It's impossible

[Despicable Me]

What I mean by 'nothing developing' is after a really long conversation with lots of laughter, the next time I see a particular woman, they are usually off with me, hardly talking. So I always think whatever progress I made one day with lots of chat etc wasn't really progress and its back to square one.

The moment I start 'looking forward' to seeing someone is the time I get disappointed because of their indifference towards me. It happens all the time. I try to talk and get short answers or they don't even say 'hello' or ignore me. I know people have 'bad days' but unless I see genuine interest (instead of polite interest) I presume a woman isn't interested.

Well, I know some people may disagree with me here, but those aren't always signs to give up just yet.

Don't convince yourself that things are over just because they don't respond as you expect them to. Maybe you're trying to read too much into little things because you're putting pressure on yourself. Or maybe they really are just having a 'bad day' or can't think of new topics to talk about. Or maybe they even feel the same way that you do and are too nervous to say anything.

You really just need to take a few chances and just push forward a little more, until you really "know" for sure that there isn't anything there. Sometimes that may even mean you have to ask them rather bluntly. Which I'll admit is very frightening and hard to do, but it's really not that bad. Most people will try to be very nice about it and let you down slowly. If you take it well you can often still be friends with them, too. Smile it off, and just say 'Okay, no problem. I understand.' And if you're not even interested in being friends, you can even tell her that you're open to a relationship if she changes her mind. And I will say that some really do change their minds.

Just make sure you draw the line somewhere and don't become one of those guys who "never gives up" and becomes a creepy stalker. No one ever likes that (well, oddly some actually might like that, but I'm not going to touch that topic right now!), but that's an easy line to draw. If you feel like you're doing something 'wrong' then you probably are. (Looking at her across the room? Fine. Looking into the window of her home? Obviously not okay.) It's okay to make someone feel a bit uncomfortable by putting them 'on the spot', though. Sometimes you just have to get the words out there and know whether something is actually real or not. You just have to. It's not fun, and getting rejected sucks, but sometimes it's the only option left. And I do insist you pursue every possible option until you do know for sure.

Anyway, I think that's probably all the advice I've got. Just have a little more confidence in yourself and push until you really know. Don't guess. Or if you do have to guess then be optimistic, at least.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Don't convince yourself that things are over just because they don't respond as you expect them to.

Yes, exactly. It goes back to that defeatist mentality though. That instant gratification type deal.

 

[Triple Bogey]

What I mean by 'nothing developing' is after a really long conversation with lots of laughter, the next time I see a particular woman, they are usually off with me, hardly talking. So I always think whatever progress I made one day with lots of chat etc wasn't really progress and its back to square one.

The moment I start 'looking forward' to seeing someone is the time I get disappointed because of their indifference towards me. It happens all the time. I try to talk and get short answers or they don't even say 'hello' or ignore me. I know people have 'bad days' but unless I see genuine interest (instead of polite interest) I presume a woman isn't interested.

Well, I know some people may disagree with me here, but those aren't always signs to give up just yet.

Don't convince yourself that things are over just because they don't respond as you expect them to. Maybe you're trying to read too much into little things because you're putting pressure on yourself. Or maybe they really are just having a 'bad day' or can't think of new topics to talk about. Or maybe they even feel the same way that you do and are too nervous to say anything.

You really just need to take a few chances and just push forward a little more, until you really "know" for sure that there isn't anything there. Sometimes that may even mean you have to ask them rather bluntly. Which I'll admit is very frightening and hard to do, but it's really not that bad. Most people will try to be very nice about it and let you down slowly. If you take it well you can often still be friends with them, too. Smile it off, and just say 'Okay, no problem. I understand.' And if you're not even interested in being friends, you can even tell her that you're open to a relationship if she changes her mind. And I will say that some really do change their minds.

Just make sure you draw the line somewhere and don't become one of those guys who "never gives up" and becomes a creepy stalker. No one ever likes that (well, oddly some actually might like that, but I'm not going to touch that topic right now!), but that's an easy line to draw. If you feel like you're doing something 'wrong' then you probably are. (Looking at her across the room? Fine. Looking into the window of her home? Obviously not okay.) It's okay to make someone feel a bit uncomfortable by putting them 'on the spot', though. Sometimes you just have to get the words out there and know whether something is actually real or not. You just have to. It's not fun, and getting rejected sucks, but sometimes it's the only option left. And I do insist you pursue every possible option until you do know for sure.

Anyway, I think that's probably all the advice I've got. Just have a little more confidence in yourself and push until you really know. Don't guess. Or if you do have to guess then be optimistic, at least.

Thank you for your advice.

---

Don't convince yourself that things are over just because they don't respond as you expect them to.

Yes, exactly. It goes back to that defeatist mentality though. That instant gratification type deal.

which goes back to years and years of rejection and disappointments. I wasn't always like this. Bless everybody for their advice but words on a screen aren't going to change how I feel or think. It's encouragement, success, something good to happen.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Bless everybody for their advice but words on a screen aren't going to change how I feel or think. It's encouragement, success, something good to happen.

I get that and understand it, but nothing will happen if you don't do anything to make it happen, ya know?
It's like sitting in your house 24/7, staring at the wall all day, every day and expecting to make friends or get a girlfriend. If you don't do something to make it happen, it won't happen 99.9% of the time.

 

[Triple Bogey]

while we are on the subject of 'interest' - what do people think of this ?

This lass at work, we talk a bit, mostly when it's just me and her with nobody else around.
She isn't exactly that friendly towards me when it comes to smiling or even saying 'hello'
in a morning but she sometimes lets things slip like today.

The exchange went something like

Me 'I didn't go to the football on Friday'
Her 'oh didn't you, I told my Mam that you was thinking of not going because of the weather'

It's not the first time she has said something like this.
Make me think I am on her mind a bit that I come up in conversations at home with her Mother.
She has claimed she doesn't talk about the staff at home to her parents. This seems a lie.

Maybe she hasn't much to talk about at home ?
That what I get up to on Friday nights gets a mention ?

I sometimes get the impression she doesn't care about me one bit, yet she says things like this.

---

Bless everybody for their advice but words on a screen aren't going to change how I feel or think. It's encouragement, success, something good to happen.

I get that and understand it, but nothing will happen if you don't do anything to make it happen, ya know?
It's like sitting in your house 24/7, staring at the wall all day, every day and expecting to make friends or get a girlfriend. If you don't do something to make it happen, it won't happen 99.9% of the time.

Well I don't sit at home all day, I work and on my days off I play golf and do my photograph stuff.

But you are right, I don't go anywhere on a night. I don't socialize. The reason is I hate it. I hate drinking, I hate crowded pubs, I detest nightclubs. I hate people looking at me. I hate the attention. I don't feel at ease in a pub anymore.

I like the quiet, I like the countryside, I like places where it's just me and nobody else. I'm becoming more and more a loner, a recluse, someone happy by themselves. Half the week I am at work, it's non stop talking and non stop people. The rest of the week it's the opposite. I quite like that.

I am going to the Works xmas night out a week on Friday so at least that's something.

 

[Despicable Me]

while we are on the subject of 'interest' - what do people think of this ?

This lass at work, we talk a bit, mostly when it's just me and her with nobody else around.
She isn't exactly that friendly towards me when it comes to smiling or even saying 'hello'
in a morning but she sometimes lets things slip like today.

The exchange went something like

Me 'I didn't go to the football on Friday'
Her 'oh didn't you, I told my Mam that you was thinking of not going because of the weather'

It's not the first time she has said something like this.
Make me think I am on her mind a bit that I come up in conversations at home with her Mother.
She has claimed she doesn't talk about the staff at home to her parents. This seems a lie.

Maybe she hasn't much to talk about at home ?
That what I get up to on Friday nights gets a mention ?

I sometimes get the impression she doesn't care about me one bit, yet she says things like this.

That's a hard one. I have no clue. Could easily be either way.
So why not ask her!? That is a perfect opportunity.

I'd personally go up to her with a sly smile and just tease her a bit. Ask her outright why she's talking to her mother about you at home. Tell her to "fess up". Maybe even tell her I was up for a cup of tea after work, right at the end before she could say anything. If I was interested, that is.
You can read her expression and how she reacts from something like that. If she laughs it off as if it is just a bit of teasing then there is probably nothing there, unless she's a really sly girl. She'd be a hard read no matter what. But if she blushes or tries to defend it with silly excuses or whatnot, as if you've just caught her in a lie, then she's hiding something. There's probably potential there.

Just my thoughts, anyway.

 

[red guy]

I can't recall exactly the details but I remember seeing on TV this couple, both around 70. The guy said something along the lines: "I kept asking her to marry me until she gave up".
Playing somehow indifferent is not uncommon at a second date. Or maybe you both know somebody in common and found out something. Thing is that it can be anything. You gotta push to get to the bottom of it to see what to do different the next time.

 

[Batman55]

Maybe.
I always thought smiling, laughing at my jokes, blushing and jealousy were the things to look for. But over the years I have found out those things mean nothing.

I don't believe you could get all these positive indicators, for years on end, and it's either just "nothing" or "simple friendliness."

Now, some women are indeed friendly with most people as a rule.. but if you're going to look at the list of "indicators of attraction," all the things you just listed are on that list.

You're saying there is NO overlap, at all? The odds of that would seem to be very low. You are either telling us an incomplete story, embellishing something, or.. I dunno, something is not right here. The story you present--being a semi-popular guy who gets positive attention from women--is wildly contrasted with the results you claim to have. I just cannot believe this is possible.

 

[ardour]

Agree with Batman55 here, it's a bit contradictory. Kind of like saying you're "happily single" or "enjoying the single life" in a bio but every second post is about rejection.

I've no relationship experience but then I'm generally not popular with women either (except with those who are friendly towards everyone).

Maybe these women just see you as a friend and want to relate that way, but you end up interpreting it as something more.

Or maybe as others have said, anticipating and interpreting everything as failure is the problem. By the way that probably shows on the face as a bitter sort of expression.

 

[lonelypanda]

It's not though, he wore a mask meaning he was always a negative person but he pretended to be something he wasnt, and his true personality came out afterward. The mask is his "non negative" persona he was trying to project. That's not a contradiction at all, I say when I met him because at that point in time I did not see that, or obviously I wouldn't have dated him.

My guy likes misery. He grew up with a father that always tried to make everyone else feel bad for him, and always tried to get what he wanted by not doing any legit work himself. So, my guy only knows that. I've told him though, that I'm not putting up with the kind of bullshit his father used to pull. I'm just not dealing with it. I did kind of know that his outlook on life wasn't exactly rainbows and lollipops. But I'm not putting up with the nasty attitude that he probably will have more and more because of the way his father was. I don't see the need to be negative and miserable all the time, and I don't get why some people are.

So, I don't blame you for not wanting to deal with any of that. It's exhausting.

I can't wrap my mind around that either. My ex knows he's like that too but has never changed. For me, I can't deal with it because there's enough negative honeysuckle in life. I've had my share of struggles, I need someone to lift me up, not pull me down.

---

while we are on the subject of 'interest' - what do people think of this ?

This lass at work, we talk a bit, mostly when it's just me and her with nobody else around.
She isn't exactly that friendly towards me when it comes to smiling or even saying 'hello'
in a morning but she sometimes lets things slip like today.

The exchange went something like

Me 'I didn't go to the football on Friday'
Her 'oh didn't you, I told my Mam that you was thinking of not going because of the weather'

It's not the first time she has said something like this.
Make me think I am on her mind a bit that I come up in conversations at home with her Mother.
She has claimed she doesn't talk about the staff at home to her parents. This seems a lie.

Maybe she hasn't much to talk about at home ?
That what I get up to on Friday nights gets a mention ?

I sometimes get the impression she doesn't care about me one bit, yet she says things like this.

There's only 2 reasons I bring someone up at home from work. 1) I hate them, or 2) I like them, in a relationship kind of way. That's me though, she could be one of those girls that just tells her mom everything though. The only way to find out is make a move.

 

[Triple Bogey]

while we are on the subject of 'interest' - what do people think of this ?

This lass at work, we talk a bit, mostly when it's just me and her with nobody else around.
She isn't exactly that friendly towards me when it comes to smiling or even saying 'hello'
in a morning but she sometimes lets things slip like today.

The exchange went something like

Me 'I didn't go to the football on Friday'
Her 'oh didn't you, I told my Mam that you was thinking of not going because of the weather'

It's not the first time she has said something like this.
Make me think I am on her mind a bit that I come up in conversations at home with her Mother.
She has claimed she doesn't talk about the staff at home to her parents. This seems a lie.

Maybe she hasn't much to talk about at home ?
That what I get up to on Friday nights gets a mention ?

I sometimes get the impression she doesn't care about me one bit, yet she says things like this.

That's a hard one. I have no clue. Could easily be either way.
So why not ask her!? That is a perfect opportunity.

I'd personally go up to her with a sly smile and just tease her a bit. Ask her outright why she's talking to her mother about you at home. Tell her to "fess up". Maybe even tell her I was up for a cup of tea after work, right at the end before she could say anything. If I was interested, that is.
You can read her expression and how she reacts from something like that. If she laughs it off as if it is just a bit of teasing then there is probably nothing there, unless she's a really sly girl. She'd be a hard read no matter what. But if she blushes or tries to defend it with silly excuses or whatnot, as if you've just caught her in a lie, then she's hiding something. There's probably potential there.

Just my thoughts, anyway.

I know for a fact this woman isn't interested. I think you can find so called 'interest' in all women if you are desperate.

---

Maybe.
I always thought smiling, laughing at my jokes, blushing and jealousy were the things to look for. But over the years I have found out those things mean nothing.

I don't believe you could get all these positive indicators, for years on end, and it's either just "nothing" or "simple friendliness."

Now, some women are indeed friendly with most people as a rule.. but if you're going to look at the list of "indicators of attraction," all the things you just listed are on that list.

You're saying there is NO overlap, at all? The odds of that would seem to be very low. You are either telling us an incomplete story, embellishing something, or.. I dunno, something is not right here. The story you present--being a semi-popular guy who gets positive attention from women--is wildly contrasted with the results you claim to have. I just cannot believe this is possible.

The positive attention is either from co workers and well I work in a small shop and we all get on and have a laugh with each other.

Or customers and the shop banter doesn't really mean much.
All my rejections were from years ago. (The last was probably 4 years ago). I officially stopped in 1998 when I was 30. I had a small blip about 5 years ago when I let myself go from one disaster to another.

I see bits of jealously here and there from the women at work. Doesn't mean a thing. I tell jokes all the time, everybody laughs. Means nothing other than laughing at a joke. And dozens of women smile at me, customers. It's people just been friendly. Or maybe people a bit lonely and they want to have a chat with somebody.

---

Agree with Batman55 here, it's a bit contradictory. Kind of like saying you're "happily single" or "enjoying the single life" in a bio but every second post is about rejection.

I've no relationship experience but then I'm generally not popular with women either (except with those who are friendly towards everyone).

Maybe these women just see you as a friend and want to relate that way, but you end up interpreting it as something more.

Or maybe as others have said, anticipating and interpreting everything as failure is the problem. By the way that probably shows on the face as a bitter sort of expression.

To tell you the truth, I am happy single but I can't help finding women attractive and recently one caught my eye and I thought to myself 'How on earth do I get to know her better ? It's impossible'

So I wrote a thread called 'It's impossible' and wrote how I felt.
Three days later I felt different and wouldn't have written anything.

---

It's not though, he wore a mask meaning he was always a negative person but he pretended to be something he wasnt, and his true personality came out afterward. The mask is his "non negative" persona he was trying to project. That's not a contradiction at all, I say when I met him because at that point in time I did not see that, or obviously I wouldn't have dated him.

My guy likes misery. He grew up with a father that always tried to make everyone else feel bad for him, and always tried to get what he wanted by not doing any legit work himself. So, my guy only knows that. I've told him though, that I'm not putting up with the kind of bullshit his father used to pull. I'm just not dealing with it. I did kind of know that his outlook on life wasn't exactly rainbows and lollipops. But I'm not putting up with the nasty attitude that he probably will have more and more because of the way his father was. I don't see the need to be negative and miserable all the time, and I don't get why some people are.

So, I don't blame you for not wanting to deal with any of that. It's exhausting.

I can't wrap my mind around that either. My ex knows he's like that too but has never changed. For me, I can't deal with it because there's enough negative honeysuckle in life. I've had my share of struggles, I need someone to lift me up, not pull me down.

---

while we are on the subject of 'interest' - what do people think of this ?

This lass at work, we talk a bit, mostly when it's just me and her with nobody else around.
She isn't exactly that friendly towards me when it comes to smiling or even saying 'hello'
in a morning but she sometimes lets things slip like today.

The exchange went something like

Me 'I didn't go to the football on Friday'
Her 'oh didn't you, I told my Mam that you was thinking of not going because of the weather'

It's not the first time she has said something like this.
Make me think I am on her mind a bit that I come up in conversations at home with her Mother.
She has claimed she doesn't talk about the staff at home to her parents. This seems a lie.

Maybe she hasn't much to talk about at home ?
That what I get up to on Friday nights gets a mention ?

I sometimes get the impression she doesn't care about me one bit, yet she says things like this.

There's only 2 reasons I bring someone up at home from work. 1) I hate them, or 2) I like them, in a relationship kind of way. That's me though, she could be one of those girls that just tells her mom everything though. The only way to find out is make a move.

---

I made my move 18 years ago. It was the biggest 'fresia up' in the history of 'fresia ups' - doesn't bate thinking about. I reckon she has no life outside of work so she discusses people at work to her Mam.

 

[Triple Bogey]

I say it before and I will keep saying it, don't give up, but also consider changing something. Get a coach (yes, there are dating coaches, if I wasn't so screwed up by circumstances I would go to this one: we even had an online session! Love him), get a therapist, get a beautician or a personal stylist, go to a dating agency, as they say: one cannot keep doing the same things and expecting everything to change.
I am not saying that you are doing something wrong (except that your lack of conviction is probably more transparent than you think) but that maybe you are sending some signals different from what you think you are sending, and only an external person (a professional) can help you find what is happening.
Probably you have tried already, but if you haven't, there you have it.

My main problem is how I appear to people.

I have a natural frown, a default expression when I am not smiling or laughing which is a horrible frown. I don't know I am doing it. People say 'cheer up' and I'm thinking 'what the fresia are you talking about ?'

I have a miserable sounding, dead pan voice. Again I don't know how I sound. The little bits I have heard are terrible.

I walk funny. I have a slumping body language. I have all kinds of weird facial expressions. I look like a serial killer one day, crazy the next.

 

[lonelypanda]

while we are on the subject of 'interest' - what do people think of this ?

This lass at work, we talk a bit, mostly when it's just me and her with nobody else around.
She isn't exactly that friendly towards me when it comes to smiling or even saying 'hello'
in a morning but she sometimes lets things slip like today.

The exchange went something like

Me 'I didn't go to the football on Friday'
Her 'oh didn't you, I told my Mam that you was thinking of not going because of the weather'

It's not the first time she has said something like this.
Make me think I am on her mind a bit that I come up in conversations at home with her Mother.
She has claimed she doesn't talk about the staff at home to her parents. This seems a lie.

Maybe she hasn't much to talk about at home ?
That what I get up to on Friday nights gets a mention ?

I sometimes get the impression she doesn't care about me one bit, yet she says things like this.

That's a hard one. I have no clue. Could easily be either way.
So why not ask her!? That is a perfect opportunity.

I'd personally go up to her with a sly smile and just tease her a bit. Ask her outright why she's talking to her mother about you at home. Tell her to "fess up". Maybe even tell her I was up for a cup of tea after work, right at the end before she could say anything. If I was interested, that is.
You can read her expression and how she reacts from something like that. If she laughs it off as if it is just a bit of teasing then there is probably nothing there, unless she's a really sly girl. She'd be a hard read no matter what. But if she blushes or tries to defend it with silly excuses or whatnot, as if you've just caught her in a lie, then she's hiding something. There's probably potential there.

Just my thoughts, anyway.

I know for a fact this woman isn't interested. I think you can find so called 'interest' in all women if you are desperate.

---

Maybe.
I always thought smiling, laughing at my jokes, blushing and jealousy were the things to look for. But over the years I have found out those things mean nothing.

I don't believe you could get all these positive indicators, for years on end, and it's either just "nothing" or "simple friendliness."

Now, some women are indeed friendly with most people as a rule.. but if you're going to look at the list of "indicators of attraction," all the things you just listed are on that list.

You're saying there is NO overlap, at all? The odds of that would seem to be very low. You are either telling us an incomplete story, embellishing something, or.. I dunno, something is not right here. The story you present--being a semi-popular guy who gets positive attention from women--is wildly contrasted with the results you claim to have. I just cannot believe this is possible.

The positive attention is either from co workers and well I work in a small shop and we all get on and have a laugh with each other.

Or customers and the shop banter doesn't really mean much.
All my rejections were from years ago. (The last was probably 4 years ago). I officially stopped in 1998 when I was 30. I had a small blip about 5 years ago when I let myself go from one disaster to another.

I see bits of jealously here and there from the women at work. Doesn't mean a thing. I tell jokes all the time, everybody laughs. Means nothing other than laughing at a joke. And dozens of women smile at me, customers. It's people just been friendly. Or maybe people a bit lonely and they want to have a chat with somebody.

---

Agree with Batman55 here, it's a bit contradictory. Kind of like saying you're "happily single" or "enjoying the single life" in a bio but every second post is about rejection.

I've no relationship experience but then I'm generally not popular with women either (except with those who are friendly towards everyone).

Maybe these women just see you as a friend and want to relate that way, but you end up interpreting it as something more.

Or maybe as others have said, anticipating and interpreting everything as failure is the problem. By the way that probably shows on the face as a bitter sort of expression.

To tell you the truth, I am happy single but I can't help finding women attractive and recently one caught my eye and I thought to myself 'How on earth do I get to know her better ? It's impossible'

So I wrote a thread called 'It's impossible' and wrote how I felt.
Three days later I felt different and wouldn't have written anything.

---

It's not though, he wore a mask meaning he was always a negative person but he pretended to be something he wasnt, and his true personality came out afterward. The mask is his "non negative" persona he was trying to project. That's not a contradiction at all, I say when I met him because at that point in time I did not see that, or obviously I wouldn't have dated him.

My guy likes misery. He grew up with a father that always tried to make everyone else feel bad for him, and always tried to get what he wanted by not doing any legit work himself. So, my guy only knows that. I've told him though, that I'm not putting up with the kind of bullshit his father used to pull. I'm just not dealing with it. I did kind of know that his outlook on life wasn't exactly rainbows and lollipops. But I'm not putting up with the nasty attitude that he probably will have more and more because of the way his father was. I don't see the need to be negative and miserable all the time, and I don't get why some people are.

So, I don't blame you for not wanting to deal with any of that. It's exhausting.

I can't wrap my mind around that either. My ex knows he's like that too but has never changed. For me, I can't deal with it because there's enough negative honeysuckle in life. I've had my share of struggles, I need someone to lift me up, not pull me down.

---

while we are on the subject of 'interest' - what do people think of this ?

This lass at work, we talk a bit, mostly when it's just me and her with nobody else around.
She isn't exactly that friendly towards me when it comes to smiling or even saying 'hello'
in a morning but she sometimes lets things slip like today.

The exchange went something like

Me 'I didn't go to the football on Friday'
Her 'oh didn't you, I told my Mam that you was thinking of not going because of the weather'

It's not the first time she has said something like this.
Make me think I am on her mind a bit that I come up in conversations at home with her Mother.
She has claimed she doesn't talk about the staff at home to her parents. This seems a lie.

Maybe she hasn't much to talk about at home ?
That what I get up to on Friday nights gets a mention ?

I sometimes get the impression she doesn't care about me one bit, yet she says things like this.

There's only 2 reasons I bring someone up at home from work. 1) I hate them, or 2) I like them, in a relationship kind of way. That's me though, she could be one of those girls that just tells her mom everything though. The only way to find out is make a move.

---

I made my move 18 years ago. It was the biggest 'fresia up' in the history of 'fresia ups' - doesn't bate thinking about. I reckon she has no life outside of work so she discusses people at work to her Mam.

---

---

---

---

Oh! If you've already been rejected by her then don't put yourself out there again, she's prob just a woman that gossips about work at home. I'd call her out on it for fun though, like teasing. When she mentions talking about you at home to her mom, just say "why you thinking about me at home?"

 

[Triple Bogey]

while we are on the subject of 'interest' - what do people think of this ?

This lass at work, we talk a bit, mostly when it's just me and her with nobody else around.
She isn't exactly that friendly towards me when it comes to smiling or even saying 'hello'
in a morning but she sometimes lets things slip like today.

The exchange went something like

Me 'I didn't go to the football on Friday'
Her 'oh didn't you, I told my Mam that you was thinking of not going because of the weather'

It's not the first time she has said something like this.
Make me think I am on her mind a bit that I come up in conversations at home with her Mother.
She has claimed she doesn't talk about the staff at home to her parents. This seems a lie.

Maybe she hasn't much to talk about at home ?
That what I get up to on Friday nights gets a mention ?

I sometimes get the impression she doesn't care about me one bit, yet she says things like this.

That's a hard one. I have no clue. Could easily be either way.
So why not ask her!? That is a perfect opportunity.

I'd personally go up to her with a sly smile and just tease her a bit. Ask her outright why she's talking to her mother about you at home. Tell her to "fess up". Maybe even tell her I was up for a cup of tea after work, right at the end before she could say anything. If I was interested, that is.
You can read her expression and how she reacts from something like that. If she laughs it off as if it is just a bit of teasing then there is probably nothing there, unless she's a really sly girl. She'd be a hard read no matter what. But if she blushes or tries to defend it with silly excuses or whatnot, as if you've just caught her in a lie, then she's hiding something. There's probably potential there.

Just my thoughts, anyway.

I know for a fact this woman isn't interested. I think you can find so called 'interest' in all women if you are desperate.

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Maybe.
I always thought smiling, laughing at my jokes, blushing and jealousy were the things to look for. But over the years I have found out those things mean nothing.

I don't believe you could get all these positive indicators, for years on end, and it's either just "nothing" or "simple friendliness."

Now, some women are indeed friendly with most people as a rule.. but if you're going to look at the list of "indicators of attraction," all the things you just listed are on that list.

You're saying there is NO overlap, at all? The odds of that would seem to be very low. You are either telling us an incomplete story, embellishing something, or.. I dunno, something is not right here. The story you present--being a semi-popular guy who gets positive attention from women--is wildly contrasted with the results you claim to have. I just cannot believe this is possible.

The positive attention is either from co workers and well I work in a small shop and we all get on and have a laugh with each other.

Or customers and the shop banter doesn't really mean much.
All my rejections were from years ago. (The last was probably 4 years ago). I officially stopped in 1998 when I was 30. I had a small blip about 5 years ago when I let myself go from one disaster to another.

I see bits of jealously here and there from the women at work. Doesn't mean a thing. I tell jokes all the time, everybody laughs. Means nothing other than laughing at a joke. And dozens of women smile at me, customers. It's people just been friendly. Or maybe people a bit lonely and they want to have a chat with somebody.

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Agree with Batman55 here, it's a bit contradictory. Kind of like saying you're "happily single" or "enjoying the single life" in a bio but every second post is about rejection.

I've no relationship experience but then I'm generally not popular with women either (except with those who are friendly towards everyone).

Maybe these women just see you as a friend and want to relate that way, but you end up interpreting it as something more.

Or maybe as others have said, anticipating and interpreting everything as failure is the problem. By the way that probably shows on the face as a bitter sort of expression.

To tell you the truth, I am happy single but I can't help finding women attractive and recently one caught my eye and I thought to myself 'How on earth do I get to know her better ? It's impossible'

So I wrote a thread called 'It's impossible' and wrote how I felt.
Three days later I felt different and wouldn't have written anything.

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It's not though, he wore a mask meaning he was always a negative person but he pretended to be something he wasnt, and his true personality came out afterward. The mask is his "non negative" persona he was trying to project. That's not a contradiction at all, I say when I met him because at that point in time I did not see that, or obviously I wouldn't have dated him.

My guy likes misery. He grew up with a father that always tried to make everyone else feel bad for him, and always tried to get what he wanted by not doing any legit work himself. So, my guy only knows that. I've told him though, that I'm not putting up with the kind of bullshit his father used to pull. I'm just not dealing with it. I did kind of know that his outlook on life wasn't exactly rainbows and lollipops. But I'm not putting up with the nasty attitude that he probably will have more and more because of the way his father was. I don't see the need to be negative and miserable all the time, and I don't get why some people are.

So, I don't blame you for not wanting to deal with any of that. It's exhausting.

I can't wrap my mind around that either. My ex knows he's like that too but has never changed. For me, I can't deal with it because there's enough negative honeysuckle in life. I've had my share of struggles, I need someone to lift me up, not pull me down.

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while we are on the subject of 'interest' - what do people think of this ?

This lass at work, we talk a bit, mostly when it's just me and her with nobody else around.
She isn't exactly that friendly towards me when it comes to smiling or even saying 'hello'
in a morning but she sometimes lets things slip like today.

The exchange went something like

Me 'I didn't go to the football on Friday'
Her 'oh didn't you, I told my Mam that you was thinking of not going because of the weather'

It's not the first time she has said something like this.
Make me think I am on her mind a bit that I come up in conversations at home with her Mother.
She has claimed she doesn't talk about the staff at home to her parents. This seems a lie.

Maybe she hasn't much to talk about at home ?
That what I get up to on Friday nights gets a mention ?

I sometimes get the impression she doesn't care about me one bit, yet she says things like this.

There's only 2 reasons I bring someone up at home from work. 1) I hate them, or 2) I like them, in a relationship kind of way. That's me though, she could be one of those girls that just tells her mom everything though. The only way to find out is make a move.

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I made my move 18 years ago. It was the biggest 'fresia up' in the history of 'fresia ups' - doesn't bate thinking about. I reckon she has no life outside of work so she discusses people at work to her Mam.

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Oh! If you've already been rejected by her then don't put yourself out there again, she's prob just a woman that gossips about work at home. I'd call her out on it for fun though, like teasing. When she mentions talking about you at home to her mom, just say "why you thinking about me at home?"

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yes good idea, I tease her all the time !

 

[ardour]

...maybe you should take up drinking.

 

[Paraiyar]

You say that you feel uncomfortable about the idea of people looking at you in a pub but in your signature it says not to worry about other people's opinions. I think you should go to a pub and just try and push part the feeling of uneasiness.

 

[Triple Bogey]

You say that you feel uncomfortable about the idea of people looking at you in a pub but in your signature it says not to worry about other people's opinions. I think you should go to a pub and just try and push part the feeling of uneasiness.

my signature was written by somebody else.

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...maybe you should take up drinking.

doesn't agree with me

 

[Despicable Me]

I know for a fact this woman isn't interested. I think you can find so called 'interest' in all women if you are desperate.

Mere pessimism. If you really knew this as a fact you wouldn't have asked.
Unless you're just trying to test us or something. And if that's the case then shame on you.

 

[Triple Bogey]

I know for a fact this woman isn't interested. I think you can find so called 'interest' in all women if you are desperate.

Mere pessimism. If you really knew this as a fact you wouldn't have asked.
Unless you're just trying to test us or something. And if that's the case then shame on you.

Not a test, I was just asking. I wouldn't do that. I have a past with this woman going back 18 years. She wasn't interested then, I wondered if she had changed her mind. Maybe she likes me but won't admit it to herself ? Talking about me to her Mam ? - that's what I was asking.

 

[Despicable Me]

Not a test, I was just asking. I wouldn't do that. I have a past with this woman going back 18 years. She wasn't interested then, I wondered if she had changed her mind. Maybe she likes me but won't admit it to herself ? Talking about me to her Mam ? - that's what I was asking.

Ah, I see.
I mean I obviously don't have all the info here but that does sound a bit like she likes you but won't admit it to herself now. I think you may be right on that one.
Talking to your mother about someone at work just isn't something you do unless you just plain have nothing else going on in your life to talk about or it is someone you find interesting.
It could also be that she has changed her mind and just doesn't want to admit it.

That's a really difficult one. And without all the info it is impossible to say. 18 years is a very long history, after all!