Just wondering why

[imheresadly]

I can not find anyone. I am not some perfect person, or some guy that is a millionaire or anything, (yes I am a bigger person, which includes being overweight but I do have muscle... hidden....) but I just do not seem to have any luck with women. I am 19 (graduated from highschool last year), have a job, will be going to college and have never had a girlfriend. The girls I did go to school with were nice but out of my reach even on my best and their worst day. Even so I figured be nice, smile, try to joke around, but in the end I failed.

Even so I do not want just a physical atraction to some woman (though it never hurts) I want to be on an emotional level with her that nobody else can be. Just someone to hold or talk to. Someone to spend time with to spend money on (I save my money so I have some for the moment), just someone to be with. I have tried very, very hard not to crack but it gets harder with each passing day.

Where I work you have to be able to talk to people openly enough to make them feel better about their day. This has helped my talking skills but even so I feel as if nothing I do will ever be good enough for someone to notice besides my family. I do not really have close friends since they went to college and I had to wait to go since I am not able to pay for it like them.

/ramble mode off

But to the subject, I can bottle my feelings up as much as I want but in the end my bottle it almost full. I have no idea how much longer I can bear looking around with to true friends and noone by my side. Even if it were for only a day, having someone would utterly make me more happy then I can be in this state. If you have some advice please share. I will not become some arrogant prick in order to get women. I can not bring myself to degrade women. I am to nice of a person to do this. I want an equal by my side but yet, I fear I may crumble before it happens.

 

[jales]

at 19, i had never had a boyfriend either...
looking back i didnt even think that was odd at the time.

19 is still young, i think you have to give yourself a lot more time...
go to college yes, do well.. prepare for a life with someone and it will happen.

as for needing someone to talk to.. i agree we all need that.. so make friends..males or females... here is a good place to start.

 

[Nitramici]

I will not become some arrogant prick in order to get women. I can not bring myself to degrade women. I am to nice of a person to do this. I want an equal by my side but yet, I fear I may crumble before it happens.

To me, it sounds like you're saying you could get a woman if you just became an ass lol. That's just totally untrue. People who are jerks aren't getting women because they're jerk, they're getting them because they're better at approaching them casually and engaging them at the right time. They're also more confident, and as such, seems happier (which is a big factor in attraction! If you don't look happy, it's not very attracting.)

Anyways, you're just 19, you don't need a girl. Find activities you like, preferably in groups! You won't get anywhere by desperately convincing yourself you need someone of the other sex to be happy. What you have to understand is that no one wants to take "making you happy" as their full time job, they want to be happy too! If you aren't happy right now, you'll need a lot of luck to get into a lasting relationship.

I guess I sounded a little harsh, but that wasn't my goal.

Anyways, here seems to be a good place to "open up" your bottled feelings, so to speak. Definitely not on a potential partner.

 

[niki_gal84]

I totally agree with both of them..You just feel lonely rite now and need someone to talk..and share..well its normal..I feel the same way too..

If u r really looking for a serious relationship, plz dun rush..take ur time or else u will ended up with the wrong person or gettin hurt even more..trust me..I have experienced that before..

make ur self occupied with something else...do some activities..divert ur mind and try to make more frenz so that U will not fl lonely...

its just matter of time...

so CHILLAX...

 

[Lonesome Crow]

I didn't get laid until I was almost 19...don't trip out. I had sex thousands upon thousand of times after that.
I met lots and lots of beautiful women after that too. Plenty of beautiful women asked me out too.

Yeah I went through a phase like that right after HS. All of my HS friends kind of scattered...moved or went to work
or maybe just became home bodies...wondering and just as confused and scared as I was...CHANGES for everyone.
I went to work and school...then i moved. Then I made more friends.
Plenty of people find me adorable and love able.

Don't worry...i used to think i wasn't good enough either...but evidently i was wrong.
I lost my virginty to a very beautful hawt babe. She actaully made the moves on me.
I really needed her at that moment in time of my life. I needed someone to actaully show me differnent.
I actaully experince it. To actaully live it and breathe it..Yes, i was good enough to be with a very beautiful woman
and to actaully have her ask me out...It shattered my old belief. I'm glad I lost my virginity to her.
It went against the grain of everything..Yes an exeption to the rules. A mirracle as some would say.
She's cuacasion I was the only asian guy around for miles...I stood out like a fucken door knob.
I guess to some people they hated me...To others they like me...Evidently she found me attractive.
Her name is Michelle...she looks just Brook Sheilds. She had all kind of guys chasing after her.
She's the only burnette I've dated or had a relationship with.
hahahaaaa...it was all her fualt why I only dated or got involved with blondes after that.
I fell in love with her becuase i lost my virginity to her....She taught me a lot about life.
We became very close friends years later. I havn't spoken to her in a while becuase life Changes.
We don't have any conflicts or ill will towards each other.

Even my ex-wf asked me out...her name is Michelle too...trip out.
Everytime Michelle enters a room all eyes would turn to her.
All of my friends and co-workers are tripping when they see me with her. They used to ask me all kinds of stuff...
How did I manage to be with such a beautiful woman? I tell them she asked me out..they trip out even more.
Waking up in the same bed with her every morning. I needed that. I needed to know and experince it first hand.
It was contrary to all the dating advice. Even to this day she still loves me very much and is in love with me.
I needed this..I needed to know first hand inspite of all the bullshit and whatever doughts I have in my mind.
I'm capiable of loving someone and being loved. My problem wasn't so much that I wanted to be loved..
It was I didn't allowed myself to be loved becuase of the bullshit i told myself...that i was n't good enough or deserving enough.

Don't worry..stay open. Be willing to love. Be willing to live and learn. Be willing to be wrong...

 

[Badjedidude]

I will not become some arrogant prick in order to get women. I can not bring myself to degrade women. I am to nice of a person to do this. I want an equal by my side but yet, I fear I may crumble before it happens.

This is entirely commendable attitude. I agree with it wholeheartedly. Don't ever sell yourself short just to get a girl...in the end they'd be disgusted in you for doing that, anyway. Hold yourself high and full of dignity like this, and I promise that some woman is going to see it in you and appreciate it.

Well, from what you've said about yourself, you seem like a good catch. In good shape, you're probably decently handsome, you have a good attitude and outlook on things, you have a job...

...so I think what you're lacking is self-confidence. In men, that's the biggest killer of relationships before they even begin. Why would you say that those girls were out of your reach in highschool? No woman is ever out of a man's reach. She's only out of your reach if you DECIDE that she is. It's about how much effort you're willing to put into finding a woman. If you REALLY want one, then you'll be out in the trenches every day, talking to them, asking them out, making friends with girls, etc etc etc.

A rejection is just one rejection...not a judgement on who you are. Don't let rejections affect you negatively. After all, there are billions of chicks on this planet. Surely you can get ONE of them to like you if you really try.

I also agree with those who say that you're too young to be worrying about this so much. Lots of people are in your same position, truly....they just hide it like you are. You're only 19!! You have PLENTY of time to meet a nice girl and form an emotional bond with her, whether as friend or as more than friend.

Just look at it this way: You're planning on going to college? I guarantee that you'll have girls in your classes, and you'll be able to use those social talking skills to hook their interest. Right now, what you're doing is setting yourself up....you're gearing up to head out and begin your search for the right girl. I think you can stand it for a bit longer in order to properly get yourself ready for the search, right?

Good luck with everything, and I hope you keep us posted. You're entirely welcome to use this site to vent or talk to us if you need to, or you can even PM me personally if you need to.

----Steve

 

[Porman]

A girlfriend is the last thing you want when you are going to college. For one, they are a huge distraction which will effect your marks, and 2, when you finish you dont want to be tied down and unable to just move anywhere to where ever it is you will be working.

 

[bloodyenigma]

seems lyk u r lookin for love....well my friend this thing called love knocked me down pretty hard lol//.... i think u jst need to get over ur insecurities nd ur job sounds lyk a potential place to make new frnds nd probably meet a girl u really lyk, so go for it....

 

[firemanco3]

Hey, when I was 19 I felt the same way you did. The only relationships I had in high school were ones that lasted less then two weeks and I constantly got laughed at by people who I asked out. That was something that effected my confidence in myself to this very day. The other people who referenced your age are right though, 19 is very young and you have your whole life ahead of you. Don't dwell on your being single so much and eventually you will meet someone who will be your companion. I've seen it happen to several people I've known. I've focused on it my entire adult life and I was even telling dates that I wanted to see again that I was tired of being lonely. People don't want to hear that and it is a turn-off for dates and friends. Also don't settle for someone who you don't have feelings for. Even if they are nice, if you don't feel a sense on oneness with them then they are probably not for you. Don't let anyone take advantage of you either and mistreat you.
When you go to college get out and interact at parties, try to meet people and make some friends, it may lead to what you're looking for. Many of my friends met their wives in college.

Best of luck to you, keep the faith.