It's OK to be lonely!

[ThinkPositive]

It sounds really simple, but "It's OK to be lonely" really set in my mind today and it's been helpful.

I don't know if anyone else has this problem, but the thing that really compounds my loneliness is that I have a tendency to think that this is some sort of personality flaw or weakness that I need to overcome. I try too hard to distract myself, and then I get angry at myself when the bad lonely & sad thoughts creep up on me anyway.

But you know what? I have **** good reason to be lonely right now, so I spent the day just allowing myself to mope. Obviously this is not good to do long-term, but it actually made me feel better today to just feel OK being lonely. Tomorrow, I will keep working on not being so lonely, but because I don't want to be lonely, not because I think there is something wrong with me for feeling that way. No need to make things more complicated than they should be.

I hope this helps someone else.

Happy 4th of July to fellow Americans out there! I am going to go watch fireworks by myself, and it will be a bit cold and lonely, but I am going to be okay with it.

 

[coricopat]

 

[tehdreamer]

Yep. Loneliness is a normal human emotion. Everyone here feels it, so it can't be a personal flaw

 

[Badjedidude]

It's normal, but so is bleeding and dying and tragedy.

Being normal doesn't make something good for you. I think we'd all be happier if we weren't lonely, right? Sure, it's probably fine in small doses, but a lingering, embittering, constant loneliness? I'm sorry, but normal or not, that's just not healthy for a person.

 

[tehdreamer]

It's also very unhealthy to be ashamed and try to turn off normal human emotions. Sometimes you have to just let yourself feel sad or lonely or mopey. Dwelling in it makes it unhealthy, but taking time to accept it and feel it for a short while is perfectly healthy.

For example; The best way for me to get over a sad moment is to just let myself be sad, cry, let it all out. Then I can move on from there. If I bottle it all up and force myself to move on without confronting those feelings, they just end up coming out later at very inopportune moments.

 

[ThinkPositive]

It's normal, but so is bleeding and dying and tragedy.

Being normal doesn't make something good for you. I think we'd all be happier if we weren't lonely, right? Sure, it's probably fine in small doses, but a lingering, embittering, constant loneliness? I'm sorry, but normal or not, that's just not healthy for a person.

dreamer already backed me up pretty well, but Badjedidude, you're missing my point (or maybe just playing Devil's Advocate?).

I never said being lonely is good for you. I also said that moping long-term is not good for you. My point was only that feeling angry at yourself (like I was) for feeling that way makes it harder to recover. I think that recognizing your loneliness and then trying to figure out how to fix it is much healthier than trying to pretend it doesn't exist and feel like a weak person when the loneliness creeps up again. This may or may not apply to you.

By the way, yes, I think this can be applied to things like death, too. Years ago, when my mother was dying, my coping mechanism was to watch happy movies and pretend like everything was fine. I paid for that later. I only came to terms with it years later when I wrote down everything I was feeling and confronted it.

 

[Caroline]

I hate being lonely though.... >:\

 

[lomojojo]

I agree with you thinkpositive. It sucks to feel lonely but it's up to you how you handle it.
I guess the point was brought up by someone else on some other thread there's a difference between being lonely and being alone. Loneliness is a feeling, being alone in spirit. I mean you can be around people and yet not be able to feel a connection. Being alone is physical, where there's no one around you and you can still be contempt.
I'd like to add on what you mentioned about your mom. I think that was a very good aproach to it. Some people might think that you were in denial or something like that but what ever makes you be o.k with your self is what matters. I just read this post the morning after the 4th but I hope you had a good time and enjoyed the fireworks!!

 

[Nostalgia]

Of course it's OK to be alone, I've learnt to deal with it and in many cases I enjoy the solitude in my life.

Sure I get lonely but I try not to think about it, I know I shouldn't try to ignore or put-off my loneliness but I don't want to feel constantly depressed and upset. I'm mostly happy with my life at the moment and being happy is all that matters.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

It's ok to feel lonely...as someone stated, it's just another one of our emotions.
Whatever how long a person chooses to feel this way is up to the indiviual.

It's okay to be alone too...whatever or whenever you decide to not be alone anymore...you'll change
your life. There's pros and cons to being alone and not being alone.
Living alone has its benifits....mmmm such as I don't have to sleep on the wet side of the bed after hard core sex.
Amongs the many other honey do's list a guy has to endure when in a relationship
Plus I get to hold on to my pay check and do whatever i wish with my money....honey!!!

Relationships skills. Social skills are just that...Skills we all can obtain.

You are complete and spiritaully whole already. In other words....there's nothing wrong with you.
You lack nothing. You have all the power of the universe, god within you that will work through you.
All the cells in your body know what to do.

You are not your feelings. You have feelings. Loneliness is just one of thousands of feelings you have.
You are also not your behaviors or traits. You have behavior patterns or traits.

You are not your thoughts or beliefs. Know this.
Though you might live or react to your thoughts and beliefs.
However you are free.
As the scripture stated. "it is done according to your faith" (beliefs).
In other words you have the power within you to change your beliefs.
Change your thinking, change your life.

There's all kind of living tools or coping skills.
Feelings...I know my feelings arn't going to kill me.
When i feel alonly sometimes...i just embrace it. Go with the flow.
I don't resist it or fight it anymore. WHAT I RESIST, PERSIST.
I don't even try to figure it out anymore. I just observe or recognize my feeling for what it is.
Then it passes throught.
If i try to figure out....its kind of like me holding on, dwelling, or reinforcing those lonely thoughts longer than I have too.
I also know to a certain degree...I like it. lmao However i don't beat up myself or think theres something wrong me anymore.
I just accept it...then it's like "this too shall pass" kind of thing.
Then other thoughts and feelings pops into my mind or my attention focus on something else.
Or people, place and things comes into my life...mmmm actually I allow people into my life.

Do what works for you.

 

[Badjedidude]

reamer already backed me up pretty well, but Badjedidude, you're missing my point (or maybe just playing Devil's Advocate?).

Yup. I do that quite a bit.

 

[SunWeb]

Yeah, loneliness is a good thing sometimes. sometimes its much better to be alone than around people you don't like or just don't be with. So, its pretty normal, if thats the case.