I've had enough

[LoneKiller]

fresia it...it's a very very dark fucken place at the bottom of the fucken pit.
I aint fixing YA....intuitively you'll fucken snap out of your bullshit and get well.

I cant breathe or flap your ******* wings for ya.
I have my own fucken wings to flap to keep myself flying and soaring.

Look...Im a suiecide surviver...been there...done that honeysuckle.

I never thought I had a reason to live.
My daughter...She's more than plenty. For me to love her...and not be so god **** self fish.
You dont even know the tip of the ice burge my daughter lived through. It was a major living hell for her
and still is. Poeple might hate her, judge her, shame her or even comdemn her.
All you see is that beautiful face and smile.
Right, wrong or in difference...she's spreading her wings. She traveled the world and experinced
many many beautiful things in life. Im proud of her for this...She flaps her wings inspite of her pains.
Inspite of the lack of love from her mother that's she been screaming and crying for all her life.

Forgive me Lonesome, but isn't that a tad harsh? I can't imagine the pain that you and your daughter went through. I am truly happy for you and your daughter, but not everyone has a child that they love to give them the desire to get well. Again no disrespect intended, but speaking to him like that is not going to pull him out of his dilemma. It sounds more like you are attacking him, not helping him.

 

[Ak5]

...Maybe I passed the point of no return.

The real point of no return is death. I've had those kind of thoughts, but I know deep inside that it isn't the answer to my problems. And it isn't for you as well.

Watch TV, play video games, go outside, talk to your neighbor, go buy gum at the store and strike up a conversation with the person at the register, read a book, go fishing, study, read the news, write a book, cook, do anything!

Trust me it works and you'll feel better. Whenever I'm lonely or depressed I just get my brain busy doing something.

Do anything, you'll be able to think more clearly and realize that there is hope.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

fresia it...it's a very very dark fucken place at the bottom of the fucken pit.
I aint fixing YA....intuitively you'll fucken snap out of your bullshit and get well.

I cant breathe or flap your ******* wings for ya.
I have my own fucken wings to flap to keep myself flying and soaring.

Look...Im a suiecide surviver...been there...done that honeysuckle.

I never thought I had a reason to live.
My daughter...She's more than plenty. For me to love her...and not be so god **** self fish.
You dont even know the tip of the ice burge my daughter lived through. It was a major living hell for her
and still is. Poeple might hate her, judge her, shame her or even comdemn her.
All you see is that beautiful face and smile.
Right, wrong or in difference...she's spreading her wings. She traveled the world and experinced
many many beautiful things in life. Im proud of her for this...She flaps her wings inspite of her pains.
Inspite of the lack of love from her mother that's she been screaming and crying for all her life.

Forgive me Lonesome, but isn't that a tad harsh? I can't imagine the pain that you and your daughter went through. I am truly happy for you and your daughter, but not everyone has a child that they love to give them the desire to get well. Again no disrespect intended, but speaking to him like that is not going to pull him out of his dilemma. It sounds more like you are attacking him, not helping him.

You did catch that part about me being a suiecide surviver...NO?
Or did that just go over your head?

He"s not the fist person to come on here to pull this...

Hold people or the forum mentally and emotionally hostage.
Had mods and many members worrying and going bezark...

You know what's harsh?
I love my daughter's mother very much. She's the love of my life.
She was my HS sweetheart. My ex-fiance and fiance.
We were to wed by the end of this year at the lastest.

She's out there killing herself, hurting herself, cutting herself.
Yes..that fucken suiecide threat and of course slashing the honeysuckle
out of herself in front of me too....I tried to fix her.

If for a moment if she wasnt so god **** self fish or self absorbing.
Shed knows how devistated our duaghter will feel
if she dies or how devistated she is enough as it is.

She dose know...that's whats all messed up.

I love her more life itself. Time and time again I would
put life on the line for her. My daghter also knows
I cant stop loving her mom. She cant even bare to
see the pains I go through

And you know what...I just enable her again a couple days ago
cuase my weakeness is that I care too much. Compassion is
my nature.

I couldnt fix her....no matter how much I love her.
Now that's harsh.

Somewhere alone the line I must stop the cycle of pains and insanities.
My daughter's sanity depends on it. I cant loose myself in her mom's bullshit.
It's not all about me either.

 

[Guyonthelake]

Lonesome I'm sorry your going through that stuff. I'm happy your there loving your daughter. Now to suicide. My brothers son shot himself with my brother standing outside his door. I've seen the pain and felt the pain that suicide creates. If it wasn't for that I probably would have already done it. At times I struggle with wanting to die. This is one of those times. I didn't post to get people all fired up. I posted because my world is coming apart and I'm not sure I want to continue. I think perhaps it's best if I stay off here and let things go where they may. I am sorry for any anger I stirred up in you.

 

[SophiaGrace]

Lonesome I'm sorry your going through that stuff. I'm happy your there loving your daughter. Now to suicide. My brothers son shot himself with my brother standing outside his door. I've seen the pain and felt the pain that suicide creates. If it wasn't for that I probably would have already done it. At times I struggle with wanting to die. This is one of those times. I didn't post to get people all fired up. I posted because my world is coming apart and I'm not sure I want to continue. I think perhaps it's best if I stay off here and let things go where they may. I am sorry for any anger I stirred up in you.

What the hell, don't let Lonesome's words keep you off this site.

I knew why you posted your thread and I wasn't judging you for it. Sometimes you
just need someone to talk to...

 

[Equinox]

Sometimes our world does fall apart. It's a horrible experience, and I definitely understand that feeling of just wanting to give up. Your world can be rebuilt, however. It takes hard work and a little bit of patience, but it's possible. You start from scratch, and you go from there, one step at a time. It's never too late, as long as you're still breathing. Don't let others be the judges of what you're worth. Put people like Lonesome on your ignore list. Don't be afraid to focus on yourself, and to ask for help. Talk to your parents or a sibling, perhaps? Or talk to someone on this forum; I'd be happy to help in any way I can.

I don't know you, but I already care about you, and I don't want you to hurt yourself. Please don't. You're not worthless.

 

[lonelyfairy]

Don't give up. Life sucks, life is hard, people can be cruel... But you can't know how great future could be.

I want to give up too, so many times! This loneliness is killing me too, killing me inside... But you really can't know about future, maybe everything can change, go for the better direction?

All best for you.

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

Lonesome I'm sorry your going through that stuff. I'm happy your there loving your daughter. Now to suicide. My brothers son shot himself with my brother standing outside his door. I've seen the pain and felt the pain that suicide creates. If it wasn't for that I probably would have already done it. At times I struggle with wanting to die. This is one of those times. I didn't post to get people all fired up. I posted because my world is coming apart and I'm not sure I want to continue. I think perhaps it's best if I stay off here and let things go where they may. I am sorry for any anger I stirred up in you.

Don't worry about LC, he's well meaning but tends to phrase his posts in a rather inflammatory and self-congratulatory manner without thinking about it

Life can really be painful at times, everyone has felt it at one time or another. At the same time, it can be amazing too. Everything we think, feel, discover and learn is a product of life.

I don't know what your exact circumstances are, but I implore you not to contemplate suicide. There's always a way out of a hard situation. Life can always turn itself around in the simplest, most unexpected way.

Try and focus on the good things about your situation. Do you have your health? That honestly is the most important thing in life. I'd give any material possession to get a part of my hearing back, but I'm not able to.

If other people are getting you down, you need to try and move on. Many people are fickle and are not worth worrying about if they pass you by. When you find someone truly loyal as a friend or partner, that will change.

Have people ever complimented you? What were the best things that have happened to you? What do you want to improve in your life, objectively, as a goal?

If you want to speak at all, I'm always reachable by private message. I'd be happy to talk to you if you would like.

 

[Guyonthelake]

I read what you guys write and I tell myself it's the truth yet I am laying in bed crying like a baby. I'm a 48 yo man and I don't know what to do. I can't even think straight. I've made such a mess of things. I wasn't always like this. I just see no purpose. I once had goals and dreams. I don't know what happened to me. I have so many things to be thankful for. Why am I so miserable. I feel so cold and empty.

 

[Equinox]

Crying is alright, too. Actually, crying is pretty darn good; it proves that there's still something in you worth fighting for. Also, it's very normal.

These feelings of no purpose, no dreams, being cold and empty, they won't be there forever. But if you have struggled with them for a long time, it could be a sign of a condition, e.g. clinical depression; this also makes sense in relation to what you said about not knowing what happened. For those of us with clinical depression, struggling with lack of purpose and goals is quite common. One of the main symptoms, actually. If this is the case, you might want to see a psychiatrist. There are ways of treating this, by therapy or meds or both. Just don't give up on everything. Find help. One day, you'll feel better, and you'll be happy you decided to fight this.

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

I read what you guys write and I tell myself it's the truth yet I am laying in bed crying like a baby. I'm a 48 yo man and I don't know what to do. I can't even think straight. I've made such a mess of things. I wasn't always like this. I just see no purpose. I once had goals and dreams. I don't know what happened to me. I have so many things to be thankful for. Why am I so miserable. I feel so cold and empty.

I think you're being too harshly critical on yourself. There's nothing wrong with expressing emotions and nothing wrong with feeling let down, even in yourself. It's a perfectly natural feeling.

If you cannot see a purpose to things, think of the simple things that you wish to have. I think in all our darkest moments, we primarily want to be happy. What do you think would make you feel happier? You've got a lot of freedom to do whatever you want to begin to attain that.

You have plenty of time to follow old goals, or draw up new ones. Don't hurt yourself on the past, look to how you can change the present.

 

[Ian Haines]

Hello...

What is the uppermost thing, from which you are suffering, that appears to make you want to no longer live, or no longer be conscious of living?

1. Something that has already happened?
2. Something in progress?
3. Something that will happen in your future?

Any combination of the above with factual events given as examples will be perfectly valid - you're the author of the reply!

Dig deep within you, for this!

Ian.

 

[SophiaGrace]

Equinox and SolitaryMan. If I could hug both of you right now for your responses on this thread, I would.

 

[gnome3]

Hey Guy. Just read the 4 pages of this post. LOTS of positive comments/feedback. All I can say is that you're a pretty important dude. People on this forum like you here, want you here. So do I. Your hanging on gives me hope. Keep up the good fight, bro, and don't let the negative thoughts get you down. That's just the committee in your head. Just keep telling the committee, 'Thank you for sharing that, now shut the fk up'.
Thanks for sticking around, Guy. You get the cyber group hug!

 

[Ak5]

Hey Guy. Just read the 4 pages of this post. LOTS of positive comments/feedback. All I can say is that you're a pretty important dude. People on this forum like you here, want you here. So do I. Your hanging on gives me hope. Keep up the good fight, bro, and don't let the negative thoughts get you down. That's just the committee in your head. Just keep telling the committee, 'Thank you for sharing that, now shut the fk up'.
Thanks for sticking around, Guy. You get the cyber group hug!

Agreed.

We are all here because we know what your feeling Guy. You have our entire support. If you ever want to talk about it, PM me! About your nephew, it's a very sad thing, another life lost. You and your family are strong to keep together after that. You know the pain, you wouldn't want that onto your brother and the rest of your family.

You may be a 48 year old man, but by God your still a human being with feelings. Everyone who says otherwise can go fresia themselves.

 

[Guyonthelake]

Thanks to everyone for their encouraging thoughts. I am continuing my struggles. I know this isn't gonna get better quickly. I may take some of you up on the offer to send a pm. I know if I don't talk to somebody I'm a dead man. Deep inside I guess I want to live. Just my life history has taken a huge toll on me. Some is my fault. Sine probably isn't. Not sure what I do from here. I have to do something.

 

[jean-vic]

I find music helps us rationalise. Hope this helps you do that, mate. Maybe it will help you see that you're not alone. If not, sorry I had nothing better to offer. Good luck!

 

[omniac]

I give up this **** life sucks. I don't want be in it anymore. I find people I love that say they love me then there gone. I'm broken and obviously not worthy of being loved. Thank you to the nice people of this forum. Wish I had found it earlier. Goodbye

You would be surprised at how easily those feelings of loss and anger can be turned into something useful. Focused on yourself however they are useless and self-destructive, as a result they are likely to cause more of what caused the saddness in the first place. Anger comes from fear, find it and destroy it. Afraid of rejection? Get rejected on your own terms. If you are afraid of it it will control you and make you write things like what you wrote. Not worthy of being loved.

There are some excellent studies going on in identifying resilience. Some people seem to take life's woes and soldier on, others just crumble. What the difference. The memory of having successfully recovered develops confidence, it immunizes us against saddness and rejection.

Perhaps you should shrug, say whatever, and not care if someone loves you or not. Instead met it head on, embrace the rejection as a learning experience.

People will love you if you help them love themselves. We are selfish monkeys and we associate feeling of happiness and self-esteem wit those who fullfil those wishes for us. You help them they'll help you

Remember it works in the opposite direction, the cause of many many any divorces, break-ups, and dumpings is the down Ward spiral caused by associating negative feelings of ourselves with others. Watch any crowd, the depressed guy is left alone in the corner because (subconsciously) no one wants to be dragged down that rabbit hole.

So strangely enough the best way to beat depression is to go make other people smile

 

[Guyonthelake]

I get to feeling better then all these feelings and thoughts come rushing back in and BAM I'm right back at the bottom. I've tried to be positive and it's like I can for a few minutes or maybe an hour then just out of nowhere it hits me again. It's like mean cruel cycle. I just want to get off this rolller coaster.

 

[omniac]

I get to feeling better then all these feelings and thoughts come rushing back in and BAM I'm right back at the bottom. I've tried to be positive and it's like I can for a few minutes or maybe an hour then just out of nowhere it hits me again. It's like mean cruel cycle. I just want to get off this rolller coaster.

Like begets like. The only way to get out is to use the feelings that got you I there. If negativity is what got you in there use it. Self deprication shouldn't be overlooked, explore the possibility that you might be someone that cannot be loved. Go find out.

Our whole society seems to be obsessed with removing negativity and bad feelings. Why? They are there for a reason and the longer you ignore them or use medication, I use that term loosely, to cover them up you won't be rid of it.

I had to accept the fact that I wasn't the coolest cat on the block and once I understood the truth of the situation I was able to accept the fact. Striving to be that which we simply re not is a pointless endeavor and as Buddha says that desire will only continue to cause suffering. Reoccurancese of anything in our lives in not an accident. There are only so any types of situations and if we do not deal with them properly another of the same type is bound to come along and we will have the same problem. But if you are unaware of what the problem is you will just end up being one of those people that crumbles every six months when their next fish dies because they still never learned to clean the aquarium and absolutely mystified as to why God has cursed them so.

Whether God or Evolution, saddness, depression, emotional pain exist for a reason, we shouldn't attempt to deaden it, quell it, forget about it, or any of that other feel-good nonsense. Its there to be felt, to teach you something. And if you do not want to learn because you don't want to accept what its telling you then your history will repeat itself, until you learn or die in the process.