarivan]

I don't

 

[WishIWereA]

The problem with not having a relationship and being a bit upset about it is that you'll only compare yourself with the people that do have what you don't. There are so many people out there that are on the same boat you're on.. Just remember not to look at what you don't have but to what you DO have!
I'm sure that if it makes you more positive your chance of getting what you want get higher too.

 

[Badjedidude]

Don't be jealous of a relationship! Here's something that may give a few of you some chuckles; it did me! This list is sort of meant for the guys, but the ladies might like it also.

TOP 20 REASONS TO STAY SINGLE!

1. You get the whole couch to yourself. Go ahead and fart.

2. You have half as much housework/laundry to do. And you WILL be the one doing it if you're not single.

3. You can stay out as late as you want and still come home smelling like beer and fried fish.

4. Fewer anniversaries or special dates to have to remember. Fewer gifts, too.

5. You can stretch out in bed without accidentally punching someone in the face.

6. Dirty clothing can stay on the floor for as looooong as you like!

7. You can choose to watch whatever TV channel you want to. No more fighting for control of the remote.

8. No more sharing razors or toothbrushes.

9. You don't have to worry about fashion. "Does this make me look fat?"

10. You can game/surf online until your eyes bleed and not have to put up with anyone whining for your attention.

11. You don't have to hide your porn. Go ahead--leave it on the kitchen counter.

12. You don't have to hold embarrassing half-whispered arguments in a busy department store.

13. Your friends can barge in without knocking and come over anytime at all!

14. No one changes the radio station settings in your car.

15. You can punch the wall in anger and not fix the hole it makes.

16. The bathroom is yours! Put the tp roll on however you like. Leave the seat up/down. Don't even use tp; it doesn't matter!

17. You can walk around naked and scratch yourself in obscene places.

18. Going to the strip club or bar with your pals doesn't have to be a covert mission.

19. No more tampons in the wastebasket. Seriously. Cover that honeysuckle up.

20. You can wake up to a different face every day! Hey, as long as she's gone by nine, right?

Lol I found that online...thought it was pretty hilarious. I know every guy has a bit of experience with this...even if they haven't been in a relationship, they can appreciate the freedoms they have.

----Steve

 

[Janjara]

5. You can stretch out in bed without accidentally punching someone in the face.

Where's your sense of adventure? ^^

12. You don't have to hold embarrassing half-whispered arguments in a busy department store.

Dude, I start them arguments

14. No one changes the radio station settings in your car.

They still do

 

[mr p]

Why take the time to point out that you have nerdy friends that have girlfriends? You shouldn't dwell on such things because it will only make you feel worse. Besides if they have girlfriends it must be because of maybe the fact that those girls really indeed, like them. Jealousy never does any good for how one perceives themselves. I know your friends would not like you thinking "wow, how do they have girlfriends?"Jealousy can consume your mind and it will not help anything.

Just to clarify, I'm not putting them down. They are great guys, just not the most social persons. In my world, you've got to be pretty darn social to even be able to have a girlfriend...

Thanks for calling me out on the jealousy though, I've had problems with it before. I'm improving, too, which is like a big burden lifted from my shoulders.

 

[Remedy]

The thing is, that guy who has this girl now, he's my best friend and we would talk on msn a lot. Now I don't really want to go on because it's pushed in my face, if you know what I mean, so lately I have no one at all to talk to much. I feel lonlier than ever.

I don't feel jealous as such of people having someone, as I say it just makes me feel even more alone. I'm quite lucky with physical appearance, i usually get admiring glances off women when i go out and ive been come onto a lot, but it doesnt count for anything because i dont put myself into positions to meet someone anyway, im pretty much a recluse

Consider yourself lucky because a lot of men don't ever have women come on to them or admire them. Remember that only you can change your own life and do something about. I know its easier said than done, but take initiative in your life so you can actually be happy. You already have these chances with women who approach you so do something about it. Try not to compare yourself to others because that's what I have been trying and it really does make you feel better. You and only you can break out of being a recluse so use those good looks you say you have and are gifted with to find the woman of your dreams.


@ Mr P
Sorry that I misunderstood what you said. I didn't mean to offend you in any way if I have because my intentions were actually to try and help you with what I'm guilty of as well as far as jealousy goes.

 

[mr p]

@ Mr P
Sorry that I misunderstood what you said. I didn't mean to offend you in any way if I have because my intentions were actually to try and help you with what I'm guilty of as well as far as jealousy goes.

Oh no, I didn't thank you in sarcasm, it was sincere--I wasn't offended. I think I need to be called out on more honeysuckle. That's one of the reasons I write like I do here.
For me, it's like this: I can be jealous of a friend getting a g/f in the beginning. Then I meet her, and we get along great. Then, not jealous anymore!

 

[SophiaGrace]

"It seems like everyone has someone right now"

Keyword: SEEMS

 

[Wyrm]

I think Badjedidude hit the nail on the head in both of his posts here.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

There's quotes or reading somewhere that i read. It helps me a lot to not set myself up....

It donsn't really have to be about a woman....

If you wanna feel miserable..think about things you don't have.
Then think about things other people have.
Think about what you want that you don't have.

i know it's not the easiest thing in the world if you're a young male with hormones shooting out of your ears...when it comes to pussy.
Especailly if you never had it and you hear people talking about it that getting it saying it's totally awesume.
The curiousity itself would probably drive me fucken nuts...will it did..hahahahaha.

Work on getting a GF..Idk

I sorry you're going through that. I remember being a virgin and it wan't the easiest thing in the world.
Fortunately..women did come into my life and pussy actaully did landed on my lap. I also had a nympho as a GF.
The first time i kiss a girl was in summer camp when I was 12. Then again as long as I can remember there's always been
a girl or some girl that likes me.
Fortunately I had a girl friend when I was 15. I have all kinds of girls interested in me when i was in HS
or even when I was an adult while I was single or not. I'm not saying I'm a chick magnet,,but I attracted
certain women. I've date multiple women at the sametime (like 5-6). I've also had women throw themselve at me.

I'm also asian and every woman I've been with are cucasian women.
I don't even consider myself to be the greatest looking guy in the world.

And it can't be becuase I'm a musicain...becuase I don't carry my guitar around everywhere I go or when
women ask me out. Most of them don't even know I'm a musician until after they get to know me.
That's not the reason why I learned to play my guitar or became musicain..

And I can't totally say that only my confidence will get me laid...becuase i had serveral women took me
home and wanted to love me back to life when i was really at my low ..down and out.

And i can't say it's all about the money..becuase I had a couple of women asked me out when I was kind of broke.

And it can't really be becuase I'm a bad boy. I don't even have a tattoo on my body.

And it can't be becuase I'm a nice guy becuase my ex-wf had a bumper sticker that say...
"it takes a ***** like me to love a ******* like him" lmao

And it can't becuase I'm super intelligent...becuase my spelling and grammer is out this world.lmao

And it can't be because I'm sane...women drives me fucken crazyyyy!!!.lol
I'm totally out there sometimes.

I do think women are very beautiful creatures...Some women mesmerize me.
Actaully serveral women say I'm very passionate, romantic or a great lover.

I also have plenty of plutonic relationships with women...Half of my firends are female.
I belive these reltionships helped me to be more comfortiable around women.
Sharing and talking to some of my female friends also helps me understand women better.
I get informations or perspective that a male wouldn't be able to give me.

 

[dreamer8]

Personally,I feel the same way. Everyone I know and I've grown up with pretty much has boyfriends or husbands already...I go out and see people my age and older with someone wrapped around their arm. It doesn't necessarily mean they're happy or whatever,but they seem so.
Longing for companionship now seems like I'm beating a dead horse. I don't think it's going to happen any sooner or faster,as much as I'd like to think so. I'm just focusing on putting myself back together now.

 

[Maverick1989]

20. You can wake up to a different face every day! Hey, as long as she's gone by nine, right?

----Steve

Badjedidude, haha I really laughed and some of those but, I must point out, if you don't "have" point 20, there is absolutely no reason to stay single imho . I would happily trade any of the above for a loving girlfriend... ah well...

Hope is the worst of evil, for it prolongs the torment of Man.

Cheerz,

Rick