RainyDaze
Active member
I guess I should start off by introducing myself.. I am an 18 year old girl with low self esteem and a really messed up family situation. My name is Jessie. I have Diabetes, type 1 and have had it for 14 years, come the 21st of January.
My family situation is like this, a year ago my dad decides that he thinks my mom doesn't love him because she's trying to take care of his children and make them happy so he up and leaves. Meanwhile living with another woman while he tries to sort things out with my mom. A married woman I might add, one whom he's been friends with since before I was born and he used to work with my dad with Apple. We had it good; money, nice house, both parents.. Every selfish person's dream- money, popularity, and stuff like that.
So he came back from his time away after like 2 weeks and broke it off with my mom, gave her the divorce papers on her birthday in fact. Just what everyone wants for their birthday and a wonderful Christmas present as well, our house was repossessed by the bank because my father refused to help us pay for it. So his children suffer the consequences because he doesn't want to do anything to help his ex wife. There have been other similar instances in which my dad has been selfish, and not helped out because he didn't want my mom to be happy.
One was a while back, since I have Diabetes I need health insurance or else I don't get my medical supplies and since we had a family plan and we weren't a family anymore my dad got rid of it. Then it took forever for us to get it back, my mom even had to pay for it for a little while. I mean I almost had to go to the hospital...
Typical situation though, deadbeat dad doesn't pay enough child support and alimony or doesn't pay on time or any of the like.
Okay so then, get this to make it even better, he got his visiting rights taken away for drugs. Which he got from his new wife(we weren't told that he was married until after the fact). His wife is a known pill popper and was addicted to a number of prescription drugs for a long period of time. But was supposedly off the drugs long enough to get to see her own kids, from multiple spouses(ex spouses I should say...) So he tested clean finally, for a while he refused to take the tests and he finally did and passed which isn't too hard even if you are doing drugs.
When I was growing up I had a good relationship, I thought.. And then I find out that he had been doing drugs with my mom in our basement, when they were with their friends partying or whatever.. I mean I know you wouldn't wanna tell your kids something like that but that's not the only thing he lied about of course.
He was a major alcoholic, never hit us but was a little bit too rough, you know... He always drank alone down in the basement, we had our own little bar down there.
When I got into my preteen years, I grew apart from my dad and started talking back to him and being a general smart ass. I was angry and felt no one cared(I am a middle child, with a twin sister and a younger brother.) Then when I was 16 my dad really told me how he felt and I understood and I started working on our relationship and I really wanted it to be good. You know I wanted him to be there for me and I saw how mean I had been to him. I wanted to make it right. And then one year ago it all disappeared, he lost all the trust in me that he had gained and obviously he wasn't there for me anymore so we've grown apart to where it doesn't even feel right to call him my dad anymore.
So one question I've been trying to answer since that time, now since that important relationship in my life is gone how do I replace it? I mean I've tried just ignoring it but I'm not one to forget about things that are bothering me, for long. I've also tried (not on purpose) treating someone else that's close to me like a father figure but I've learned one person cannot be everything to you, it's just too much responsibility. My boyfriend was my father figure, in a way, he was my support in this difficult time and he was, and still is my love.
I mean at one time in my life I was depressed and cutting myself and I saw no way out. I don't want to be that girl, not again. I mean it's debatable whether that stage is completely over for me because I still feel depressed often and go back to wanting to harm myself in anyway possible, even punching my friend's knuckles because he has a ring on, over and over again.
I really do apologize for the long post, this is mostly everything I had to get off my chest. I'll probably be back to answer questions and update often so keep an eye out. See yaz.
x3.
My family situation is like this, a year ago my dad decides that he thinks my mom doesn't love him because she's trying to take care of his children and make them happy so he up and leaves. Meanwhile living with another woman while he tries to sort things out with my mom. A married woman I might add, one whom he's been friends with since before I was born and he used to work with my dad with Apple. We had it good; money, nice house, both parents.. Every selfish person's dream- money, popularity, and stuff like that.
So he came back from his time away after like 2 weeks and broke it off with my mom, gave her the divorce papers on her birthday in fact. Just what everyone wants for their birthday and a wonderful Christmas present as well, our house was repossessed by the bank because my father refused to help us pay for it. So his children suffer the consequences because he doesn't want to do anything to help his ex wife. There have been other similar instances in which my dad has been selfish, and not helped out because he didn't want my mom to be happy.
One was a while back, since I have Diabetes I need health insurance or else I don't get my medical supplies and since we had a family plan and we weren't a family anymore my dad got rid of it. Then it took forever for us to get it back, my mom even had to pay for it for a little while. I mean I almost had to go to the hospital...
Typical situation though, deadbeat dad doesn't pay enough child support and alimony or doesn't pay on time or any of the like.
Okay so then, get this to make it even better, he got his visiting rights taken away for drugs. Which he got from his new wife(we weren't told that he was married until after the fact). His wife is a known pill popper and was addicted to a number of prescription drugs for a long period of time. But was supposedly off the drugs long enough to get to see her own kids, from multiple spouses(ex spouses I should say...) So he tested clean finally, for a while he refused to take the tests and he finally did and passed which isn't too hard even if you are doing drugs.
When I was growing up I had a good relationship, I thought.. And then I find out that he had been doing drugs with my mom in our basement, when they were with their friends partying or whatever.. I mean I know you wouldn't wanna tell your kids something like that but that's not the only thing he lied about of course.
He was a major alcoholic, never hit us but was a little bit too rough, you know... He always drank alone down in the basement, we had our own little bar down there.
When I got into my preteen years, I grew apart from my dad and started talking back to him and being a general smart ass. I was angry and felt no one cared(I am a middle child, with a twin sister and a younger brother.) Then when I was 16 my dad really told me how he felt and I understood and I started working on our relationship and I really wanted it to be good. You know I wanted him to be there for me and I saw how mean I had been to him. I wanted to make it right. And then one year ago it all disappeared, he lost all the trust in me that he had gained and obviously he wasn't there for me anymore so we've grown apart to where it doesn't even feel right to call him my dad anymore.
So one question I've been trying to answer since that time, now since that important relationship in my life is gone how do I replace it? I mean I've tried just ignoring it but I'm not one to forget about things that are bothering me, for long. I've also tried (not on purpose) treating someone else that's close to me like a father figure but I've learned one person cannot be everything to you, it's just too much responsibility. My boyfriend was my father figure, in a way, he was my support in this difficult time and he was, and still is my love.
I mean at one time in my life I was depressed and cutting myself and I saw no way out. I don't want to be that girl, not again. I mean it's debatable whether that stage is completely over for me because I still feel depressed often and go back to wanting to harm myself in anyway possible, even punching my friend's knuckles because he has a ring on, over and over again.
I really do apologize for the long post, this is mostly everything I had to get off my chest. I'll probably be back to answer questions and update often so keep an eye out. See yaz.
x3.