kimberleykat
Well-known member
kimmakappa feels she has not been out of this house for many days...:S
cept going to the regular therapy every friday morning.
and altho I did do some shopping since I needed stuff and it was in bad need to be done otherwise I had nothing to wear in the coming ************ spring.
I tried to ask some friend out for a casual dinner and chat or simply hanging out in some mall doing nothing. But when the day came, which is today, I felt extremely disgusted at my idea of going out. So I am still in.
The new prescription has got me really sleepy, yea I know I tend to sleep more than needed but now I am even more sleepy during the day.
The new therapy is a 100% piece of honeysuckle but I figure I still have to stick to it or I might feel lame at myself that everything is failing me, including the things that I have never tried and I am never gonna make an attempt to try it out.
I have been hiding from my friends for some reason. ie hiding from being inquired of my situation and stuff. At first they kept sending me msgs on phone or IM or calling me. Then they stopped, for the very frustrating fact that they got absolutely zero response. I was not like that before. I once proclaimed to have been very considerating and understanding and have been always reachable when any of my friends needs me. Then I suddenly changed. I ripped off every possible burden from answering a caring but curious friend, then it spreaded to all my friends.
Last time I went to uni was like many weeks ago for the 1st interview of my essay thesis. I felt bad at my outline. I felt bad at the professors. I felt bad at the main buiding of my school. I felt Xtremely bad at the new appearances of my fellow classmates. How proud and satisfied they seemed and how gloomy and worn-out I was upsets me till now.
I sensed the horrible contrast that I had changed too much in the past few weeks. Or maybe I should say months. Or the past half an year.
I don't know.
I guess I am of rather low self-esteem. I can't see why ppl always give me positive comments, like when I was in uni or at work. I just take it as they are trying to console me as they to some extent defect that I am quite sensitive which I believe should be put as..vulnerable.
But when I look back at what I have been thru, I firmly believe that it's deff not anybody out there can survive out of all that misery. That is when it comes back to the very irritating question: and why did I have to put myself into tortures and pains?
So I come to the conclusion that I am lame.
Not as cheeky and hilarious when I snap out a "fresia, lame me" in random chats with friends, but as tired and as hopeless, lame me.
cept going to the regular therapy every friday morning.
and altho I did do some shopping since I needed stuff and it was in bad need to be done otherwise I had nothing to wear in the coming ************ spring.
I tried to ask some friend out for a casual dinner and chat or simply hanging out in some mall doing nothing. But when the day came, which is today, I felt extremely disgusted at my idea of going out. So I am still in.
The new prescription has got me really sleepy, yea I know I tend to sleep more than needed but now I am even more sleepy during the day.
The new therapy is a 100% piece of honeysuckle but I figure I still have to stick to it or I might feel lame at myself that everything is failing me, including the things that I have never tried and I am never gonna make an attempt to try it out.
I have been hiding from my friends for some reason. ie hiding from being inquired of my situation and stuff. At first they kept sending me msgs on phone or IM or calling me. Then they stopped, for the very frustrating fact that they got absolutely zero response. I was not like that before. I once proclaimed to have been very considerating and understanding and have been always reachable when any of my friends needs me. Then I suddenly changed. I ripped off every possible burden from answering a caring but curious friend, then it spreaded to all my friends.
Last time I went to uni was like many weeks ago for the 1st interview of my essay thesis. I felt bad at my outline. I felt bad at the professors. I felt bad at the main buiding of my school. I felt Xtremely bad at the new appearances of my fellow classmates. How proud and satisfied they seemed and how gloomy and worn-out I was upsets me till now.
I sensed the horrible contrast that I had changed too much in the past few weeks. Or maybe I should say months. Or the past half an year.
I don't know.
I guess I am of rather low self-esteem. I can't see why ppl always give me positive comments, like when I was in uni or at work. I just take it as they are trying to console me as they to some extent defect that I am quite sensitive which I believe should be put as..vulnerable.
But when I look back at what I have been thru, I firmly believe that it's deff not anybody out there can survive out of all that misery. That is when it comes back to the very irritating question: and why did I have to put myself into tortures and pains?
So I come to the conclusion that I am lame.
Not as cheeky and hilarious when I snap out a "fresia, lame me" in random chats with friends, but as tired and as hopeless, lame me.
