C
Caesium
Guest
A jew, a black man, a chinese man, and a russian all walk into a bar, and have a very pleasant evening.
---
So, a baby seal walks into a club...
---
So, a baby seal walks into a club...
Help Support Loneliness, Depression & Relationship Forum:
B
Bluey
Guest
Something I just come across in punisher's gust book lol Made me laugh anyway.
http://www.85qm.de/up/BigRedButton.swf
http://www.85qm.de/up/BigRedButton.swf
C
Caesium
Guest
What did one wall say to the other wall? Meet me at the corner.
E
evanescencefan91
Guest
ahahahhqa
that was hilarious i just keep clicking until i got to the end of the program and it started repeating itself
man that was long i just love how we do what we're told not to, becuase we know when we do it something will happen and it's the curiousity of why we shouldn't click the buttion is why we click the buttion
tehe
kudos to whoever made that
that was hilarious i just keep clicking until i got to the end of the program and it started repeating itself
man that was long i just love how we do what we're told not to, becuase we know when we do it something will happen and it's the curiousity of why we shouldn't click the buttion is why we click the buttion
tehe
kudos to whoever made that
C
Caesium
Guest
"I have opinions of my own --strong opinions-- but I don't always agree with them."
- George Bush, former U.S. President
"It is white."
- George W. Bush, when asked what the White house was like by a student in East London
"If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight."
- George Gobel
"Solutions are not the answer."
- Richard Nixon, former U.S. President
"Hi I'm Dean White, Dick, of the college."
- Richard (Dick) White, Duke University academic Dean introducing himself at a faculty dinner
"Politics gives guys so much power that they tend to behave badly around women. And I hope I never get into that."
- Bill Clinton, former U.S. president
"You guys line up alphabetically by height."
- Bill Peterson, Florida State football coach
"The internet is a great way to get on the net."
- Bob Dole, Republican presidential candidate
"I would say that anything that is indecent and violent in TV is a crime against humanity and they should shoot the head man responsible."
- Ted Turner, Media Mogul
- George Bush, former U.S. President
"It is white."
- George W. Bush, when asked what the White house was like by a student in East London
"If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight."
- George Gobel
"Solutions are not the answer."
- Richard Nixon, former U.S. President
"Hi I'm Dean White, Dick, of the college."
- Richard (Dick) White, Duke University academic Dean introducing himself at a faculty dinner
"Politics gives guys so much power that they tend to behave badly around women. And I hope I never get into that."
- Bill Clinton, former U.S. president
"You guys line up alphabetically by height."
- Bill Peterson, Florida State football coach
"The internet is a great way to get on the net."
- Bob Dole, Republican presidential candidate
"I would say that anything that is indecent and violent in TV is a crime against humanity and they should shoot the head man responsible."
- Ted Turner, Media Mogul
- Joined
- Apr 5, 2008
- Messages
- 49,242
- Reaction score
- 5,423
A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 a.m. by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunk is standing in the pouring rain and he asks for a push.
'Not a chance,' says the husband, 'it is 3:00 in the morning!'
He slams the door and returns to bed.
'Who was that?' asked his wife.
'Just some drunk guy asking for a push,' he answers.
'Did you help him?' she asks.
'No, I did not, it is 3:00 in the morning and it is pouring rain out there!'
'Well, you have a short memory,' says his wife. 'Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!'
The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pouring rain.
He calls out into the dark, 'Hello, are you still there?'
'Yes,' comes back the answer.
'Do you still need a push?' calls out the husband.
'Yes, please!' comes the reply from the dark.
'Where are you?' asks the husband.
The drunk replies, 'Still over here on the swing.'
'Not a chance,' says the husband, 'it is 3:00 in the morning!'
He slams the door and returns to bed.
'Who was that?' asked his wife.
'Just some drunk guy asking for a push,' he answers.
'Did you help him?' she asks.
'No, I did not, it is 3:00 in the morning and it is pouring rain out there!'
'Well, you have a short memory,' says his wife. 'Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!'
The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pouring rain.
He calls out into the dark, 'Hello, are you still there?'
'Yes,' comes back the answer.
'Do you still need a push?' calls out the husband.
'Yes, please!' comes the reply from the dark.
'Where are you?' asks the husband.
The drunk replies, 'Still over here on the swing.'
- Joined
- Apr 5, 2008
- Messages
- 49,242
- Reaction score
- 5,423
5 year old's first job...
Here's a truly heartwarming story about the bond
formed between a little 5-year-old girl and some
construction workers that will make you believe
that we all can make a difference when we give
a child the gift of our time.
A young family moved into a house, next to a
vacant lot. One day, a construction crew began
to build a house on the empty lot. The young
family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an
interest in the goings-on and spent much of
each day observing the workers.
Eventually the construction crew, all of them
'gems- in-the-rough,' more or less, adopted her
as a kind of project mascot. They chatted with
her during coffee and lunch breaks and gave her
little jobs to do here and there to make her feel
important. At the end of the first week, they even
presented her with a pay envelope containing ten
dollars. The little girl took this home to her
mother who suggested that she take her ten
dollars 'pay' she'd received to the bank the next
day to start a savings account.
When the girl and her mom got to the bank, the
teller was equally impressed and asked the little
girl how she had come by her very own pay check at
such a young age. The little girl proudly replied,
'I worked last week with a real construction crew
building the new house next door to us.'
'Oh my goodness gracious,' said the teller, 'and
will you be working on the house again this week, too?'
The little girl replied, 'I will, if those a__ holes
at Home Depot ever deliver the f _ ckin' sheet rock.'
Kind of brings a tear to the eye - doesn't it?
Here's a truly heartwarming story about the bond
formed between a little 5-year-old girl and some
construction workers that will make you believe
that we all can make a difference when we give
a child the gift of our time.
A young family moved into a house, next to a
vacant lot. One day, a construction crew began
to build a house on the empty lot. The young
family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an
interest in the goings-on and spent much of
each day observing the workers.
Eventually the construction crew, all of them
'gems- in-the-rough,' more or less, adopted her
as a kind of project mascot. They chatted with
her during coffee and lunch breaks and gave her
little jobs to do here and there to make her feel
important. At the end of the first week, they even
presented her with a pay envelope containing ten
dollars. The little girl took this home to her
mother who suggested that she take her ten
dollars 'pay' she'd received to the bank the next
day to start a savings account.
When the girl and her mom got to the bank, the
teller was equally impressed and asked the little
girl how she had come by her very own pay check at
such a young age. The little girl proudly replied,
'I worked last week with a real construction crew
building the new house next door to us.'
'Oh my goodness gracious,' said the teller, 'and
will you be working on the house again this week, too?'
The little girl replied, 'I will, if those a__ holes
at Home Depot ever deliver the f _ ckin' sheet rock.'
Kind of brings a tear to the eye - doesn't it?
C
Caesium
Guest
A jew, a black, a catholic, and a muslim all walk into a bar, and leave with a greater understanding of each other's cultures.
DixieDarlin
Active member
This one's kinda morbid but.....
Patient: So what did my test results show, doc?
Doctor: Well, son, I'm afraid I have bad news and worse news. The bad news is that you only have 24 hours left to live.
Patient: Oh no! That's terrible! I can't believe it! Oh man.....what could be worse??
Doctor: The worse news is that I've been trying to reach you since yesterday!
Patient: So what did my test results show, doc?
Doctor: Well, son, I'm afraid I have bad news and worse news. The bad news is that you only have 24 hours left to live.
Patient: Oh no! That's terrible! I can't believe it! Oh man.....what could be worse??
Doctor: The worse news is that I've been trying to reach you since yesterday!
E
evanescencefan91
Guest
rofl
aww that was funny
XP
aww that was funny
XP
C
Caesium
Guest
"I like an escalator because an escalator can never break, it can only become stairs. There would never be an escalator temporarily out of order sign, only an escalator temporarily stairs. Sorry for the convenience."
Not sure who said this
Not sure who said this
extrovertcortez
Active member
- Joined
- Jan 9, 2009
- Messages
- 29
- Reaction score
- 0
Funny if you know a little bit about programming
A Software Engineer, a Hardware Engineer and a Departmental Manager almost have a car crash
A Software Engineer, a Hardware Engineer and a Departmental Manager were on their way to a meeting in Switzerland. They were driving down a steep mountain road when suddenly the brakes on their car failed. The car careened almost out of control down the road, bouncing off the crash barriers, until it miraculously ground to a halt scraping along the mountainside. The car's occupants, shaken but unhurt, now had a problem: they were stuck halfway down a mountain in a car with no brakes. What were they to do?
"I know," said the Departmental Manager, "Let's have a meeting, propose a Vision, formulate a Mission Statement, define some Goals, and by a process of Continuous Improvement find a solution to the Critical Problems, and we can be on our way."
"No, no," said the Hardware Engineer, "That will take far too long, and besides, that method has never worked before. I've got my Swiss Army knife with me, and in no time at all I can strip down the car's braking system, isolate the fault, fix it, and we can be on our way."
"Well," said the Software Engineer, "before we do anything, I think we should push the car back up the road and see if it happens again."
Another code joke
Eight bytes walk into a bar. The bartender asks, “Can I get you anything?”
“Yeah,” reply the bytes. “Make us a double.”
A Software Engineer, a Hardware Engineer and a Departmental Manager almost have a car crash
A Software Engineer, a Hardware Engineer and a Departmental Manager were on their way to a meeting in Switzerland. They were driving down a steep mountain road when suddenly the brakes on their car failed. The car careened almost out of control down the road, bouncing off the crash barriers, until it miraculously ground to a halt scraping along the mountainside. The car's occupants, shaken but unhurt, now had a problem: they were stuck halfway down a mountain in a car with no brakes. What were they to do?
"I know," said the Departmental Manager, "Let's have a meeting, propose a Vision, formulate a Mission Statement, define some Goals, and by a process of Continuous Improvement find a solution to the Critical Problems, and we can be on our way."
"No, no," said the Hardware Engineer, "That will take far too long, and besides, that method has never worked before. I've got my Swiss Army knife with me, and in no time at all I can strip down the car's braking system, isolate the fault, fix it, and we can be on our way."
"Well," said the Software Engineer, "before we do anything, I think we should push the car back up the road and see if it happens again."
Another code joke
Eight bytes walk into a bar. The bartender asks, “Can I get you anything?”
“Yeah,” reply the bytes. “Make us a double.”
- Joined
- Apr 5, 2008
- Messages
- 49,242
- Reaction score
- 5,423
WOMEN'S ASS SIZE STUDY
There is a new study about women
and how they feel about their asses,
the results were pretty interesting:
60% of women think their ass is too fat...
10% of women think their ass is too skinny...
The remaining 30% say they don't care, they love him, he's a good man,
and they wouldn't trade him for the world.
There is a new study about women
and how they feel about their asses,
the results were pretty interesting:
60% of women think their ass is too fat...
10% of women think their ass is too skinny...
The remaining 30% say they don't care, they love him, he's a good man,
and they wouldn't trade him for the world.
- Joined
- Apr 5, 2008
- Messages
- 49,242
- Reaction score
- 5,423
A letter to my bank
Dear Sirs,
In view of what seems to be happening internationally with banks at
the moment, I was wondering if you could advise me. If one of my
checks is returned marked "Insufficient Funds," how do I know whether
that refers to me or to you?
Dear Sirs,
In view of what seems to be happening internationally with banks at
the moment, I was wondering if you could advise me. If one of my
checks is returned marked "Insufficient Funds," how do I know whether
that refers to me or to you?
B
Bluey
Guest
Minus said:
lol
E
evanescencefan91
Guest
rofl
thats a great one minus XD
