Hi there. I'm 19. I've been spending a lot of time at home for the past 2 months and I am free till August. I have a tiny circle of friends. I've been feeling so lonely these days. All of my friends are in a relationship and I'm the only one who is single. When we go out together, their boyfriends/best friends will tag along and I don’t bring anyone. I do feel left out and pathetic. Getting teased by my friends is normal and I don't really mind it. I just feel like I’m not close to them as I used to now. Besides they are the only friends I have...
I've always been a shy, quiet girl. It takes me a long time to warm up to someone unless we have a common interest or when I feel like that person cares to listen to what I have to say. I'm also not close to my relatives.
Here's the thing. I want to have a meaningful conversation with someone/close friend. I don't share problems with my friends and they never shared theirs with me because they have their own set of best friends. What is everyone's favorite topic? Themselves.Let's share with each other how our days went, our fears, aspirations and stuff that people normally talk about. I have to meet new people first but I ALWAYS feel like I'm not good enough for others..
Examples:
1. I start to feel anxious when someone new talks to me. I don't know what to reply. When it comes to instant messaging, I might use words like "haha okay" and "cool". It is a conversation killer. I don't mean to end the conversation so quickly
2. I often ask this question to myself. "Would he/she accept me for who I am and invest their time in friendship?". I always assume that the answer is "NO". I see myself as a nobody and that no one wants me. I just stay away from people so that I don't get hurt. That's why I don't approach people first. This is how I think and I stick to that mentality. How do I break away from this cycle?
I've come across people who are so nice and friendly. I wish I could get to know them better and hang out sometime but it's not that easy for me to even reach that stage. Maybe I should just continue to live this lonely life instead of keeping my hopes up. But deep inside I know that I would be extremely HAPPY to be able to find someone that I can relate to and talk about our lives for once.
I often spend my time learning about entrepreneurship and photography. Doing that almost everyday is getting boring. I can't use them as a distraction anymore. So yeah. Just another lonely day! I just feel like I have to prove myself that I’m still worth it. Anyone else who feel the same way?
Thanks for reading this messy rant post!
(If you actually made it here heh)
I've always been a shy, quiet girl. It takes me a long time to warm up to someone unless we have a common interest or when I feel like that person cares to listen to what I have to say. I'm also not close to my relatives.
Here's the thing. I want to have a meaningful conversation with someone/close friend. I don't share problems with my friends and they never shared theirs with me because they have their own set of best friends. What is everyone's favorite topic? Themselves.Let's share with each other how our days went, our fears, aspirations and stuff that people normally talk about. I have to meet new people first but I ALWAYS feel like I'm not good enough for others..
Examples:
1. I start to feel anxious when someone new talks to me. I don't know what to reply. When it comes to instant messaging, I might use words like "haha okay" and "cool". It is a conversation killer. I don't mean to end the conversation so quickly
2. I often ask this question to myself. "Would he/she accept me for who I am and invest their time in friendship?". I always assume that the answer is "NO". I see myself as a nobody and that no one wants me. I just stay away from people so that I don't get hurt. That's why I don't approach people first. This is how I think and I stick to that mentality. How do I break away from this cycle?
I've come across people who are so nice and friendly. I wish I could get to know them better and hang out sometime but it's not that easy for me to even reach that stage. Maybe I should just continue to live this lonely life instead of keeping my hopes up. But deep inside I know that I would be extremely HAPPY to be able to find someone that I can relate to and talk about our lives for once.
I often spend my time learning about entrepreneurship and photography. Doing that almost everyday is getting boring. I can't use them as a distraction anymore. So yeah. Just another lonely day! I just feel like I have to prove myself that I’m still worth it. Anyone else who feel the same way?
Thanks for reading this messy rant post!
(If you actually made it here heh)