Just Came To America...

[Jim103BMS]

About 1 month ago, I met a girl online that just recently came to the U.S. 2 months ago. She is from an Asian country, so I don't know how much that changes things from a girl born and raised in America, in terms of relationships.

We didn’t meet online under the pretense that we were looking for anyone (BF & GF), just someone to hang out with, show her around, and help her with English.
I ended up instantly falling for her, and now I need some advice. Since I’m not good with describing how I feel about someone to that person, I ended up complimenting her on her eyes after we got home from the first time we hung out. She said she was flattered.


The second time we hung out, she broke the touch barrier. She wanted to get my attention and grabbed my arm.
She did mention that I would have an easy time getting a girlfriend when I go to visit her country in April.
Right before I dropped her off at home, I asked her if she had a boyfriend, and she said no. I was shocked, and said “Really? No way, I don’t believe that”
After that we both got out of the car, and held the door for her. I gave her a hug ( a little stronger than I did last time we hung out) and she went inside her home.

I then messaged her when I got home saying that I enjoyed her company, and she said that she enjoyed my company too. =) She also thanked me for the day, and taking her places.
Of course we both had a good time hanging outing, but this is the stuff worth mentioning in terms of trying to get a relationship.

I guess my main question is, does she know, or at least have some idea that I’m interested in her?
If it seems like she does know, what do I from here? Wait for her to do something, or do I need to something else...

Thanks to anyone who can help! If you need more information, let me know, and I will explain more!

 

[coffeeaddict]

No she doesn't know. If it's not said, she's going to think you are only friends. If you want something more than friends, be direct. But keep in mind she might distance herself from you if she becomes uncomfortable and doesn't want the same thing.

I had a classmate friend who was married with a child. I only thought of him as a friend. But his friends would joke behind my back that I was hitting on him or I was his second girlfriend just because I talked to him a lot/helped each other with school. I was so embarrassed when I found out because that was not my intention at all and I had no clue. Trust me that unless it's specified otherwise, she is probably only thinking of you as a friend.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Doesn't really matter if she does or doesn't know. If you like her, ask her out then she will know. But yeah, in that situation you described, there's nothing to throw up lighted signs that you are into her.

 

[Jim103BMS]

Doesn't really matter if she does or doesn't know. If you like her, ask her out then she will know. But yeah, in that situation you described, there's nothing to throw up lighted signs that you are into her.

Okay, so how do I ask her out when we've hung out twice already? How should I phrase it? I need any and all advice you guys got... Haha

 

[TheRealCallie]

Doesn't really matter if she does or doesn't know. If you like her, ask her out then she will know. But yeah, in that situation you described, there's nothing to throw up lighted signs that you are into her.

Okay, so how do I ask her out when we've hung out twice already? How should I phrase it? I need any and all advice you guys got... Haha

Ask her to go to dinner with you. If you can cook, make the meal yourself and use candles and wine and whatnot. If you can't cook, take you to somewhere nice, not expensive, but not fast food either.
After dinner, you could go for a walk, if it's not cold where you live or to a movie.

If you're not shy, you could come right out and tell her you like her too.

 

[Danielle]

You could tell her that you'd "like to get to know her better", and ask her to dinner or whatnot. That's a nice way of telling her you are I interested.

 

[Despicable Me]

Ask her to go to dinner with you. If you can cook, make the meal yourself and use candles and wine and whatnot.

Ew, don't do that. What if she wasn't interested? That is a definite awkward moment. She may not even want to be friends anymore after that.

I'd say just open up to her. Find the right moment to do it and just blurt it out that you like her and want to know if she is interested, too. You don't have to ask for a 'date' or anything. Just let her know how you feel and ask how she feels. Straight forward.
If you can't find the right moment then you could ask her out to a restaurant, plan to hang out somewhere you're more comfortable with, or whatever else that might work for you.
The whole home-made dinner and candles thing can wait until AFTER you know she likes you back. Don't make things awkward.

 

[Jim103BMS]

Ask her to go to dinner with you. If you can cook, make the meal yourself and use candles and wine and whatnot.

Ew, don't do that. What if she wasn't interested? That is a definite awkward moment. She may not even want to be friends anymore after that.

I'd say just open up to her. Find the right moment to do it and just blurt it out that you like her and want to know if she is interested, too. You don't have to ask for a 'date' or anything. Just let her know how you feel and ask how she feels. Straight forward.
If you can't find the right moment then you could ask her out to a restaurant, plan to hang out somewhere you're more comfortable with, or whatever else that might work for you.
The whole home-made dinner and candles thing can wait until AFTER you know she likes you back. Don't make things awkward.

I agree with this post the most, it's the most fitting response from a person like me.
My question is, do I say this to her in person or through text?

 

[Despicable Me]

My question is, do I say this to her in person or through text?

That's a good question. And I don't think I'm the best person to answer it.
Personally I'm an 'in person' sort of person, but then I also didn't grow up with texting or anything like that. I'm not really sure how it is these days and what is considered appropriate.

So my suggestion would just be to do whatever feels right to you.

 

[Jim103BMS]

Okay. And the next time I see her will be te 3rd time hanging out. Will that be too soon to say? Other than that, I think I'm Ready

 

[Despicable Me]

Okay. And the next time I see her will be te 3rd time hanging out. Will that be too soon to say? Other than that, I think I'm Ready

In my opinion, the sooner the better. Hiding your feelings never really seems to work out for anyone, from what I've seen.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Ask her to go to dinner with you. If you can cook, make the meal yourself and use candles and wine and whatnot.

Ew, don't do that. What if she wasn't interested? That is a definite awkward moment. She may not even want to be friends anymore after that.
The whole home-made dinner and candles thing can wait until AFTER you know she likes you back. Don't make things awkward.

Speaking as a woman, I would be very impressed with a well thought out home cooked meal as a first date. But of course, that's just my opinion.

As far as things being awkward, it will be no matter what if she's not interested, so I'm not sure how you think it won't be.

 

[Despicable Me]

Speaking as a woman, I would be very impressed with a well thought out home cooked meal as a first date. But of course, that's just my opinion.

As a date, or as a dinner plan that you thought was just a friendly invite?
It would be perfectly fine if she knew up front what it was but if you just 'surprised' someone whom you're not even sure is interested in you with a romantic home-made dinner that is just really, really awkward. Even if they are interested.

So are you suggesting he find out first if she is interested and then ask her to dinner, or simply surprising her? Because I can't possibly imagine anything more awkward than a surprise romantic-dinner plan for someone who sees you as nothing more than a friend. That's nightmare material, in my opinion.
And even if I were interested in that situation myself, I would find it so odd that someone just assumed so much about me rather than just asking or trying to come on less strong. It would be an awkward dinner and they'd have quite a lot of work to do to impress me enough to get a second date. It is simply just coming on too strong.

Unless, of course, one asks the other first. I agree that if you know there is mutual interest and it is okay to go on a "date" then having a little romantic dinner at home is perfectly fine. I wouldn't see anything wrong with that. A 'surprise' romantic dinner is something more for long-term couples, in my opinion. People who have had, at least, a few dates first.

As far as things being awkward, it will be no matter what if she's not interested, so I'm not sure how you think it won't be.

There are obviously different degrees to that awkwardness, though.
There's a rather significant difference between planning a romantic dinner for someone who's not interested, and just talking to them in a casual manner and simply asking them if they are or not and then getting rejected.
The first one could make you look foolish, naive, presumptuous, desperate, or even a little arrogant. The second just makes you look like a human being.

 

[Jim103BMS]

So I ended up telling her that I was interested in her, and asked if she was interested in me too.
She told me that I was good too, but it's too early to be in a relationship right now, and that she wants more time to get to know me. Which I think is perfectly fare.

I personally think this is a good start, since she could have easily said she wasn't interested in any relation ship at this time.

What do you guys think?

 

[Keeper Shaman]

Don't get your hopes up too high, perhaps you waited too long. Girls want chemistry and craziness, you should go for it fast and soon, they want a guy who "knows what he wants" and isn't afraid to go after it.

If you wait too long, they might think you don't know how to go after something you want. I dunno that's just my opinion. But you still have a chance, I say you try to kiss her, try to spark that flame of passion that women seem to want.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Girls want chemistry and craziness

I can do without craziness, thank you very much.

I will never understand why some men think they know what women want....

 

[Keeper Shaman]

Girls want chemistry and craziness

I can do without craziness, thank you very much.

I will never understand why some men think they know what women want....

Chemistry IS craziness though, it's an uncontrollable urge.

Women want very similar things to men, we are all human.

Of course there are different types of women and men though, and they want different things. But generally I think being hesitant about making a move makes a guy seem like he lacks confidence and drive, and turns most women off, unless they have some kind of fetish for that kind of thing.

The social norm is for men to make the first move though, and if he doesn't then some other guy will...

 

[TheRealCallie]

Girls want chemistry and craziness

I can do without craziness, thank you very much.

I will never understand why some men think they know what women want....

Chemistry IS craziness though, it's an uncontrollable urge.

Women want very similar things to men, we are all human.

Of course there are different types of women and men though, and they want different things. But generally I think being hesitant about making a move makes a guy seem like he lacks confidence and drive, and turns most women off, unless they have some kind of fetish for that kind of thing.

The social norm is for men to make the first move though, and if he doesn't then some other guy will...

There are different levels of crazy and considering you separated them in your post, one could deduce that you mean crazy crazy.

Perhaps you're right, but if a guy tried to kiss me when I didn't want to be kissed, I'd hit him....

 

[Keeper Shaman]

Girls want chemistry and craziness

I can do without craziness, thank you very much.

I will never understand why some men think they know what women want....

Chemistry IS craziness though, it's an uncontrollable urge.

Women want very similar things to men, we are all human.

Of course there are different types of women and men though, and they want different things. But generally I think being hesitant about making a move makes a guy seem like he lacks confidence and drive, and turns most women off, unless they have some kind of fetish for that kind of thing.

The social norm is for men to make the first move though, and if he doesn't then some other guy will...

There are different levels of crazy and considering you separated them in your post, one could deduce that you mean crazy crazy.

Perhaps you're right, but if a guy tried to kiss me when I didn't want to be kissed, I'd hit him....

If you touched his arm and initiated physical contact, then you'd probably want to be kissed. I think he should have done it right then and there and since he didn't she got turned off. His only chance is to go hard and strong now if he wants something to happen, he already messed up, he needs to make up for it.

If he gets super passionate and shows her how much he really wants her, then it might turn her on again.

But yea, this is all just my opinion....

 

[TheRealCallie]

If you touched his arm and initiated physical contact, then you'd probably want to be kissed. I think he should have done it right then and there and since he didn't she got turned off. His only chance is to go hard and strong now if he wants something to happen, he already messed up, he needs to make up for it.

If he gets super passionate and shows her how much he really wants her, then it might turn her on again.

But yea, this is all just my opinion....

OR...she might think he's a harassing creep and want nothing to do with him anymore.

Touching someone's arm does not always mean you want to be kissed. Sometimes, people are just touchy with everyone. There are people like that, I know a few.
There is NO reason to think that she is turned off by him because he didn't invade her space because she touched his arm. His ARM, not his dick....